Posts Tagged ‘Carolyn Henly’
Sunday, December 16th, 2018
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
Said Poe, “I am sick to the core
Of this raven that knocked on my door,
Squawking one stupid word –
I shall strangle the bird,
And I’ll hear “nevermore” nevermore.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special SPICE-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
“Our love life is lacking in spice,”
Said the husband. “It sure would be nice
To have three in this bed.”
“Get the cat!” his wife said ―
Not the pussy he’d hoped to entice.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Michael Moulton, Carolyn Henly, Tim James, Jean McEwen, Lisi Nortman, Alan W. Webb, Byron Miller, David Friedman, Dave Johnson, Kirk Miller, Tony Holmes, Sharon Neeman, and John Shardlow. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“CORE or CORPS or DÉCOR” RHYME DIVISION)
Mike Moulton:
Said Trump, to the national corps,
“The Paris Accord’s out the door.
Some say that’s unwise,
Due to sea-level rise,
But I live on the fifty-eighth floor.”
Carolyn P Henly:
There’s a nurse whose named Kissy DuMor,
And the medics all think she’s a whore.
Says she, “I’m no tart;
If you look in my heart
You will see that I’m good to the corps!”
Tim James:
My date didn’t like the decor
Of my place. From the ceiling to floor ―
Carpets, furnishings, art ―
She just picked it apart.
So the last thing I showed her? The door.
Jean McEwen:
My shrink said, “Let’s get to the core
Of what ails you. Methinks there’s much more
To your handwash compulsion
Than merely revulsion
To dirt; it’s your MOM you deplore.”
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
Have you ever seen Aunt Em’s decor?
It’s like something from “Ole Days Of Yore.”
There’s a couch there for “fainting,”
The place need repainting,
And Uncle Lou’s stuffed on the floor.
Alan Webb:
Her nasty words cut to the core.
I fell to my knees on the floor,
Cause when I get cussed out
It drives all the lust out…
And I ain’t coming here anymore.
Byron Miller:
Our team mascot is hard to ignore,
For his shite coats our changing room floor.
But we don’t plan on stopping
His guano from dropping:
It adds to the “osprey decor.”
David Friedman:
A johnless gay hooker, Gerard,
Complained that his work was too hard:
“I entered the corps
Thinking I would get more,
But shouldn’t have joined the rear guard.”
Dave Johnson’s “James Bond reminiscing at the old spy’s home:”
“She thrilled me right down to my core,
With visions of what was in store.
Her name said it all,
Always there to enthrall;
I can’t forget… Lucy Galore.”
HONORABLE MENTIONS (SPICE LIMERICK DIVISION)
Kirk Miller:
When the owner of spice shops expands
Way too fast, he then soon understands
That he must have a sale
Or his business will fail,
’Cause he’s got too much thyme on his hands.
Tony Holmes:
Someone said, ‘Girls are sugar and spice.’
And back then, that was all very nice.
Not today; sugar’s bad.
And it may make you sad,
But you’re best off avoiding that vice.
Sharon Neeman:
Wednesday Addams thought “Who can scream louder?”
She put pepper in Grandmama’s chowder;
In Uncle’s fish stew;
Dad’s shaving cream, too;
Pugsley’s mouthwash; and Mom’s talcum powder.
Lisi Nortman:
Don’t get married, my friend, cuz of strife.
You really do not need a wife;
She will nag you to death
Till your very last breath.
They are known for unspicing your life.
John Shardlow:
I am just off the ward feeling fine,
But that matron’s a bit of a swine;
The green herb colonic
She gives as a tonic
Means I’m busy just passing the thyme.
Dave Johnson:
A weird little fellow named Walt
Has a penchant for pepper and salt.
They chuckle and point
In the hamburger joint
When they notice he seasons his malt.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Alan Webb, Brian Allgar, Byron Miller, Carolyn Henly, Dave Johnson, David Friedman, Jean McEwen, John Shardlow, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Mike Moulton, Sharon Neeman, Tim James, Tony Holmes, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts | Comments Off on Limerick-Off Award (312)
Sunday, May 15th, 2016
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
Said the dentist, “Your teeth need a brace,
But I fear it’s a difficult case.
Though the work is cosmetic,
It needs anaesthetic —
You’ll feel a small prick in your face.”
Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN, who wins the Special STUBBORNNESS-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
I am fed up with people who choose
To be stubborn — who can’t change their views.
I’m telling you flat
I will NOT be like that.
I refuse, I refuse, I REFUSE!!
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Allen Wilcox, Judith H. Block, Brian Allgar, Carolyn Henly, Will T. Laughlin, Randolph Wagner, Jeanine Silverio, Tim James, David Reddekopp, and Dave Johnson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“CASE” RHYME DIVISION)
Allen Wilcox:
Good limerick writing’s a race
To a sadly anonymous place.
Perhaps I should mention
To get more attention,
I’ve decided to use UPPER CASE.
Judith H. Block:
Dear Jury, this trial’s a disgrace.
My client was not at that place.
He was busy in bed,
As the Judge’s wife said.
So thus I do now rest my case!
Brian Allgar:
The coffin took up lots of space,
But he gave it a prominent place.
“Though my wife is no more,
She has fooled me before,
So I keep her around just in case.”
Carolyn Henly:
There once was a fishwife who’d race
’Round her shop guarding ev’ry glass case.
If you hear the old trout
Give a shout, best get out
Or she’ll chase you all over the plaice.
Will T. Laughlin’s SLOUCHING TOWARD CLEVELAND (written before everyone dropped out except Trump)
The candidates left in the race
Promise terrible things to their base.
But forget about tact:
They’re ignoring the fact
That they can’t just make laws by ukase.
Randolph Wagner:
Sherlock’s fetishes swayed every case
As he sleuthed and prepared to give chase.
“‘The game is afoot!’
Is extremely well put,”
Quipped this bootlicking wearer of lace.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (STUBBORNNESS LIMERICK DIVISION)
Brian Allgar’s Stubbornness of Sisyphus:
He was rolling a rock up a hill,
But the bloody thing wouldn’t keep still.
It would roll down again –
What a bore, what a pain! –
Rock and roll was a pastime worth nil.
Jeanine Jamero Silverio:
I’ve the typical Taurean pique
(Also known as a mean stubborn streak).
Once my way is revealed,
I’ll hold fast and not yield.
It’s just part of my bullish mystique.
Tim James:
He’s not stubborn, he’s “principled.” See?
Not obsessed, “laser-focused” is he.
It’s the same old refrain:
Life involves much less pain
When it’s viewed euphemistically.
David Reddekopp:
I’m as stubborn as stubborn can be.
Show me proof and aloofly, I flee.
No concessions to science,
No facts, just defiance–
That’s why I remain YEC*.
*Young Earth Creationist.
Dave Johnson:
He refuses to honor their wishes
And scale back the garbage he dishes.
The pathway’s now clear
For the ending they fear:
Their party will swim with the fishes.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Allen Wilcox, Brian Allgar, Carolyn Henly, Dave Johnson, David Reddekopp, Jeanine Silverio, Judith H. Block, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Randolph Wagner, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | Comments Off on Limerick-Off Award (252)
Saturday, August 29th, 2015
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Poor Dorothy, youthful and rash,
Took a lover with plenty of cash.
But re-Morse she soon showed
For this breach of her Code;
“I’m sorry,” cried Dot, “I must Dash!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Fred Bortz, Adam Stern, Brian Allgar, Carolyn Henly, Allen Wilcox, and Phil Graham. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Tim James:
The Mexicans, hoping to dash
All our hopes, caused this stock market crash!
Their designs we must fear!
It’s been ever so clear
Since I got into Donald Trump’s stash.
Fred Bortz:
In Asgard, when Norse heroes clash,
They settle their feud with a brash
Track and field competition.
Their personal mission
Is to win the well-known Baldur Dash.
Adam Stern:
I placed first in the hundred-yard dash.
(Left the slow-pokes behind with panache.)
But my joy evanesced
When I found out the best
Received praise, but not one cent of cash.
Brian Allgar:
She was sprawled with her feet on the dash,
And the couple were starting to thrash.
They’d forgotten the brake,
Ended up in the lake –
In the papers, they made quite a splash.
Carolyn Henly:
Exclamation points have some panache,
While the question mark’s not very brash.
The ellipsis had dropped,
While the period stopped,
And the hyphen said “I’ve got to dash.”
Allen Wilcox:
The five-liner form is not rash.
The meter and rhyming don’t clash.
It has rules we adore,
But I might note one more –
A lim’rick can’t end with a –.
Phil Graham:
By the goal posts she waved from her Nash.
I thought, “Great! Gonna get me some gash!”
I arrived, loins on fire
But ’twas just a flat tire.
What a waste of a hundred yard dash.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Adam Stern, Allen Wilcox, Brian Allgar, Carolyn Henly, Fred Bortz, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phil Graham, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | Comments Off on Limerick of the Week (228)
Saturday, August 22nd, 2015
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to CAROLYN HENLY, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Little Johnny, a not-too-bright tot,
Got some burns ’cuz the soup was so hot.
Said his father, Big Brent,
“Son, that’s not what I meant
When I sent you to sit on the pot!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Ian Graham, David Reddekopp, Brian Allgar, Fred Bortz, and Kirk Miller. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Ian Graham:
“Hey kettle, you’re black,” said the pot.
“So are you,” said the kettle. “Why not?
“I’m willing to bet
“We’re part of a set
“With that sizzling black saucepan. She’s hot.”
David Reddekopp:
It’s a dubious drug I have bought.
Since I tried it, I wish I had not.
What would anyone need
With some laxative weed?
Now I can’t get myself off the pot.
Brian Allgar:
She had spent the weekend on his yacht;
Said the hooker, “Good-looking he’s not.
Though he’s no Botticelli,
I don’t mind a belly
As long as there’s cash in the pot.”
Fred Bortz:
I got caught wildly stirring the pot
Quite a lot. Yes the ranting got hot.
No one bought what I thought.
Though I fought every plot:
“That’s just rot!” “You’re a sot!” “No I’m not!”
Kirk Miller:
“So my plants in the yard won’t get caught
In the cold, dig them up,” my wife thought.
When she brought them inside,
Every one of them died.
You could say that her plants went to pot.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Carolyn Henly, David Reddekopp, Fred Bortz, Ian Graham, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | Comments Off on Limerick of the Week (227)
Saturday, December 27th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to BYRON IVES, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A panda, with gun, chowed down peas
From a waitress, then shot at her knees,
Gnashed a bug in his fur,
Then left in a blur.
In essence, he eats, shoots, and fleas?
Congratulations to Mark Kane and Byron Ives, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:
Mark Kane:
Hot, spicy, wasabi-dried peas
With some cold icy sake might ease
My fair, fussy spouse
To unbutton her blouse,
And let me proceed as I please.
Byron Ives:
So you think hot, wasabi-dried peas
Will get you in good with your squeeze?
A PajamaGram, dude,
Will set the right mood.
Add good scotch and enjoy the striptease!
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Colleen Murphy, Kathy El-Assal, Carolyn Henly, Ron B., Steve Whitred, Tim James, and Jon Gearhart, Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Colleen Murphy:
The hiker had tried to appease
A ravenous tiger with cheese,
But the tiger said, “No.
I’d much rather go
With the man and his hand if you please.”
Kathy El-Assal:
“NRA types are hard to appease,”
Said a pacifist sending out pleas.
Trading humor for guns,
He resorted to puns:
“Your aim should be shooting the breeze!”
Carolyn Henly:
An old printer ran short on his p’s,
But the fruit man he wanted to please.
So he turned all aroun’
And then flipped upside down
And spelled “apple” by using two d’s.
Ron B.:
A mom told her kids, “Eat your peas.
Don’t let them roll down on your knees.
Don’t mash them to mush,
Don’t slash them to slush,
And swallow them first, if you sneeze!”
Steve Whitred:
To my daughters I said “Eat your peas,
Use your manners; say thank you and please.
Always pull your own weight,
And when out on a date
Clasp a quarter real tight with your knees.”
Tim James:
With soft words I will try to appease
My drunk gun-totin’ neighbor, ’cause he’s
Seeing Martians advance
As pink elephants dance.
He’s outside right now, shooting the breeze.
Jon Gearhart:
When Santa sets forth to appease
The kids of the world with gifts, he’s
Said to fly in his sleigh
For the length of a day
And give good kids all gifts with great ease.
I think that the reason that he’s
Been able to do this with ease
Is that most kids are naughty
With mouths spouting potty;
Thus, no gifts delivered to these!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Byron Ives, Carolyn Henly, Colleen Murphy, Jon Gearhart, Kathy El-Assal, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Mark Kane, Ron B., Steve Whitred, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 4 Comments »
Sunday, May 19th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Will T. Laughlin, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Cap’n Richard, the yacht racing buff,
Courts the ladies with confidence bluff.
But his shame, when he fails,
Takes the wind from his sails…
That’s the trouble with falling in luff.
Congratulations to Jane Shelton Hoffman, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A fanatical fairy tale buff
Was told by his wife, “That’s enough!
I have played as Snow White,
Even Gretel at night,
But I won’t be a billy goat gruff!
Congratulations to Diane Groothuis and Will T. Laughlin, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:
Diane Groothuis:
The Oxford Shakespearean buff
Thought things in the old times were tough
It seems rather queer
To lend one your ear
Just to bury a king in a huff.
Will T. Laughlin:
What Antony ought to have said
Was: “Please keep your ears on your head.
Digging graves with your ears
Would take days, if not years…
Romans, lend me your shovels instead!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order): Tim James, Colleen Murphy, Steve Whitred, Robert Schechter,
Fred Bortz, Carolyn Henly, and David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Tim James:
A wedding night spent in the buff
Turned out for one guy to be rough.
His bride, not well knowing
The concept of “blowing,”
Passed out after one giant puff.
Colleen Murphy:
My pop was a Civil War buff
Who’d dress in his Civil War stuff.
He’d scare ev’ry neighbor
When armed with his saber,
And bringing in boyfriends was tough!
Steve Whitred:
A woman who’d swim in the buff
With the witches, Macbeth, and Macduff,
Felt it just wasn’t cool
With a dog in the pool
And said “Out damn Spot, ‘nough is enough.”
Robert Schechter:
A woman who cooked in the buff
Should have stopped with one cannabis puff.
“The turkey, or me?”
She asked. “Let me see . . .”
Then she chose the wrong creature to stuff.
Fred Bortz:
My bod, which has never been buff,
Or brawny, or sexy, or tough,
Would be a great pain
Were I hopelessly vain,
But I strive and I thrive. That’s enough.
Carolyn Henly:
A pseudo-Shakespearean buff
Found that learning his lines was quite rough.
He got fired one day
From the old Scottish play
‘Cuz he kept saying “Lead on, Macduff!”
David Lefkovits:
When opting to swim in the buff,
One confronts a decision so tough:
Would it be more obscene
To shave oneself clean
Or fearlessly feature one’s fluff?
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Carolyn Henly, Colleen Murphy, David Lefkovits, Diane Groothuis, Fred Bortz, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Robert Schechter, Steve Whitred, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 7 Comments »
Sunday, March 17th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins both Limerick of the Week and the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this funny verse:
A farmer was trying to raise
The volume of what his hen lays.
He read via Twitter
To feed the gal glitter.
Now the poor thing just lays Fabergés!
Congratulations to Johanna Richmond, who win the Special Anniversary-Themed Limerick Award for her lovely limerick celebrating 104 Limericks of the Week:
Well, it’s magical: one hundred four —
2 times fifty-two, four and five score!
As for me, I keep time
Working lim’rick-off rhyme
After rhyme till I can’t rhyme no more.
And that brings me to my presentation:
Though I happened here sans invitation,
‘Twas like finding a home
Where the funny folk roam
When the funny farm goes on vacation.
I spent years, Mad, before you, in truth,
Sitting ‘round, growing long in the tooth.
So I thank you, Ms. Kane,
For, through you, once again,
I’m the fun-loving me of my youth!
Congratulations to Sue Dulley and Will T. Laughlin, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:
Sue Dulley:
My veggie consumption to raise,
I sometimes eat out at buffets.
There’s red meat of course,
Which I hope isn’t horse,
But I’m there for the greens and the graze.
Will T. Laughlin:
Oh, Sue? when you go to buffets,
The meat that you see in the trays
Doesn’t come from a horse.
There’s a much cheaper source:
It’s employees who asked for a raise!
Sue Dulley:
Will T, are you trying to raise
My hopes when I go to buffets?
Not sure if I’d rather
Not-eat someone’s father
Or not-eat a beastie who neighs.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Kevin Ahern, Bob Dvorak, Nelderini, Jane Shelton Hoffman, and Carolyn Henly. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Tim James:
A gal who was catching some rays
Doffed her pants and lay prone on her chaise.
She displayed herself vainly.
We have to speak plainly:
She moons. (It may just be a phase.)
Kevin Ahern:
A woman was catching some rays
As part of a new diet craze.
Her face turned to pale
When she got on the scale
Cuz it worked in mysterious weighs.
Bob Dvorak:
A fellow who wanted a raise
Worked long nights and still longer long days.
‘Til his boss, late one night,
Said, “Your wish I’ll requite.”
Then she added, “Let’s find other ways.”
Nelderini:
A fellow who wanted a raise
Scanned the want ads in kind of a daze.
He moaned with a sob,
“I could find a new job–
Just not one that actually pays!”
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
Some goldfish were catching the rays
In a garden well-known as Monet’s.
“We’ve tried to be part
Of impressionist art,
But his sight isn’t that good these days.”
Carolyn Henly’s Ode to Spring Training
A fellow who wanted to raise
The crowd to its feet between plays
Hollered: “Come on, you guys,
Lift your hands toward the skies
And shout out those Y-M-C-A’s!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions and for helping to making this such a fun two Limerick-Off years!
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bob Dvorak, Carolyn Henly, Craig Dykstra, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Kevin Ahern, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Nelderini, Sue Dulley, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 11 Comments »
Saturday, October 6th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Carolyn Henly, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A waitress trés prone to dismay
Had a beautiful tray to display.
But she tripped on a peel,
Went head over heel,
And ended up wholly distrait.
Congratulations to Jesse Levy who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A fellow expressed his dismay
At having to work every day.
His doctor said stress
Would harm him much less
If he sat back and lit up a jay.
Congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Daniel Ari, RJ Clarken, Johanna Richmond, Veralynne Bosko Pepper, Marty McCullen, John Sardo, and Bruce Niedt. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Daniel Ari:
A fellow displayed his dismay:
“I came all this way to the Bay.
But I can’t understand
The lay of the land
That they said was the land of the lay.”
RJ Clarken:
A clergyman showed his dismay
At his obvious naiveté
Since a ‘lady’ he met
Conned him. Now deep in debt,
He’s much wiser to cute Birds of Pray.
Johanna Richmond:
Giving birth, she displayed her dismay
When it seemed she’d been pushing all day.
“I don’t want to be snipped!”
“That’s OK,” hubby quipped.
“When I need you I’ll take the back way.”
Veralynne Bosko Pepper:
A woman displayed her dismay.
Her hotel john had just a bidet!
Trepidatious at first,
Though she thought she might burst,
She tried it and stayed there all day!
Marty McCullen:
A fellow displayed his dismay
At why all his hair had turned gray.
He wasn’t that old,
Or so he was told,
But hair seems to have the last say.
John Sardo:
A fellow betrayed his dismay
At his wife who would quickly display
Her elegant charms
In friends’ eager arms:
He said, “Honey, at least make them pay.”
Bruce Niedt:
Young Hester displayed her dismay
That her rep in Sex Ed could hold sway.
“They think that I’m sultry.
Inured in adult’ry –
It’s a class where I don’t want an ‘A’.”
And congratulations to Johanna Richmond and Craig Dykstra who jointly win this special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:
Johanna Richmond:
A fellow displays his dismay
With a grunt and a “what can I say?”
A woman, however,
Is likely to sever
Your schnitzel and let you decay.
Craig Dykstra:
As a guy, I express my dismay
At the lim’rick I read here today.
Though YOU think it’s clever
That schnitzel you sever
Is an image that won’t go away!
Johanna Richmond:
I’m so sorry I caused you dismay.
It was meant in a figur’tive way:
If it festers, why dance?
Just go straight for the lance —
There’s no need for a verbal ballet.
But you’re right; I have gotten too loose;
Cutting words can still feel like abuse.
Please forget what I said;
Insert this jab instead:
“A swift kick to your cocky caboose.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bruce Niedt, Carolyn Henly, Craig Dykstra, Daniel Ari, Jesse Levy, Johanna Richmond, John Sardo, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Marty McCullen, RJ Clarken, Veralynne Bosko Pepper, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 8 Comments »
Sunday, September 23rd, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A fellow was trying his hand
At arranging a hot one-night stand.
Said the lady: “Reports are,
Your Calvin Klein shorts are,
At best, insufficiently manned.”
Congratulations to Scott Crowder, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A fellow was trying his hand
At teaching his dog a command.
But he slurred just a bit,
And when he said “Sit,”
He got a bit more than he planned.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Craig Dykstra, Tim James, Brendan Beary, Richard Diakun, Carolyn Henly, and John Peter Larkin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Craig Dykstra:
A friend of mine once tried his hand
Selling frozen treats down by the sand.
But the end of the summer
Killed business – a bummer!
Last night it was Custard’s Last Stand.
Tim James:
A fellow was trying his hand
At building a nudie bar brand.
But he made too few hires
For clients’ desires;
Supply was outstripped by demand.
Brendan Beary:
A fellow was trying his hand
On the Tokyo stage, but was canned —
The director yelled, “Cut!”
Then reproached him with, “What
Part of Noh do you not understand?”
Richard Diakun:
The lady again played her hand,
And this time the pot was a grand.
She got quite a rush
As she showed off her flush.
Her cleavage distracted as planned.
Carolyn Henly:
A poet was trying her hand
At a lim’rick that wouldn’t get panned.
The rhymes were a breeze;
She contrived them with ease.
If only the doggone-son-of-a-jumping-frog last line had scanned.
John Peter Larkin:
A fellow was trying his hand
At making his member expand.
It worked rather well.
He said, “This is swell
To know I can grow on-demand.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brendan Beary, Carolyn Henly, Craig Dykstra, David Lefkovits, John Peter Larkin, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Richard Diakun, Scott Crowder, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 7 Comments »
Sunday, September 16th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A woman was planning a spread
“For the birthday,” she said, “of my Fred.
He’s a sorry schlemiel
Without much appeal,
But surprisingly useful in bed.”
Congratulations to Susan Taylor, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A rich man was planning a spread
Of ads full of lies to be read.
“We’ll swing the election!
Evade all detection!
It’s free speech, the High Court has said.”
Congratulations to Johanna Richmond, who wins this special Limerick Repartee Award for her limerick written in response to Craig Dykstra’s Limerick of the Week winner from last week. To fully appreciate Johanna’s verse, you need to read Craig’s and Johanna’s limericks back to back. So here they are:
Craig Dykstra:
The bed buyer started to preen,
Though the mattress guy’d said something mean:
He had looked at her mass
And the size of her ass
And said “Madam, you’re fit for a queen!”
Johanna Richmond:
A woman, caressing her spread,
To the squirt at the Sealy store said,
“Queen indeed, but I fear
You can’t satisfy, dear:
Extra firm’s what I like in my bed.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Carolyn Henly, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Daniel Ari, Jamie Hutchinson, and Colleen Murphy. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Tim James:
A fellow was planning a spread;
“A barbecue’s coming!” he said.
But a shortage of beef
Gave him all kinds of grief.
Now no one can find Mr. Ed.
Carolyn Henly:
A woman was planning a spread,
But she wasn’t quite right in the head.
The theme of her gig
Was “A Night in the Brig.”
She served nothing but water and bread.
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
While a rancher was checking his spread,
He found a lone cow in a shed.
“The bull is out wooing.
I don’t feel like screwing.
I really don’t want to be bred!”
Daniel Ari: (For an extra laugh check out his limerick link.)
I, Daniel, am planning a spread
Of humus, falafel and bread;
And since my own pate
Is smooth as a plate,
I’ll serve it on top of my head.
Jamie Hutchinson:
When a shepherd boy laid out a spread
For his lover, she turned tail and fled.
“What was it, my pet,
That spoiled our duet?
The haggis? Or something I said?”
Colleen Murphy:
A dingbat was planning a spread,
But mixed up her plans in her head.
She mashed the tomatoes
And sliced raw potatoes,
Then stuffed the fresh duck in the bread.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Carolyn Henly, Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, Daniel Ari, David Lefkovits, Jamie Hutchinson, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Susan Taylor, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest | 11 Comments »
