A malicious old fellow named Mel,
When compelled to replace his old well,
Yelled “Dig deep! Do it fast!
This new well better last!”
The reply: “Here’s my spade. Go to hell!”
Posts Tagged ‘Business Humor’
The Old Man And His Well (Limerick)
Monday, February 5th, 2024Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BOARD or BORED at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: September 16, 2023)
Saturday, August 19th, 2023It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using BOARD or BORED at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to PITCH, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best PITCH-related limerick.
And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.
Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest: SINK, REFUSE, DAWN, ALARMING, CROWD.
(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on September 17, 2023, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, September 16, 2023 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my BOARD or BORED-Rhyme Limerick:
When a man reached an online accord
To buy wood, he was certain he’d scored.
But, alas, he had not;
He’d been duped by a bot
That sent rot and was NOT above board.
And here’s my PITCH-Themed Limerick:
Her singing was heartfelt and loud.
(With great volume that gal’s well-endowed.)
But her pitch was so sad,
The conductor (her dad)
Told his fans “It’s my bad,” as he bowed.
And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:
It’s pre-dawn. I’m in front of the sink,
Washing up, while attempting to think
Of a rhyme. But my muse
Yawned and said, “I refuse.
Don’t abuse me. I’m NOT in the pink!”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SCENE or SEEN or OBSCENE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: April 1, 2023)
Saturday, March 4th, 2023It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SCENE or SEEN or OBSCENE at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to WHEELS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best WHEEL-related limerick.
And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.
Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:
MEAL, FAN, WATCH, BUSINESS, SLEEP
(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on April 2, 2023, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 1, 2023 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my SCENE or SEEN or OBSCENE-Rhyme Limerick:
A young fellow, no more than nineteen,
Would steal golf carts and often be seen
Careening around
On his campus. He’d found
A trump card: His dad was the Dean.
And here’s my WHEELS-Themed Limerick:
When I ask for the wheel, you refuse me.
“Backseat driver,” you say? Don’t accuse me!
I’m in front, so your claim
Is abusive and lame.
It’s so foolish, you almost amuse me.
And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:
Ever been to a bus’ness lunch? Yuk!
You’ve one scheduled? You’re stuck? Well, good luck!
I’m no fan of such meals,
Where you’re s’pposed to make deals,
Watch your manners, and NEVER say “Fuck!”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
“Blursday” Blues (Limerick)
Monday, December 20th, 2021Anybody else suffer from “Blursday?”
You don’t know if it’s Monday or Thursday?
There’s a word for that malady: “Blursday.”
The “work at home” haze
Makes it common these days:
A dazed staffers and entrepreneurs day.
An Idiom To Chew On (Limerick)
Saturday, August 28th, 2021A French restaurant, once upper crust,
Got a rotten review and went bust:
“Their food can’t be chewed,”
Wrote the prominent dude.
Two weeks later, the place bit the dust.
On The Ropes (Limerick)
Monday, August 9th, 2021Sometimes, when my limerick inspiration is “on the ropes,” I’ll start with a random idiom. (In this case, my initial first line involved a “clothing boutique.” But when I thought of the last line, I changed the type of store for obvious reasons.)
With her laundromat shop on the ropes,
She was suff’ring a case of the mopes.
How she yearned to earn more!
And the plight of her store
Had reduced her to watching the soaps.
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: TAX or TACKS or ATTACKS at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: April 17, 2021)
Saturday, March 27th, 2021UPDATE: Unfortunately, my site is still undergoing repairs, due to encoding errors caused by my site host’s server upgrade. Consequently, I’m forced to extend this Limerick-Off by one week. Your new submission deadline is Saturday April 17 at 4 p.m. Eastern.
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using TAX or TACKS or ATTACKS at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SHEEP, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best SHEEP-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on April 18, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you three full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 17, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my TAX or TACKS or ATTACKS-rhyme limerick:
Enough with your nasty attacks
About taxes and vaxes! The cracks
In your reasoning, shallow,
Are proof you’re a callow
Young fellow, who’s lax to the max.
And here’s my SHEEP-themed limerick:
A gal who was caught counting sheep
At her desk by her company’s veep,
Saw no reason to fret,
Cuz her job’s a safe bet:
The firm’s hers! So she went back to sleep.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: FAIR or FARE or AFFAIR at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: March 28, 2020)
Saturday, March 14th, 2020It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using FAIR or FARE or AFFAIR at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SCAMS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best SCAM-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on March 29, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, March 28, 2020 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my FAIR-rhyme limerick:
I went shopping, but most shelves were bare;
Stocking up is a hopeless affair.
Seems most staples are made
In China. Well-played,
U.S. businesses! Great planning there!
And here’s my SCAM-themed limerick:
Though I’m loath to discount and cast darts
At a curative aspect of farts,
Any fat-fighting claim
Sounds a little bit lame.
If it dupes you, you likely lack smarts.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Search Engine Ode (Limerick)
Saturday, April 21st, 2018When your site’s on the first page of Bing
And Google, you whistle and sing,
Cuz your marketing plan
Just might work. You’re “The Man,”
As your Net takes a large upward swing.
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: TANK at the end of any one line
Saturday, October 14th, 2017It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using TANK at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to VEGETABLES, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best VEGETABLE-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on October 29, 2017, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, October 28, 2017 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
As a banker, I’m forced to be frank:
These loan papers read like a prank.
Are you yanking my chain
With this biz plan inane?
Kiddy trike-armor? That’s gonna tank!
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Sowing Angry Customers (Limerick)
Sunday, January 17th, 2016A limerick for Customer Service Day (January 17):
A seamstress would frequently snap
At her patrons, increasing the gap
Between income and cost.
Seems her bus’ness was lost
Cuz of failure to button her yap!
Happy National Rum Day (Limerick)
Friday, August 16th, 2013Happy National Rum Day! (August 16)
Happy National Rum Day (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man was balled out out by his mum,
Who told him to stop making rum.
“That’s my bus’ness,” he said.
“It’s my butter and bread.”
But he chewed on it. Now he makes gum.
A Limerick Spread (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, September 9th, 2012It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman was planning a spread…*
or
A fellow was planning a spread…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
A Limerick Spread
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman was planning a spread,
Meant to help push her husband ahead.
It would boost his connections.
(So said her projections.)
But it led him astray into bed.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Astute Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, June 10th, 2012It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man who was very astute…*
or
A gal who was very astute…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Astute Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man who was very astute
Was stunned to be given the boot.
He dealt with that blow
By building a co
That sells shoes, so his job loss was moot.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Parental Proposal
Monday, August 14th, 2006The “help wanted” pages are filled with job descriptions that defy comprehension. This probably explains why so many parents can’t quite figure out what it is their children do for a living. And it can lead to parental queries like this one from my mother-in-law to my husband Mark:
“Tell me exactly what your job is. Go slowly. I have to write it down.”
Mark hadn’t switched employers or secured a promotion; he’s been doing essentially the same work for ten years. So why the sudden curiosity? Because his parents recently attended a wedding packed with inquisitive relatives. Relatives who appeared to be more interested in Mark’s career than they were in the bride and groom. …
