When I shop at the Amazon store,
Here’s a problem that’s hard to ignore:
Is it pie in the sky
To hope stuff that I buy
Will be stacked without blocking my door?
Archive for the ‘Shopping Humor’ Category
A Shopper’s Gripe (Limerick)
Sunday, December 24th, 2023Grand Shopping Plans (Limerick)
Monday, November 7th, 2022When I priced grand pianos today,
I heard quotes, grandiose, with dismay.
They cost too many grand,
And my right and left hand
Lack the cash to buy keyboard cachet.
*****
Happy World Pianist Day! (November 8)
A Suitable Limerick
Wednesday, December 1st, 2021Shop online? Have a clothes-buying spree?
It has always seemed risky to me.
But I gave it a try;
Bought some tees on the fly,
And was floored when they fit to a T.
Timeless Limerick
Tuesday, November 2nd, 2021Bought a grandfather clock — famous brand.
(It is lauded throughout our great land.)
But the time it displays
Has been faulty for days.
That’s the last time I buy secondhand.
Who Hasn’t Had This Problem? (Limerick)
Monday, March 30th, 2020It seems nothing I need is in stock.
I keep checking out stores, block by block.
They’ve been bought out by hoarders
And raging marauders…
Though I DID find a dusty pet rock.
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: FAIR or FARE or AFFAIR at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: March 28, 2020)
Saturday, March 14th, 2020It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using FAIR or FARE or AFFAIR at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SCAMS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best SCAM-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on March 29, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, March 28, 2020 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my FAIR-rhyme limerick:
I went shopping, but most shelves were bare;
Stocking up is a hopeless affair.
Seems most staples are made
In China. Well-played,
U.S. businesses! Great planning there!
And here’s my SCAM-themed limerick:
Though I’m loath to discount and cast darts
At a curative aspect of farts,
Any fat-fighting claim
Sounds a little bit lame.
If it dupes you, you likely lack smarts.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CHAIN at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: February 15, 2020)
Saturday, February 1st, 2020It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using CHAIN at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to STRING INSTRUMENTS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best STRING INSTRUMENT-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on February 16, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, February 15, 2020 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my CHAIN-rhyme limerick:
My treasured gold chain has a knot,
Which I’d meant to repair, but forgot.
I returned to the chain
Where I bought it … in vain;
Now it’s naught but a large, empty lot.
And here’s my STRING INSTRUMENT-themed limerick:
A work that was written for strings
Debuted and received many zings;
The audience booed it,
Reviewers all rued it.
But in its defense, no one sings.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: GRILL/GRILLE at the end of any one line
Saturday, March 18th, 2017It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using GRILL/GRILLE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to POWER, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best POWER-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on April 2, 2017 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 1, 2017 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
When I tried to return a gas grill,
I felt burned when the owner said “Chill!”
So I countered with heat:
“It won’t light! You’re a cheat!
“Take it back, or you’ll soon need a will.”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Sowing Angry Customers (Limerick)
Sunday, January 17th, 2016A limerick for Customer Service Day (January 17):
A seamstress would frequently snap
At her patrons, increasing the gap
Between income and cost.
Seems her bus’ness was lost
Cuz of failure to button her yap!
For National Banana Lover’s Day, A Limerick (August 27)
Thursday, August 27th, 2015It’s National Banana Lovers Day, so here’s my requisite limerick:
The smell of bananas is vile.
Just one hit of them raises my bile.
They taste awful when green
And when ripened, obscene.
In essence, they stink up the aisle.
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SELL or CELL at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
Saturday, July 11th, 2015It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using either “SELL” or “CELL” at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
On hearing a rather hard sell,
The shopper said, “Yes it drives well.
But my husband’s emphatic:
Divorce? Automatic…
If I purchase a car in pastel.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Yet Another Donald Trump Limerick
Wednesday, July 1st, 2015Yet Another Donald Trump Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The Donald’s a pain in the rump.
Just seeing his name makes me jump
And turn grumpy and peeved,
So I’m rather relieved:
Macy’s dumping the “fashion” line “Trump.”
(More Donald Trump humor here.)
Mining Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday) Rhyme Word: Mine
Saturday, December 27th, 2014It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
“The promotion he got should be mine…”*
or
A fellow who worked in a mine…*
or
A woman was trying to mine…*
or
A youngster yelled out “That toy’s mine…”*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
This week I’ve written two sample limericks:
Mining That Data
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow whose job was to mine
Online data, by email would whine
About “nit-picking rules
Caused by privacy fools.”
(Hackers accessed his email, just fine.)
and
Personal Shopping
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A customer yelled out “That’s mine,”
After cutting in front of the line.
But two gals now behind her
Proceeded to bind her
In holiday ribbon and twine.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Post-Christmas Lament
Friday, December 26th, 2014Post-Christmas Lament
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The Christmas season’s ended,
So shopping’s at a stall.
But exchangers have descended.
When’s it safe to risk a mall?
Limerick Snag (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, December 14th, 2014It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman was trying to snag…*
or
A fellow who managed to snag…*
or
A woman encountered a snag…*
or
A man told his boss, “There’s a snag…”*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Snag
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman was racing to snag
A bargain-priced Michael Kors bag.
But two ladies, quite mean,
Caused a tug-of-war scene–
Shopping bagged cuz of hags — what a drag!
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick Ode To Greedy Stores
Tuesday, November 25th, 2014Limerick Ode To Greedy Stores
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Don’t reward greedy, cynical stores
For behaving like gluttonous whores:
If they’re open on days
Like Thanksgiving, it pays
To shop elsewhere. Don’t walk through their doors!
******
A Companion Haiku:
Stores, be on notice:
Open doors on Thanksgiving?
Brace for a boycott.
******
Is This What We Need? What We Really Really Need? (Limerick)
Monday, August 4th, 2014Is This What We Need? What We Really Really Need? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A vibrator necklace is handy
When you’re feeling a little bit randy
And no one’s on hand–
You’re alone and unmanned.
Failing that, reach for candy and brandy.
***
And yes, you really can buy a sex toy vibrator necklace.
Sex Toys Are In The Eye Of The Beholder (Limerick)
Wednesday, July 16th, 2014Are the “dog toys” pictured in this article really meant for canines? Or are they sex toys for humans? You be the judge. But if they turn you on, you can buy them on Amazon.
Sex Toys Are In The Eye Of The Beholder (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Too shy to buy sex toys? Oh my!
There’s an option you might want to try:
It seems some are disguised
As doggy toys — sized
And designed to give pleasure thereby.
