Pedestrian Plea (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There once was a fellow named Mike,
Who was bored while out riding his bike.
So he spoke on his cell,
Did some texting, then fell.
Multitaskers, oh please take a hike.
Update: I’ve just found out that November 17th Is “National Take A Hike Day.” Something tells me, it may be meant to celebrate something a bit different.
I’ve heard some bad violinists in my day … especially back when I substitute-taught elementary school music classes. But amazingly enough, this robot violinist (while lousy, of course) is better than your average fifth grade violin student.
In honor of the robot violinist, I’ve written a double limerick:
A Robot Violinist That Plays Better Than Your Kid?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Fanatics may think it’s a sin
For a robot to play violin.
But its tone ain’t as bad
As some students I’ve had.
In a contest with them, it would win.
Yes it’s weak in vibrato and phrasing.
But its rhythm and pitch are amazing.
So you’re robot averse —
I’m still sure you’ve heard worse.
And if not, I shall brace for the hazing.
Aim for brilliant
In just one-forty characters.
Settle for inane.
Many Facebook users are angry or at least concerned about Facebook’s revised and more aggressive terms of service (TOS).
Consumerist has some good info here about Facebook’s perpetual content rights grab, and WebTechLaw explains the legal ramifications and what Facebook’s revised terms mean for your content.
I’ve never been a Facebook fan and now I like it even less. But at least it’s provided inspiration for a new limerick:
Facebook Face-Off
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Greedy Facebook has published new rules
Which play all its users for fools.
It’s a content rights grab—
A perpetual nab
Of your stuff just for using its tools.
UPDATE: Facebook has reversed itself about these new rules as a result of bad press and membership ire. I’ll be activating my account and I’ll see how it goes.
Mac|Life Magazine is running a limerick-writing contest with a cool prize — a Wacom Intuos3 6×8 tablet. The contest rules, which you can find here, include using the name Mac|Life within your limerick.
Here’s my submission:
A tech-savvy husband and wife
Once suffered occasional strife:
When their fav’rite mag came
First dibs was their aim.
Their solution? Two subs to Mac|Life.
I sure hope many of you use (or at least are familiar with) Twitter. Because Twitter is today’s limerick and haiku topic. First, my limerick:
Twitter Jitters
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I really don’t mean to sound bitter,
But it’s hard to fit humor on Twitter.
Posting tweets so damn short
Is a challenging sport,
Cuz there’s no time for laughs — just a titter.
And now my Twitter haiku (senryu):
My tweets on Twitter:
Memories, links, mutterings.
Fragments of a life.
As you might have guessed, I use Twitter. If you’d like to, you can follow my Twitter Tweets here.
But now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write some verse about Twitter. When you’ve posted your poem(s), please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky.
Limerick and Haiku Prompts Participants
| 1. Elephant Small | 2. Nickers and Ink | 3. Winnie the poohi |
UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your verse about Twitter in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here.
Today’s limerick and haiku theme is email and/or spam. First, my limerick:
I’m out of the office right now.
Do I hate answ’ring email? And how!
Missed your missive? I’m glad,
So I won’t say I’m sad.
Pester some other worker-bee. Ciao!
And now my three spam-related haiku:
Suffocating spam
Pours into my computer,
Drowning out meaning.
Virulent spammers
Take over my computer,
Devouring its core.
My email pours in,
The meaningful lost,
Strangled by spam.
Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about email and/or spam. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. There’s no rush, by the way, because you have a whole week to post it.
| 1. Connie 2. Noah the Great |
3. Noah the Great 4. Linda – Nickers and Ink |
5. Felix Morgenstern |
UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your email-themed verse in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here.
Interactive Taxes
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Hello. Welcome to Taxtime, your Interactive Tax Preparer Program. Do you feel like doing your taxes today?
I see. Well, don’t you think you should do them anyway? After all, it’s April 14. And who knows? Maybe you’ll get a refund.
That’s the spirit. Let’s begin with your name, address, and marital status.
Sorry to hear about the divorce. But don’t let it get you down. That alimony deduction will come in handy.
Please don’t cry. Things are bound to improve. In the meantime, let’s talk about dependents. Do you have any children?
Wow! I hope they’re not all in college.
You’re having visitation problems on top of everything else? Gee, I can’t help you there. But you might try our Interactive Matrimonial Lawyer Software.
I hate lawyers too. But we’re really veering off track … (Interactive Taxes is continued here.)
Many prestigious and popular sites just took a huge Google PageRank hit. For instance, The Washington Post, Forbes, The Chicago Sun-Times, and SFGate.com have all dropped from a 7 to a 5.
Search engine experts and webmasters are speculating that Google is punishing these and numerous other sites because of their advertising practices. And that brings me to my latest haiku:
Is Google at war,
Smiting ad revenue streams
That bypass Google?
(You can find more of my technology, computer, and search engine humor here and my news haiku here.)
I love a good challenge, and Tricia at Miss Rumphius has provided a tough one: Write a poem that begins with one of five preexisting lines. I’ve written both a limerick and a four-liner, altering the limerick’s first line a bit so it conforms to limerick rhythm rules.
Here’s my limerick:
Time Travel
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Please stop all the clocks. Cut the phone.
Pull the plug on each ’puter you own.
Ain’t the silence sublime
As you go back in time?
With your thoughts you’re at last all alone.
And here’s my four-liner:
I wandered lonely as a cloud,
While wondering why I felt so cowed
By life, while others lived unbowed.
Must be like them, I vowed, aloud.
UPDATE: My limerick seems appropriate for Simplicity Day, celebrated July 12th in honor of Henry David Thoreau’s birthday.
Did you know that the Xerox office copying revolution was born on October 22, 1938? This led to two large drops: Mimeographic machine sales … and men’s pants.
I dedicate this to everyone’s who’s ever been driven mad by a website or blog outage:
Web Withdrawal Woes (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
This outage has led me to think
I’ve gone bonkers, berserk—need a shrink.
I keep checking the site.
It’s still down—what a plight!
Web withdrawal may drive me to drink.
Welcome mobile readers! If you’re browsing via cell phone, I’ve written this limerick just for you:
Ode To The Mobile Web
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My blog has gone mobile — how cool!
You can surf on a cellular tool
While on foot, in your car,
Or wherever you are.
Mobile web browsing — cellulars rule!
If you’d like to subscribe to this humor blog’s mobile feed, click on the mobile icon just under my photo on the right sidebar. And don’t forget to subscribe to my political satire blog’s mobile feed too.
Oh — I almost forgot — if you’d like to turn your own blog into a mobile site, here’s how to do it. And you might even earn some advertising and affiliate revenue doing it.
Website owners, webmasters, and people who specialize in search engine optimization (SEO) and search engine marketing (SEM) tend to be an obsessive bunch, perpetually checking stats in their quest for better numbers. What do improved numbers mean? In theory, they beget better placement in search engine results pages (SERPS), more sales, and higher ad rates.
This obsession tends to reach a frenzied peak roughly four times a year, when Google’s Toolbar is updated, and you learn if your latest PageRank has risen or (heaven forbid) dropped. And while some may claim that they don’t care about PageRank, nobody believes them.
In honor of Google PageRank update season, which apparently is upon us, I’ve written this limerick:
Ode To The Google PageRank Obsession
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Google PageRank obsession is back,
‘Cause an update is due, which we track.
Have our efforts paid off?
Although many will scoff,
We need proof that we’re leading the pack.
(You can find more of my computer and technology humor and limericks here, including my song parody Webmaster’s SEO Complaint.)
If you’ve ever registered for a site or an email list, you’re surely familiar with those frustrating anti-spam CAPTCHA forms. CAPTCHA, which is an acronym for “Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart,” generally does a really good job of blocking … me:
Captured By CAPTCHA (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The CAPTCHA form used on their site
Quickly conquered computerized blight,
Because bots can’t decode
Any image it showed.
But then neither can I—there’s my plight.
(You can find more of my technology humor here.)
Early in our marriage, my husband Mark worked as a computer programmer and was on over-night call:
Sleepless In Geekdom
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My husband’s a super-smart geek
Who’s on overnight call once a week.
And those questions they pose
After wrecking our doze
Sound, to me, much like Latin or Greek.
UPDATE: Happy International Programmers’ Day, January 7th!
And happy Geek Pride Day, May 25th!
Boot-Licked
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My new laptop refuses to boot,
So I’m thinking of filing a suit.
Plug and play this sure ain’t.
If it started, I’d faint.
Lots of loot for this trash don’t compute.
A Spam Filter That Really Works Would Be Nice (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My filters should block them, but nay!
Spam emails beset me each day,
Pushing stock, naked boys,
Drugs for sex, naughty toys—
All ad nauseam. Please, go away!
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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