Today (World Poetry Day) a discussion broke out on Facebook about the unreasonable rules poetry magazines often have regarding prior publication. So I couldn’t resist writing this limerick about these virgin-poem policies:
Limerick Ode To Obnoxious Poetry Submission Guidelines
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If you hope for the honor and thrill,
To be published by us in our swill,
The work that you write
Must have never seen light.
And remember, don’t send us a bill.
Happy World Poetry Day!
Spring’s here. The weather’s great! I have nothing to bitch about. What’s a poor limerick writer to do?
My Reluctant Limerick Ode To Spring
By Madeleine Begun Kane
In previous years, I would blast:
“Spring’s arrived. Please tell winter it’s passed.
“Cuz it seems not to know —
“We are still getting snow!”
I’m aghast — can’t lambaste — spring came fast.
A teachable moment: When committing crimes, be sure to use spell-check:
Nabbed By A Typo (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man may end up in a cell
Cuz his parking permit had a tell:
There was one extra letter
In “parking.” It’s better
When forging to learn how to spell.
(This is based on an actual news story: A driver in Hoboken, New Jersey forged a parking permit on his home computer. He might have even gotten away with his scam, had he not spelled “parking” as “parkting.”)
Every once in a while I like to experiment with a new (to me) form. Today, it’s the quatern.
Writer’s Digest’s Poetic Asides Blog, which is holding a quatern contest, describes the form as follows:
Quatern Poetic Form Rules
1. This poem has 16 lines broken up into 4 quatrains (or 4-line stanzas).
2. Each line is comprised of eight syllables.
3. The first line is the refrain. In the second stanza, the refrain appears in the second line; in the third stanza, the third line; in the fourth stanza, the fourth (and final) line.
4. There are no rules for rhyming or iambics.
Here’s the quatern I submitted to WD’s contest:
Queasy About Quaterns
By Madeleine Begun Kane
As I attempt to write this verse,
I must confess I start to curse.
A quatern is what’s been assigned.
Already I am in a bind.
I feel confused and somewhat terse,
As I attempt to write this verse.
So please forgive me if I whine.
My limericks are where I shine.
I’d like to stop, but can’t refrain
From trying this quatern again.
As I attempt to write this verse,
I fear that it is getting worse.
I’m tempted to reject this form.
About its rules I feel lukewarm.
I’m getting ill. I need a nurse,
As I attempt to write this verse.
An “Acrostic Fly Haiku,” as suggested by Acrostics Only:
Free-floating on air,
Light as a feather, it soars,
Yielding to a swat.
*****
A “Relief Haiku,” as suggested by Sensational Haiku Wednesday:
Writing on deadline—
no ideas, none, nada.
Then, at last, relief.
*****
Forking over rent—
More than many can handle
if they like food too.
*****
Crafting a poem
takes work, skill, art, cleverness.
Damn … I left out wit.
*****
Out Of Sync Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A writer was trying to sync
Her laptop, which seemed on the blink.
So much data was lost,
That she cursed at the cost:
“I should never have stopped using ink.”
(Author’s Note: I’m happy to report that this limerick isn’t based on personal experience.)
(Linked at Funny Bunny Fridays)
Dear Merchants (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s Black Friday — you want us to shop,
To spend all of our money, non-stop.
But I won’t spend a dime
Cuz I’d rather spend time
Writing rhymes I could trade. Care to swap?
Thursday Think Tank invites us to write a poem about writer’s block. I was almost too blocked to write this limerick:
Blocked Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal was attempting to write
Something clever and witty, with bite.
But alas her poor muse
Went on strike — too much booze.
What a plight: All her verses are trite!
One of my favorite poetry prompt sites, One Single Impression, has asked its poet-participants to propose word prompts for upcoming editions. I suggested the word “amuse,” which will be used next week, starting September 25th. Here’s a limerick and haiku I wrote for the occasion:
Amusing Verse … I Hope
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I try to amuse when I write,
In my quest to pen verse that has bite.
But sometimes my muse
Lets me down. Yes j’accuse!
I suspect that it does it for spite.
*****
Poetry prompt sites
inspire, amuse, bring friends,
awaken muses.
*****
I lie in my bed,
coaxing my brain to adapt
and glide into sleep.
*****
Insomnia strikes
when I’m at my most weary—
tired irony.
*****
My lullaby verse—
I knew I should write it down—
now it’s lost to sleep.
*****
My thoughts skip around
like out-of-control children—
scaring sleep away.
*****
You can read my How To Become An Insomniac (Humorous How-To) here.
(My first haiku was inspired by Three Word Wednesday’s “adapt, glide, lie” prompt. My second haiku was inspired by Sensational Haiku Wednesday’s “weary” prompt.
Update: Happy Festival Of Sleep Day!
View my insomnia haiku image here.
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man who was lacking in wit…
or
A gal who was lacking in wit…
Here’s mine:
Witless Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man who was lacking in wit
Bought a magnetized poetry kit.
Penning poor verse galore,
He wrote more — what a bore!
And ignored those who begged him to quit.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Haiku hankering
mixed with lim’rick addiction —
housework hiatus.
*****
I am on a quest
For haiku or senryu.
Mission accomplished.
*****
Artificial
line breaks can seduce readers
into thinking
you’ve said something
profound.
*****
I took a break from limerick writing to write this pair of tanka:
When haiku won’t do,
when thoughts defy compression
and can’t be contained
in seventeen syllables,
give thanks to plus-sized tanka.
********
Some art inspires
tears, joy, admiration, love.
Some awakens thought.
And some makes one want to ask:
“Whatever were you thinking?”
********
Why is this limerick untitled? Because Thursday Think Tank has prompted us to write an untitled poem. Writing without a title frees up our creative juices … at least that’s the theory:
Untitled Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
To title a verse can be hard —
A challenge for most ev’ry bard.
But a title-less work
Can drive me berserk.
It feels jarring and fake-avant-garde.
Creative Keys (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
When you’re whipping your verse into shape
And are caught in a verse-challenged scrape,
The delete key is handy.
Assisted by brandy,
And last, but not least, try escape.
(Prompted to escape)
Tax Time, Already? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s tax time again — I’ve been lax.
Am I stalling? Oh yes, to the max.
Cuz I’d rather write verse
Than struggle and curse
Over taxing mathematical facts.
(You can find lots more of my money and tax humor columns and verse here.)
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
You are currently browsing the archives for the Writing & Publishing Humor category.
