Every so often, I read about someone who blindly obeys his car’s GPS and ends up under water. Here’s the latest incident, involving common sense-challenged Japanese tourists who try to drive to an island.
Limerick Ode To The GPS
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If your car’s GPS tells you, “Go,”
But there’s water ahead, you should know
That it’s better to park.
Check your map. Find an ark.
Or else gear up for driving in l’eau.
UPDATE: April 5 is Read A Road Map Day.
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was trying to lead…*
or
A woman was trying to lead…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Leading With Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was trying to lead,
But his rumba was not up to speed.
His steps got all tangled,
His partner’s feet mangled.
I’m guessing that’s why he was kneed.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
UPDATE: Happy International Dance Day! (April 29th)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow who’d taken a shot…
or
A woman who’d taken a shot…
Here’s mine:
Take A Shot At Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow who’d taken a shot
At a gal, once his lover, now not,
Missed her heart, hit her arm
And still did her great harm.
Now he sleeps on an old jailhouse cot.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
UPDATE: April 23 is Lover’s Day
Looking Askance (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman was looking askance
At a hoofer she spotted by chance.
He danced by the book.
So why the odd look?
The fellow was wearing no pants.
UPDATE: Happy International Dance Day! (April 29th)
Last month I had such a good time writing these two acrostic limericks, that I had to try another in response to a new prompt from Acrostics Only.
Acrostic Limerick: Hot, Cross Lovers
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A flexible gal who is spry,
Gymnastically gifted, and sly
Initiates sex,
Leaves her lovers as wrecks —
Enticing, entrapping — oh my!
UPDATE: April 23 is Lover’s Day
Whether it’s an Irish pub, a packed rock & roll bar, or a ballroom dance floor filled with Big Band Era seniors, hubby Mark and I will probably dance. Not well, mind you, but with great energy and enthusiasm.
We often attract attention and even compliments, accompanied undoubtedly by such thought balloons as “How do people that old dance so fast?” Or “I’m pretty sure my grandma can’t do that.” Or “What the hell is that woman doing on the men’s side of my synagogue?”
In case you’re wondering, yes we know we’re probably making a spectacle of ourselves. But we’re having fun and we simply don’t care.
Tomorrow, April 29th, is International Dance Day. So Happy International Dance Day, everyone! Here’s my latest limerick:
A Couple On The Move
By Madeleine Begun Kane
When my husband and I try to dance,
Some enjoy us and some look askance.
We’re inept, but enthused,
And don’t have to be boozed
To have rumba-like fun — that’s our stance.
You might also enjoy my We Don’t Think We Can Dance, But We Do It Anyway.
First off, this limerick (despite its name) has nothing to do with macaroni. I’m not suffering from Passover pasta-withdrawal. Nor do my dreams (or nightmares) ever feature anything of a noodle nature.
So why the title? I just learned, from the delightfully informative Miss Rumphius, about the rare and usually comic form called macaronic verse. What the heck is macaronic verse? We’re told that it’s a usually absurd and nonsensical “poem in a mixture of two languages, one of them preferably Latin,” and that “the poet usually subjects one language to the grammatical laws of another to make people laugh.”
So naturally I had to try it, mixing legal terms (mostly Latin) in with standard limerick English:
Macaronic Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The corpus is AWOL. Oh my!
I attest that I left it hereby.
What a bona fide mess.
My mentis has stress.
It’s de facto I mortemed that fly.
(Linked at We Write Poems pairings prompt.)
Tax Time, Already? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s tax time again — I’ve been lax.
Am I stalling? Oh yes, to the max.
Cuz I’d rather write verse
Than struggle and curse
Over taxing mathematical facts.
(You can find lots more of my money and tax humor columns and verse here.)
Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus one Honorable Mention.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here are two excellent resources: OEDILF on Writing A Limerick and Speedy Snail’s Limerick Rhythm and Meter.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was fit to be tied…
or
A woman was fit to be tied…
Here’s mine:
Fit To Be Tied Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was fit to be tied
When he learned that his lover had lied.
He’d proposed. She said “No,”
And confessed, “Sorry Joe.
See that gal over there? She’s my bride.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
UPDATE: April 23 is Lover’s Day
Limerick Lament
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There are times that I feel like a tool,
Complying with each lim’rick rule.
So starting today
I refuse to obey.
Don’t believe me? You’re right. April Fool!
(My 2nd National Poetry Month poem, and it’s still April 1st. Yippee!)
National Poetry Month begins today, April 1st. And so…
Ready, Set, Versify!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I hope to write a poem a day
this month from April 1 till May.
They won’t be long — they rarely are.
Four lines or five, then au revoir.
No need to worry what’s in store:
My ADD cuts in before
I’ve time to wax verbose, prolix —
I used those last two words for kicks.
(I have lots of information here about National Poetry Month.)
April 1st is coming. Are you excited yet? No, I’m not talking about April Fool’s Day, although that’s pretty cool too. But April 1st is also the start of a month-long celebration of poetry in the U.S.A. — National Poetry Month (not to be confused with World Poetry Day.) Many online poets celebrate by writing a poem each day, and they announce their poetic participation over at NaPoWriMo.
So will I be writing a limerick a day in April? Damn right … with the occasional haiku, tanka, quatrain, or butterfly cinquain thrown in to spice things up. And of course I’ll be posting my weekly Limerick-Offs and Limerick of the Week contests every Sunday or Monday.
Here’s my Limerick Ode To National Poetry Month:
Limerick Ode To National Poetry Month (April 2011)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear poets, it’s time to prepare
For our April-long poetry fair.
We’ll write verse ev’ry day.
Not on Tax Day? Okay.
Just be sure that you read, write, and share.
Here are some good poetry sites that plan to celebrate National Poetry Month in a big way with daily prompts: Big Tent Poetry and Poetic Asides. Additionally, Writers Island will be providing a daily spot to post your April poems. And if that’s not enough, some sites offer daily prompts all year long, such as The Teachers Corner and Dodge Writes.
Moreover, New York City is holding two poetry contests in honor of National Poetry Month: NYC’s second annual Twitter poetry “Poetweet” contest and its “Poem In Your Pocket Day NYC” Facebook page “Envelope Project.”
If you know of any other National Poetry Day events, contests, and/or prompts, feel free to post them here in the comments section. Thanks!
Excited tourists
stop and stare, awed by Times Square —
forget they have feet.
*****
Sleepless, hollow eyes
gaze at legal opinions,
but see student loans.
*****
Windy documents
written to persuade judges —
endless legal briefs.
*****
Libraries, once hushed,
quiet playgrounds of the mind,
kept calm and silent
by strict ground rules, now drown thought
in playground cacophony.
*****
(Thanks for these four prompts: New York, hollow, paradox, and hush. Posted at Monday Memories.)
Update: April 21st is Thank You For Libraries Day.
Insincere Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“I love when you buy me cute ties.”
“That petite fits you fine — it’s your size.”
“Your acting is great.”
“Your cooking’s first rate.”
Ah, the charm of those little white lies.
(Inspired by Jingle Poetry’s deception and misrepresentation prompt.)
UPDATE: I just found out that April 30 is National Honesty Day. It’s celebrated by politicians … just about nowhere.
Dominique Browning poses an excellent question in her New York Times essay Why Can’t Middle-Aged Women Have Long Hair? Well, I believe they can and should, if they’re so inclined:
Limerick Ode To Long Gray Hair
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’m writing in praise of long hair.
If you think I’m too old, I don’t care.
And if short is the “norm”
At my age, won’t conform
To such ageist opinions. So there!
UPDATE: Happy Hairstyle Appreciation Day! (April 30th)
Why finish my tax return, when I can write a limerick about not finishing my tax return?
Taxing Deadlines
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Did you file your 1040? Not me!
Cuz I need an extension, you see.
Could not get it together.
I’m blaming the weather.
Do I wish it was finished? Mais oui!
Related Posts: Interactive Taxes, Taxing Times and Money Humor.
April 6th is my brother Arthur Begun’s birthday. So I thought I’d write him a happy birthday limerick:
Happy birthday, dear brother, you’re old,
Though you’re younger than I, truth be told.
You’re a relative pup.
You refuse to catch up.
But as sibling, you’re better than gold.
Every few years, my husband and I take ballroom dancing classes. We never make much progress, but we do have a good time. Except, of course, for the bruised limbs … and egos.
I’m celebrating our latest lesson attempt with a two-part limerick:
We Don’t Think We Can Dance, But We Do It Anyway
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My husband and I like to dance.
Are we good? Oh no way — not a chance.
I am not being humble
In saying we stumble
And often trip over our pants.
But we’re working on rumba and swing.
Plan a do-over class in the spring.
And to those who might think
That we really do stink,
Just be glad we’re not trying to sing.
UPDATE: Happy International Dance Day! (April 29th)
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
