Archive for the ‘Shopping Humor’ Category
Wednesday, June 4th, 2014
Limerick Ode To The Shopping Cart
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Sylvan Goldman designed something smart;
He invented the food shopping cart.
With its basket, it aids
In a task that pervades
All our lives — buying stuff at the mart.
On June 4, 1937, Humpty Dumpty supermarket chain owner Sylvan Goldman introduced his invention, the shopping cart, in Oklahoma City.
The invention did not catch on immediately. Men found them effeminate; women found them suggestive of a baby carriage. “I’ve pushed my last baby buggy,” offended women informed him. After hiring several male and female models to push his new invention around his store and demonstrate their utility, as well as greeters to explain their use, his folding-style shopping carts became extremely popular and Goldman became a multimillionaire by collecting a royalty on every folding design shopping cart in the United States.
Tags: Errands Humor, Household Chores, Humpty Dumpty, Inventions Poem, June Holidays, Odd Holidays, Patent Humor, Shopping Verse, Supermarket Aisles, Sylvan Goldman
Posted in Chores Humor, Food & Drink Humor, House & Home Humor, Inventions Humor, Limericks, Odd Holidays, Shopping Humor | Comments Off on Limerick Ode To The Shopping Cart
Sunday, March 9th, 2014
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man was asleep at the wheel…*
or
A woman was trying to wheel…*
or
A fellow was turning the wheel…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Wheel
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man was asleep at the wheel–
Not driving, but doing a deal,
And by failing to spar
While buying a car,
He fell prey to the dealership’s spiel.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Car & Driving Humor, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest, Shopping Humor | 49 Comments »
Monday, February 17th, 2014
Presidents Day Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s Presidents Day. Zut alors!
Does anyone know what it’s for?
I’m not sure, but I’d guess
It’s meant to address
The need for more sales at each store.
Note from Mad Kane: I blame the champagne.
Tags: Abe Lincoln, February Holidays, George Washington, Holiday Humor, Money & Finance Humor, Presidents Day, Shopping Limerick
Posted in Holiday Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Shopping Humor | 1 Comment »
Monday, January 20th, 2014
Vendor Venting (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A package arrives, which I lift.
Since I’ve NOT placed an order, I’m miffed.
It’s a greedy misdeed
To anticipate need.
Dear Amazon: Thanks for the gift.
Note from Mad Kane: This hasn’t actually happened to me, but it’s only a matter of time. Why? Because Amazon has just patented “anticipatory shipping.”
Yes, Amazon thinks it knows what we want, even before we know we want it.
Sorry Amazon, but my husband can’t read my mind … and neither can you.
Tags: Amazon Humor, Anticipatory Shipping, Gift Humor, Money Verse, Online Humor, Patent Humor, Shopping Verse, Technology Humor
Posted in Computer Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Shopping Humor, Technology Humor | 10 Comments »
Tuesday, January 7th, 2014
Cold and Bothered (Quatrain)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I live in a town where it’s pleasant to stroll.
We do most of our errands on foot.
But it’s frightfully cold. “Let’s stay home,” I cajole.
Forget milk! Let’s be smart and stay put.
(January 11 is National Milk Day.)
Tags: Bayside, Errands Humor, Exercise, Food Verse, January Holidays, Milk Day, Milk Humor, Milk Limerick, New York City Verse, Odd Holidays, Quatrain Humor, Seasonal Humor, Seasonal Verse, Shopping Verse, Walking Poetry, Weather Poem, Winter Humor
Posted in Exercise Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Limericks, New York Limericks & Haiku, Odd Holidays, Quatrains Humor, Seasons Humor, Shopping Humor, Walking Humor, Weather Humor | 1 Comment »
Sunday, December 15th, 2013
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was pleased with the sale…*
or
A gal on the hunt for a sale…*
or
A fellow went out for a sail…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Sale
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal would buy only on sale.
Paying full sticker price? Wholesale fail!
Duly checking for miscounts,
She’d drool over discounts.
No markdowns? She’d pale, wail, and bail.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Money Verse, Poetry & Prompts, Shopping Verse, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest, Shopping Humor | 49 Comments »
Wednesday, December 11th, 2013
Stiffed (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A collector was conned by a scam;
His “antique” poker chips were a sham.
So he decked the old dealer
And called him a “stealer,”
Which is one way to get a grand slam.
UPDATE: April 9 is Cherish An Antique Day.
Tags: Antiques Humor, April Holidays, Card Games, Cherish An Antique Day, Collectibles, Collecting Humor, Collectors, Money Verse, Odd Holidays, Poker Limerick, Scams, Violence Limerick
Posted in Games Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Odd Holidays, Shopping Humor | 6 Comments »
Sunday, August 11th, 2013
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow who needed a pair…*
or
A woman was eating a pear…*
or
A fellow was feeling despair…*
or
A fellow was trying to pare…*
or
A woman was buying a pair…*
or
A fellow who tried to repair…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Pair
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman who needed a pair
Of sandals was walking on air:
She’d found comfy ones — cheap!
But then thought she might weep:
Someone snared the last pair by a hair.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Money Limerick, Poetry & Prompts, Sandals Humor, Shopping Limerick, Writing Prompts
Posted in Contests, Fashion Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Forms, Shopping Humor | 109 Comments »
Thursday, February 7th, 2013
Does Consumer Reports really need to rate beef jerky and meat sticks?
Jerky Review (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Consumer Reports, what a waste:
Judging jerky and meat sticks for taste.
They’re all loaded with salt
And deserve a “Gevalt!”
Will you next rate the flavor of paste?
UPDATE: June 12 is National Jerky Day.
Tags: Beef Jerky, Consumer Ratings, Consumer Reports, Cured Meat, Food Humor, Food Verse, Health Limerick, June Holidays, Meat Sticks, Media Humor, National Jerky Day, Odd Holidays, Salt
Posted in Food & Drink Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Limericks, Media Humor, Odd Holidays, Shopping Humor | 2 Comments »
Wednesday, February 6th, 2013
Yesterday, when I posted this anecdote about my mother-in-law on Facebook, several friends urged me to turn it into a limerick. And so, I’ve done just that. (My limerick is right below the anecdote.)
True story: Sunday night, Mark kept anxiously re-dialing his elderly mother. When she finally answered, her voice sounded very upset as she said, “A terrible thing happened.” Then she paused, as Mark’s heart skipped several beats.
His mother’s next words were: “They stopped making my salmon.”
(She was referring to her favorite canned salmon, which actually is still available, but was out of stock in the two stores she’d been to.)
And now, the limerick:
A Fishy Tale (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Something awful has happened,” she cried,
And then paused. We thought someone had died.
That’s Mark’s mom at her best:
Her horror expressed
About salmon no longer supplied.
Tags: Behavior Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, Family Verse, Fish Humor, Food Verse, Mother-in-Law Humor, Mothers & Fathers Humor, Mothers & Sons Humor, Parental Humor, Phone Humor, Relationship Humor, Salmon, Shirley Kane, Shopping Humor, Telephone Humor
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Family & Relatives Humor, Family Verse, Food & Drink Humor, Limericks, Mothers & Fathers Humor, Relationship Humor, Shopping Humor | 9 Comments »
Thursday, December 6th, 2012
I learned a new word today: Nobby, which means elegant and stylish. Please don’t dress me down for using it in a limerick:
Nobby Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A chic woman arrived in the lobby
Of a shop that was known to be snobby.
But its nobby couture
Held for her no allure:
Sky-high hems don’t suit knees that are knobby.
UPDATE: October 22 is National Knee Day.
Tags: Chic Limerick, Clothes Shopping, Clothing Humor, Couture Verse, Fashion Verse, Knees, National Knee Day, Nobby, October Holidays, Odd Holidays, Physical Appearance, Shopping Humor, Stores Limerick, Style Humor
Posted in Fashion Humor, Limericks, Odd Holidays, Physical Appearance, Shopping Humor | 16 Comments »
Tuesday, November 27th, 2012
You know it’s the Christmas season, when you read about a Black Friday brawl breaking out over panties at Victoria’s Secret. This mall melee at the Roseville Galleria Mall in California was all captured on video.
Lingerie Lust (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
In their lust for a haul at the mall,
Pantie shoppers broke into a brawl.
To put it quite briefly
The reasons are chiefly
Their vainness and greed — a clothes call.
While we’re on the subject of undie shopping at Victoria’s Secret, Secret Shopper is an old humor column about shopping for panties with my late mother. (It was her favorite column featuring her antics.)
Tags: Black Friday, Christmas Humor, Christmas Limerick, Discount Lingerie, Greed Humor, Holiday Humor, Malls, Money Verse, Panties Limerick, Shopping Humor, Underwear Humor, Undies Humor, Vanity Humor, Victoria's Secret, Women's Intimates
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Holiday Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Shopping Humor | 5 Comments »
Saturday, May 12th, 2012
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal in an overpriced store…*
or
A man in an overpriced store…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Overpriced Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal in an overpriced store,
Who’d completely forgotten what for,
Told the clerk, “Can’t recall
Why I came here at all.
Just as well. If I could, I’d be poor.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brain Humor, Limerick Contest, Memory Limerick, Money Verse, Poetry & Prompts, Shopping Humor, Stores Limerick, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Memory Humor, Mental Health Humor, Money & Finance Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest, Shopping Humor | 72 Comments »
Friday, January 27th, 2012
Google compiles basic profiles on each of its users, based on web browsing habits. And I just found out I’m a 65-plus male.
If you’re wondering who Google thinks you are, simply sign into Google and visit your ad preferences.
Google Doesn’t Have My Number (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It seems Google believes I’m a guy–
One who’s 65-plus. And here’s why:
It claims its conclusion
Is ad-based — Delusion!
Ask my husband — this profile’s a lie!
Tags: Ads Limerick, Advertising Humor, Google, Marketing Humor, Money Poems, Search Engines, Shopping Verse, User Profiles
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Limericks, Marketing Humor, Marriage Humor, Money & Finance Humor, Shopping Humor | 4 Comments »
Tuesday, December 27th, 2011
Toys “R” Us seems to be selling some potty-mouthed dolls:
Pauline Davis bought some last minute presents for her grandchildren Christmas Eve, but when she brought three talking dolls back to her Oaklyn, N.J. home, she got a rude surprise.
The dolls giggle, coo, and then say something that sounds exactly like, “OK, crazy bitch.”
The three dolls called “You and Me Play and Giggle Triplets” are made just for the Toys “R” Us brand, and Toys “R” Us is sticking by its alleged potty-mouthed pixies.
Potty-Mouthed Dolls — I’m Not Toying With You (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Toys “R” Us has encountered a hitch
In its baby doll sales and it’s rich.
They should babble and burble,
But these dolls are verbal:
They exclaim loud and clear “Crazy Bitch.”
Tags: Children Humor, Christmas Gift Humor, Shopping Humor, Shopping Verse, Stores Limerick, Swearing Verse, Talking Dolls, Toys "R" Us, Toys Humor
Posted in Children Humor, Gift Giving Humor, Limericks, Shopping Humor | 2 Comments »
Friday, November 25th, 2011
Dear Merchants (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s Black Friday — you want us to shop,
To spend all of our money, non-stop.
But I won’t spend a dime
Cuz I’d rather spend time
Writing rhymes I could trade. Care to swap?
Tags: Black Friday, Department Stores, Holiday Humor, Money Verse, November Holidays, Shopping Humor, Writing & Publishing Humor
Posted in Holiday Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Shopping Humor, Writing & Publishing Humor | 5 Comments »
Friday, August 12th, 2011
Free Money Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man who was free with his money
Spent all of his cash on his honey.
When he fin’ly ran out,
She ran off with a lout,
Who bought her a coat made of bunny.
Tags: Battle of the Sexes, Clothing Poem, Money & Finance Humor, Relationship Poetry
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Behavior & Personality, Dating Humor, Fashion Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Relationship Humor, Shopping Humor | 8 Comments »
Tuesday, February 8th, 2011
St. Valentine’s Day,
Okay for loving couples.
Much sweeter for stores.
(My Valentine’s Day limerick and another haiku are here. And here’s my Valiant Guys Guide To Valentines Day humor column.)
Tags: February Holidays, Holiday Gifts, Holiday Haiku, Money Verse, Relationships Poetry, Shopping Humor, Valentine Day's Humor
Posted in Haiku & Senryu, Holiday Humor, Money & Finance Humor, Relationship Humor, Shopping Humor | 4 Comments »
Monday, December 27th, 2010
As I’ve mentioned previously, my pal Patrick McGuire runs a weekly Unfinished Limerick Contest. The latest finished oddly, as explained in this … uh … press release. And I’m proud to say I garnered an Honorable Mention, despite having broken just about all of the contest’s rules. How did I pull off this feat? You’ll just have to read Patrick’s blog.
Here’s my entry:
Limerick Ode To Greed
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Tis the season to make lots of cash
For business, for God. Got a stash?
Yes, ain’t it ironic
That greed is so chronic?
We worship the gods of mall trash.
Tags: Business Verse, Greed Humor, Holiday Shoppers, Limerick Contest, Malls, Money Poems, Patrick McGuire, Religion Humor, Shopping Humor
Posted in Business Humor, Holiday Humor, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Shopping Humor | 2 Comments »