Posts Tagged ‘Christopher Finch Reynolds’

Limerick of the Week (186)

Saturday, October 25th, 2014

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

By a grizzled old pig, I was gored.
As I waited for succor, I roared.
It was not the damned pain,
But emotional strain,
‘Cause I really do hate being bored.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Colleen Murphy, Tim James, Christopher Finch Reynolds, Brian Allgar, Robert Schechter, Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly, and Kevin Ahern. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Colleen Murphy:

The gambler went out of his gourd
When the guy from the other team scored.
He had wagered his spouse,
Plus his truck and his house.
What on earth would he do with no Ford?

Tim James:

A woman went out of her gourd
As her paramour noisily snored.
After sex, though, she found
That he made not a sound,
So each night ever after he scored.

Christopher Finch Reynolds:

A versatile fruit is the gourd:
It’s a pot in which liquid is stored,
While in China the sages
Kept crickets in cages,
As gourd music, when stringed, struck a chord.

Brian Allgar:

The candidate ended “Al Gore’d”;
In the popular vote, he’d outscored,
But a few dimpled chads
Fixed by Jeb and his lads
Meant that Dubbya got the reward.

Robert Schechter:

I went to Pamplona, was gored,
Then trampled beneath a great horde,
But no, I’m not whining.
There’s this silver lining:
For once I can’t say I was bored.

Byron Miller:

On our quest for the ultimate gourd,
We went driving upstate in our Ford;
Where we wandered like bumpkins
Through fields of ripe pumpkins;
Our children’s delight, the reward.

Kevin Ahern:

Norwegians bored out of their gourd
Seek vacations to provide them reward,
So everyone chooses
To go out on cruises.
It’s something they all can a fjord.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »

Limerick of the Week (174)

Saturday, July 26th, 2014

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to JON GEARHART, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

In building, like love, don’t be rash
By beginning to screw in a flash.
First, be gentle and drill
Tender holes with your Skil,
So you won’t split that nice piece of ash.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Colleen Murphy, Brian Allgar, Christopher Finch Reynolds, David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves, Konrad Schwoerke, Scott Crowder, and Shannon Tucker. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Colleen Murphy:

Dear Jilted, do not act too rash
By tossing his goods in the trash.
Though your heart may be hurting,
It’s eased by converting
His better belongings to cash.

Brian Allgar:

His back had developed a rash
Where his mistress had wielded the lash.
“Killer bees!” he tried lying –
His wife wasn’t buying,
And bundled him out with the trash.

Christopher Finch Reynolds:

Our approach to the climate is rash:
As rain forests burn in a flash,
Our future ambition,
“Less carbon emission,”
Is forgotten when we want more cash.

David McCormick:

“Dear Sirs, Your new ointment ‘STOP RASH!’
Removed all my pubes! It’s just trash!” …
“Dear Madam, Our pills
‘GET PUBES!’ fix such ills” …
“Dear Sirs, Now I’ve grown a moustache!”

Konrad Schwoerke:

There are some who will think that it’s rash
Saying super type heroes are trash
In the sack, but it’s true.
They’re not better than you,
If they’re coming as quick as the Flash.

Scott Crowder:

A gal was upset by a rash
That was six inches south of her sash,
But happened to learn
it was just whisker burn,
So she made her man shave his mustache.

Shannon Tucker:

A beech and a birch were quite rash,
And the beech said, “I’ll bet you some cash
“That sapling is mine.”
Said the birch, “I decline.”
Said the woodpecker, “Nice piece of ash!”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »

Limerick of the Week (159)

Sunday, April 6th, 2014

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

When you’re singing the Anthem, beware!
Choose the pitch that you start on with care.
Even old Francis Scott
Went off-Key when he got
To the line, “And the rocket’s red glare…”

Congratulations to JANE SHELTON HOFFMAN, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

A woman was quite unaware
That her spouse had a job at La Bare,
Till she went out with friends
To look at rear ends,
And spotted his sweet derrière.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Chris Doyle, Konrad Schwoerke, Joel Wasinger, Sue Dulley, Robert Schechter, Christopher Finch Reynolds, and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Brian Allgar:

The sign on the gate said “Beware
Of the Shih Tzu” – too tiny to scare.
But the son of the house
Had a Pit Bull, the louse —
I was bit by the dog of the heir!

Chris Doyle:

The hot couple next door to us wear
Not a stitch – mother-naked, buff-bare —
Lounging out by their pool.
Having neighbors is cool
When they’re not such a clothes-minded pair.

Konrad Schwoerke:

My wife disappeared — don’t know where.
To be honest, I really don’t care.
I expect them to leave me,
So this doesn’t peeve me.
My dungeon holds many a spare.

Joel Wasinger:

Her jeans were très chic “tear and wear,”
And she’d mindfully messed up her hair.
Forgive my dissension,
But so much attention
For a look that says, “Meh, I don’t care.”

Sue Dulley:

Rocks and mud slide down hills everywhere,
Airplanes vanish right out of thin air,
And now Windows XP
May quite soon cease to be,
And that really does give me a scare.

Robert Schechter:

Some say there’s an afterlife where
Sweet heavenly tunes fill the air.
But they tell me as well
That there’s also a hell
Where the music is Sonny and Cher.

Christopher Finch Reynolds:

The boastful old man was aware
That the top of his head was quite bare:
“It should be quite plain
That the size of my brain
Means that no room is left for my hair.”

Tim James:

My gal disappeared ― don’t know where.
I’ve a nugget of wisdom to share:
With your love, set a goal
Like the one when you bowl
And make sure that you pick up a spare.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »

Limerick of the Week (158)

Saturday, March 29th, 2014

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to SCOTT CROWDER, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A fellow whose mortgage was due
Had even more woes than he knew.
His payment, though late,
Was the least of his fate;
His wife and his girlfriend were too.

Congratulations to CHRIS DOYLE, who (in a tie with himself) wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for these two limericks which received the most Facebook “likes.”

When a crone caused a London to-do
Hiding blades in the heel of her shoe,
And she carved up a dame
In a lav, she became
The old woman who shivved in a loo.

A wildebeest’s blue, and it’s due
To a shortage of does in the zoo.
He doesn’t know when
He’ll be mating again,
So he waits to go wooing a gnu.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Johanna Richmond, Christopher Finch Reynolds, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Brian Allgar, Colleen Murphy, Bob Leggett, Chris Doyle, and Will T. Laughlin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Johanna Richmond:

Dan’s wife kept her Dippity Do
In a jar on the dresser — Woohoo!
“If it stiffens her hair,”
Wondered Dan, “do I dare?”
Now Dan’s dippity ding-dong is blue.

Christopher Finch Reynolds:

It was foggy and thick was the dew,
And I thought it was time for a screw.
When she climbed into bed
And began to give head,
Then like Adam and Eve we both “knew.”

Jane Shelton Hoffman:

“Stop telling me what I must do!”
The dog thought when caught with a shoe.
“You’ve still got one more
Right there on the floor.
Why not share with me, when there are two?”

Brian Allgar: (“quoting” Moses)

“Stop telling us what we should do!
Commandments? OK, one or two,
But on marble, all ten?
Can’t You just use a pen
On a substance that’s light, like bamboo?”

Colleen Murphy:

The stonehead said, “What shall I do?”
When he looked at his recent tattoo.
See, he realized too late
He had inked the name “Kate,”
But she was the girl, before Sue.

Bob Leggett:

A woman at last got her due
When she got to the head of the queue:
“Your offer I see
Is buy one, get one free.
I would like to buy one single shoe.”

Chris Doyle:

I’m a shepherd with little to do,
As I tend to the flock the night through.
To help me not sleep,
I snuggle a sheep—
My sexy embraceable ewe.

Will T. Laughlin:

His weakness is Tullamore Dew.
If they give him a tumbler or two,
Then his lips will unseal,
And it’s probable he’ll
Tullamore than he knows that he knew.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »