Limerick Ode To A Vigorous Old Lady
By Madeleine Begun Kane
An old grandma with spring in her walk
Moved so quickly that people would gawk.
When asked if a gym
Was the source of her vim
She said, “No — Jim, Kim, Henry and Hawk.”
(Posted at this spring prompt and at Poetic Asides’ spring prompt.)
UPDATE: July 23 is Gorgeous Grandma Day.
Insincere Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“I love when you buy me cute ties.”
“That petite fits you fine — it’s your size.”
“Your acting is great.”
“Your cooking’s first rate.”
Ah, the charm of those little white lies.
(Inspired by Jingle Poetry’s deception and misrepresentation prompt.)
UPDATE: I just found out that April 30 is National Honesty Day. It’s celebrated by politicians … just about nowhere.
This limerick was inspired by some patronizing, condescending comments made on a Facebook Friend’s wall:
Dearest Condescending Darling
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear sweetheart, the “darling” address
Condescends and is irksome unless
It’s said by a spouse
Or a lover, dear louse.
For most others, it means to aggress.
(Posted at I Saw Sunday.)
Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
So I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal who was rather a scold…
or
A man who was rather a scold…
Here’s mine:
Limerick Scold
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal who was rather a scold
Berated her spouse o’er his cold:
“You’re sick all the time
Without rhythm or rhyme,
And your illness is getting quite old.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Though I’m never safe,
his arms always comfort me,
and that must suffice.
*****
Ballroom dancing class—
learning creative ways to
defeat the rumba.
*****
Morning legs dangle
off the bed, as antique joints
brace for their touch down.
*****
Feeling elated—
great, yet dampened by knowing
what’s soon to follow.
*****
Poised atop mirage
of a career, gazing down
at life left behind.
*****
(I wrote the 1st haiku for We Write Poems’ safe prompt; the 4th haiku for Sensational Haiku Wednesday’s elation prompt; and the 5th haiku for One Single Impression’s top prompt and Haiku Heights’ mirage prompt.)
This week Writers Island prompts us to use the word beguile in a poem. So here’s my Beguiling Limerick:
Beguiling Verse
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal who was very beguiling
Was always so charmingly smiling,
That she duped many men
Yet again and again.
Now they’re lined up in court for a filing.
St. Valentine’s Day,
Okay for loving couples.
Much sweeter for stores.
(My Valentine’s Day limerick and another haiku are here. And here’s my Valiant Guys Guide To Valentines Day humor column.)
Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
So I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow whose voice is quite grating…
Here’s mine:
Grating Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow whose voice is quite grating
And is overly fond of debating,
Often argues with friends
And he always offends,
So his dates never make it to mating.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
So I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
“I’m sorry I had an affair” …
Here’s mine:
A Limerick Affair
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“I’m sorry I had an affair,”
Said a man to his wife in despair.
“Please forgive me — I’m bad.”
She said, “Never, you cad.”
“I warned you before — I don’t share.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
I’m a “recovering lawyer.” But I haven’t “recovered” quite enough to resist writing this lawsuit limerick. It’s a cautionary tale about jilted brides, grooms who get cold feet, and litigation to recover wedding expenses.
The former bride-to-be Dominique Buttitta (who just happens to be a lawyer) is seeking over $95,000 in damages from her ex-fiancé. She claims defendant Vito Salerno jilted her just four days before the wedding, after she’d spent $56,000 for the banquet hall, flowers, orchestra, and gown, plus other non-refundable expenses.
Ms. Buttitta has a decent chance of recovering her out-of-pocket expenses, according to lawyers Gloria Allred and Lydia Sartain.
And that brings me to my latest limerick:
Wedded Bliss Interruptus
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If you’re planning a wedding, be warned:
Change your mind and your bride-to-be scorned
Could sue you and win
Major bucks for your sin.
And your assets? They’re bound to be mourned.
Slovenly Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow whose shirt was all stained
Saw his lovely wife’s look — it was pained.
“You’re so messy with pasta,”
She chided him. “Basta!
You’re just like your dad — it’s ingrained.”
UPDATE: National Pasta Day is October 17 and World Pasta Day is October 25.
It’s time for another Limerick-Off. I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
An attractive but cold-hearted tease…
Here’s mine:
Limerick Teaser
By Madeleine Begun Kane
An attractive but cold-hearted tease
Could manipulate fellows with ease.
She’d always get favors
In all sorts of flavors.
The guys? They got naught but the freeze.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, right above my photo. Thanks!
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman succumbed to a whim…
Here’s mine:
Whimsical Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman succumbed to a whim
And enrolled in an overpriced gym.
She tried free weights, machines,
Even yoga for teens,
Till she ran out of money and vim.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow who had an affair…
Here’s mine:
Limerick Affairs
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow who had an affair
Got caught by his lovely wife, Claire.
She considered divorce —
Took a far diff’rent course.
Now her spouse does not live anywhere.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow who hated to clean…
Here’s the limerick I wrote with that line. (It’s a two-verser, but a standard one-verse limerick is fine, of course.)
Not-So-Clean Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow who hated to clean
Was a bach’lor. (You know what I mean.)
His home was a wreck,
Filled with dust-covered dreck.
The mess was quite frankly obscene.
When he took a cute date to his place,
She fled, saying “What a disgrace!
I refuse to date pigs.
Get me out of these digs.
And my phone number? Kindly erase.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A brassy old woman named Joan…
Here’s the limerick I wrote with that line. (It’s a three-verser, but a standard one-verse limerick is fine, of course.)
Brassy Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A brassy old woman named Joan
Loves the trumpet, but hates the trombone.
When people ask why
She says, “Married a guy
Who played bone with a terrible tone.”
She continues, “He made my head ache,
And he played it all night, for God’s sake.
I divorced him on grounds
Of cacophonic sounds.
Then I wed a French horn-playing rake.”
“He cheated on me day and night.
So I fin’ly said, go fly a kite!
Now I’m single again
And I’ll never date men
Who play brass, cuz those guys ain’t polite.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
I couldn’t let International Limerick Day go by without posting a new limerick prompt, could I? So I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A romantic young fellow named Will…
Here’s mine:
Romantic Verse
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A romantic young fellow named Will
Was in love with a woman named Jill.
He proposed on his knees,
But then started to sneeze.
Perhaps he should phone Dr. Phil.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
Related Post: Romancing The Stoic
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A hard-working mother named May…
Here’s mine:
Just In Time For Mother’s Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A hard-working mother named May
Had three children and twins on the way.
When her spouse heard the news,
He guzzled some booze
And grumbled, “I should have been gay.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
Related Post: Mother’s Day Limericks
April 6th is my brother Arthur Begun’s birthday. So I thought I’d write him a happy birthday limerick:
Happy birthday, dear brother, you’re old,
Though you’re younger than I, truth be told.
You’re a relative pup.
You refuse to catch up.
But as sibling, you’re better than gold.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
You are currently browsing the archives for the Relationship Humor category.
