Archive for the ‘Poetry & Prompts’ Category
Saturday, February 13th, 2021
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using MEAN or MIEN or DEMEAN at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to WEED(s), using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best -related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on February 28, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, February 27, 2021, at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my Mean/Mien/Demean-rhyme limerick:
A man who had long gone to seed,
Once was hunky and handsome, indeed.
But no more; he is mean,
Vain, and even obscene,
And his visage now mirrors his greed.
And here’s my Weed(s)-themed limerick:
I’m irate and upset: I’ve been sued
By a cranky, litigious old dude,
Who claims that my weeds
Wrecked his lawn with their seeds.
He’s a lawyer, which means that I’m screwed.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Appearance, Appearance Humor, Competition Limerick, Greed, Greed Humor, Law Humor, Law Limerick, Lawn Humor, Lawsuit Humor, Lawsuit Limerick, Lawyer Humor, Lawyer Limerick, Legal Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Litigation Humor, Litigation Limerick, Meanness Humor, Physical Appearance, Poetry & Prompts, Vanity Humor, Weed Humor, Weeds Humor, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Physical Appearance, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 150 Comments »
Saturday, February 13th, 2021
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
The plumber piped up, speaking plain,
“All this crap here has blocked up your main.”
So I paid him to break
Up the clog with his snake.
But the thing fell asleep in the drain.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special BILLS-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
At the zoo, all the rents steeply rose;
Now each beast strains to pay what it owes.
Ev’ry gator and croc
Had to go into hock,
And the elephants paid through the nose.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Thomas Vincent, Sondra Landin, Tim James, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Sue Dulley, Bob Turvey, Brian Allgar, Jean McEwen, Rudy Landesman, and Paul Haebig. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (MAIN or MANE or MAINE or DOMAIN-RHYME DIVISION)
Thomas Vincent:
If your horse looks too drab and too plain,
Wax its saddle and stirrups and rein.
You can brush its tail too,
But whatever you do
Don’t forget to remember the mane.
Sondra Landin:
I knew a nice farm girl in Maine
Who was seeking a swain, but in vain.
She would grumble and mumble
While swiping on Bumble:
“On-line dating is barren terrain!”
Tim James:
The company’s problem was plain:
How to make a loss look like a gain?
So the numbers were cooked
And the “profits” were booked.
’Twas a nice feat of ledgerdemain.
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
At “Old Biddy Hill” here on Main,
The senior folk groan and complain.
And year after year,
I repeatedly hear:
“Just who in the hell stole my cane?”
Sue Dulley:
Allan Sherman wrote home to complain
Camp was hard to endure in the rain,
But much worse for Joe Spivey
Who caught poison ivy,
And Skinner, who’s sick with ptomaine.
Bob Turvey:
An out-of-doors dancer from Maine
Once had a rough time in the rain.
A bad skid in the dance
Left a knot in his pants
And his poor penis purple with pain.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (BILLS-THEMED LIMERICK DIVISION)
Brian Allgar:
“Tubman’s face on a twenty, that pill?”
Whines Donald, splenetic and shrill.
“It shoulda been me!”
And I almost agree –
Put his face on a three-dollar bill.
Tim James:
My proctologist hasn’t much class:
After treatments, he lets no time pass
Before sending his bill.
(Of compassion there’s nil.)
The guy’s just a pain in the ass.
Jean McEwen:
Watching bills (much like sausage) get made
May be all that it takes to persuade
Folks to roundly reject
The dumb pols they elect
And then send them right back to first grade.
Sue Dulley:
A Bill is by no means unique:
It’s a name, or a debt to pay (eek!)
Or it could be a law;
On a bird it’s the jaw
But for that there’s a better word: Beak.
Lisi Nortman:
The hooker I meet gives me thrills.
She knows all those cool naughty skills.
“Wifey” found my receipt
And screamed, “You’re a cheat!”
So now I pay Lulu in bills.
Rudy Landesman:
A person from Beverly Hills
Had frequently altered his wills.
His heirs were bereft,
For nothing was left:
The lawyers had padded their bills.
Paul Haebig:
I’ve heard of unusual wills
But nothing to top my friend Jill’s:
The language provides
For limousine rides
For her pug, and to pay all his bills!
Thomas Vincent:
A football fanatic named Stills
Who got caught with his hand in the tills
Said, “Judge, let me go
Cause I need all this dough
To pay off my Buffalo Bills.”
Brian Allgar:
“This creature is weirdly designed,
Like a beaver and otter combined,
With a bill like a duck,”
Darwin said. “WTF?
God must have been out of His mind!”
Tim James:
Mr. Dunn chases folks on the run;
At his job he is second to none.
He collects unpaid bills,
And it gives him great thrills.
Dunn has fun till he’s done with the dun.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bob Turvey, Brian Allgar, Jean McEwen, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Paul Haebig, Rudy Landesman, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Sondra Landin, Sue Dulley, Thomas Vincent, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | Comments Off on Limerick-Off Award (463)
Saturday, January 30th, 2021
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using MAIN or MANE or MAINE or DOMAIN at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to BILLS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best BILLS-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on February 14, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, February 13, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my MAIN/MANE/MAINE/DOMAIN-rhyme limerick:
A wicked young woman from Maine
Had a mane that was dyed “pink champagne.”
Her name was Rosé
“No not ‘Rose,'” she would say
With disdain, being prickly and vain.
And here’s my BILLS-themed limerick:
The hall had a lovely array
Of flowers on fragrant display.
But the bride wasn’t pleased,
“I’m allergic,” she wheezed.
“If I’m dead, don’t expect me to pay.”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Allergy Humor, Allergy Limerick, Bills, Bills Humor, Competition Limerick, Flowers, Hair Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Marriage Limerick, Money & Finance Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Vanity Humor, Wedding Humor, Writing Prompts
Posted in Allergy Humor, Behavior & Personality, Celebrations Poetry, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Money & Finance Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 148 Comments »
Saturday, January 30th, 2021
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny 2-verse limerick:
I’ve taken my dog for a treat
To the rest’rant where I often eat.
I order, and they
Lead my doggie away;
I suppose it’s to give him some meat.
They bring me my lunch in a box,
But inside, I see something that shocks.
“You have roasted my dog!”
And the waiter, agog,
Says “I thought you said ‘Beagle with lox’.”
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special Instruments-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
A composer just lost it one day;
Now his music is hellish to play.
The percussion’s a roar,
Overwhelming the score.
It’s a cymbal of mental decay.
Congratulations to SUZANNE HEYMANN, who wins the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
Mary Lawks visits Scottish lake docks,
Hides smoked salmon all wrapped up in socks.
They’d be put in a box,
Padlocked tight, sunk with rocks.
Mrs. Lawks locks the lox in the lochs.
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR and SUZANNE HEYMANN, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:
Brian Allgar:
“Grasp it firmly with both hands”, he said,
“Now get over it, lower your head,
Purse your lips, and then blow.
Ah, that’s lovely! Just so!”
… She was learning the flute – you misread?
Suzanne Heymann:
You have led us right into temptation
With your rhyme’s instrumental narration.
Your male READERS will swear
And then howl in despair
With your incomplete rare demonstration!
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Sue Dulley, Sondra Landin, Sharon Neeman, Suzanne Heymann, Terry Marter, Rudy Landesman, and Paul Haebig. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“LOCKS or LOX or LOCHS or LAWKS” RHYME DIVISION)
Tim James:
Dr. Frankenstein built me a fox:
Pretty face, framed by long, lovely locks.
But he did something odd
While constructing her bod.
Let’s just say I’ll be needing two cocks.
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
My cousin in Ireland rocks!
All the boys used to call her “the fox.”
Now she’s back in New York,
Fin’ly left County Cork;
Couldn’t wait to have boxty and lox.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
Of those sins that wash up on the rocks —
Tattered clothes, shattered toes (still in socks!) —
Horrid sights that appall,
What’s the worst one of all?
Ruined salmon that could have been lox!
Sue Dulley:
She owned oodles of jewels and frocks
And a scarf that was made from a fox.
But she never went out;
Too much trouble, no doubt
Just to style and to set all her locks.
Sondra Landin:
I needed to color my locks
And I chose a new hue from a box.
Now my hair has turned green!
I can’t let it be seen,
So I guess I’ll crawl under some rocks.
Sharon Neeman:
Monday morning, the deli boss (Fox)
Encountered the rudest of shocks:
The Sunday guy (Bridges)
Had burgled the fridges!
Fox had to replace all the lo(x)/(cks).
Tim James:
My friend, who’s a cool refined Brit,
Never curses, not even a bit.
When life deals him hard knocks
He exclaims only “Lawks!”
As for me, though, I just go with “Shit!”
HONORABLE MENTIONS (INSTRUMENT LIMERICK DIVISION)
Suzanne Heymann:
After working my bones to the max,
I go home, sit, drink wine, and relax.
When Dave Brubeck plays live,
I revive and I jive
With “Take Five” on piano and sax.
Sharon Neeman:
I asked Santa to bring me a cello,
But St. Nick only laughed: “My dear fellow,
That won’t fit in my sled;
Try this weed here, instead,
If you’re looking for smooth, rich, and mellow.”
Terry Marter:
When I write about woodwind and brass
The obvious rhyme word is “Ass.”
It’s a word I’ve reviewed,
But it’s bawdy and rude,
So I must find a word with more class.
Sue Dulley:
I love my antique-store barometer
Combined with a handy thermometer.
Three instruments, all
In one frame on the wall,
The third one, of course, a hygrometer.
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
Please bring me the instruments, Faye.
This stone must come out right away.
She came back with a flute
And an unfretted lute.
I think she brought in the wrong tray.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
“Since this tambourine chafes at my thumb,”
Said young Starkey, “I guess I’ll just hum.”
But the kid would go far,
And when grown be a star,
Once he ended up snaring a drum.
Rudy Landesman:
There once was a man from Bolzano,
A genius at playing the piano.
He used just one hand
On his old baby grand
And mastered it mano a mano.
Suzanne Heymann, for this 2-verser:
Learning flute was a bitch, I recall.
Before blowing air forward at all,
Both your lips have to ape
A wee hole that’s the shape
Of a diamond, agape, but still small.
I could not make that magical sound,
But in wheezes and hisses, I drowned.
Upper lip had a bump
Quite a big, fleshy lump.
Threw the flute in the dump as I frowned.
Paul Haebig, for this 2-verser:
Last winter I went to Aruba
To paddleboard, snorkel, and scuba.
When I got to the place
I’d brought the wrong case!
I had to breathe air through my tuba.
My snorkeling tuba gave pause
To the other beach-goers because
When I came up for air,
The sound said “Beware!”
It played the theme music from “Jaws.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Paul Haebig, Rudy Landesman, Sharon Neeman, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Sondra Landin, Sue Dulley, Suzanne Heymann, Terry Marter, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts | 4 Comments »
Saturday, January 16th, 2021
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using Locks or Lox or Lochs or Lawks at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to Instruments, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best Instruments-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on January 31, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, January 30, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my Locks/Lox/Lochs/Lawks-rhyme limerick:
“See that gal over there? What a fox!”
Said a man of a woman whose locks
Were curly and long
And worthy of song.
But the rest of her? More like an ox.
And here’s my Instruments-themed limerick:
A musician I know plays the lute,
And her husband is gifted on flute.
They duet ev’ry day
On their instruments. Hey!
Your mind OUT of the gutter, you brute!
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Battle of the Sexes, Bawdy Humor, Competition Limerick, Flute, Flute Humor, Flute Limerick, Fox Humor, Instrumentalists, Instruments, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Lute, Lute Humor, Lute Limerick, Marriage Humor, Music Humor & Verse, Music Limericks, Musical Instruments, Musician Humor, Ox Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Bawdy Limericks, Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Music Humor & Verse, Music Poems, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 148 Comments »
Saturday, January 16th, 2021
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
Santa pleaded and begged, and cajoled;
In response, though, his missus was bold:
“Me, get naked in here?
It’s the Arctic, my dear!”
It’s a drag when your gal is so cold.
Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN, who wins the Special Knitting, Sewing, and/or Other Needlework Crafts-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
“Bad news,” said the doctor, dismayed,
As the craft teacher’s X-rays displayed:
“Though the six weeks have passed,
I can’t take off your cast,
’Cause the bones haven’t knit. They’ve… crocheted!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order). Sue Dulley, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Byron Miller, Michael Moulton, Rudy Landesman, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Tim James, Tony Holmes, Steve Benko Diane Groothuis, Konrad Schwoerke, and Suzanne Heymann. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “COLD” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO KNITTING, SEWING, & OTHER NEEDLEWORK CRAFTS-Themed LIMERICKS)
Sue Dulley:
I took on a small sewing task
To make me a nice comfy mask.
So, lo and behold
Now my face isn’t cold
Anymore. (Yes, I’m old. Need you ask?)
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“COLD” RHYME DIVISION)
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
On the stump, grumpy Trump (so it’s told),
Grumbled, “Freezing my ass off gets old.”
Maybe if he hangs tough,
He’ll end up soon enough,
In that place where it NEVER gets cold.
Byron Miller:
A lothario’s lust had gone cold
For a woman of size he’d cajoled;
Toward ecstasy driven,
All night, he had striven,
But never did find the right fold.
Sue Dulley:
She longed to wear clothes that were bold,
Even daring; risque’, truth be told,
But she really felt better
In jeans and a sweater –
It’s hard to look hot when you’re cold.
Michael P Moulton:
In an attitude scathing and cold,
Jim Jordan, a self-righteous scold,
Said our founders would never
Back closures; however,
They’re dead, so they cannot be polled.
Rudy Landesman:
America, we have been told,
Has streets that are all lined with gold.
That’s small consolation
For those in our nation
Who huddle and freeze in the cold.
Lisi Nortman, for her “The Seven Dwarfs”
Mr. Grumpy could not be controlled.
Mr. Bashful would always withhold
His longing for friends
And trying new trends.
And Sneezy, of course, had a cold.
Mr. Happy was cheerful and bold.
He couldn’t wake Sleepy, (I’m told.)
Mr. Dopey was thick.
Doc cured all the sick
Except Sneezy, who still had that cold.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (KNITTING, SEWING, & OTHER NEEDLEWORK CRAFTS-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)
Sue Dulley:
A stitch in time (some say) saves nine,
Which doesn’t quite rhyme, but that’s fine.
So before it gets worse
I will sew up this verse
Just by adding this fifth and last line.
Tim James:
I resolved to give knitting a try,
But I’m clumsy. It all went awry.
I got tangled in yarn
And — oh heck and gosh darn —
A needle near put out my eye.
Tony Holmes:
Manly knitting – what might that entail?
Knitting socks while you languish in jail?
Or at sea, while you pitch?
Careful! Don’t drop that stitch!
Never mind that it’s blowing a gale.
Steve Benko:
Said young Betsy, “Oh, George, please don’t nag,
For I’m almost done sewing your flag.
Now, as for my fee,
Sir, O say can you see
I’m a widow in need of a shag?”
Diane Groothuis:
I took up my needle and thread
To make a nice hat for my head.
But my greatest faux pas
In these times was, by fah,
A baseball cap colored bright red.
Konrad Schwoerke:
Jack, a drunkard, fell splitting his head,
But Jill fixed him with needle and thread.
Both his trauma was mended
And drinking was ended
When she stitched the fool’s scalp to the bed.
Suzanne Heymann:
Some ladies’ club held in a barn
Would embroider, knit, sew, crochet, darn.
Their gossip manure
Made them look immature,
But those grannies could sure spin a yarn!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Byron Miller, Diane Groothuis, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Mike Moulton, Rudy Landesman, Sharon Neeman, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Steve Benko, Sue Dulley, Suzanne Heymann, Tim James, Tony Holmes, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts | 1 Comment »
Saturday, January 2nd, 2021
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using COLD at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to KNITTING, SEWING, and/or OTHER NEEDLEWORK CRAFTS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best KNITTING, SEWING, and/or OTHER NEEDLEWORK CRAFTS-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on January 17, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, January 16, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my COLD-rhyme limerick:
A lamb on the lam disappeared;
“I’ll be eaten for dinner,” it feared.
But when found, wet and cold,
“You’re not food,” it was told.
“But we DO need our weeds and brush cleared.”
And here’s my KNITTING, SEWING, & OTHER NEEDLEWORK CRAFTS-themed limerick:
I’m begging: Don’t ask me to knit,
Cuz whatever I make, it won’t fit.
I am dreadful at “throwing.”
The same goes for sewing.
(But my nitpicking’s often a hit.)
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Animal and Pet Humor, Competition Limerick, Crafts Humor, Knitting Humor, Lamb Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Needlework Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Sewing Humor, Writing Prompts
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 133 Comments »
Saturday, January 2nd, 2021
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
I just giggle at gaggles of geese,
And find slithers of snakes mere caprice;
But if you produce moose
Too profuse — running loose —
I will shriek, “Help! Police! We’ve got meese!”
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special ART-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
A photographer said, “While it’s true
I take pictures of folks as they screw,
It’s a form of pure art.
It shows love, warmth, and heart.”
Yeah, my lim’ricks are “poetry,” too.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tony Holmes, Brian Allgar, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Tim James, Sue Dulley, Paul Haebig, Byron Miller, Fred Bortz, Roger Haugen, Kirk Miller, Dave Johnson, and Terry Marter. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “MOUSSE or MOOSE or VAMOOSE” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO ART LIMERICKS)
Tony Holmes:
When the world closes in, I vamoose
And take refuge. Surrounded by spruce,
I reflect on my art
Till it’s time to depart,
As I’m only a part-time recluse.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“MOUSSE or MOOSE or VAMOOSE” RHYME DIVISION)
Brian Allgar:
After tests, Donald’s doctors deduce
There’s a brain, but it isn’t much use.
From the scan, they surmise
It’s the color and size
Of a teaspoon of chocolate mousse.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
For those lovers of custard out there,
Here’s a dieting tip I must share:
If you fear too much mousse
May enlarge your caboose,
Eat just half. Put the rest in your hair.
Tim James:
Her hair was long, lovely, and loose;
Then she teased it and slicked it with mousse.
The new ’do, sad to say,
Drove her boyfriend away.
Perhaps ’twas the color: chartreuse.
Sue Dulley:
I have stopped using hairspray and mousse.
They never were very much use.
My hair is unruly,
But really and truly
Who cares, since I’m now a recluse.
Paul Haebig:
This kitchen! There’s nothing of use!
I wanted to make choc’late mousse.
And I really was keen
To cook some tagine,
But there’s only enough to make cous.
Byron Miller:
“Need a bull who fits tightly, not loose,”
Sighs a cow in the mood for a goose.
Thinking kosher – no hoods,
She traverses the woods
On her search for a certain-sized moose.
Fred Bortz:
He called her “My precious papoose.”
She laughed and replied, “Silly goose.”
But romance went awry.
When they snuggled, the guy
Got so hot that he smelled like a moose.
Roger Haugen:
He tried and he tried, but no use —
“I can’t finish this great Christmas goose.”
But a little dessert
He thought wouldn’t hurt,
As he plowed through his third choc’late mousse.
Brian Allgar:
They’d gone hunting, but due to disuse,
Eric’s grip on the trigger was loose,
And he shot brother Don,
Who’s now mounted upon
A gold plaque that was meant for a moose.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (ART LIMERICK DIVISION)
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
Andy Warhol, the Campbell Soup man,
Produced pop-art peeved pundits would pan:
“It won’t pass!” “It’s absurd!”
“He’s so crass!” They concurred.
Still, he wouldn’t stop painting his can.
Fred Bortz:
A critic who hates bold abstraction
Expresses his dissatisfaction:
“You’d have to be bollocks
To say Jackson Pollocks
Display a deliberate action.”
Kirk Miller:
When the art teacher did a critique
Of my work, my art future looked bleak.
And I listened with dread
When the art teacher said
To brush up on my painting technique.
Dave Johnson:
Bill’s stint – posing naked for art
Got off to a glorious start
When he debuted his ass
At the newly-filled class
By launching a tear-gassing fart.
Terry Marter, for his “Performance Art”
A performer we went out to see,
Hurled a boom’rang past row 43.
He said “Will it come back?”
A big guy at the back
Yelled “It Will if it Fuckin’ hits ME!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Byron Miller, Dave Johnson, Fred Bortz, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Paul Haebig, Roger Haugen, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Sue Dulley, Terry Marter, Tim James, Tony Holmes, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts | Comments Off on Limerick-Off Award (460)
Saturday, December 19th, 2020
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using MOUSSE or MOOSE or VAMOOSE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to ART, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best ART-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on January 3, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, January 2, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my MOUSSE/MOOSE/VAMOOSE-rhyme limerick:
I encountered a moose and a goose
On the roadway and told them, “Vamoose!”
They ignored me, alas,
So my car could not pass.
(I’m still there shouting verbal abuse.)
And here’s my ART-themed limerick:
The wall had an animal frieze;
Cows and goats, with occasional trees–
Mostly evergreens — laurel —
And images floral.
Lovely art, but one look made me sneeze.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Allergy Humor, Animal & Pet Humor, Art Humor Art Limerick, Car & Driving Humor, Competition Limerick, Driving Humor, Frieze Humor, Geese Humor, Goose Humor, Goose Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Moose Limerick, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Allergy Humor, Animal & Pet Humor, Art Humor / Verse, Behavior & Personality, Car & Driving Humor, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 94 Comments »
Saturday, December 19th, 2020
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
Those in line surreptitiously groan,
“He’s been in there all day with his phone.”
But they’d rather implode
Than the King discommode,
So they won’t push him off of the throne.
Congratulations to PAUL HAEBIG, who wins the Special MARKET-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
My trip to the market was fruitless,
Also vegetable-, stem-, stalk-, and root-less.
They have nothing I need,
But it’s still guaranteed
When I’m done with my shopping I’m loot-less.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Tony Holmes, Terry Marter, Craig Dykstra, Doug Harris, Sharon Neeman, Fred Bortz, Brian Allgar, Bob Turvey, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, and Sjaan VandenBroeder. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“MODE/MOWED/COMMODE” RHYME DIVISION)
Tim James:
My dad had a very large load
Of bad jokes, which he loved (and it showed.)
“How’d that brave frontier guy,
Davy Crockett, like pie?”
The right answer, of course: “Alamo’d.”
Tony Holmes:
Mister Keats wrote an ode to an urn,
Which is why I will try, in my turn,
To compose you an ode
To my treasured commode.
I’m no Keats, I am sure you’ll discern.
Terry Marter:
We had an old leaky commode
Where the pipes had begun to corrode.
One day, when Mum flushed,
It all bust, and out gushed
The full contents, – a fine Mother-load.
Craig Dykstra:
On the beach, in her thong, she bestowed
Treats to onlookers – everything showed!
But now back home in Philly
Her short skirts are chilly –
She’s regretting her “Pie à la Mowed.”
Tim James:
She’s in furious spring-cleaning mode;
Her superfluous stuff she’ll unload.
Ancient clothing, CDs,
Old computers, TVs,
And her boyfriend sit out by the road.
Doug Harris:
With fashion-sense I’ve been bestowed.
(A picture should shortly upload.)
My barber’s main style
Is ‘farm rank & file.’
He says it’s all quite à-la-mowed!
Sharon Neeman:
Since I learned my cat knows the word “vet,”
I say “market” to baffle the pet —
But this morning, I erred
And employed the right word,
And we’re both now extremely upset:
Kitty leaped into daredevil mode!
All the way down the counter she strode,
Then flew up to the freezer!
She’s STILL there. Can’t seize her.
I mustn’t forget to use code.
Fred Bortz:
Marie Antoinette wrote an ode
To the people on whose backs she rode.
But she made a mistake
Saying, “Let them eat cake!”
When it should have been pie a la mode.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (MARKET LIMERICK DIVISION)
Tim James:
An Invisible Hand’s said to be
Guiding markets, as long as they’re free.
Well, I’ve seen it. It mocks
Ev’ry one of my stocks.
Guess which finger it’s raising at me.
Brian Allgar:
“That’s a great deal on eBay,” I mused.
“Thirty toilet rolls – can’t be refused!”
But today, what I got ….
Well, I’d failed to spot
The description “Condition is: USED.”
Sharon Neeman:
I need food! How to get to the market?
By car? I’ll have no place to park it.
By bus? I’m too lazy —
Me? Bike?? Are you crazy???
I guess I’ll stay hungry… oh, fark it.
Terry Marter:
At the auction, my earlier tea
Found my bladder just bursting to pee;
Raised my hand for a pause
To attend to my cause.
Oops – too late – I now own a Dalí.
Bob Turvey:
Said our marketing man, “A sensation!
Our dildoes have thrilled the whole nation.
Why in South Delaware
We’ve the whole market share;
We’ve a hundred percent penetration.”
Lisi Nortman:
I went shopping today on a spree!
For breakfast, I only had tea!
I was starving; went wild,
Like an uncontrolled child.
I’m the proud owner now of aisle three.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
Four piggies to market were taken.
(The fifth was too smart to awaken.)
One went all to pieces
And faked enuresis.
The rest had to bring home the bacon.
Tim James:
At the market — it’s more like a zoo —
There are crowds, but the face masks are few.
So much saleable stuff!
But it isn’t enough
’Cause these people still can’t buy a clue.
Tony Holmes:
Gladys fancied a farmer she’d met
At the market. Her only regret
Was that much of his food
Was, in shape, very rude,
And she’d blush like a seasoned coquette.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bob Turvey, Brian Allgar, Craig Dykstra, Doug Harris, Fred Bortz, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Paul Haebig, Sharon Neeman, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Terry Marter, Tim James, Tony Holmes, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts | 1 Comment »
Saturday, December 5th, 2020
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using MODE or MOWED or COMMODE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to MARKETS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best MARKET-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on December 20, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, December 19, 2020 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my MODE/MOWED/COMMODE-rhyme limerick:
I failed to gain ground as I rowed;
When it’s windy and rainy this mode
Of transit is risky.
Boat’s frisky. Craved whiskey!
But mostly I longed to be towed.
And here’s my MARKETS-themed limerick:
I’m amazed when I see people graze
At the market, as if at buffets.
It is one thing to try
A sample, but why
Eat enough food to last them for days.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Boating Humor, Buffet Humor, Competition Limerick, Food Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Market Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Rowboat Humor, Rowing, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Food & Drink Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 164 Comments »
Saturday, December 5th, 2020
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
“To my girlfriend,” wrote ardent Bernard
(Who considered himself quite the bard),
“You’re a treasure, sweet Jo;
You make love like a pro.”
He got dumped. Writing poetry’s hard!
Congratulations to ROBERT SCHECHTER, who wins the Special LITIGATION-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
I’m poor now, but boy, if you knew me
When I was still rich, that’s the true me!
I said, “I’m the king!
Bow down! Kiss my ring!”
But I shouldn’t have added, “So sue me!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sjaan VandenBroeder, Dave Johnson, Mark Mironer, Brian Allgar, Tony Holmes, Sharon Neeman, Terry Marter, Tim James, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, and Konrad Schwoerke, Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“BARD, BARRED, DISBARRED, or BOMBARD” RHYME DIVISION)
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
You can use it for salads or stock;
You can smoke it like pot (that’s no crock.)
You can even bombard
Streets with petrified chard
To keep leaf blowers off of your block.
Dave Johnson:
Our nation is limping and scarred
By his criminal lack of regard.
With Trump on the way
Out the door, I do pray
That his next house is walled-off and barred.
Mark Mironer:
Poor Donnie is taking it hard
So he’s hunting for votes to discard.
Sent his crooked A.G.
On a fraud faking spree.
Certifiably Barr’ll be disbarred.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
“Would you care for a piece of my chard?”
(But by “piece” I was sure he meant “shard.”)
“Not one fragment, one sliver,”
Said I with a shiver.
(From my table these days Sade is barred.)
Brian Allgar:
The windows were padlocked and barred.
The detectives were stumped; Scotland Yard
Called a private detective
Who’d prove more effective:
“Sherlock Holmes” was the name on his card.
Inspector Lestrade was quite shocked
By how quickly the case was unblocked.
Said Holmes, “Element’ry!
The burglar gained entry
By op’ning this door – it’s not locked!”
HONORABLE MENTIONS (LITIGATION LIMERICK DIVISION)
Tony Holmes:
Two confectioners rushed into court,
Each demanding, “You must try my torte!”
“Let the jury decide,”
Said the judge. “I’ll preside.
We’re in session. Let counsel exhort!”
Brian Allgar:
Rudy cries “I’ll continue to sue
Ev’ry state that attempts to vote blue!
And as for my face,
It’s a total disgrace,
So I’m suing those dye-makers too.”
Sharon Neeman:
It behooves the American nation,
In this era of grave infestation,
To wash hands and wear masks,
Avoid crowds and shared flasks,
And refrain from inane litigation.
Terry Marter:
It’s goodbye to that house you’re vacating
And straight to that cell block awaiting.
You can pout, you can frown,
But you’re still goin’ down.
It’s over, — no courtroom debating.
Tim James:
A man filing suit after suit
Found that none of them bore any fruit.
Plus, his client, a jerk,
May not pay for the work.
Rudy couldn’t have been less astute.
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
“Did you kill that girl some folks called Flo?
Whose cheeks were so pink that they’d glow?”
“Well, I chopped off her head
And then left her for dead.”
“Mr. Johnson, please say, “yes” or “no.”
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
A young con man who knew no chagrin,
Told his dad, “I’m so practiced at spin,
I should go into Law.”
“That sounds good,” said his paw.
“I was hoping you’d turn yourself in.”
Konrad Schwoerke:
I’d not promised a thing when she blew me,
So her lawyer’s curt letter sure threw me.
I don’t fathom what HE meant
By “oral agreement,”
But I’ll lick her in court should she sue me.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Dave Johnson, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Mark Mironer, Robert Schechter, Sharon Neeman, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Terry Marter, Tim James, Tony Holmes, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 1 Comment »
Saturday, November 21st, 2020
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using BARD, BARRED, DISBARRED, or BOMBARD at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to LITIGATION, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best LITIGATION-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on December 6, 2020 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, December 5, 2020 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my BARD, BARRED, DISBARRED, or BOMBARD-rhyme limerick:
Don’t make me eat chard that’s been charred.
Even non-charred, I find it quite hard
To eat and digest.
At my tastebuds’ behest,
Be on guard against chard. It’s been barred.
And here’s my LITIGATION-themed limerick:
The litigants reached an accord;
One that none of the parties adored.
“That’s as it should be,”
Said the judge. “I decree
This case closed. None too soon! I was bored.”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Chard Humor, Competition Limerick, Food Humor, Food Limerick, Law Humor, Law Limerick, Lawyer Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Litigation Humor, Litigation Limerick, Poetry & Prompts, Vegetable Humor, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Food & Drink Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 125 Comments »
Saturday, November 21st, 2020
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
This may not be a subject for jokes,
But I’m one of a whole bunch of folks
Who’d be pleased if a spell
Turned the Leader from Hell
To a frog… and won’t mind if he croaks.
Congratulations to TONY HOLMES, who wins the Special CONFESSION-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
“As I watched Mrs. Smithers undress,
I confess, I was under duress.
Were it not for the ropes
That now shackled my hopes,
I would leap to her side and transgress.”
Congratulations to RICHARD CAMPBELL, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a clever multi-verse limerick.
Hi, I’m Rick; I’m a lim’rickaholic.
Through these fun little verses I frolic,
Neglecting my wife
And all else in my life.
(These poems are so damn diabolic!)
As I lie awake nights, I confesses
I am not counting sheep, only stresses.
Is that line “da da DUM?”
Will the rhyme to me come?
All my lims seem meandering messes.
Is there help somewhere, ’fore I just drop?
I feel like my brain’s gonna pop.
So I must get away,
At least for one day.
(What the heck. Just one more. Then I’ll stop!)
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Paul Haebig, Doug Harris, Jean McEwen, Fred Bortz, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Brian Allgar, Tim James, Sharon Neeman, and Tony Holmes. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“SPELL or DISPEL OR MISSPELL” RHYME DIVISION)
Paul Haebig:
I call, um, the powers of hell…
I can never remember this spell!
To mix up the potion,
Which way is the motion?
And how many tolls of the bell?
Doug Harris:
Old Merlin ain’t feeling too well:
“This brewing of leeches is hell.
Dismembering toads
Is disturbing me loads.
I think I’ll lie down for a spell …”
Jean McEwen:
One word I routinely misspell
Is the proper noun “Madduhmoyzell.”
Native French speakers hiss
At my substitute (“Miss”)–
But it covers my deficit well.
Fred Bortz:
In wizard school I have done well.
I’m super at casting a spell.
Though she barks like a dog,
And he croaks like a frog,
My Bubbie and Zadie still kvell.
Lisi Nortman:
Some foreigners try hard to spell.
Yet with plurals they’ll never excel.
If “mouses” are mice,
But “houses” ain’t “hice,”
What’s the diff’rence, and how can they tell?
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
They’re too much for mere mortals to handle —
Ceaseless lies and continuous scandal.
So for Joe to dispel
All these demons from Hell,
He’ll be needing a bell, book and candle.
Brian Allgar:
my teechers complaned I cant spell
punktuashun is louzy as well
still evrywun sez
i desserve to be prez
but joe byden has cheeted like hell
Tim James:
Said the raconteur: “Come, set a spell.
Here’s a story I’ve wanted to tell:
This young gal — such a dream! —
Slipped and fell in a stream.
So I spent the day wringing that belle.”
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
I remember my skool days so well,
When lunch was anounced by a bell.
We’d sit in a grupe
Sharing alphabet supe.
And that’s where I lerned how to spel.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (CONFESSION LIMERICK DIVISION)
Lisi Nortman:
O Father, my life’s not fulfilling.
I obsess about things that are chilling.
I confess that I drink;
I can’t stop, cuz I think
That I just may replace it with killing.
Jean McEwen:
Priests must sublimate all their aggressions
And give up almost all their possessions.
But their job has one perk:
In the booth, they can jerk
Off discreetly to kinky confessions.
Sharon Neeman:
Someone here’s made an absolute mess!
Ate my sandwich, threw up on my dress,
Tracked in mud on my bed…
T.S. Eliot said,
“The cat knows, but will never confess.”
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
Confession has sacred appeal.
You avow what you’ve tried to conceal.
It cleanses the soul.
Once again, you feel whole.
Then continue to lie, cheat and steal.
Brian Allgar:
The Bishop said: “Hear my confession …”
The priest wore a puzzled expression.
“But why come to me?”
Said the Bish, “Well, you see,
It was YOUR wife who caused my transgression.”
Tony Holmes:
Seems confession is good for the soul.
I, for one, have gained much on the whole.
I confessed what I’d seen
To my dad and Darleen,
And they added some cash to my roll.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Doug Harris, Fred Bortz, Jean McEwen, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Paul Haebig, Richard Campbell, Sharon Neeman, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Tim James, Tony Holmes, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 1 Comment »
Saturday, November 7th, 2020
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SPELL or DISPEL OR MISSPELL at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to CONFESSIONS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best CONFESSION-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on November 22, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, November 21, 2020 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my SPELL or DISPEL OR MISSPELL-rhyme limerick:
A pickpocket, locked in a cell,
Describes it as “nitemarish hell.”
Now the skell’s penned a book;
Hopes to sell it by hook
Or by crook. But the schnook just can’t spell.
And here’s my CONFESSIONS-themed limerick:
A fellow confessed he was bi
To his wife, who replied “I won’t lie;
I’m upset.” (Her tears flowed.)
“So here’s what I’m owed:
A three-way with you and your guy.”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Battle of the Sexes, Bawdy Humor, Bisexuality, Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Marriage Humor, Marriage Limerick, Poetry & Prompts, Sex Humor, Writing Prompts
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Bawdy Limericks, Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 135 Comments »
Saturday, November 7th, 2020
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this timely limerick:
I awoke from a wonderful doze;
I dreamed victory fin’lly was Joe’s.
’Twas a big f#%&ing deal.
Wait a minute! It’s REAL?
I’m delighted clear down to my toes!
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Special DATING-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
I couldn’t resist my last date;
Oh, what a delectable bait!
So tender, so young,
And so sweet on my tongue…
I left only the pit on my plate.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sharon Neeman, Paul Haebig, Brian Allgar, Tim James, Konrad Schwoerke, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, and Terry Marter. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “Doze or Doughs or Does” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO DATING LIMERICKS)
Sharon Neeman:
Too long for the “A” train I’ve waited
On an evening far less than “B”-rated:
The movie he chose
Made both of us doze;
No dinner; I’m feeling “C”-dated.
Tim James:
She’s one of those profligate does,
Spending money wherever she goes.
When she’s out around town
She gains widespread renown
Cause of all of the bucks that she blows.
Konrad Schwoerke:
Your wee darlings glue things to my toes,
And put coins up my schnoz when I doze.
Now I fear for my hair!
It just doesn’t seem fair
That for love I must pay through the nose.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“Doze or Doughs or Does” RHYME DIVISION)
Paul Haebig:
Our town council is taking some flak
And folks want to give them the sack.
Since so many oppose
Their plan to shoot does,
A target’s been placed on their back.
Brian Allgar:
Said the Godfather, “Plenty of dough’s
What that mob-skimming baker now owes,
So just knead him a bit
Till you get him to fit
In his oven, then bake till he glows.”
Tim James:
Tell me, when do you use the word “doughs?”
When they’re pizza and cookies? Who knows?
Are they cash, as in when
You use dollars plus yen?
Mad likes keeping us all on our toes.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
Because Homer is led by his nose,
It’s off for pink donuts he goes.
Folks out and about
Without doubt hear him shout —
“Hey, gimme three dozen o’ dohs!”
Lisi Nortman:
How could someone just lie in repose
And miss all those wonderful shows?
The mountains were grand
In the old Borscht Belt land.
But Rip only wanted to doze.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
Since I need, and consume, tons of doughs,
Ground from nuts, seeds, or grains — ALL of those!
I will lug on my back
An immense flour sack,
Bake what’s in it, then use it for clothes.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (DATING LIMERICK DIVISION)
Paul Haebig:
Once I dated a fiery Peruvian
Whose temper was simply Vesuvian.
He flew into a rage
When I asked him his age
(Which I’m certain was antediluvian.)
Sharon Neeman:
Time was, you could dance at a ball,
See a play, wine and dine, have it all —
But what’s dating today
(In the new COVID way)?
Sitting home on a video call.
Terry Marter:
You’re an Irish poetical male,
And your rhythm in bed is a Fail?
You must switch to 12/8
When humping your date,
Or you’ll end up in Limerick jail.
Tim James:
It’s been driving him out of his wits
That he’s dating a gal with great tits.
Now, I give you my word
I refer to the bird
(Though it’s true that her bod never quits).
Konrad Schwoerke:
My experience dating is meager.
I’m awkward and overly eager.
I DON’T know the right moves,
And WHAT are these “night moves?”
You’re NOT friggin’ helping, Bob Seger!
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
Mary told me this guy was real bright,
But something just didn’t seem right;
When we went out to eat
He appeared quite elite,
Till he ate the whole steak in one bite.
Paul Haebig:
I’m pursuing a cute intellectual,
But my wooing has proved ineffectual.
Is he straight? Is he gay?
Could he go either way?
Or maybe he’s simply asexual.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Paul Haebig, Sharon Neeman, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Terry Marter, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts | 2 Comments »
Saturday, October 24th, 2020
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using Doze or Doughs or Does (the Deer kind) at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to DATING, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best DATING-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on November 8, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, November 7, 2020 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my DOZE/DOUGHS/DOES-rhyme limerick:
When I’m trying to sleep and can’t doze,
I count does (and not sheep.) Heaven knows
That I’d rather see deer
Cuz they’re pretty. Don’t sneer;
I know someone who chose counting crows.
And here’s my DATING-themed limerick:
A young woman both lovely and chaste
Was chased by a fellow whose taste
Runs to innocent lasses
Who never wear glasses.
She’s insightful … so he’s unembraced.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Animals Poetry, Battle of the Sexes, Bird Limerick, Competition Limerick, Counting Sheep, Crows, Dating Humor, Dating Limerick, Deer Limerick, Insomnia Humor, Insomnia Verse, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Sheep, Sleep & Insomnia Humor, Sleep Poetry, Writing Prompts
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Battle of the Sexes, Behavior & Personality, Contests, Dating Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest, Sleep & Insomnia Humor | 108 Comments »
Saturday, October 24th, 2020
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
While shopping for clothes, be astute.
It’s for work, so not overly cute.
Geez, that jacket’s a sack!
Please don’t pick off the rack—
All you’ll find is some low-hanging suit.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special NEIGHBOR-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
I’ve a house in the country. Out there,
I have quiet, clear skies, and fresh air.
But it isn’t all nice.
I found out there’s a price
When my neighbor got et by a bear.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tony Holmes, Brian Allgar, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Paul Haebig, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Tim James, Jean McEwen, Dave Johnson, and Konrad Schwoerke. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “SUIT/PURSUIT” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO NEIGHBOR LIMERICKS)
Tony Holmes:
“Well, dear neighbour, I think you can tell
It’s been good fun to visit a spell.
But like every pursuit,
Brief is best, lest its fruit
Should turn bitter. I bid you farewell!”
Brian Allgar:
I’m engaged in a lustful pursuit
Of my neighbor, who’s temptingly cute.
So I long for the day
When her husband’s away;
“Love thy neighbor” – the Bible’s my route!
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
Get a cauldron that’s really top notch;
Add some gin and six bottles of scotch,
Toe of frog, eye of newt —
It’s a charm that should suit
When you’re out there on Neighborhood Watch.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“SUIT/PURSUIT” RHYME DIVISION)
Paul Haebig:
Long after our water was poured
The waiter appeared, looking bored.
“I can tell by your suit
The specials are moot;
There’s nothing that you could afford.”
Brian Allgar:
“They call me a crook and a brute,
But it seems that they don’t give a hoot
For Obama’s great crime –
The guy should do time
For wearing that tan-colored suit!”
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
All I want is a guy who is cute.
I don’t care if he’s nice or astute.
Yet my mom knows a lot
And she said I should not
Continue this triv’yal pursuit.
Tony Holmes:
It is best, when preparing good food,
Not to do so when tiddly and nude.
Quite apart from the fruit
Leaving stains on your ‘suit,’
You’ll have guests who’ll regard it as rude.
Tim James:
When she opened her door, he was mute.
She had dolled herself up, no dispute.
Hair and make-up? Chef’s kiss.
But the kicker was this:
Her exceedingly fine birthday suit.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
I was once in addictive pursuit
Of campaign buttons (ugly or cute.)
But now I’ve no use
For button abuse —
Except for the one labeled “Mute.”
HONORABLE MENTIONS (NEIGHBOR LIMERICK DIVISION)
Jean McEwen:
My neighbor (a snoot and a snoop)
Parks herself, every day, on the stoop
Of her spic and span house
And proceeds, then, to grouse
About all of the dogs she sees poop.
Dave Johnson:
The couple upstairs didn’t care
If they broadcast their steamy affair.
At first, “Oohs” and “Aahs”
Followed up with a pause;
Then an “Uuh” to announce he was there.
Tim James:
My neighbor emits quite a din
From the next-door apartment she’s in.
With her boyfriend, Big Rod,
She cries out to her God.
How I wish that the walls weren’t so thin!
Tony Holmes:
If your neighbor should give you the eye,
Don’t rush in! Stop, and ask yourself, “Why?”
She is young, bold and hot,
And let’s face it, you’re not;
Then again, Bud, go reach for the sky!
Dave Johnson:
He’s known as the neighborhood pest;
As merely “Hello” will attest.
When trapped in a chat,
One solution for that:
Proclaiming that Trump is the best.
Tony Holmes:
Our new neighbors look friendly enough –
And compliant. No need to get tough.
Give them time, early days;
Once they’re trained in our ways,
We’ll pop over and borrow their stuff.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
It appears that my neighbors have started
To wear face masks with slogans imparted:
’Cross the street lives “Free Hugs,”
On the corner “Got Drugs?”
Right next door “Blah Blah Blah” and “Who Farted?”
Konrad Schwoerke:
Though your home is the fruit of your labors,
You might not get to pick your close neighbors.
Sure most couples will fight,
But all day and all night?
And on horseback with cavalry sabers?
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Dave Johnson, Jean McEwen, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Paul Haebig, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Tim James, Tony Holmes, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts | Comments Off on Limerick-Off Award (455)
Saturday, October 10th, 2020
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SUIT/PURSUIT at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to NEIGHBORS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best NEIGHBOR-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on October 25, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, October 24, 2020 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my SUIT/PURSUIT-rhyme limerick:
I’m fazed by my ex’s new phase:
He’ll stare at a puzzle for days.
It’s a puzzling pursuit
For a scatter-brained brute…
Though he DOES do it sprawled on a chaise.
And here’s my two-verse NEIGHBORS-themed limerick:
I was playing a Beethoven piece,
When a neighbor upstairs called the p’lice.
“She’s too loud. I can’t sleep,”
She complained. “I could weep.
She is breaching the peace. Make her cease!”
“It’s an odd time to sleep,” said the cop.
“You can hardly expect her to stop
Playing piano so soon.
It is mid-afternoon…
And be grateful she ain’t playing pop.”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Beethoven Humor, Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Music Limerick, Neighbors Humor, Piano Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Police Humor, Police Limerick, Sleep & Insomnia Humor, Sleeplessness, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Music Humor & Verse, Music Poems, Neighbors Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest, Police Humor, Sleep & Insomnia Humor | 189 Comments »
Saturday, October 10th, 2020
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to TERRY MARTER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
Ped’lling London, my good wife and I,
See the Queen’s Guard musicians march by.
They play “Strike Up The Band”
As we bike up The Strand
And we inwardly hear Spooner sigh.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special GAME-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
A fellow who liked to play chess
Put his hand up a pretty girl’s dress.
His ambitions were wrecked
When he found himself checked.
As for mate, he’d no chance of success.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Steve Benko, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Tim James, Brian Allgar, Paul Haebig, Cyn, Konrad Schwoerke, Sharon Neeman, Kirk Miller, and Dave Johnson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “BAND or BANNED” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO GAME-themed LIMERICKS)
Steve Benko:
Thought the card sharp, “A game of strip poker
Will quickly and surely uncloak her.”
But though cheating was banned,
She’d snuck into her hand
Enough aces to beat any joker.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“BAND or BANNED” RHYME DIVISION)
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
An assembly of sharks is called “Shiver”;
And a cluster of cobras a “Quiver”;
Flocked flamingos a “Stand”;
Grouped gorillas a “Band.”
Chickens crossing the highway? “Chopped Liver.”
Tim James:
He’s infected (now, THAT was unplanned)
By the “hoax” that’s been sweeping the land.
Of my thoughts in this case
I’ll reveal not a trace
Lest by Madeleine Kane I get banned.
Brian Allgar:
We were dancing a slow sarabande
When she said: “Would you like one night-stand?”
What I got, though, from Mabel
Was one bedside table,
Which wasn’t quite what I had planned.
Paul Haebig:
The green room provisions this band
Requires are way out of hand:
– No green M&M’s
– Ninety roses (long stems)
– And an altar to worship Ayn Rand.
Cyn:
Unzipping his jeans, Sammy led
Saucy Sally to bed, where he said,
“Although Mom says it’s banned
If I use my own hand,
I figured we’d use yours instead.”
Tim James:
A moron blew seventy grand
On his hair. Doesn’t that beat the band!
As for taxes, evasion
Suits ev’ry occasion.
To primp and to skimp is his brand.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
Said my doc, “Eggs and bacon are banned,
And eat nothing prepackaged or canned.
Avoid beer, wine, and malt,
Cut out sugar and salt.
Longer life? See how much you can stand.”
Brian Allgar:
“No mask, like the folk that elected me;
My strong constitution protected me.
But I’m sick, like they planned,
And my rallies are banned –
It musta been Biden infected me!”
HONORABLE MENTIONS (GAME-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)
Konrad Schwoerke:
I have tried playing tournament Scrabble,
But I suck, so I now merely dabble
In building with piles
Of small lettered tiles—
Voilà!—it’s the Tower of Babel.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
Though the Great Game of Golf I shan’t mock,
And its cute dimpled ball I can’t knock,
All that junk in the bag
Is too heavy to drag,
And does nothing but spoil a good walk.
Sharon Neeman:
Wow! A double half twist! Look at that!
If I tried it myself, I’d go splat —
But she climbs ever higher,
Then slides down a wire…
The world is her game. She’s my cat.
Brian Allgar:
I was playing strip-poker one night
With a girl who had bet to the height
On four kings. Well, I knew
My four aces would do.
“I’ll see you”, I said. What a sight!
Kirk Miller:
When I asked a French woman if she
Enjoyed video games, I could see
Her beginning to smile.
She replied to me, “I’ll
Have to say that the answer is Wii.”
Dave Johnson:
Here’s a game that you might like to play:
Imagine you’re far, far away
One decade ago;
There’s an orderly flow.
And Trump hasn’t ruined your day.
Tim James:
He considered it all fun and games
As he cheated with multiple dames.
But the ladies found out
And they turned on the lout.
Now “Mud” is just one of his names.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Cyn, Dave Johnson, Kirk Miller, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Paul Haebig, Sharon Neeman, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Steve Benko, Terry Marter, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts | 6 Comments »
