I thought I was through bitching about taxes and the IRS for at least a few months. But apparently not:
Dear IRS
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear folks at the Fed IRS,
Your rules and your regs are a mess.
You’re unfair to the poor.
Middle class? Even more.
So beware, cuz I know your address.
Note to the FBI, the IRS, and Homeland Security: This is a humor blog, so please don’t arrest me. Thanks for … uh … listening.
Interactive Taxes
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Hello. Welcome to Taxtime, your Interactive Tax Preparer Program. Do you feel like doing your taxes today?
I see. Well, don’t you think you should do them anyway? After all, it’s April 14. And who knows? Maybe you’ll get a refund.
That’s the spirit. Let’s begin with your name, address, and marital status.
Sorry to hear about the divorce. But don’t let it get you down. That alimony deduction will come in handy.
Please don’t cry. Things are bound to improve. In the meantime, let’s talk about dependents. Do you have any children?
Wow! I hope they’re not all in college.
You’re having visitation problems on top of everything else? Gee, I can’t help you there. But you might try our Interactive Matrimonial Lawyer Software.
I hate lawyers too. But we’re really veering off track … (Interactive Taxes is continued here.)
Here in the U.S., tax return day (April 15th) is looming. So today’s limerick and haiku theme is taxes and tax returns or, if you prefer, forms that drive you nuts. First, my limerick:
Taxing Verse
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My records are scattered. Oh dear!
And tax filing day’s almost here.
My receipts are all over —
Some eaten by Rover.
I’m destined for prison, I fear.
And now my haiku:
Whether you owe cash
Or are due a tax refund
Filing is taxing.
Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about taxes and tax returns and/or forms that drive you nuts. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry.
(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)
Today’s limerick and haiku theme is lies and deception. First, my limerick:
“Your excuse simply can’t be believed.
You’re a liar! I feel quite deceived,”
Said the gal, as she wept,
To her lover, who’d slept
With her mother. (I guess she was peeved.)
And now, my haiku:
People who maintain
That they are always honest
Are surely lying.
Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about lies and deception. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry.
(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)
UPDATE: April 23 is Lover’s Day
So, have you started working on your income tax return yet? Me neither.
Form 1040 Blues
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There’s a tax form that makes me irate:
Form 1040, a long form I hate,
Due mid-April, each year,
With my check. (Will it clear?)
It’s no wonder I always file late.
It’s Not That I Don’t Like Movies, But…
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I prefer to catch movies at home,
Not in theaters where tall fellows roam.
There they prowl, on the hunt
For the seat right in front,
To bestow a great view of their dome.
Update: April 23 is National Movie Theater Day.
“You’re gonna swing dance in this weather? Are you insane?”
I’ve been asked that a lot lately, which isn’t surprising when you consider this summer’s humidity and heat wave. New York City’s weather has been so unbearable, that felons have switched from car theft to stealing AC’s. … (Jump, Jive, and Sweat is continued here.)
UPDATE: Happy International Dance Day! (April 29th)
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
