Dictionary.com celebrated Tax Day today with this new-to-me word: Gabelle.
1 a tax; excise.
2 French History. a tax on salt, abolished in 1790.
Payers never respond with a smile
To taxes, which anger and rile.
Salty words greet gabelles;
Taxing salt rarely sells,
And in France it has gone out of style.
A horseback-riding reader asked me to write a tax-related limerick. Here’s what I came up with:
Reining In Your Returns (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
To the folks who find horseback transcendent,
Please beware, you could be a defendant,
If when doing your tax,
You err to the max
By declaring your horse a “dependent.”
Tax Time, Already? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s tax time again — I’ve been lax.
Am I stalling? Oh yes, to the max.
Cuz I’d rather write verse
Than struggle and curse
Over taxing mathematical facts.
(You can find lots more of my money and tax humor columns and verse here.)
Edgy Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
His cash flow had put him on edge,
And he needed a day to just veg.
He was stressed to the max
Over real estate tax,
And could not even fund his new hedge.
(Lots Of Laughter edge prompt)
Why finish my tax return, when I can write a limerick about not finishing my tax return?
Taxing Deadlines
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Did you file your 1040? Not me!
Cuz I need an extension, you see.
Could not get it together.
I’m blaming the weather.
Do I wish it was finished? Mais oui!
Related Posts: Interactive Taxes, Taxing Times and Money Humor.
I thought I was through bitching about taxes and the IRS for at least a few months. But apparently not:
Dear IRS
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear folks at the Fed IRS,
Your rules and your regs are a mess.
You’re unfair to the poor.
Middle class? Even more.
So beware, cuz I know your address.
Note to the FBI, the IRS, and Homeland Security: This is a humor blog, so please don’t arrest me. Thanks for … uh … listening.
Interactive Taxes
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Hello. Welcome to Taxtime, your Interactive Tax Preparer Program. Do you feel like doing your taxes today?
I see. Well, don’t you think you should do them anyway? After all, it’s April 14. And who knows? Maybe you’ll get a refund.
That’s the spirit. Let’s begin with your name, address, and marital status.
Sorry to hear about the divorce. But don’t let it get you down. That alimony deduction will come in handy.
Please don’t cry. Things are bound to improve. In the meantime, let’s talk about dependents. Do you have any children?
Wow! I hope they’re not all in college.
You’re having visitation problems on top of everything else? Gee, I can’t help you there. But you might try our Interactive Matrimonial Lawyer Software.
I hate lawyers too. But we’re really veering off track … (Interactive Taxes is continued here.)
Here in the U.S., tax return day (April 15th) is looming. So today’s limerick and haiku theme is taxes and tax returns or, if you prefer, forms that drive you nuts. First, my limerick:
Taxing Verse
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My records are scattered. Oh dear!
And tax filing day’s almost here.
My receipts are all over —
Some eaten by Rover.
I’m destined for prison, I fear.
And now my haiku:
Whether you owe cash
Or are due a tax refund
Filing is taxing.
Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about taxes and tax returns and/or forms that drive you nuts. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry.
(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)
I’m afraid I can’t stop writing tax return limericks — probably because it’s a lot more fun than actually working on my tax return.
Yet Another Tax Filing Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Why does tax filing time cause such stress?
Wretched forms to fill out—it’s a mess!
All confused, you say, “Heck!”
Then you write out a check
For what’s due or, at least, your best guess.
So, have you started working on your income tax return yet? Me neither.
Form 1040 Blues
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There’s a tax form that makes me irate:
Form 1040, a long form I hate,
Due mid-April, each year,
With my check. (Will it clear?)
It’s no wonder I always file late.
Taxing Times
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My husband Mark and I usually prepare our joint tax returns jointly. Being good citizens, we begin early in February with tax planning discussions like this:
Mark: We really should start doing our taxes next Saturday.
Me: You’re absolutely right. I’ll pick up Quicksand’s ShirkoTax this week.
By late March we’ve made impressive progress:
Mark: We really should start doing our taxes next Saturday.
Me: You’re absolutely right. I’ll pick up Quicksand’s ShirkoTax this week.
Our tax planning culminates promptly on April 14 when Mark boots up the computer, loads ShirkoTax, and does whatever it is one does with tax software. … (Taxing Times is continued here.)
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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