In honor of Limerick Day, I’ve written Defending The Limerick:
Some poets deem lim’ricks inferior,
Claiming THEIR kind of verse is superior.
I suspect they lack wit.
Can they rhyme? Not a bit!
I conclude they have motives ulterior.
Defending The Limerick
May 12th, 2022Trust Me On This (Limerick)
May 10th, 2022Intuition’s a handy device
To ensure you think twice, maybe thrice
Before trusting a heel
With a spiel and a deal.
Heed that instinct, or reel from the price!
(Trust Your Intuition Day falls on May 10.)
Unwanted Advice (2-Verse Limerick)
May 7th, 2022Said a smart-ass: “Your lim’rick is marred,
Cuz you’ve used the phrase ‘feathered and tarred,’
And that’s backwards! It’s ‘tarred
And feathered.’” On guard
Against humorless ‘helpers.’ They’re barred!
And to folks who have no sense of humor,
Whether Gen-X or Z or a boomer,
You have lim’rick advice?
Please don’t give it. Think twice;
It’s as welcome as Covid or tumor!
Driven Mad (Limerick)
May 6th, 2022Some drivers don’t signal at all
And will speed right through stop signs. What gall!
Some honk for no reason,
Treat merge-tries like treason,
And, on purpose, drive ME up the wall.
This Limerick’s For The Birds
May 4th, 2022Saw a lovely red bird near an inn.
And that beautiful sight brought a grin
To my face, till the bird
Let loose with a turd
On my tresses — a cardinal sin!
“Bird Day,” celebrated May 4, is one of several bird-related holidays. Other bird holidays include:
National Bird Day (January 5)
Northern Parrots National Cockatiel Day (May 20)
World Parrot Day (May 31)
Wordle Downers (Limerick)
May 4th, 2022Frustration’s a puzzling norm
When in word games like Wordle you’re warm:
You need one letter more
And you’re pissed to the core;
You’ve guessed “story” and “stork,” but it’s “storm.”
Loathing Latkes (Limerick)
May 2nd, 2022Someone dared me to write a latke limerick. (No need to check your calendars. Hanukkah’s still in December.)
A latke debate has emerged:
“Eat latkes with sugar,” Mark urged.
“Using sugar sounds weird,”
Sev’ral said. Others cheered.
As for me, latkes ought to be purged.
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: DEEDS or MISDEEDS) at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: May 14, 2022)
April 30th, 2022It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using DEEDS or MISDEEDS at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to INVENTIONS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best INVENTION-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on May 15, 2022, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, May 14, 2022 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my DEEDS or MISDEEDS-rhyme limerick:
A bomber (uncaught) is aghast:
He’d been certain his freedom would last.
But some fresh cold-case leads
To his evil misdeeds
Mean a trial for a blast from the past.
And here’s my INVENTIONS-themed limerick:
When informed his design was unsound,
An inventor’s distress was profound:
“The unfairness is blatant!
Their bias is patent!
My grinder has broken new ground!”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick-Off Award (494)
April 30th, 2022It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
Sighed a cannibal, “This one’s a waste,”
And gave up on the quarry he’d chased.
He could see that the chump
In a tee that read, “Trump,”
Was a guy clearly lacking in taste.
Congratulations to GENNADIY GURARIY, who wins the Special COMMUNICATION-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
A dyslexic old man from Manhattan
Read the Bible in English and Latin
Then glanced at his bed
With a heart full of dread
For he knew he could not reject satin.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Mark Totterdell, Tony Holmes, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Konrad Schwoerke, Trevor Alexander, Terry Marter, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Tim James, and Rudy Landesman. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“WASTE or WAIST”-Rhyme DIVISION)
Mark Totterdell:
My brownies with anchovy paste
Had such an unspeakable taste
That the special big bin
That they ended up in
Had a sign saying ‘hazardous waste.’
Tony Holmes:
Mum and dad: neither one was strait-laced,
So their courtship, in short, was fast-paced.
The result of one spree,
Nine months later, was me,
Thus, the padre had no time to waste.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
After birthing her young, my friend, Kate,
Soon complained she had gained “baby weight.”
So I sized up her waist,
Then ignoring good taste,
I asked how many babies she ate.
Konrad Schwoerke:
Donald Trump is so clearly deplorable.
His depravity’s hardly ignorable.
He’s naught but a waste
Who ought be disgraced—
That sick schmuck thinks all women are whorable!
Trevor Alexander:
When I saw him, he stared poker-faced,
Putting trash in “recycling waste.”
I told him it’s wrong,
That it doesn’t belong.
But he just scurried past me post-haste.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (COMMUNICATION-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)
Terry Marter:
My vet’s recent message (in text)
Said your pig is not well, – he’s quite vexed.
Since his favorite sow
Became barbecue chow
He’s disgruntled, and thinks that he’s next.
Lisi Nortman:
Grandpa Joe said, “I’ll never forget ’er.
In this world, there was nobody better.”
He kept her perfume,
(Which stinks up the room)
And some thingamabob called a letter.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
I keep wondering why my pet gerbil
Never utters so much as burble.
Once, I urged him to speak,
But he used the word “squeak’”
As a noun, so perhaps he’s nonverbal.
Tim James:
She’d no interest in sating his lust
But her efforts to tell him went bust.
Then she hit on a way
Her disgust to convey:
With but one single finger, upthrust.
Rudy Landesman:
Mother scolded him hundreds of times
For speaking to her in just rhymes.
They had a big fight,
But he knew she was right;
And now that young man only mimes.
Terry Marter:
An aging relationship theorist
Was dying, so summoned his Dearest:
“To you, my dear Bill
Here’s ‘the lot’ in my will,
So prepare to be sued by my Nearest.”
Lisi Nortman:
Took a walk with my dog and my cat.
My cat said, “Hey let’s chew the fat.”
I asked my dog, Zeek,
“Did you know cats could speak?”
He said, “Yes, we’ve had many a chat.”
Tony Holmes:
‘You’ve been chosen!’ the letter assured,
‘One of only a few.’ Was I lured?
I’d been chosen before,
Many times, and I swore,
“You’re not getting me this time, I’m cured.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
A Dickish Limerick
April 27th, 2022The aptly named newlywed, Dick,
Refers to his bride as a “chick”
And never extols her.
He boasts he “controls her”
By using “both carat and stick.”
An Age-Old Story (Limerick)
April 26th, 2022Although her great-uncle was old,
He still loved to play sports; he was bold
And he gave it his all
When he lunged for a ball.
He’d but ONE worry: Catching a cold!
Cloaked In Bravado (Limerick)
April 24th, 2022He showed off his coat with a swagger:
“It’s a one-of-a-kind,” said the bragger.
Then he brandished a knife:
“I’ll use THIS on the wife!”
His behavior? Sub-par cloak-and-dagger.
NOT On The Fence (Limerick)
April 21st, 2022“I don’t mind that my new husband hoards
His numerous fencing awards.
But his weapon collection
Incites my objection…
And that’s where we often cross swords.”
Cornered (Limerick)
April 20th, 2022Harold hadn’t cut corners in ages,
Despite his reduction in wages.
When told he should do it,
His answer was “Screw it!
That makes it too hard to turn pages.”
Dishy Verse (Limerick)
April 19th, 2022Well aware that his rich aunt would savor
Chole Masala — her favorite flavor,
Greedy Greg bought her lunch
At an Indian brunch.
His goal was (of course) curry favor.
A Failure To Communicate (Limerick)
April 18th, 2022A largely deaf fellow named Ben
Relished sex in his new girlfriend’s den.
But she’d talk during sex,
(Very much like his ex.)
His confusing reply? “Come again.”
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: WASTE or WAIST at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: April 30, 2022)
April 16th, 2022It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using WASTE or WAIST at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to COMMUNICATION, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best COMMUNICATION-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on May 1, 2022, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 30, 2022 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my WASTE or WAIST-rhyme limerick:
Said a fellow, “Alas and alack,
My new pants are too tight in the back
And the front of the waist.
(They were ordered in haste.)
I need someone to cut me some slack.”
And here’s my COMMUNICATION-themed limerick:
Dear hubby, you’re right in the kitchen,
And I’m elsewhere, so though you are itchin’
To share rumors or views,
A complaint or the blues,
I can NOT hear your news, schmooze, or bitchin’.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick-Off Award (493)
April 16th, 2022It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
After viewing the faces of those
God created, authorities chose,
Not the Cyclops, but Man,
To reflect the Grand Plan.
And the eyes did outnumber the nose.
Congratulations to GENNADIY GURARIY, who wins the Special SECURITY-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
One evening a thief tried his best
To break through the lock on my chest.
I yelled, “you’ll get shot!”
And aimed the red dot,
But then let my cats do the rest.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Terry Marter, Randolph Wagner, Tony Holmes, Gennadiy Gurariy, Doug Harris, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Konrad Schwoerke, Tim James, Fred Bortz, David Friedman, Sharon Neeman, and Lisi Nortman Ardissone. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “NOSE or KNOWS or NOES” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO SECURITY LIMERICKS)
Terry Marter:
Putting lips near my ear with such surety,
She mind-read my thoughts of impurity:
“Forget all your prose;
I got nothin’ but Noes,
So zip it, or I’ll call Security.”
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“NOSE or KNOWS or NOES”-Rhyme DIVISION)
Randolph Wagner:
A harlot removed all her clothes
And remarked, “Fella, here’s how it goes:
Let my breasts, butt, and thighs
Be a feast for your eyes,
But one touch and you’ll pay through the nose.”
Tony Holmes:
“Yes, your conk is patrician. It shows
You have breeding: it’s more than a nose.
From your soles to your head,
You’re a true thoroughbred.
And another sure sign is six toes.”
Gennadiy Gurariy:
The body’s a palace of woes:
Some think that the pit of the toes
Is the messiest spot,
But I think it’s snot
And must, in all truth, pick the nose.
Doug Harris:
Pinocchio’s (honestly) grows,
And Rudolph’s consistently glows.
While Jimmy Durante
In width upped the ante,
Cyrano de Bergerac knows.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
I’ve a theory I wish to propose,
As did Stein with “a rose is a rose”:
A snout and a sniffer
And whiffer may differ,
But a nose is a nose is a nose.
Konrad Schwoerke:
Folks like Trump are America’s foes.
These damned know-nothings cause us great woes,
With their vicious opinions
And vacuous minions.
I’d rather be led by the “knows.”
Tim James:
My limerick muse comes and goes.
How to keep her around, no one knows.
When she goes on the lam,
I can’t rhyme worth a damn.
I should think about sticking to prose.
Fred Bortz, for his two-verse “If Larry David wrote a certain 1960s situation comedy”:
Samantha would wiggle her nose
Whenever she needed new clothes.
But most times that she twitched
On the sitcom Bewitched,
New troubles for Darrin arose.She was taught by her mother, Endora,
Who learned from her mother before her
How to raise Holy Hell
By casting a spell
With the Yiddish phrase, “Oy! Keinehora!”
HONORABLE MENTIONS (SECURITY-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)
Terry Marter:
Though I type at a reas’nable pace,
And slow-ly-put password in place,
The computer says “No.”
But I’m RIGHT! (I checked “Show.”)
But apparently, that’s not the CASE!
David Friedman:
The locks that Lynn keeps all about
Would keep her secure, there’s no doubt.
“They don’t,” giggles Lynn,
“Stop men getting in;
I use them so men can’t get out!”
Sharon Neeman:
My mother was terribly strict,
Locked me in when I dared contradict –
Till a crook down the block
Gave poor Mom such a shock,
When he proved that my “lock” could be picked.
Lisi Nortman:
In our neighborhood, there have been four
Sneaky break-ins, and ev’ryone’s sore.
But calm we remain,
Cuz our kids and Great Dane
Throw Legos all over the floor.
Fred Bortz:
He invested his savings in stock,
And now he is deeply in hock.
Our language is funny
When speaking of money.
Securities? What a huge crock!
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
A man who owned gold and would hide it
(always fearful that others had spied it),
Dug a hole six feet deep,
Where his treasure would keep.
In the end he was buried beside it.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Unruly Limericks (Limerick)
April 12th, 2022There are times when I feel like a fraud,
As I stare at a lim’rick that’s flawed
And can’t manage to fix it.
Instead, I must nix it;
Its issues can NOT be ignawed!
