It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to MIKE SHULMAN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this limerick:
A wicked and goatish old coot,
Although brazen and horny to boot,
Had along with his gumption,
Erectile dysfunction,
Which rendered his naughtiness moot.
Congratulations to STEVE WHITRED, who wins the Special HYPOCRISY-Themed Limerick Award for this limerick:
Steve Whitred:
They hate trannies with all of their might,
Think that heaven is straight, male, and white,
Claim they’re children of god,
But then give Trump the nod;
They’re the smug sanctimonious right.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Kathleen Bartoletti, Steve Whitred, Tim James, Dave Johnson, Ann Martin, Sue Dulley, and Brian Allgar. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“BOOT” RHYME DIVISION)
Kathleen Bartoletti:
“Your disease, I’m afraid, is acute,”
Said the doc, “and all treatment is moot;
Here’s my bill, pay it fast,
For odds are you won’t last
Long enough to lace up that tall boot.”
Steve Whitred:
There was an old gal in a boot
Who had children. Their number is moot.
Gave them broth and some bread,
Sent them straight off to bed,
Then exchanged them on eBay for loot.
Tim James:
The new intern was really quite cute,
And the boss copped a feel, the old brute.
Then a well-aimed right boot
Put a dent in his glute.
And the shiner she gave him? A beaut!
Dave Johnson:
She married a wealthy, old coot,
Who’s gruff as the sole of a boot.
Asked why, she’d contend:
“I’m just helping him spend
Some quality time with his loot.”
Ann Martin:
There are people who don’t give a hoot
For our planet, but choose to pollute;
As we wade through the flood
With our shoes caked in mud,
Let’s give those old Trumpsters the boot!
Sue Dulley:
In Britain, the “trunk” is the “boot.”
The “hood” is the “bonnet.” (How cute!)
They burn “petrol.” Not “gas!”
“Overtake,” never “pass”
While the “horn” (still a “horn”) goes “toot-toot.”They sit in the rightmost front seat
To cruise the left side of the street.
When they drive a new route
First their “sat nav” they boot,
Then shift gears using clutches and feet.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (HYPOCRISY LIMERICK DIVISION)
Brian Allgar:
Health or wealth? Dr. Carson has both,
And his bank account shows healthy growth.
Why are homeless folk crying
And sick people dying?
The Doc’s hypocritical oath.
Dave Johnson:
The minister started to yell:
“You sinners are going to Hell!”
That night at the ranch,
To a madam named Blanche,
He asked “Where is that sweet Annabelle?”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
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