Posts Tagged ‘Bob Dvorak’

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Limerick of the Week (75)

Sunday, August 19th, 2012

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Elaine Spall who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A gard’ner was asked to explain
How he’d won the 1st Prize once again:
“Well, perhaps you should know
I use Miracle-Gro
Plus a generous dash of Rogaine.”

Congratulations to Craig Dykstra who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

There’s only one way to explain
(Though I really don’t mean to complain)
Why the Lim’rick-Off Monday
Gets posted by Sunday:
It’s the “madness” of Madeleine Kane!

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Patrick McKeon, Colleen Murphy, Bob Dvorak, Craig Dykstra, Diane Groothuis, Scott Crowder, and Johanna Richmond. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Patrick McKeon:

A fellow was asked to explain
His decision to hijack a plane:
“I’ve got golf with my mate
And I mustn’t be late,
Else I’d surely have stolen a train.”

Colleen Murphy:

The medalist tried to explain
Why she stood on the stand in disdain:
“I should not have faulted
Last night when I vaulted.
It’s not that I’m rude, only vain.”

Bob Dvorak:

A fellow was asked to explain
What he’d do if he had half a brain.
He replied with a laugh,
“I’d give up on that half,
And then vote for that rich guy from Bain.”

Craig Dykstra:

My silo guy tried to explain
The glass panel that keeps out the rain.
“If it’s not kept intact
Your crop rots – that’s a fact:
It’s a case of No Pane, then No Grain.”

Johanna Richmond:

A fellow was asked to explain
A rather embarrassing stain:
“My umbrella’s so small,
It topped only one ball
And the rest was left out in the rain.”

Scott Crowder:

My woman was asked to explain,
Just why she was so inhumane.
She screamed, “IT’S BECAUSE,
OF THIS DAMNED MENOPAUSE!”
I thought she was merely insane.

Diane Groothuis:

A fellow was asked to explain
Why he spent every night with Helene:
“She’s sexy, she’s smart
And ignores when I fart,
And I know that she’ll never abstain”.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »

Limerick of the Week (73)

Sunday, August 5th, 2012

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A physicist known for her flash
Is bold, she is brassy and brash.
The men at the helm
She MUST overwhelm.
She loves to find Adams to smash!

Congratulations to both Craig Dykstra and Mark Kane who are tied for this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award:

Craig Dykstra’s Ode to The Man in Black:

“Despite all the money you flash
Your Czechoslovakian bash
Won’t be held here – that’s right,
Johnny C’s on tonight
So we won’t allow Czechs, only Cash.”

Mark Kane:

A star who was known for her flash,
Wore a dress which was barely a sash.
Displaying her flair,
While practically bare,
She showed off her ass with panache.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Bob Dvorak, Johanna Richmond, Scott Crowder, Craig Dykstra, Nan Reiner (a/k/a Kitty Ditty), and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Bob Dvorak:

A man who was known for his flash-
In-the-pan antics tried something brash —
Braising food in his shed.
It caught fire; he fled.
So what’s left? Just a pane in the ash.

Johanna Richmond:

A madam well known for her flash
Cut her price to a dollar per lash,
But it flopped – business waned:
Masochistics complained –
How’s a prick to feel pain with that slash?

Scott Crowder:

A gal who was known for her flash,
With Paul was a rock and roll smash.
She no longer sings,
She has other Wings,
And Heather Mills has all the cash.

Craig Dykstra:

On her webcam, her boobs she would flash
And her viewers would tip her with cash
But her cam worked the best
Pointed just at her chest
And away from her bushy mustache.

Nan Reiner (a/k/a Kitty Ditty):

A gal who was known for her flash
Pulled a stunt that was bound to abash.
“’Twas a wardrobe malfunction,”
She cooed with some unction,
Then winked as she raked in the cash.

Tim James:

A man who was known for his flash
Chose a park for his disrobe-and-dash.
But he tripped and he stumbled,
In poison oak tumbled.
The result, like his action, was rash.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »

Limerick of the Week (72)

Sunday, July 29th, 2012

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Johanna Richmond, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A fellow who fell on his face
Would have undergone far less disgrace
‘Midst commuter-rush throng,
If his garter and thong
Hadn’t spilled from his attaché case.

Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

The graduate shielded his face
From the couple’s impassioned embrace.
As they sweated and thrusted
He said, quite disgusted,
“You win, Mom – I’ll get my own place.”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Bob Dvorak, Jamie Hutchinson, Edmund Conti, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, and Kathy El-Assal. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Bob Dvorak:

A woman once fell on her face
Getting dressed for the party apace.
Her troubles began
With a spritz from a can;
Not cologne, but emergency mace.

Jamie Hutchinson:

A camper who fell on his face
When a bear from his privy gave chase
Had two cheeks in the ground
And two—white and round—
Facing up at the stars out in space.

Edmund Conti:

A woman who fell on her face
Was too drunk to acknowledge disgrace.
“What’s a lady to do”
She asked of the crew
“To get her a drink in this place.”

Phyllis Sterling Smith a//k/a Granny Smith:

A model who fell on her face,
From a swing, was too angry for grace.
“Damn that Fragonard guy!
Well, he swung me too high
Just so HE could paint more bits of lace!”

Kathy El-Assal:

While flirting he fell on his face,
Using slapstick to pick up the pace.
The view from down under
Showed booty to plunder:
No thong! Just a black hole in space.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »

Limerick of the Week (71)

Sunday, July 22nd, 2012

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Daniel Ari who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A hooker was starting to rue
What she said to her John she would do.
“His kink’s not exciting.
He has me reciting
The writings of Albert Camus.”

Congratulations to Craig Dykstra who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

A limericist started to rue
His endeavors the past week or two.
All that clever invention
Got nary a mention.
(Perhaps I should switch to haiku.)

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sally Franz, Johanna Richmond, Bob Dvorak, Mike Dailey, Scott Crowder, Patrick McKeon, and Craig Dykstra. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Sally Franz:

A woman was starting to rue
All the pounds she had gathered anew.
Seems she’d taken a cruise,
Grazed on chocolate and booze.
Now her scale read: one please, and not two.

Johanna Richmond:

Too many have gone on to rue
Delaying a trip to the loo.
Hear this, one and all:
When the urge comes to call
Piddle not; ‘taint a thing to poo poo!

Bob Dvorak:

A woman was starting to rue
That she’d told Bill the Builder, “I do.”
She found that male dolts
Comprehend nuts and bolts
But they don’t understand “gentle screw”.

Mike Dailey:

A critic was starting to rue
The play he was there to review.
The actors were nudist,
The language the crudest,
And his grandmother starred in it too.

Scott Crowder:

A fellow was starting to rue
His claims climate change is not true.
Now he feels like a jerk,
As he paddles to work
On what used to be I-92.

Patrick McKeon:

A woman was starting to rue
The shine that she put on her shoe.
With her skirt on in town
All the men would look down,
Enjoying the excellent view.

Craig Dykstra:

Un soir as I walked down la rue
A chat noir et blanc came in view.
I knelt down to pet it,
But soon I’d regret it.
Le chat? It was Pepé Le Pew!

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 4 Comments »

Limerick of the Week (68)

Sunday, July 1st, 2012

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A woman was putting on airs
At society ballroom affairs:
“I’m seeing a gent
From the point-one percent;
It’s beneath me to date millionaires.”

Congratulations to Bob Dvorak who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

A woman was putting on airs
And padding her modest upstairs.
The guy on her date
Found this all out too late.
‘Twas a package of buyer B-wares.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Chris Doyle, Jason Talbott, Craig Dykstra, Patrick McKeon, Johanna Richmond, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Nan Reiner a/k/a Kitty Ditty, and Jamie Hutchinson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Chris Doyle:

An attorney was putting on airs
To impress his new right-wing confrères:
“Screw the ACLU!
I’m preparing to sue
In high court for my right to arm bears!”

Jason Talbott:

A fellow was putting on airs
As a master of plumbing repairs,
But his ego was crushed
When the toilet was flushed
And the payload still flowed down the stairs.

Craig Dykstra:

A pro bowler was putting on airs:
“I love women – alone or in pairs.
When I see one I like
I can score with one strike,
And I’m quite good at picking up spares.”

Patrick McKeon:

A woman was putting on airs
As she slowly ascended the stairs
But her cover was blown
When the glass floor had shown
That the dress is quite all that she wears.

Johanna Richmond:

Jan Brewer is putting on airs.
It’s a win for the states, she declares!
The republican style
(Ignore facts with a smile)
Suits this queen of right-wing derrieres.

Jane Shelton Hoffman:

A hunter was putting on airs.
He’d shot moose and he’d wrestled with bears.
Then a tiny grey mouse
Appeared in his house
And he fled to the top of the stairs.

Nan Reiner a/k/a Kitty Ditty

A fellow was putting on Airs,
But his wife flashed disparaging stares.
“Get the shoes if you like,
But you won’t play like Mike
Even if you buy fifty-nine pairs!”

Jamie Hutchinson:

Viagra is putting on airs
With old couples who dash up the stairs.
Why, the ladies, you’d think
Had grown a new pink
And the gents had developed new pairs!

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »

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