“Insult judge” Simon Cowell is leaving American Idol at the end of this season. How will I ever survive?
Simon, Say It Ain’t So! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Simon, your snark’s sometimes mean,
But on Idol you’re surely the dean.
Your vocal critiques
Are the smartest most weeks.
Will I watch it post-Cowell? Not keen!
A huge snow storm (perhaps even a blizzard) is about to descend on New York City and has already hit much of the east coast. And that means it’s the weatherman’s time in the sun:
Ode To The Weatherman (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The weatherman’s acting excited:
New York City’s about to be smited
With a snow storm real big,
Which I really don’t dig.
And just why must he look so delighted?
(Note: Yes, I know that the past tense of smite is smote. Artistic license, okay?)
UPDATE: I’ve just learned that today (February 5th) is National Weatherperson’s Day, observed on the birthday of John Jeffries.
I’ve written a limerick about the Balloon Boy saga here on my other blog.
Since American Idol is one of the few TV shows I watch regularly, I’d be remiss if I didn’t comment on the finalists and write a limerick for finalists Kris Allen and Adam Lambert:
An Ode To The American Idol Finalists
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Many kudos to Adam and Kris!
Having Allison there would be bliss.
But it could have been worse.
I am Gokey-averse,
And he’s one guy I surely won’t miss.
I feel (and share) EW’s Michael Slezak’s rage over the American Idol judges’ performance last night.
So what are we both so angry about? I sum it up in my American Idol Review haiku:
An “A for for effort”
To Gokey from the judges?
An F for standards.
Update: Now I’m really angry! Just as I feared, American Idol booted Allison Iraheta instead of Danny Gokey. Talk about unfair! The only good part is we were spared an encore rendition of Danny’s infamous final note.
Do you want to lose weight? Then I recommend that you watch Gordon Ramsay’s new Fox show Kitchen Nightmares during dinner. As the good Gordon might (and often does) say, “Oh my God!”
Now my husband Mark and I are fans of Ramsay’s other show Hell’s Kitchen. But other than the presence of Ramsay himself, everything that makes Hell’s Kitchen so much fun — the competition among chefs whom you get to know and root for throughout the season — is missing from Kitchen Nightmares. What’s left (at least in episode 1) is numerous nausea-inducing scenes featuring rancid food and roughly gazillion roaches and flies.
Of course, by the end of the show Ramsay and his team of miracle workers turn the dive-of-the-week into a restaurant you wouldn’t be afraid to dine in.
What I can’t figure out is what the Manhattan restaurant featured in week 1 (Indian restaurant Dillons, reborn as Purnima) was doing in business before the makeover. Doesn’t New York City have restaurant inspectors? I sure hope so, because that’s where I live.
And now it’s time for a limerick:
Restaurant Nightmare
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I must flee this buffet. Please, let’s go.
A mouse just ran by and … oh no!
I spotted a roach
As it tried to encroach
On my sole. What’s that thing on your toe?
(You can find more of my food humor here and more of my media humor here.)
Taking Our Marriage’s Temperature
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My husband and I can agree
On most everything—“a” straight through “z”.
But as husband and wife
We suffer much strife
Over temp settings—heat and AC.
(We argue over our TV’s remote control too, but it refuses to rhyme.)
Update: Air Conditioning Appreciation days run from July 3 to August 15.
As regular readers know, watching American Idol is one of my guilty pleasures. But it sure wasn’t much of a pleasure last week, when mellifluous Melinda was sent packing and Blake wasn’t:
Yet Another American Idol Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Melinda was beat out by Blake?
Now that’s what I call a mistake!
He’s all shtick and no voice.
What a terrible choice!
I suspect that his fans ain’t awake.
As just about everyone knows, 24 is a popular, award-winning Fox television series about a federal counter-terrorism unit (CTU) in Los Angeles. It stars Kiefer Sutherland as Jack Bauer, on whom everyone perpetually counts.
I was surprised to read that the “devotees of 24 [are] struggling to keep the faith” because hubby Mark and I are big fans:
More 24, Please (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’m hooked on the show 24.
Those CTU plots I adore.
And I’m counting on Jack
To defuse each attack
And survive at least one season more.
American Idol — My Guilty Pleasure
By Madeleine Begun Kane
American Idol’s a show
I enjoy. Why? I really don’t know:
Awful singing, odd judging,
And, maybe, vote fudging.
I’m missing it now. Gotta go!
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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