May is usually a beautiful month here in New York City. But not this year!
Farewell To May (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s June 1st, which means farewell to May,
And good riddance — poor weather each day:
Way too hot, way too cold,
Way too rainy, all told.
Was May ever moderate? Nay!
Weathering Spring (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I wonder just what is the reason
Why spring’s such an ornery season.
First it’s cold, then it’s hot,
Then it’s icy, then not —
Makes me ask whether spring is just teasin’.
(Think Tank Thursday prompts us to wonder.)
Spring’s here. The weather’s great! I have nothing to bitch about. What’s a poor limerick writer to do?
My Reluctant Limerick Ode To Spring
By Madeleine Begun Kane
In previous years, I would blast:
“Spring’s arrived. Please tell winter it’s passed.
“Cuz it seems not to know —
“We are still getting snow!”
I’m aghast — can’t lambaste — spring came fast.
When I went to school a zillion years ago, using Pi was a given in math class. So I was astonished to learn that some mathematicians favor using Tau instead. What’s the difference? While Pi’s value is 3.14 plus an endless bunch of post-decimal digits, Tau’s value is double Pi at 6.28 (plus its own post-decimal digits*.) And while Pi is celebrated on March 14th, math fans commemorate Tau on June 28th.
I figured that since I’ve already written Pi a limerick ode in its honor, Tau deserves the same treatment:
Mathematical Cat Fight (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It seems Pi has a challenger — Wow!
The name of its rival is Tau!
Its value is twice
That of Pi — oh how nice!
“2 Pi R” becomes “Tau R.” Meow!
Happy Tau Day!
* Edited for clarity.
I don’t mean to bitch (okay, maybe I do) but it’s hot as hell here in New York. And weather forecasters are saying it will hit 100 degrees tomorrow.
But hey … there’s no global warming, right?
Heated Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
One-hundred degrees? I may swoon.
Yes, I’m singing a very hot tune.
And I’m down in the mouth
Cuz this isn’t the south,
But Bayside, New York — early June.
Dear Calendar (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear calendar, why are you lying?
You claim that it’s spring. I’m not buying.
We had one lovely day,
But now snow’s on the way.
You’ve betrayed us — there’s no use denying.
(Inspired by this spring prompt and, of course, the damn New York City weather. Posted also at Write A Letter, Jingle Poetry’s deception and misrepresentation prompt, and at Poetic Asides.)
So far, March has been a big month for celebratory limericks. I’ve already limericked about International Women’s Day, Daylight Savings Time, Pi Day, and St. Patrick’s Day. And now it’s time for a two-verse limerick celebrating World Poetry Day, which falls on March 21st:
Limerick Ode To World Poetry Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
On World Poetry Day write some verse,
Or in poetry reading immerse.
Try a lim’rick, haiku,
Sonnet, ode, clerihew —
Something witty, or languid, or terse.
On World Poetry Day have some fun:
Compose quatrains, blank verse, or haibun.
Double dactyl, sestina —
The poet’s arena
Will even permit you to pun.
UPDATE: I discovered and corrected some serious errors on Wikipedia’s World Poetry Day page (Google’s top entry for the World Poetry Day topic.) The most glaring error was made more than a month ago, on February 15th, by someone who apparently was manipulating Wikipedia on behalf of a UK-based “global grocery and general merchandising retailer” named Tesco. All references to UNESCO, which had declared March 21st to be World Poetry Day, had been changed to TESCO.
I was stunned that nobody was monitoring Wikipedia well enough to catch and correct this error, and that it took me, an infrequent Wikipedia user, to fix it.
So let that be a lesson to people who rely on Wikipedia. While it’s often useful, it’s far from the gospel. And if you find errors there, be a good Internet citizen and fix them.
One more thing — I urge all poets and writers who are at all publicity-minded, to create their own Wikipedia page. Here’s mine.
UPDATE 2: Commenter Tilly Bud inspired me to combine my two limericks, turning them into a two-verse limerick. Thanks, Tilly!
Limerick Ode To St. Patrick’s Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
On St. Patrick’s Day join in the fun.
We’re all Irish that day — yes, each one.
So wear green, find a pub,
Eat some cabbagy grub,
And until you’ve drunk beer, you ain’t done.
Dear Math Enthusiasts: My apologies for writing this Limerick Ode to Pi one day late. I hope it isn’t too radical for me to defend myself by saying I posted it circa Pi Day. And that I’m just an average (okay … eccentric) math user who often goes off on tangents and spirals out of control. Or are you diametrically opposed to such a rationale?
Don’t like my angle? Okay, I absolutely promise that next year I’ll try to be acutely accurate. But in the meantime, here’s my celebratory verse:
Limerick Ode To Pi
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The 14th of March just went by,
And I failed to commemorate Pi.
Pi is three point one four
And more digits galore.
Next year circle your calendars. Bye.
AUTHOR’S NOTE: Sorry for the height of silliness. I figure I should probably stop now, cuz you’ve lost interest and have concluded I’m flipping irrational.
Okay, I’m done now. We’re all squared away. You can count on it.
UPDATE: Here’s my new limerick for Pi Day 2014.
Limerick Ode To Daylight Saving Time
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Our clocks all need changing tonight.
Daylight Saving Time — oh what a blight!
We may think it a crock,
But must alter each clock
Till the powers that be see the light.
(More DST humor here.)
Nervous newcomer
slips and falls onto deep snow.
Makes bad impression.
*****
Valiant croci
strain to push through snow’s surface.
All retreat but one.
*****
My tossed-aside snow
returns to the cleared sidewalk.
An icy revenge.
(The first haiku is for the Haiku Heights impression prompt and the second one is for I Saw Sunday.)
Who needs to join a gym when you own a home in New York and experience … pardon my French … winter! Cardio? Check. Muscle building? Check. Seriously, there’s nothing quite like lifting a snow-packed shovel way over my head in my quest for a place to dump the damn stuff. I’m talking mountains of snow, some of it still lingering from December.
That brings me to my wintry mix of limericks:
I Need A Landlord, STAT
By Madeleine Begun Kane
While owning a home can be nice,
It isn’t all sugar and spice:
After snow and ice falls
There’s no landlord for calls
About shov’ling. That’s part of the price.
Lamentable Weather
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I know that it sounds like I’m wailing,
But it’s thund’ring and lightening and hailing.
It was snowing all day.
Now an ice storm? Okay,
It’s official. Can’t take it. I’m bailing.
New Year’s Eve Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
New Year’s Eve is upon us. Hooray!
Wish you all lots of joy night and day!
And to each of my friends
As the current year ends,
I promise more limerick play.
Queens Unplowed (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
We’re in Bayside — no sign of a plow.
So our streets remain hazardous now.
The snow storm’s long done,
Yet no plow trucks. Not one!
Has Queens been neglected? And how!
Update: Here’s my haiku on the same subject:
Neglected Queens streets
Piled with snow and slick with ice.
Residents frosted.
Update 2 Yet another related haiku:
Manhattan tourists
Ask why Times Square looks so good:
Snow was shipped to Queens.
(More Queens blizzard and snow removal and Mayor Bloomberg stories and more snow verse here.)
Mark and I are looking forward to the next heavy rain storm, since we don’t dare hope for a multi-day thaw. And until one or the other happens here in New York City, we won’t be able to use our back door (which opens out) or get into our yard.
My two-verse limerick explains all:
Who Needs A Door, Anyway?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Can’t exit our house from the back,
Cuz the door’s blocked by snowdrifts, alack!
We would shovel it free
If we could, but you see
We’ve no route to that snow we can track.
For the trail to that door’s through the yard.
And clearing that path’s more than hard.
For the yard gate is blocked
From inside, as if locked
By still more snow. Our entry is barred.
Blizzard Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The snowfall is coming down quick
And, alas, it appears to be thick.
Though winter’s just started,
I’d gladly discard it
Cuz shoveling isn’t my shtick.
A reader asks, “What do Jews do on Christmas?” So as a public service, I offer a limerick explanation:
What Do Jews Do On Christmas? A Limerick Explanation
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Here’s a query that’s answered with ease:
“What do Jews do on Christmas Day, please?”
We watch movies and read.
Surf the Net. (Dull indeed!)
But mostly we munch on Chinese.
(I’ve dedicated that limerick to Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan. (This post explains why.) And here’s a fun article about Jews and Chinese Food.
While I’m posting holiday humor, I might as well post the rest of the holiday verse I dashed off this week.
I hope you’ll think that these haiku
Ain’t all that bad for this old Jew.
HOLIDAY HAIKU Quartet
Best safety advice
For the holiday season:
Hide under your bed.
Since it’s Christmas Eve
Your shopping better be done,
Or you’ve been naughty.
A generous gift
From our fav gov agency:
Revised 1040.
No gifts for Kwanzaa
Or Christmas or Chanukah.
Husband’s gift enough.
When I was growing up, my mother used to joke that “Christmas isn’t such Jewish holiday.”
We Jews do tend to feel left out of things this time of year. After all, Chanukah may be really, really long, but it just doesn’t have that Christmas panache. Ask Jon Stewart, if you don’t believe me.
So I think we Jews need a Christmas limerick, and I’ve written one in my late mom’s honor:
A Jewish Christmas Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
You’re Jewish and feeling left out?
We have holy days too we can tout.
So enjoy and feel chipper.
We’ve still got Yom Kippur.
On second thought, go ahead — pout.
Update: For those who pronounce Yom Kippur the other way, I’ve written an alternative B-rhyme for the 3rd and 4th lines. Here’s the alternate version:
A Jewish Christmas Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
You’re Jewish and feeling left out?
We have holy days too we can tout.
Ain’t you thrilled to your core
By the great Yom Kippur?
On second thought, go ahead — pout.
My post about haiku and senryu put me in the mood to write more haiku. And what better inspiration than this morning’s extremely rare total lunar eclipse/winter solstice combo!
It’s very cold here in New York. But as my husband sleeps, I’ve been outside watching the eclipse, coming indoors periodically to write some lunar eclipse haiku — a total of seven for a total eclipse:
Here they are:
The lunar eclipse
Is just beginning right now.
Moon’s barely dented.
Bundled up, yet chilled,
I watch moon’s vanishing act.
Quarter’s gone missing.
Icy New York air
Mocks me as I moon eclipse.
Glad cops missed my show.
Ventured out again
As solstice moon wastes away,
Mere shadow of self.
Winds howl in protest,
Demanding that the shy moon
Come out of hiding.
The sky teases us
With a hint of yawning light,
As moon awakens.
Moon stages comeback.
Turns out its retirement
Was only a phase.
Just in time for Chanukah, I’ve given Winter Wonderland a new first verse. Feel free to add your own verses, if you’re so inclined. As for me, I’m on the hunt for some chocolate Chanukah gelt. But first I must sing my Chanukah song verse:
Candles lit. Are you looking?
Dreidels spin. Latkas cooking.
Menorahs aglow.
(A mitzvah, you know.)
Chanukah is here. Strike up the band.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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