Shoveling Duty (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s snowing, alas and alack,
And I just finished shov’ling — can’t slack
During storms this severe.
But I did it. Oh dear!
All the snow I removed has come back.
*****
Blizzard in progress.
I resent New York City
resembling Fargo.
*****
Oboe-playing years
armed my shoulders for shov’ling,
but failed to prep mind.
This summer’s weather in New York City, especially August, has been astonishingly pleasant. And then September hit.
I Knew It Couldn’t Last (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I was right with my weather suspicions;
We’ve reverted to dreadful conditions.
High humidity, heat,
Heavy T-storms compete,
As we weather their juxtapositions.
Weather Wariness (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
New York’s weather, right now, is delicious.
Its loveliness makes me suspicious:
Are we being set up
For a fall? I fear yup,
We are in for some elements vicious.
Limerick Ode To A Stormy Independence Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The East Coast, alas, is awash
With Hurricane Arthurly slosh,
Bringing wind gusts and rain
And flooding — the bane
Of saluting the 4th with panache.
Today is the first day of Air Conditioning Appreciation days. (July 3 to August 15)
Limerick Ode To AC
By Madeleine Begun Kane
How I long to be sweaty-skin-free.
“Make it cool!” is my summertime plea.
Humidity, heat
Make me drip with defeat.
Yes indeed, I’m a fan of AC.
My Unreasonable Complaint (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’m not hot. There’s no sweat on my brow.
I’m not cold. Yes, I’m forced to allow
That the last sev’ral days
Have had moderate rays.
So what will I bitch about now?
Sunny Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I confess that I’m really not one
To use sunscreen, but please don’t make fun.
My skin’s still protected;
The scheme I’ve selected
Is hide and stay out of the sun.
Happy Sun Screen Day! (May 27)
UPDATE: “Don’t Fry Day” falls on the Friday before Memorial Day.
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman whose hair was all mussed…*
or
The boutique smelled of mildew and must…*
or
Good grades are an absolute must…*
or
You shall do what I say. It’s a must…*
or
The winemaker showed me his must…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
A Limerick Must
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman whose hair was all mussed
Appeared wind-blown — she blamed a strong gust.
But she’d slept with her ex
And was winded from sex;
Lust with gusto, whose end was a bust.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Weather Report (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s springtime — a lovely May day;
Perfect temps, fragrant breeze from the bay.
Don’t be jealous or curse,
Cuz I’ve seasoned this verse
With deceit. It is cold, damp, and gray.
An Eclipsed Eclipse (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Last night, I kept searching the skies
For that promised “blood moon,” but my eyes
Were betrayed by the pall
Cast by clouds — a thick wall,
Which cut my dream view down to size.
Open Limerick To My Southern Hemisphere Friends
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Don’t be mad, if it’s fall where you are.
(My friends are from near and from far.)
I can’t help blow my cork
Over spring in New York,
Which (so far) appears way under par.
Springtime Blues
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s the first day of spring — so they claim,
And I’m searching for someone to blame,
Cuz we’re still in the throes
Of winter, which chose
To give springtime a very bad name.
Foreign News Blues (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s so windy, I have to go out:
Foreign papers are scattered about.
Though I clean up our yard,
It’s soon once again scarred.
This paper route’s making me pout.
True story: This afternoon, I look out our living room window and see that our front lawn is strewn with newspapers. It’s a windy day, and a neighbor’s Korean (I think) newspaper has apparently made a run for it.
I immediately stop what I’m doing and go outdoors to contend with the litter. Why the big rush? Because New York City Sanitation workers just love to peruse neighborhoods during windstorms, so they can give out messy-lawn citations.
Ten minutes after I finish, I look out the window once again, only to find that it looks like I never dealt with the garbage. So I go out once again, this time picking up similar-looking papers from the neighbors on either side of me, as well.
No, I won’t take credit for being a Good Samaritan. This was purely defensive.
It was only a matter of time before my neighbors’ messes decided they like my lawn better.
Post-Valentine’s Day Ode
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Shoveling snow–
Not my favorite chore.
Mark did it for me.
That’s what marriage is for.
In a recent Washington Post Style Invitational contest, we were challenged to invent and define weather-related terms. You can read the excellent winning entries here.
And here are my losing entries:
Snow-Brawl: Two arctic storms battle it out.
Frizzly: Just damp enough to frizz your hair.
Withering Heights: Too miserably hot out to leave the house.
Itticane: Gender neutral term for hurricane, favored by most feminists. (Some feminists prefer Himmicane.)
Bellweather: Sunny forecast.
Rain Cower: Hide from a storm, usually under storefront awnings.
Cold and Bothered (Quatrain)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I live in a town where it’s pleasant to stroll.
We do most of our errands on foot.
But it’s frightfully cold. “Let’s stay home,” I cajole.
Forget milk! Let’s be smart and stay put.
(January 11 is National Milk Day.)
Another Snow Job (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Mark, thanks for shov’ling today.
If you hadn’t, that snow’d surely stay
Until I did the chore,
A job I abhor.
It’s more fun to make limerick hay.
I sure hope your Memorial Day weekend weather’s better than ours, here in New York.
Beached Plans (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Though Memorial Day is upon us,
Winter clothing continues to don us.
So I plead and beseech:
Kindly stop talking “beach.”
New York media’s trying to con us.
Spring? You’re Kidding, Right? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Spring is legally set to begin,
Which in light of the weather’s a sin:
Last night we had snow,
Sleet, and ice here and so
There’s a seasonal mix-up herein.
NOT Hailing This Storm (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A blizzard’s upon us. I’m worried,
Cuz in over a foot we’ll be buried.
The prelude is hail,
Then snow by the bale.
If only our snow flakes just flurried.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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