Archive for the ‘Shopping Humor’ Category
Tuesday, November 23rd, 2010
Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman who grew up quite poor…
Here’s mine:
Poor Excuse For A Limerick (Poor Excuse Limerick Audio)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman who grew up quite poor
Is rich now, but always craves more.
Is it greed or just fear?
It isn’t quite clear
Why she hankers to buy out each store.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, right above my photo.
Thanks! And happy holiday shopping!
Tags: Greed, Money Poems, Poetry & Prompts, Shopping Humor, Wealth, Writing Prompts
Posted in Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Shopping Humor | 7 Comments »
Monday, October 11th, 2010
Facebook pal and Limerick-Off regular Peter Metrinko pointed me to this article about a fashion breakthrough — underwear for left-handed men. Needless to say, I felt compelled to celebrate southpaw undies with a limerick:
Limerick Ode To Left-Handed Underwear
By Madeleine Begun Kane
You left-handed men, there’s good news:
Southpaw undies — much handier to use.
When you visit the loo
There’s a bit less to do.
But please don’t the priv’lege abuse.
UPDATE: August 13th is Left Hander’s Day. Enjoy!
Tags: August Holidays, Clothing Poem, Left-handed Underwear, Men's Fashion, Shopping Verse, Southpaws, Undergarments, Underwear Humor
Posted in Fashion Humor, Limericks, Shopping Humor | 6 Comments »
Wednesday, September 29th, 2010
Needless to say, I wrote this limerick while running around doing sundry chores:
What A Drag!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman who’s dragging a cart
Has some errands to run. Where to start?
The cleaners and grocer —
Too bad they’re not closer.
How she longs to stay home and make art.
Tags: Creativity, Errands, Household Chores, Shopping Verse, Writers, Writing & Publishing Humor
Posted in Art Humor / Verse, Creativity Verse, House & Home Humor, Limericks, Shopping Humor, Writing & Publishing Humor | 2 Comments »
Wednesday, November 18th, 2009
I understand why buying a car or a home appliance or pricey wine would require some research. But purchasing towels shouldn’t be all that complicated. So why is it that whenever my husband and I buy towels, they suck? Actually the problem is … they don’t suck.
Neither High, Nor Dry (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Our new towels seemed fine at first blush.
They were velvety smooth and so plush.
But they don’t absorb well.
You might say they repel.
Can’t our towels act more like a lush?
Tags: Bath Towels, Bathroom Humor, House & Home, Housewares, Shopping Verse, Shower Humor
Posted in House & Home Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Shopping Humor | 3 Comments »
Thursday, February 5th, 2009
Valentine’s Day is coming up — an ideal topic for my very overdue limerick and a haiku (senryu) prompt. First, my limerick:
St. Valentine’s Day’s coming soon.
It’s a choc’late and rose-sellers’ boon.
Will your loved one come through
And make festive ado?
Or just buy you a five-buck balloon?
And now my haiku (senryu):
St. Valentine’s Day—
One day each February?
No. Daily each year.
Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write some verse about Valentine’s Day. When you’ve posted your poem(s), please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. And please post a comment as well.
(For more Valentine’s Day cheer, my Valiant Guy’s Guide to Valentine’s Day humor column is here.)
Tags: Balloons, Candy, Chocolate, February, February Holidays, Flowers, Gifts, Haiku & Senryu, Holiday, Limerick, Love, Poetry Prompt, Romance, Senryu, Valentine Day's Humor, Valentine's Day
Posted in Advice Humor & Poems, Battle of the Sexes, Celebrations Poetry, Food & Drink Humor, Haiku & Senryu, Holiday Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limericks, Relationship Humor, Romance Humor, Shopping Humor | 20 Comments »
Monday, January 5th, 2009
Thanks to all of you for your kind emails, comments, and Twitter tweets about my mother’s death. I really appreciate it!
In my mother’s honor, I’m posting a 1996 humor column she inspired during happier (and funnier) times:
Secret Shopper
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“I’m not going in there. No way. Forget it.”
My seventy-something mother’s stance was as rigid as her words; arms folded across her chest, unyielding legs pointed away from the shop I’d just suggested.
She and I had spent the entire afternoon combing through three department stores for the definitive pair of panties. Or at least my mom’s idea of same. This illusive undergarment had to be loose, comfortable, 100% cotton, and totally devoid of lace. And that was just for starters. It also had to completely cover my mother’s hips and come in a large size, the exact number of which she resolutely refused to disclose. … (Secret Shopper is continued here.)
Tags: Clothes Shopping, Clothing, Department Stores, Fashion, Mothers, Parents, Style, Undergarments, Victoria's Secret
Posted in Family & Relatives Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Mothers & Fathers Humor, Personal, Relationship Humor, Shopping Humor | 2 Comments »
Friday, May 16th, 2008
Impulse purchases
liberate you from your cash,
betray your self-worth.
(Sometimes I like to challenge myself by using several prompts at once, and today’s a threefer: “impulse,” “betrayal,” and “liberation,” all courtesy of Writers Island. And speaking of writing prompts, I’ve just posted a new one whose theme is “warning” and/or “caution.”)
Update: My husband Mark (who seems to be turning into a poet) read my haiku and almost immediately came up with his own. I must confess that I like his better:
That impulse buy —
betrayal of frugality.
Ah … liberation.
Tags: Financial Humor, Money Haiku, Shopping Verse
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Haiku & Senryu, Money & Finance Humor, Shopping Humor | 4 Comments »
Friday, May 16th, 2008
Today’s limerick and haiku theme is warnings and/or caution. First, my limerick:
Please be careful when closing that door.
If it hits you, you’re bound to be sore.
My hand is still numb
From its catching my thumb,
And I’m thinking of suing this store.
And now my warning-related haiku:
Storm clouds fill the sky
as walkers heed their warning
while birds cheer them on.
Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about warnings and/or caution. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. There’s no rush, by the way, because you have a whole week to post it.
(Note: My limerick was inspired in part by Sunday Scribblings’ “sore” prompt and Inspire Me Thursday’s “door” prompt.)
Limerick and Haiku Prompts Participants
UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your warnings and/or caution verse in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here.
Tags: Cautionary Verse, Health Poetry, Injury Poem, Legal Limerick, Litigation Poem, Nature Haiku, Shopping Accident, Warning Humor, Writing Prompts
Posted in Advice Humor & Poems, Haiku & Senryu, Health & Medical Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limericks, Shopping Humor | 15 Comments »
Wednesday, March 5th, 2008
Ring of Truth
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“This engagement ring — that’s what I’d like,”
Said the gal to her boyfriend named Mike.
But looking unsteady,
Said Mike, “I’m not ready,
So can’t I just buy you a bike?”
Tags: Diamond Rings, Engagement Humor, Jewelry Shopping Poem
Posted in Dating Humor, Marriage Humor, Romance Humor, Shopping Humor | 4 Comments »
Friday, February 15th, 2008
Today’s limerick and haiku theme is bad jobs. Why? Because everyone I know has had at least one really awful job. As for me, I’ve had more bad jobs than I’d care to remember. So here’s a pair of poems about two of them. First, my limerick about substitute teaching:
In my twenties I substitute taught.
‘Tis a challenging job and it’s fraught;
All those calls before dawn
To instruct devil’s spawn
Made me anxious, uptight—overwrought.
And now, my haiku about working in a discount department store:
Discount lingerie:
Folded, painstakingly shelved.
Soon to be litter.
Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about bad jobs. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry.
Tags: Bad Jobs, Department Store, Discount Lingerie, Education Limerick, Employment Humor, Job Limerick, School Humor, Shoppers, Substitute Teaching
Posted in Children Humor, Education & School Humor, Haiku & Senryu, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limericks, Shopping Humor, Workplace & Career Humor | 13 Comments »
Tuesday, November 20th, 2007
Why I Don’t Relish Shopping
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I stare at the shelves in confusion,
Wond’ring why there is such a profusion
Of sizes and styles.
Choices litter the aisles.
Is the simple life just an illusion?
(You can find more of my shopping humor here.)
Tags: Choice, Confusion, Minimalism, Shopping, Simple Life, Supermarket Aisles
Posted in Limericks, Minimalist Humor, Shopping Humor, Social Satire | 9 Comments »
Friday, August 24th, 2007
If you’re ever in Scottsdale, Arizona and feel the need to buy jeans, prepare yourself for a scary rear view:
Worried that new pair of high-fashion jeans may just make your butt look fat? Now shoppers in one upscale Scottsdale store [The Hub] can check it out for themselves before someone else makes the observation – using the Butt Cam, a camera positioned just so that’s connected to a video screen on a dressing room wall.
And if that doesn’t sound bad enough:
The setup also allows Hub employees to display views of their more confident shoppers on flat-screen TVs behind the cash registers for all to see.
This brings me to my latest limerick:
No Butt Cams For Me — No Ifs, Ands, Or Buts
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The Butt Cam sure sounds rather crass,
But it gives you a view of your ass
While you’re trying on jeans.
And you know what that means?
It should tell almost all: “Take a pass!”
(You can find more of my fashion and shopping humor here.)
Tags: Butt Cam, Butt Camera, Buying Jeans, Clothes Shopping, Dressing Room Cameras, Fashion Satire, Scottsdale Arizona, Shopping Humor, Video Screens
Posted in Business Humor, Fashion Humor, Limericks, Marketing Humor, Physical Appearance, Polls, Shopping Humor | 3 Comments »
Monday, August 20th, 2007
It’s mid-August, which means back-to-school day is just around the corner. And that in turn means it’s time to start shopping for school supplies: rulers and notebooks and pens and lunch boxes and calculators and computers and school clothes and … bulletproof backpacks???
“We’re just trying to give kids a defensive tool to use in case something does happen,” Curran said of the backpacks, which sell for $175 US. …
Since they started selling online last week, they’ve sold out of their initial stock of several hundred backpacks and are now ordering a new shipment from Massachusetts.
Methinks this calls for a limerick:
Bulletproof Backpacks: In Case Your Kid’s Classmate Is Packing
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Selling bulletproof backpacks? How sad!
Could the safety of schools be so bad,
That parents must buy
Such an item? Oh my!
Are they needed, or just a mad fad?
(You can find more of my school and education humor here.)
Tags: Back To School, Bulletproof Backpacks, Education Limerick, School Safety, School Supplies, Schooling Satire
Posted in Children Humor, Education & School Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, Guns & Safety Humor, Limericks, Mothers & Fathers Humor, Polls, Shopping Humor | 6 Comments »
Monday, April 9th, 2007
Tacky Verse
By Madeleine Begun Kane
These armchairs are tacky and lack
Sound support for my weary old back.
Their seats are too deep
And their prices too steep.
Ow! What’s this in my tushie? A tack!
Tags: Back Pain, Chairs, Furnishings, Furniture Humor, House Decorating Humor, Shopping Satire
Posted in Health & Medical Humor, House & Home Humor, Money & Finance Humor, Shopping Humor | Comments Off on Tacky Verse
Saturday, February 24th, 2007
Man Can’t Live By Bread Alone … Or Can He?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Here’s some bread for some bread at the store.
Bring back change or you’re toast, cause we’re poor.
Get me wheat bread or white,
And I’ll toast it quite light.
But this dough ain’t for anything more.
UPDATE: I’ve just learned via Cloaked Monk that today, March 23rd, is Toast Day. So don’t forget to toast Toast Day.
Tags: Bread, Food Satire, March Holidays, Money Satire, Odd Holidays, Shopping, Toast Day, Wordplay Humor
Posted in Food & Drink Humor, Holiday Humor, Money & Finance Humor, Shopping Humor, Wordplay | 3 Comments »
Tuesday, February 20th, 2007
Antique Antics
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Is this lampshade antique or just old?
They tell me it’s rare. I’m not sold.
But I had it appraised
And was rather amazed:
It’s worth thousands, though covered in mold.
Tags: Antiques Humor, Appraisals, Mold, Money Satire, Shopping Fun
Posted in Business Humor, House & Home Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Shopping Humor | 2 Comments »
Monday, February 5th, 2007
A Valiant Guy’s Guide To Valentine’s Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Attention guys — it’s time to get ready for Valentine’s Day. After all, you don’t want a repeat of last year, do you? I didn’t think so.
For most men, the very mention of Valentine’s Day conjures up memories of a last minute, fruitless shopping expedition followed by a quarrel with their girlfriend or wife. Women, on the other hand, tend to think romantic thoughts: champagne, dining by candlelight, strolling violinists, and an after-dinner brandy in front of a roaring fireplace. This scenario exists only in their fantasies, mind you. After all, they are dating or married to you. … (A Valiant Guy’s Guide To Valentine’s Day is continued here.)
Tags: Battle of the Sexes, February Holidays, Gift Humor, Holiday Fun, Men and Women, Relationship Satire, Romance Humor, Valentine Day's Humor
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Holiday Humor, How-To Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Relationship Humor, Self-Help Humor, Shopping Humor, Social Satire | 4 Comments »
Saturday, February 3rd, 2007
Open Sesame
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Why on earth are CDs packed so tight?
You can’t hear them without a huge fight.
When you buy a CD
Then your plight is to free
That damn disc. It might take you all night.
UPDATE: Happy Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day! (August 7)
Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day Video
UPDATE 2: Oct 1 is CD Player Day.
Tags: August Holidays, CD Cases, CD Player Day, CDs, Discs, Money, Music, October Holidays, Odd Holidays, Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day, Recordings, Records, Shopping
Posted in Limericks, Music Humor & Verse, Odd Holidays, Shopping Humor | Comments Off on Open Sesame
Tuesday, December 19th, 2006
Is It Safe To Go Shopping With Your Mate? (Humorous Quiz)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
One sure way to test a relationship is to shop with your mate. Not only is joint shopping stressful, but it amplifies differences in temperament and taste. It can even lead to bickering, brawls, and mayhem. So take this compatibility quiz now. Or risk being ousted from your favorite boutique.
1. When you arrive at the mall he:
a. Says “Let’s shop together. It’ll be fun.”
b. Says “Meet me in hardware.”
c. Vanishes.
2. In men’s clothing he:
a. Asks your opinion and compliments your taste.
b. Buys a tie he already owns.
c. Bemoans the demise of the leisure suit.
3. In lingerie he:
a. Says you look sexy in an oversized robe.
b. Asks you to model see-through garments too small to identify.
c. Hands you a Wonderbra. … (“Is It Safe To Go Shopping With Your Mate?” is continued here.)
(You can visit my marriage humor collection here.)
Tags: Gender Differences Humor, Husband Humor, Shopping Humor
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Behavior & Personality, Family & Relatives Humor, Feminist Satire, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Marriage Humor, Money & Finance Humor, Relationship Humor, Shopping Humor | 9 Comments »
Tuesday, December 5th, 2006
Exchanging gifts, while fun in theory, offers endless potential for aggravation: Thronging crowds, ransacked stores, confusion, indecision, cash depletion and, finally, the belated knowledge that you bought the wrong thing.
And even worse, perhaps, is receiving a spousal gift that you wouldn’t buy for your worst enemy. Well, maybe for your worst enemy, but only if it’s on sale.
But there is a cure for the holiday gift blues. Just substitute this agreement for those subtle hints — the ones that are always either missed or misconstrued. Then kiss that Returns Counter good-bye. This year’s gifts are for keeps.
AGREEMENT entered into this ___________ (Date) by Husband and Wife, hereafter called “Couple.”
WHEREAS, Couple often argues over ill-chosen gifts; and
WHEREAS, a gift giving agreement may save Couple’s marriage and/or reduce return trips to the mall.
NOW, THEREFORE, Couple hereby agrees to these provisions:
GIFTS FOR WIFE:
1. Self-serving gifts shall be avoided. For example, Husband shall not buy Wife the following:
a. Chocolate when Wife is on a diet.
b. Tight clothing meant to encourage Wife to diet.
c. Anything transparent.
2. Husband shall not give Wife practical gifts such as an iron, a dish washer, or a vacuum cleaner… unless husband plans to use them. … (My Mad Gift Giving Guide is continued here.)
Tags: Christmas Gift Humor, December Holidays, Funny Contracts, Gift Giving, Holiday Fun, Holiday Gifts, Husband Wife Humor
Posted in Family & Relatives Humor, Gift Giving Humor, Holiday Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Marriage Humor, Relationship Humor, Satirical Contracts, Shopping Humor | 8 Comments »
