To the “doctor” who wants to be pals:
All your “follows” on Facebook are gals.
Plus “your” pics look too dishy.
Both factors seem fishy.
Go phish in some other locales!
Posts Tagged ‘Battle of the Sexes’
The Shrieker (Limerick)
Friday, May 17th, 2024A young woman who talks a blue streak,
Has a voice that’s a maddening shriek.
But although she is yappy,
Her hubby seems happy.
(It must help that the man’s an antique.)
*****UPDATE: CURRENT LIMERICK-OFF DEADLINE EXTENDED INDEFINITELY***** (See Details Below in my May 29th Comment.) Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SLIP or SLIPPED at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: New Date TBA)
Saturday, May 4th, 2024It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SLIP or SLIPPED at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to DECEIT, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best DECEIT-related limerick.
And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.
Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:
BOTTLE, DARK, GUITAR, RELEASE, SCOLD.
(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa, and use any other variant of the random words. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on June 2, 2024, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 1, 2024 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my SLIP or SLIPPED-Rhyme Limerick:
The young oboist tried not to slip
While adjusting her reed; a small snip
Was essential — that’s all!
The reed cracked! Did she bawl?
No, she still kept a stiff upper lip.
And here’s my DECEIT-Themed Limerick:
You have taken advantage of me,
Yet again, said a gal to “pal” Leigh.
I’m feeling abused,
Betrayed and misused,
And I’m betting a court will agree.
You’ve frequently borrowed my spouse
To repair things that break in your house.
It appears that “repair”
Is code for “affair.”
How dare you have sex with that louse!
And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:
Do not bottle up feelings, we’re told,
But that sort of advice leaves me cold.
Were my feelings released
I’d turn into a beast;
An express-it-all, ornery scold.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Bad Taste? (Limerick)
Saturday, April 27th, 2024“Tell me, why are you dating that bum?”
Said a gal to her strict-vegan chum.
“Yes, that fellow’s no saint,
But the man sure can paint!
Plus the guy has a very green thumb.”
A Hairy Tale (Limerick)
Friday, April 19th, 2024I went gray at a premature age,
But embraced it and hoped to look sage.
For a lawyer sans penis
Back then? Mars v. Venus!
Young, female, and short — NOT the rage!
The Unbearable Air (Limerick)
Saturday, March 23rd, 2024An old woman kept humming an air;
A refrain that her spouse could not bear.
“Stop that racket!” he shrieked.
She refused, so he freaked.
Will she do it again? Alas, NE’ER!
Sisterly Advice (Limerick)
Thursday, March 7th, 2024“Is that fellow the best you can get?
I’m concerned and perplexed and upset,
Also worried and puzzled.
The guy should be muzzled!
You want a wild beast? Get a pet!”
Flinging Suspicions (Limerick)
Wednesday, March 6th, 2024“I’m convinced that my spouse had a fling,
Though he told me he’s done no such thing.
I believed him, at first,
But that bubble soon burst;
He came home the next day bearing bling.”
Gunning For Trouble? (Limerick)
Wednesday, February 28th, 2024“At the moment we met, I was charmed.
But my mood swiftly moved to alarmed
When my date turned irate
Without cause, while she ate,
As she brandished hard proof she was armed.”
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: WRY or RYE or AWRY at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: March 9, 2024)
Saturday, February 10th, 2024It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using WRY or RYE or AWRY at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to TEETH, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best TOOTH/TEETH-related limerick.
And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.
Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:
LOOK, MESSY, PROOF, RIDDLE, UNFAIR.
(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on March 10, 2024, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, March 9, 2024 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my WRY or RYE or AWRY-Rhyme Limerick:
Mary’s husband, an insecure guy,
Often asked her, “Is something awry?”
For he feared that his bride
Would soon cast him aside,
Whenever he heard his wife sigh.“Nothing’s wrong,” she would always reply.
Until one day, she let out a cry,
Saying (weary with rage)
“That damn query’s not sage!
Ask it just one more time, and you DIE!”
Here’s my TOOTH/TEETH-Themed Limerick:
“On your X-rays, I’m seeing decay,”
Said the dentist. “You’ve quite an array
Of molars that must
Be attended to. Just
Pay this sizeable invoice today.”
And here’s my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:
“Your article’s riddled with flaws.
Did you proof this? Please look at this clause:
It runs on forever.
So publish this? Never!
Your writing endeavor? Lost cause!”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Hazy Gazing (Limerick)
Saturday, February 3rd, 2024Hubby Mark will readily admit that this is true:
My dear husband, at times, will just stare,
His gaze seemingly fixed on mere air.
What has captured his eye?
The rapture? A fly?
He’s not scared, so I’d guess … not a bear.
I’m Fairly Sure This Never Happened (Limerick)
Friday, January 26th, 2024A comedian’s gal-fans are reeling
From the news that he’s “guilty of dealing.”
They’re in shock! (His deliv’ry
Can make them feel quiv’ry.)
But at least they’re assured he’s appealing.
The Temptress (Limerick)
Tuesday, January 23rd, 2024The temptress exclaimed, “Take a lick.
But hurry! You must make it quick,
Or I’ll eat it alone.
Hey, you’ve broken my cone.
Ice cream’s melting all over your… Ick!
Drumming Up Decadence (Limerick)
Wednesday, November 15th, 2023What’s my excuse for posting this limerick? It’s November 15th, National Drumming Day.
A drummer had hoped to ensnare
An au pair in a sordid affair:
“Your breasts are so sweet.
May I fondle each teat?”
“You’ve some pair,” she said. “Beat it! No! Ne’er!”
A Close Call (Limerick)
Friday, September 29th, 2023A musician enjoying a fling
With a gal, almost bought her a ring.
What changed the man’s mind?
He was saddened to find
She mistakenly thinks she can sing.
The Confession (Limerick)
Wednesday, September 27th, 2023Said a gal to her closest friend Jean:
“Did you sleep with my boyfriend? Come clean!”
Jean confessed: “Don’t be pissed!
I told him, ‘Desist!’
Seems his language skills aren’t too keen.”
NOT The Best Defense (Limerick)
Thursday, August 31st, 2023
There’s no evidence here! Not a shred
That the “victim” is actu’lly dead,
Let alone that her spouse
Is a murdering louse;
This poor widower LOVED being wed!
Foiled Romance (Limerick)
Monday, July 31st, 2023A man who, alas, had no game,
Was rebuffed by a cold-hearted dame:
“You’ve no shot at romance
With me. Not at chance,
Like I told you the last time you came!”
