Limerick Rant
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A botanist, rather a ranter,
Looked down upon lighthearted banter.
Though he constantly “shared”
His views, which he blared,
When his wife tried to talk, he’d supplant ‘er.
Archive for the ‘Science Humor’ Category
Limerick Rant
Wednesday, August 28th, 2013A Fungus You can Grow To Like (Limerick)
Friday, July 19th, 2013According to a new study by Dr. David Johnson at the University of Aberdeen, plants communicate to each other through soil.
The study shows that when vegetables are infected with certain diseases, they alert other nearby plants to activate genes to ward off the disease when it heads their way. The key to this communication is a soil fungus that acts as a messenger.
Needless to say, plant-fungus symbiosis inspired this limerick:
A Fungus You can Grow To Like (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Plants talk to each other through dirt:
“You’re in danger!” through fungi, they blurt.
“Use your genes to resist
A disease in your midst,
And render this danger inert.”
Some Jokes Just Don’t Compute (Limerick)
Tuesday, January 8th, 2013It seems that artificial intelligence has a pun and joke-writing branch called computational humor. For instance, a computer software program called Standup:
Though it’s not quite Louis C. K., the Standup program, engineered by a team of computer scientists in Scotland, is one of the more successful efforts to emerge from a branch of artificial intelligence known as computational humor, which seeks to model comedy using machines.
Some Jokes Just Don’t Compute (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Computational humor is here:
Oddball software whose goal’s the frontier
Of punning and jokes.
But so far, I’d say folks
Who are funny have nothing to fear.
Waxing Silly About Science (Limerick)
Wednesday, January 25th, 2012I strongly support stem cell research. But that doesn’t mean I won’t mock it. After all, science article titles like this are impossible to resist: Stem Cells Build a Better Rat Penis.
Waxing Silly About Science (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Is your rat penis painfully small?
There’s help for you — here’s who to call:
A Doc at Tulane —
His team will explain
How stem cells can make that thing tall.
Hidden Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, January 15th, 2012It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was trying to hide…*
or
A woman was trying to hide…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Hidden Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was trying to hide
The fact that he’d patently lied
In claiming to be
A chem Ph.D.,
When he never had even applied.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Limerick In Free-Fall
Tuesday, March 8th, 2011I rarely write poems about science. But Big Tent Poetry got my juices flowing with this article about astronauts, NASA, and clutter at the International Space Station: Here’s the line that got me going:
There is no up or down in space, so clutter adorns almost every surface and is held in place by duct tape, Velcro and metal clips.
Limerick In Free-Fall
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The Space Station clutter’s appalling.
Objects long to engage in free-falling.
It take Velcro, clips, tape
To prevent their escape:
My hubby’s fav tools — missed his calling.
(More space verse here.)
Sorry, But I’m Still A Virgo
Sunday, January 16th, 2011By now, you’ve probably heard the horoscope brouhaha over constellation movements and purported astrological sign shifts. Well, I don’t care what anybody claims about zodiac changes. I’m still a Virgo:
Still A Virgo (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The sign Virgo is mine through and through,
And there’s nothing at all you can do
To convince me it’s changed.
I’ll respond,”You’re deranged,”
Quite precisely and neatly on cue.
Eclipse Haiku Septet
Tuesday, December 21st, 2010My post about haiku and senryu put me in the mood to write more haiku. And what better inspiration than this morning’s extremely rare total lunar eclipse/winter solstice combo!
It’s very cold here in New York. But as my husband sleeps, I’ve been outside watching the eclipse, coming indoors periodically to write some lunar eclipse haiku — a total of seven for a total eclipse:
Here they are:
The lunar eclipse
Is just beginning right now.
Moon’s barely dented.
Bundled up, yet chilled,
I watch moon’s vanishing act.
Quarter’s gone missing.
Icy New York air
Mocks me as I moon eclipse.
Glad cops missed my show.
Ventured out again
As solstice moon wastes away,
Mere shadow of self.
Winds howl in protest,
Demanding that the shy moon
Come out of hiding.
The sky teases us
With a hint of yawning light,
As moon awakens.
Moon stages comeback.
Turns out its retirement
Was only a phase.
Are Health Studies Making Us Sick?
Saturday, February 27th, 2010Here we go again: Yet another scientific study says many of us should have ignored a previous study. The latest concerns the dangers of taking daily aspirin to guard against heart attacks and strokes.
Are Health Studies Making Us Sick? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Daily asp’rin is good, so they said.
But it seems we were maybe misled.
Though it might prevent strokes,
It may cause many folks
To enjoy bleeding ulcers instead.
Related Post: Margarine Is Good For You. Oops — Never Mind.
Another Reason To Be Scared Of The Shower
Tuesday, September 15th, 2009Just posted on my other blog: a limerick ode to showerhead bacteria.
A Robot Violinist That Plays Better Than Your Kid?
Friday, March 13th, 2009I’ve heard some bad violinists in my day … especially back when I substitute-taught elementary school music classes. But amazingly enough, this robot violinist (while lousy, of course) is better than your average fifth grade violin student.
In honor of the robot violinist, I’ve written a double limerick:
A Robot Violinist That Plays Better Than Your Kid?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Fanatics may think it’s a sin
For a robot to play violin.
But its tone ain’t as bad
As some students I’ve had.
In a contest with them, it would win.
Yes it’s weak in vibrato and phrasing.
But its rhythm and pitch are amazing.
So you’re robot averse —
I’m still sure you’ve heard worse.
And if not, I shall brace for the hazing.
Ode to An Earthquake
Friday, April 18th, 2008Ode To An Earthquake (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s ’71. I awake
In LA to a 6.6 quake.
I feel nothing but terror
And curse out my error
In moving here. What a mistake!
Note: I graduated from Cal Arts in 1971. Great school, but I could definitely have done without that terrifying earthquake.
Vive La (Brain) Différence!
Saturday, November 10th, 2007I usually don’t use the New York Post as a source of scientific info. But this report on brain differences between men and women is very interesting. (Hat tip to Kalilily.net)
Here’s an excerpt:
In her book, the Columbia professor explores the chemistry of male and female brains – and, using up-to-the-minute medical research, reinforces some cherished “Men Are From Mars” stereotypes:
* Women remember better – even things that happened a really long time ago.
* Men are better at map-reading. They also get turned on a lot easier.
* Women thrive on talking and spending time in groups; men like to do things on their own.
But all this isn’t quite as simple as it sounds. For example: A woman’s brain is, in fact, about 10 percent smaller than a man’s, even when factoring in physical size difference – but it also has a lot more going on, neuron-connection-wise.
In other words, writes Legato, “women get more brain bang for the buck.”
Thanks to Stone Age wiring, women also have a far greater capacity for understanding speech and body language, and have “elephantine” memories, especially when it comes to negative experiences.
***
Men are better than women at focusing on one task and completing it. Women’s brains excel at multi-tasking, which like many of their traits has origins in childbearing: “You’re not just going to sit and stare at your baby. You have to process a demand from your child and move on to different tasks.” In the brain, this means more connections across the corpus callosum, which divides the brain into two halves.
As you can see from that New York Post article’s dateline, it only took me a year to celebrate our differences with a poem:
Vive La (Brain) Différence!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
We gals and guys are diff’rent—
You must know that old cliché.
Now some scientists have proven
That our wiring’s night and day.
The brains of men are larger,
Which shall surely make them proud.
Will it hurt gals in the workplace—
Only big-brained folks allowed?
But women’s brains have neurons
Whose connectors are first-rate.
We are multi-tasking mavens,
And our memory’s just great!
With diff’rences so striking
(Guys and gals, I mean to say)
Our commingling’s quite amazing.
I’m surprised we all ain’t gay.
(You can find my feminist humor here.)
=========
Fishing For Company
Thursday, October 25th, 2007I’m an insomniac and I must admit to taking a bit of solace at learning from a podcast that “zebrafish – a common aquarium pet – can have a genetic mutation linked to sleep problems.”
That calls for a limerick, don’t you think?
Fishing for Company
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I can’t sleep. I don’t know what to do.
Troubling thoughts seem to come, right on cue.
But my iPod distracts me
With news that attracts me:
“Sometimes fish get insomnia too.”
(You can find more of my pets and animals humor here and my health humor here.)
Wine Tasting Robots, Oh My!
Monday, October 23rd, 2006Would you trust a wine tasting robot? What about a robot that thinks humans taste like bacon? (Via Majikthise)
Wine Tasting Robots, Oh My! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Wine tasting robots, oh my!
It’s a concept that some might not buy.
Yet men oft opine
Quite ineptly on wine.
So perhaps I shall give one a try.
What Do People Taste Like?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
What do people taste like?
I surely do not know.
A cannibal might tell you,
Or the artist Vin Van Gogh.
Maybe we’re like chicken,
Or tuna in a can.
No, it’s “bacon,” says one robot.
Did it taste a Jewish man?
(You can find my food and drink humor here.)
Ode To Genetically Altered Cats (Limerick)
Monday, October 9th, 2006If you’re a feline fan who’s very allergic to cats (as I am) and you’re very rich (as I’m not,) scientists have come to your rescue with genetically altered cats:
Ode To Genetically Altered Cats
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Do cats make you suffer and wheeze?
There’s a cure for some real hefty fees:
A kitty whose genes
Are swept allergen clean.
You can kiss and it won’t make you sneeze.
