Archive for the ‘Time Humor’ Category
Sunday, March 14th, 2010
Are you as sick as I am of our twice-yearly clock-adjustment ritual? Do you think, as I do, that we have more than enough daylight and that there’s no need to save any?
I’m sorry, but my internal clock is sufficiently confused and doesn’t need Daylight Savings Time to make my chronic insomnia even worse. And I’m inclined to clock the next person who reminds me to change my damn clocks.
Save Me From Daylight Savings Time (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My natural clock is a mess.
Just thinking of sleep gives me stress.
Spring forward—fall back
Makes me more out of whack.
So I don’t change my clocks — I just guess.
(More DST humor here.)
Tags: Clocks Limerick, Daylight Savings Time, DST Humor, Holiday Poetry, Insomnia Humor, March Holidays, Standard Time, Time Humor, Time Verse
Posted in Anxiety & Stress, Behavior & Personality, Celebrations Poetry, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Holiday Humor, Limericks, Mental Health Humor, Seasons Humor, Sleep & Insomnia Humor, Time Humor | 4 Comments »
Tuesday, March 9th, 2010
In simpler (pre-social networking) days, I suffered from just one web addiction — checking my email. And that was bad enough.
But now it’s Facebook and Twitter and blogging, oh my!
And for some people, it’s even worse. I guess I should be relieved that I don’t especially dig Digg, and that MySpace hasn’t invaded my brain space. And that (so far, at least) I’ve withstood the lure of most of the social networking and social media websites listed here in all their gory glory.
Because, as you can tell from this limerick, I don’t need any more web obsessions:
Feed Needs
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’m addicted to Facebook, it’s true,
And Twitter and weblogging too.
I’m desp’rately hooked.
All my hours are booked
On my quest to be fed something new.
Tags: Blogging Obsession, Email Limerick, Facebook Limerick, Social Media Poetry, Social Networking Humor, Twitter Verse, Web Addict
Posted in Addiction Humor, Anxiety & Stress, Behavior & Personality, Blogging Humor, Communication Humor, Computer Humor, Email Humor, Facebook Humor, Internet Humor, Limericks, Mental Health Humor, Social Satire, Technology Humor, Time Humor, Twitter Humor | 3 Comments »
Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009
It’s time for another limerick-off. Feel free to write your own limerick, using the same first line, and post it in my comments and on Facebook.
Commuter Woes (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There once was a fellow named Wayne
Who commuted each day on the train.
The fare was a crime.
It was rarely on time,
Yet was faster than taking a plane.
Tags: Airlines, Commuters, Fares, Planes, Railroad, Trains, Travel, Writing Prompts
Posted in Commuting Verse, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Time Humor, Travel Humor | 8 Comments »
Friday, February 22nd, 2008
Today’s limerick and haiku theme is time. First, my limerick:
No Time To Say Hello, Goodbye…
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’m late and I can’t miss this train!
It’s arrived, and I’m here, yet in vain:
I must climb down these stairs,
But some guys, broad as bears,
Have me blocked—all my plans down the drain.
And now it’s time for my time-related haiku:
Time passes too fast.
I’d surely bitch about it,
If I just had time.
And now it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about time. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry.
(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)
Tags: Commuting Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Time Pressures, Train Travel
Posted in Anxiety & Stress, Commuting Verse, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Time Humor, Travel Humor | 12 Comments »
Monday, October 22nd, 2007
I love a good challenge, and Tricia at Miss Rumphius has provided a tough one: Write a poem that begins with one of five preexisting lines. I’ve written both a limerick and a four-liner, altering the limerick’s first line a bit so it conforms to limerick rhythm rules.
Here’s my limerick:
Time Travel
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Please stop all the clocks. Cut the phone.
Pull the plug on each ’puter you own.
Ain’t the silence sublime
As you go back in time?
With your thoughts you’re at last all alone.
And here’s my four-liner:
I wandered lonely as a cloud,
While wondering why I felt so cowed
By life, while others lived unbowed.
Must be like them, I vowed, aloud.
UPDATE: My limerick seems appropriate for Simplicity Day, celebrated July 12th in honor of Henry David Thoreau’s birthday.
Tags: Henry David Thoreau, July Holidays, Mind & Spirit, Minimalism, Odd Holidays, Simplicity Day, Technology Limerick, Time Travel
Posted in Anxiety & Stress, Mental Health Humor, Minimalist Humor, Odd Holidays, Technology Humor, Telephone Humor, Time Humor | 15 Comments »
Wednesday, August 1st, 2007
I guess I must have led a very sheltered existence. Why do I say that? Because I’d never heard the phrase “five-second rule” until my husband Mark used it as an excuse to eat some treat he’d just dropped on the floor. (And yes, we’re still married.)
I naively assumed that Mark was the only person crazy enough to think germs politely wait five seconds before they attach themselves to goodies. But apparently lots of people (mostly men, I’m assuming) believe that if you drop food on the floor and pick it up really, really fast, it’s safe to eat.
In fact, the belief’s so widespread that some scientists (who apparently didn’t have anything better to do with their time) actually studied the issue. And yes, they concluded that the rule isn’t valid. (Did you really need me — or the scientists — to tell you that?)
This leads to my latest limerick, in which I use the word date instead of husband to protect the guilty … and because husband has too many damned syllables:
The Five-Second What???
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My date dropped dessert on the dirt.
“Please don’t eat it,” I managed to blurt,
As he started to chew
On his now blackened goo,
Saying “5-second rule — it won’t hurt.”
=========
(You can find more of my marriage humor here and more of my food humor here.)
Tags: Dating, Five-Second Rule, Food rules, Germs, Husbands, Marital Relationships, Science Humor, Scientific Studies, Scientists
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Dating Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Polls, Relationship Humor, Science Humor, Social Satire, Time Humor | 1 Comment »
Monday, May 14th, 2007
Do you work with anybody like this? I sure hope not!
Bandwidth Blues
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“I’ve no bandwidth for that,” some folks say.
It’s their style of responding, “No way!
I’ve no time. I am beat.
I have deadlines to meet.
I’m maxed out. I can’t help you. Okay?”
Tags: Anxiety Humor, Bandwidth, Deadlines, Maxed Out, Pressure, Stress Humor, Time Pressure, Workplace Tension
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Business Humor, Communication Humor, Limericks, Mental Health Humor, Social Satire, Time Humor, Workplace & Career Humor | 2 Comments »
Tuesday, December 19th, 2006
Ode To Ambling
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Deserting my day-to-day scramble
When the weather is nice, I will amble,
Just taking my time
While I’m still in my prime,
My terminus strictly a gamble.
Tags: Exercise, Outdoor Activities Humor, Walking
Posted in Leisure Time Humor, Linky Love, Outdoors Humor, Recreation & Fun Humor, Time Humor, Walking Humor | 2 Comments »
Monday, October 30th, 2006
Unless you live on another planet, there are never enough hours in the day. But if you use these efficiency techniques, you can win that battle with time:
1. Always do at least two things at once. While showering, write a screenplay. While sorting laundry, invent a handy appliance for the home. While chatting on the phone with a dull acquaintance, take a nap.
2. Consolidate self-improvement routines. Exercise to learn-a-language tapes while watching watercolor videos. Not only will you save time, but you’ll have thin thighs for that trip to Le Musée du Louvre.
3. Buy a speaker-phone for your kitchen. You’ll be able to cook, vacuum, and knit dog-hair booties while you talk on the phone.
4. When you’re in the kitchen, post reminder notes on the fridge. (“It’s the laundry, stupid.”)
5. Group chores alphabetically. If you have to go to the pharmacy, combine your trip with errands beginning with the letter ‘P.’ …” (Contending With Time is continued here.)
Tags: Efficiency Humor, Household Chores, Multitasking, Self-Help Satire, Self-Improvement, Time Humor, Time Management, Time Pressure
Posted in Family & Relatives Humor, Health & Medical Humor, How-To Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Mental Health Humor, Multitasking Humor, Self-Help Humor, Social Satire, Time Humor | 7 Comments »
Friday, August 25th, 2006
Do you and your spouse argue about how to spend your spare time? Togetherness can be tough to achieve when a couple’s interests just don’t jibe. But this contract may be just the cure for your spare time blues.
AGREEMENT entered into on _____, 20__ between opera-buff Wife and sports-fan Husband.
WHEREAS, Husband has been badgering Wife to attend a ball game for as long as they’ve been married, and he has never managed to reach first base;
WHEREAS, Wife has been pressuring Husband to go to the opera for years, and Husband is running out of excuses; and
WHEREAS, Husband and Wife know that if they don’t resolve this soon, each will be attending all functions solo.
NOW, THEREFORE, the parties hereby agree to the following spare time terms:
1. Wife will attend one ball-type game, the selection of which shall be in Husband’s sole discretion, and Husband will attend one opera performance, the selection of which shall be in Wife’s sole discretion. In exercising such discretion, both spouses will keep in mind that divorce lawyers are really expensive … (Sparring Over Spare Time is continued here.)
Tags: Ball Games, Funny Contracts, Husband Humor, Law Humor, Leisure Time Humor, Opera Humor, Spare Time, Wife Humor
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Family & Relatives Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Leisure Time Humor, Marriage Humor, Music Humor & Verse, Recreation & Fun Humor, Relationship Humor, Satirical Contracts, Sports Humor, Time Humor | Comments Off on Sparring Over Spare Time
