Archive for the ‘Poetry & Prompts’ Category
Saturday, July 10th, 2021
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using TALE OR TAIL OR ENTAIL OR CURTAIL at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to VANITY, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best VANITY-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on July 25, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, July 24, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my TALE/TAIL/ENTAIL/CURTAIL-rhyme limerick:
I’ve a crime tale entailing a tail.
Who’s the target? A male out on bail.
Law enforcement, you see,
Was convinced he would flee.
But their quarry just likes a good sail.
And here’s my VANITY-themed limerick:
A fellow who’d constantly train
Did it mostly because he was vain.
He’s paid a steep price
To simply look nice:
At thirty he’s using a cane.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Crime, Crime and Punishment, Exercise, Health Limericks, Humorous Tales, Law And Order, Law Enforcement, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Men's Vanity, Poetry & Prompts, Tails Humor, Vanity, Vanity Humor, Working Out, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Exercise Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 199 Comments »
Saturday, July 10th, 2021
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
I’m so square, I get dizzy on gin —
Just one round and my head starts to spin.
Then I circle about,
Quite obtusely, no doubt,
Wond’ring what kind of shape I am in.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special ETIQUETTE-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick, which is also a Spin-Rhyme limerick:
Tim James:
Here’s some dating advice with no spin:
Treat the gal with respect, and you win!
Buy her choc’late and bling.
Oh, there’s one final thing:
Just make sure that she isn’t your kin.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sjaan VandenBroeder, Daisy Hyrkas, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Sue Dulley, Doug Harris, Terry Marter, Rudy Landesman, Steve Benko, Tim James, Jean McEwen, Sondra Landin, Roger Haugen, and Tony Holmes. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “SPIN” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO ETIQUETTE LIMERICKS)
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
After eating his kith and his kin,
Sweeney asked Mrs. L for her spin
On the practice of such.
She said, “Don’t eat too much,
Because gluttony, luv, is a sin.”
Daisy Hyrkas:
I drank a small bathtub of gin
And felt my head starting to spin.
I got a rebuke
Cuz Mom saw me puke
Two steps before I reached the bin.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“SPIN”-Rhyme DIVISION)
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
When a college boy gave you his “pin,”
You went into a jubilant spin.
So un-worldly were we,
We just didn’t foresee
That the pin was a pass to get in.
Sue Dulley:
I can’t wait for my life to begin.
Mom’s a skater, and with ev’ry spin
I get dizzy; I groan
To myself all alone –
If I had one, I’d moan to my twin.
Doug Harris:
I dated a ballet brunette.
Drove me wild did that lissome coquette.
When I said, “Please jump in
And let’s go for a spin,”
She surprised with a long pirouette.
Terry Marter:
So what kind of guilt-laden spin
Is this bullshit, – Original Sin?
We fools should believe
It’s from Adam and Eve?
It’s a ‘Cult’ that I’m glad I’m not in.
Rudy Landesman:
Cole Porter and Irving Berlin.
And Gershwin? Let’s do throw him in.
These guys were prolific.
Their songs were terrific.
To count them would make your head spin.
Steve Benko:
“This indictment’s a kick in the shin,
And I can’t get a pardon like Flynn,”
Groaned Weisselberg. “Allen,”
Said Trump, “Here’s a gallon
Of bullshit to give it good spin.”
Tim James:
A guy took a gal for a spin.
They parked, and committed a sin.
Then the car wouldn’t start,
So she fixed it. (She’s smart.)
She puts out and knows autos? Win-win!
HONORABLE MENTIONS (ETIQUETTE-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)
Daisy Hyrkas:
My father is groping my ma.
In public! It’s quite the faux pas.
But my mom acts no better;
She whips off her sweater
And leashes his neck with her bra.
Terry Marter:
My opinion is Doc you’ve got guts,
If you think that with no ifs or buts,
You can check out my glands
With your freezing cold hands.
The price of such folly? Your Nuts!
Lisi Nortman:
“Now listen here, know-it-all chap:
I’ve deaf ears to your old-fashioned crap!
At 90 years old,
I’m feelin’ real bold,
And will NOT fold my hands on my lap.”
Jean McEwen:
When dining with others, please chew,
And then swallow your food before you
Try to talk prematurely,
’Cause otherwise, surely,
You’ll spray those around you with goo.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
With proboscis upturned she will pace,
As she sniffs with disdain at my place.
Acting snooty (it stinks),
It’s her duty (she thinks).
It’s as plain as the nose on her face.
Tim James:
I used to let people incite me;
I’d yell and invite them to fight me.
Good manners I learned
From the beat-downs I earned.
Now I calmly tell folks just to bite me.
Sondra Landin:
’Twas a must-attend ‘manners’ oration,
With dull discourse and scant information.
But then we could chug
Champagne from a mug!
That ‘manner’ sparked much jubilation!
Roger Haugen:
A blooming but bashful coquette
Bit into a luscious baguette;
The roll was so sweet,
She barfed on her feet.
A societal queen? Not just yet.
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
“Darling daughter, you must act with grace.
Keep a sweet, pleasant smile on your face.
Use a tissue to sneeze.
Say ‘thank you’ and ‘please.'”
“Thank you, Mama. Please get off my case!”
Tony Holmes:
In the etiquette stakes meine frau
Has the lead by a nose. This is how:
When in flatulent mode,
She will clench, as per code,
Then discreetly release as a sough.
Steve Benko:
Amy Vanderbilt once made a rule
That a gentleman never should drool.
But where topless girls prance
On the beaches of France,
To enforce it would surely be cruel.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Daisy Hyrkas, Doug Harris, Jean McEwen, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Roger Haugen, Rudy Landesman, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Sondra Landin, Steve Benko, Sue Dulley, Terry Marter, Tim James, Tony Holmes, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | Comments Off on Limerick-Off Award (473)
Saturday, June 26th, 2021
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SPIN at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to ETIQUETTE, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best ETIQUETTE-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on July 11, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, July 10, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my SPIN-rhyme limerick:
A gal who was clever at spin
Delivered it all with a grin.
Though her clients were sleazy
And cheesy, the breezy
Defenses she’d gin up would win.
And here’s my ETIQUETTE-themed limerick:
When he swallowed his wine, he was rapid.
Then he swiftly dismissed it as “vapid.”
His date was aghast:
“You guzzled it fast!
You’re insipid; that Pinot is sapid.”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bad Manners, Competition Limerick, Etiquette, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Rudeness Humor, Rudeness Limerick, Spin Doctors, Spin Humor, Wine Humor, Wine Limerick, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Food & Drink Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 205 Comments »
Saturday, June 26th, 2021
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny 2-verse limerick:
She crafted brassieres by request,
And her products were known as the best.
They were comfy all day,
All her clients would say.
Of their needs she was keeping abreast.
But she needed a loan. It was just
At that time that her Savings and Trust
Jacked their int’rest rates high
So her cash flow went dry.
And her company, sadly, went bust.
Congratulations to TERRY MARTER, who wins the Special TIMING-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
It’s always just after I ‘send,’
That I think of a far better end.
The amended appendage
With much improved endage
Is finally mended and penned.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a very clever multi-verse limerick:
She was small and demure, and his quest
Was to get her completely undressed.
When it happened, though, he
Was astounded to see
A Marine Corps tattoo on her chest.
As he came to this part of his quest
He screwed up, as perhaps you have guessed.
As they made love that day
He cried, “Anchors aweigh!”
“That’s the NAVY!” she yelled, unimpressed.
His timing could not have been worse.
The wrong words at that moment? Perverse.
(Maybe next time he’ll try
The right phrase: “Semper Fi.”)
He was stunned by how well she could curse.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Steve Benko, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Sue Dulley, Terry Marter, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Kirk Miller, Sondra Landin, Tony Holmes, Diane Groothuis, Jean McEwen, Dave Johnson, Roger Haugen, Tim James, Mark Totterdell, Rudy Landesman, and Bob Turvey. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “QUEST or REQUEST or BEQUEST” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO TIMING LIMERICKS)
Steve Benko:
I dreamed I received this bequest
From no less of a star than Mae West:
“As my time is now up,
For the way he would schtupp,
I am leaving Steve Benko my chest.”
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
With a saxophone solo my quest,
First, I ready my reed for the test.
With my embouchure tight,
And the timing just right,
Then I blow my own horn through each rest.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“QUEST or REQUEST or BEQUEST”-Rhyme DIVISION)
Sue Dulley:
To the waiter I made this request:
“On my chicken dish, please make it breast.”
Said the server (named Dale)
“All our chickens are male;
We have thigh, wing or drumstick, or chest.”
Terry Marter:
They played crap at the disco last night.
The DJ was high as a kite.
“Do we have a request?”
I said “Give it a rest!”
And that’s how I got in the fight.
Lisi Nortman:
The firing squad was about
To kill Peter, who started to shout:
“I have one last request.
Will you all do your best
To forget about wiping me out?”
Kirk Miller:
When the stripper’s on stage fully dressed,
You can bet that she’ll be on a quest
To remove blouse and bra
With some moves that are raw.
She has something to get off her chest.
Sondra Landin:
My friend thinks that I’m a big pest;
I repeatedly state, not in jest,
“Don’t toss out your mask,
That’s all that I ask,
’Cause from you I don’t want a bequest!”
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
I write with this acrid request:
Don’t say MUSTARD — not even in jest.
Now I’m smelling the stuff!
Yes, phantosmia’s rough.
(Well, at least I got that off my chest).
Tony Holmes:
There are ladies who call by request
And oblige, doing what they do best.
I’ve a laundress, Ms. Took;
Wields an iron, can cook,
And another, Ms. Vamp, for the rest.
Diane Groothuis:
A youngish gal made a request
To Cupid to give it a rest:
“I have had hubbies three
Who were no good to me,
And your arrows have damaged my breast”
Jean McEwen:
When you give two new sex toys a test
To see which, for a bang, works the best,
You most surely will fail
’Cause there’s no holy grail.
So you may as well give up the quest.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
Greedy heirs will not rest till they wrest,
From my breast, closely pressed, my bequest.
Holy moly, Amen!
I have played them again —
No one guessed this was only a test!
HONORABLE MENTIONS (TIMING-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)
Lisi Nortman:
Mr. Louis Pasteur calmed his woes
When he told all the docs, “Don’t expose
Your patients to dirt.
I’ve put out an alert:
“Close ’em up first, and THEN pick your nose.”
Steve Benko:
In physics, the term “multiverse”
Won’t earn from your rivals a curse.
But the deadline is looming
And Tim James is blooming;
He thinks that one stanza’s too terse.
Dave Johnson:
His job at the factory dock
Was strenuous – hard as a rock.
But hip-hip-hooray,
It’s retirement day!
He started by punching the clock.
Roger Haugen:
What is it about the word “timing”
That resists all my efforts at rhyming?
I sit here in sorrow,
Can’t beg, steal or borrow–
I guess my poor brain just needs priming.
Tim James:
I attempted to hit on a nurse
But my timing could not have been worse.
I had started to flirt
When she jabbed me. It hurt,
Thereby causing my zeal to disperse.
Terry Marter:
When my crazy aunt hits the dance floor
Inhibitions go straight out the door.
She’ll flail and she’ll sing
To that Dave Brubeck swing,
While trying to waltz in 5/4!
Mark Totterdell:
His new jet power system, he reckoned,
Would make him a fortune. Fame beckoned.
He crouched, legs apart
And set fire to a fart
And flew forward at six miles a second.
Rudy Landesman:
There once was a sleazy old wanker
For sex slightly kinky he’d hanker.
His timing was great.
He found a new date,
Who was glad he just wanted to spank her.
Bob Turvey:
1960 – a record is climbin’
The charts – and the title’s GOOD TIMIN’.
On TV, Jimmy Jones,
Prances dances and moans –
His mis-timin’s show that he’s mimin’.
Lisi Nortman:
A one an’ a two, just keep dribbling.
The coach knows what’s best, so no quibbling.
Your team’s lost the game.
And you are to blame.
You cannot just stop and start nibbling.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bob Turvey, Dave Johnson, Diane Groothuis, Jean McEwen, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Mark Totterdell, Roger Haugen, Rudy Landesman, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Sondra Landin, Steve Benko, Sue Dulley, Terry Marter, Tim James, Tony Holmes, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | Comments Off on Limerick-Off Award (472)
Saturday, June 12th, 2021
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using QUEST or REQUEST or BEQUEST at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to TIMING, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best TIMING-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on June 27, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 26, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my QUEST or REQUEST or BEQUEST-rhyme two-verse limerick:
A man was consumed and obsessed
With his passionate study of EST.
He threatened divorce
In order to force
His spouse to embrace the same quest.
His wife in response said, “You’re mad!
And that fad’s turned you into a cad.
It’s controlling your mind.
We’re no longer aligned.
Quit that cult, or I’ll marry your dad.”
And here’s my TIMING-themed limerick:
A pianist who hailed from Venango
Was teaching while munching a mango.
“Your timing is off,”
She said with a scoff:
“It’s a waltz in 3/8; NOT a tango!”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Cult Humor, Divorce Humor, Divorce Limerick, EST, EST Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Marital Relationships, Marriage Humor, Marriage Limerick, Meter Humor, Mind Control Humor, Music Humor & Verse, Music Limerick, Music Teacher Humor, Obsession Verse, Pianist Humor, Pianist Limerick, Pianists, Piano Humor, Piano Limerick, Poetry & Prompts, Rhythm Humor, Tango Humor, Tango Limerick, Timing Humor, Timing Limerick, Waltz Humor, Waltz Limerick, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Education & School Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Mental Health Humor, Music Humor & Verse, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 181 Comments »
Saturday, June 12th, 2021
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
For those who think tennis is boring,
Here’s a point that you may be ignoring:
If you stay in each set,
There’s a chance you can get
An abundance of love without scoring.
Congratulations to RUDY LANDESMAN, who wins the Special TRENDs-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
Rudy Landesman:
The Australian Ballet’s been in town
With a dance trend that brought on a frown.
But try to be kind,
And please keep in mind
That at home they must dance upside down.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Tim James, Dave Johnson, Terry Marter, Sue Dulley, Rudy Landesman, Martin Galpin, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Steve Benko, and Mark Totterdell. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “SET or BeSET or UpSET” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO TREND LIMERICKS)
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
I’ll be getting a nice wash and set.
In the dryer, I’ll wear a black net,
Then use rollers each night,
Making sure that they’re tight.
(A trend I shall never forget.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“SET or BeSET or UpSET”-Rhyme DIVISION)
Tim James:
Two ladies, Yvonne and Yvette,
In the sack are a perfect matched set.
They are double the fun.
And in fact, when I’m done,
I need more than just one cigarette.
Dave Johnson:
The former guy’s really upset;
His wonderful blog hasn’t met
The threshold of views
Like the one people use
To ask about finding a pet.
Terry Marter:
As dinner guests walked through the door,
My dog just threw up on the floor.
And was I upset?
Quite frankly, you bet!
Then the dog grinned and threw up some more.
Sue Dulley:
My wake-up alarm has been set.
I’ll arrive right on time, don’t you fret.
We’ll have a great hike
On that trail that you like,
But text me in case I forget.
Dave Johnson:
When cast for a porn movie fling,
An actor decided to bring
Some fun to the set;
But the laughter he’d get
Was all about one little thing.
Rudy Landesman:
That question of whether to be—
Or not, and of troubles be free,
Has never beset,
Nor ever has let
The fardels I bear bother me.
( He adds: “Fardels? Don’t ask me. Ask Shakespeare.”)
Martin Galpin:
A nurse in Ohio was set
On proving the vaccine’s a threat.
But claims it’s magnetic
Are weak and pathetic:
The key’s clearly stuck on by sweat.
(Here’s a link, for those unfamiliar with this news story.)
HONORABLE MENTIONS (TRENDS-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)
Lisi Nortman, for her “Covid Trends”
A new way of touching’s the key,
And it works for my hubby and me.
No more feelings of dread;
When we’re both in our bed,
We have sex that is fully hands-free.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
Through my house, sporting bedhead, I roam.
Around noon I find toothbrush and comb.
I enjoy a loud yawn;
Later I might log on.
It’s the trend we call “working from home.”
Tim James:
“The trend is your friend”? That’s not true.
Don’t believe me? Then here’s what to do:
Read what’s trending on Twitter.
You’ll find that stuff’s fitter
For flushing, since most of it’s poo.
Steve Benko:
Today, wearing pants is old hat;
With Zoom, there is no need for that.
We can now scratch our balls
While on conference calls;
All hint of decorum’s gone ‘splat.’
Lisi Nortman Ardissone, for her “The New Owner Of Coffeebucks”
“Here’s your coffee. Please don’t drink it slow.
Nothin’ like a real quick cup a joe.
Close that laptop, my friend;
We don’t care for that trend.
Your time is now up, so please go.”
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
Whispered Adam to Eve at the end,
“I’m so glad you are MORE than a friend.”
Then the earth began quaking —
Their apple tree shaking —
And they feared they had started a trend.
Mark Totterdell:
My platform-heeled boots are like bricks,
And my high-waisted jeans (I have pics!)
Flap-flap-flap as I stride
As they’re half a yard wide.
My excuse is, it’s ’76!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Dave Johnson, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Mark Totterdell, Martin Galpin, Rudy Landesman, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Steve Benko, Sue Dulley, Terry Marter, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | Comments Off on Limerick-Off Award (471)
Saturday, May 29th, 2021
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SET or BeSET or UpSET at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to TRENDS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best TRENDS-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on June 13, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 12, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my SET or BeSET or UpSET-rhyme limerick:
I need all the sleep I can get,
But I can’t get to sleep on a bet.
(Or a bed, for that matter.)
I blame all the chatter
My brain conjures up. I’m beset.
And here’s my TRENDS-themed limerick:
If I tried to be cool, I would fail.
Trends are nothing I ever would hail.
If I wear something “in,”
It has probably been
Purchased decades ago … and on sale.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brain Humor, Brain Limerick, Clothes Shopping, Clothing Humor, Competition Limerick, Fad Humor, Insomnia Humor, Insomnia Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Shopping Humor, Sleep & Insomnia Humor, Sleep Limerick, Trends Humor, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Clothing Humor, Contests, Fashion Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Mental Health Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest, Sleep & Insomnia Humor | 150 Comments »
Saturday, May 29th, 2021
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to BOB TURVEY, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
A driver of engines named Dodd
Liked sex any place that was odd –
’Til he lay on his back
After sex on the track
And a train squashed his coupling rod.
Congratulations to LISI NORTMAN ARDISSONE, who wins the Special PHONE-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
We belong to a rigid religion;
We tithe till we’ve only a smidgen.
We can’t pay for a phone,
Cuz we’re down to the bone.
So our carrier’s Charlie The Pigeon.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sjaan VandenBroeder, Tim James, Rudy Landesman, Kirk Miller, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Mark Totterdell, Brian Allgar, Bob Turvey, P Diane Schneider, David Friedman, and Terry Marter. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “TRACK” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO PHONE-THEMED LIMERICKS)
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
I had faith my new smartphone would track
Where I’m going and how to get back,
But for two nights (so far)
I have slept in my car,
On a street quaintly named, “Cul-de-sac.”
Tim James:
D.C. rioters had no success;
Now they’re all in a hell of a mess.
It turned out their attack
Was quite easy to track;
All it took was their phones’ GPS.
Rudy Landesman:
I was phoning my bookie, irate,
Afraid I was calling too late.
I said, “Call me right back.
I am here at the track.
The horses are still at the gate.”
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“TRACK” RHYME DIVISION)
Kirk Miller:
Amtrak railway is getting some flack.
Clientele say the line’s out of whack.
They must soon engineer
Lots of change; that is clear.
Riders claim that they’re on the wrong track.
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
My thoroughbred, Gert, runs with force.
In the stands, I’ll be cheering, (of course.)
And today, at the track,
I shall dress all in black,
So I won’t look like Astor’s Pet Horse.
Tim James:
With my bingeing on Prime, I’ve lost track
Of reality. Woe and alack!
Streaming comes at a price.
How I wish for a vice
That’s a lot less addictive — like crack.
Mark Totterdell:
There was a young man from St Blazey,
And he did some odd stuff but it’s hazy.
(I would get this one back
On the right kind of track
But I’m feeling incredibly lazy.)
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
Note to self: keep your meter on track;
Never let your rhymes get out of whack;
Let thy words make thee proud;
(There’s no “twin talk” allowed);
Hitting “SEND” means you can’t take it back.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (PHONE-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)
Brian Allgar:
These “smartphones” are not smart at all!
They’re almost unreadably small;
Of “apps” there’s a pile,
But no rotary dial –
How the hell do I just make a call?
Mark Totterdell:
When the very first phone call was staged,
AG Bell was completely enraged,
Most exceedingly vexed,
All confused and perplexed,
When he found that the line was engaged.
Bob Turvey:
To the wife I said over the phone,
“I’ve a riddle – it’s hard – can be blown.
When it slides in and out
You’ll jump and you’ll shout
And it’s in my hand now!” “Your trombone?”
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
Though the Luddite was lacking in cred,
On the subject of cell phones he said,
“I’ll buy in a snap
The one with an app
That allows me to talk with the dead.”
Tim James:
They used to put phones in a booth
In the long-ago days of my youth.
You would drop in a dime
For a few minutes’ time.
I remember! (I’m long in the tooth.)
P Diane Schneider:
The call came when I was in bed.
“You’ve ordered an iPhone,” it said.
Of course I did not!
(Despicable bot!)
These calls really mess with my head.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
To my friend, as I’m driving us through
A strange town neither one of us knew,
I said, “Help me here, Lars.
Check my phone. Are there bars?”
He said, “No, but will liquor stores do?”
David Friedman:
There was a corona cell, Cyrile,
All covered with spikes in a spiral.
As he and his clones
Coated everyone’s phones,
“I’m hoping,” he said, “to go viral!”
Terry Marter:
Phoned my shrink ’bout my troubles and strife.
He advised me to start a new life:
“Seek out mountains and streams
With the girl of your dreams.”
I flew out the next day – with his wife!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bob Turvey, Brian Allgar, David Friedman, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Mark Totterdell, P Diane Schneider, Rudy Landesman, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Terry Marter, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | Comments Off on Limerick-Off Award (470)
Sunday, May 16th, 2021
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using TRACK at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to PHONES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best PHONE-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on May 30, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, May 29, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my TRACK-rhyme limerick:
Under pressure, my voice tends to crack,
Which upsets me and sends me off track.
No I’m not a young male,
But a gal whose words fail
When I need them the most; I’m a flack.
And here’s my PHONE-themed limerick:
My life without smart-phones ain’t tough.
So your pity, I’ll always rebuff.
I’ve no call for complaint;
Though a smart-phone it ain’t,
My “smart-enough-phone’s” up to snuff.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Cell Phone, Cell Phones, Competition Limerick, Flacks Humor, Flacks Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Smart Phones, Smart-Enough-Phone, Smart-Phone, Smartphones, Telephones, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 200 Comments »
Sunday, May 16th, 2021
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
A young bride had her wedding gown planned:
She’d create it herself — make it grand!
To her groom she said, “You’ll
Help me stiffen the tulle.”
He said, “Sure, I can do it by hand.”
Congratulations to MARK TOTTERDELL, who wins the Special ZOO-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
In the zoo, an old elephant, Ernie,
Long deprived of his freedom to journey
By the bars on his cage,
Was so maddened by rage,
He demanded to see his attorney.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Rudy Landesman, Terry Marter, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Sondra Landin, Roger Haugen, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Steve Benko, Mark Totterdell, Brian Allgar, and Kirk Miller. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“TOOL/TULLE” RHYME DIVISION)
Tim James:
She’s a baker; her son is a fool.
(Bluntly stated, he’s not a sharp tool.)
She caught him one day
In her kitchen, at play:
“Hey, a Frisbee that ain’t! It’s a boule!”
Rudy Landesman:
Poor Oliver Twist ate his gruel.
That watery slop was the tool
To keep kids in line.
Did Oliver whine?
What the Dickens, that kid was no fool.
Terry Marter:
When the trash man drank all his wife’s gin
His chance of survival was thin.
She diced up the fool
With a very sharp tool
But he still wouldn’t fit in the bin.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
One tool that I use when I polish
My lim’ricks is handy and smallish.
Using lead as its fuel,
It’s a rubber-tipped tool,
With two settings: “Rub Out” and “Demolish.”
Sondra Landin:
The little girl perched on a stool,
So prettily dressed in blue tulle,
And now how would she do?
Would they clap, would they boo?
She played and soon wowed the whole school!
Tim James:
Said a gal to her guy: “Though you’re cool,
I like circumcised men, as a rule.”
He’s not keen on it, but
He’s agreed to get cut.
Thus their love life he’s gonna re-tool.
Roger Haugen:
The porn king sat down on the stool
And whipped out his thirteen-inch tool;
The girls were in shock–
The sight of his cock
Was enough to make all of them drool.
Lisi Nortman:
I write limericks ev-er-y day.
With words, I consistently play.
But I do use a tool.
To make them sound cool:
I hammer and hammer away.
Steve Benko:
“For digging up graves,” said the ghoul,
“This shovel is too minuscule.
For cadaver retrieval,
It’s truly medieval;
A backhoe is my kind of tool.”
HONORABLE MENTIONS (ZOO LIMERICK DIVISION)
Terry Marter:
The mysterious unicorn’s fate.
Has for years been a cause for debate.
Never seen in a zoo,
The researchers best clue
Is that Noah declared they taste great.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
At the petting zoo, there in the crowd,
Stood a boy looking gloomy and cowed.
“Go on, touch them,” I said,
To which he shook his head,
“There’s a sign that says, ‘no pets allowed.’”
Lisi Nortman:
Although the zoo culture forbids
Divorce, they were still on the skids.
Through all kinds of weather,
The Goats stayed together,
But only because of the kids.
Mark Totterdell:
When the animals down in the zoo
Want to do what all animals do,
They have nowhere to meet
Private, safe and discreet,
So they do it right there in full view.
Brian Allgar:
A gorilla with bright orange skin
And a vast hippopotamus chin,
A rhinoceros rump …
It’s the one-man zoo, Trump!
(Did I mention his crocodile grin?)
Kirk Miller:
All the doves that are housed at the zoo
Are upset and decide to pursue
A revolt; overthrow
The zookeepers, so
The doves will be staging a coo.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Mark Totterdell, Roger Haugen, Rudy Landesman, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Sondra Landin, Steve Benko, Terry Marter, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | Comments Off on Limerick-Off Award (469)
Saturday, May 1st, 2021
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using TOOL or TULLE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to ZOOS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best ZOO-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on May 16, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, May 15, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my TOOL/TULLE-rhyme limerick:
The worst sort of boss is the fool
Who frequently acts like a tool;
When his OWN boss says jump,
He’ll obey like a chump.
Then who’ll suffer the consequence? You’ll!
And here’s my ZOO-themed limerick:
On a trip to our large, local zoo
We peered at its small new-born gnu.
That calf is so cute,
But it’s surely on route
To be horned, huge and cow-like, sans moo.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Animal and Pet Humor, Competition Limerick, Cow Humor, Fools, Gnu Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Tools Limerick, Writing Prompts, Zoo humor
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 208 Comments »
Saturday, May 1st, 2021
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to LISI NORTMAN ARDISSONE, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
Although gone, she was strangely alert.
Still a nudge, even under the dirt.
Right there at her plot,
A voice said, “Do not
Come visit me wearing that shirt.”
Congratulations to TERRY MARTER, who wins the Special DRONES-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
Robbers looting two royalty zones
(Later caught by police using drones)
Tried to hide their hot gear
In a hothouse. It’s clear! –
Thieves in glass houses shouldn’t stow thrones.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Dave Johnson, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Jean McEwen, Rudy Landesman, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Tony Holmes, Terry Marter, Clay Wild, Tim James, Kirk Miller, Mark Totterdell, and Neil Greenberg. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “PLOT” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO DRONE LIMERICKS)
Dave Johnson:
The part of the beach that was sought,
Would hide them from view, so they thought.
But during their tryst,
Came a drone through the mist;
Its lenses unraveled their plot.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“PLOT” RHYME DIVISION)
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
Said a hack on creating a plot:
“I put into my work all I’ve got.
When it starts to mature,
Then I add more manure.
And that’s how I come up with this rot.”
Jean McEwen:
The clots some folks got from the shot
Have hit only a few – not a lot.
Yet some dopes – their views aided
By Fox – are persuaded
The shot is some Faucian plot.
Tony Holmes:
At the junction, the cause for delay
Rushed right past us, and anger held sway.
“It’s a mob.” “That’s a lot!”
“And they’ve all lost the plot –
At the moment, they’ve riot of way.”
Rudy Landesman:
Apples fall off a tree quite a lot,
And gravity’s in on the plot.
So, there’s little disputin’:
It WAS Isaac Newton
Concocting that sauce sold by Mott.
Lisi Nortman:
Mr. Hokey H. Pokey would shout:
“Hey, gravediggers, what’s this about?
I’m here in a plot,
It can’t be the right spot.
Cuz my left foot is still stickin’ out.
Tony Holmes:
“Boy meets girl has been done. We need plot!”
“What if boy loves girl’s mum, cos she’s hot?
Then the father, ignored,
Kills them all cos he’s bored—”
“Okay, now I’m on board—” “Then gets shot?”
“It’s too tame. You were doing so well.
Sex and murder, all great. That will sell.
But the ending – it’s lame.
Try again – up your game.”
“He’s redeemed by a vision of hell.”
Terry Marter:
Storm at sea wrecked our charts, – took the lot;
Blown away, fair to say “lost the plot.”
Now we’re in a fine mess;
We must send SOS:
Dot dot DOT, dash dash DASH, dot dot DOT.
Clay Wild:
Fragile campers in woods, deep and dense
Wolves and grizzlies and greed, self-defense
Murder myst’ry the plot
Twists and turns, like a knot
Safe to say, story line was ‘in tents’!
Tim James, who offers his “apologies to Mr. Shakespeare:”
Hamlet’s reading a book that he got —
Which he says he’s enjoying a lot —
About Yorick, alas!
As a read, it’s first-class
And he really is digging the plot.
Ms. Macbeth was the wife of a Scot
Who contrived a nefarious plot
To kill Duncan, the king.
Her dog saw the whole thing.
“You’re a BAD dog!” she said. “Out, damned Spot!”
HONORABLE MENTIONS (DRONE LIMERICK DIVISION)
Kirk Miller:
Toy store owners are asking themselves
About drones, so each one of them delves
Into records of sales,
And the trend that prevails
Is that drones have been flying off shelves.
Tim James:
Could your local delivery guy
Be replaced by a thing that can fly?
Might you order by phone
Pizza drop-off by drone?
I think not. That’s just pie in the sky.
Rudy Landesman:
A mother right down to the bone,
She’d lecture, she’d scold, and she’d drone.
She called ev’ry day
And then passed away.
Her grave, she regrets, has no phone.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
I’ve relinquished the Edsel I own,
In exchange for a nice, compact drone.
Warn the Regs, “FLY UNMANNED!”
Which is what I have planned.
They say nothing about an old crone.
Jean McEwen:
The dullards I work with – such bores!
All their monotone rants about chores
Like their timesheets, their filing
And in-boxes piling
Induce in me nothing but snores!
Mark Totterdell:
The queen, that most key of all key bees,
Commands a whole army of she-bees
Who do all the work,
While the drones, who just shirk
And have sex are, you’ve guessed it, the he-bees.
Neil Greenberg:
There’s hardly a sound that is known
To bedevil us down to the bone
Like the buzz overhead
That fills me with dread:
Die and dissipate, damnable drone!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Clay Wild, Dave Johnson, Jean McEwen, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Mark Totterdell, Neil Greenberg, Rudy Landesman, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Terry Marter, Tim James, Tony Holmes, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | Comments Off on Limerick-Off Award (468)
Saturday, April 17th, 2021
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using PLOT at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to DRONES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best DRONE-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on May 2, 2021 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, May 1, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my PLOT-rhyme limerick:
A woman at work on a plot
For a book that she hoped would be hot,
Read an excerpt aloud
To a writers’ group crowd.
Someone scoffed: “Is the author a bot?”
And here’s my DRONE-themed Two-Verse limerick:
“I do NOT want to own a damn drone,
No matter how easily flown.
It’s the last thing I’d buy,
And I can’t fathom why
You keep spamming me. Leave me alone!
“How I got on your list, I don’t know.
Was my email supplied by a foe?
May your sales and drones crash!
And here’s a hot flash:
Do NOT hold your breath for my dough!”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bot Humor, Competition Limerick, Drone Humor, Drone Limerick, Email Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Money & Finance Humor, Plot Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Spam, Spam Humor, Spam Limerick, Writers Groups, Writing & Publishing Humor, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Email Humor, Internet Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest, Robot Humor, Spam Humor, Writing & Publishing Humor | 312 Comments »
Saturday, April 17th, 2021
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
“Free verse” was invented by hacks
Whose grasp on poetics is lax.
Without meter or rhyme,
What they write is a crime –
The law should impose a syntax.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special SHEEP-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
Little Bo, as she tended her sheep,
Smoked a bowl and then fell fast asleep.
Her whole flock, at high cost,
Wandered off and got lost —
While from Bo there’s been nary a Peep.
Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER and LISI NORTMAN ARDISSONE, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
When his fleece got too curly and twee,
Lambert bawled, “Maa! What’s happ’ning to me?”
Ewenice answered him, “Bah!
Que sera que sera —
Whatever wool be, lamb, wool be.”
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
Dear Sjaan, this might sound a bit odd.
I’ve advice for you, (so help me God)
That lim’rik was fab,
Yet a little bit drab.
Cuz puns about sheep are so baaa-d.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
Dear Lisi, I know I’ve descended
Into maaa-dness; it can’t be defended.
I have lambasted bovid —
I blame it on Covid.
Signed, Sheepish One. (No pun intended).
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sue Dulley, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Brian Allgar, Dave Johnson, Sondra Landin, Kirk Miller, Tim James, Terry Marter, Doug Harris, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Rudy Landesman, Tony Holmes, Mark Totterdell, David Friedman, and Jean McEwen. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “TAX or TACKS or ATTACKS” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO SHEEP LIMERICKS)
Sue Dulley:
Unlike sheep, moose and elk males have racks
Known as ‘antlers’ for rutting attacks.
Ev’ry Bighorn sheep mourns:
“Why are mine just called ‘horns’
Like a trumpet, trombone and a sax?”
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
An accountant I know can’t relax.
He hallucinates papers in stacks.
He has tried counting sheep,
But he still can not sleep,
Due to fabled 1040 attacks.
Brian Allgar:
Oh, damn it! I’ve just popped a button!
It’s my own fault for being a glutton.
I get hunger attacks
And I need little snacks,
So I’ve gobbled a whole leg of mutton.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“TAX or TACKS or ATTACKS” RHYME DIVISION)
Dave Johnson:
Grown weary of right-wing attacks?
Here’s something to help you relax:
Experience Fox
And those radio jocks
With volume turned down to the max.
Sondra Landin:
The boy at the piano attacks
The music of Brit Arnold Bax.
He pounds and he stumbles,
Then finally grumbles,
“I’d rather be playing the sax!”
Kirk Miller:
The Venus de Milo is charming,
But some think it’s rather alarming.
Beneath shoulders she lacks
Any limbs, so attacks
Are made that the statue’s disarming.
Tim James:
Corporations avoid paying tax
While they pile up the money in stacks.
“But it’s legal!” they say
As it’s all waved away
By a phalanx of flunkies and flacks.
Brian Allgar:
The killer goes mad with an ax,
And his victims are bundled in sacks.
But none of them bleeds;
All the corpses are weeds,
The results of his garden attacks.
Terry Marter:
In my beautiful dream nothing lacks.
We drift, so relaxed, on our backs.
Then a tongue in my ear
Says reality’s here;
It’s our Dog’s friendly “Wake up!” attacks.
Doug Harris:
As through this mad life we make tracks –
Uncertainty wielding its axe,
There are two things for sure
(It’s so simple, so pure)
That you’ll shortly be dead and pay tax!
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
Lizzie Borden, indicted by hacks,
For her heinous (unproven) attacks,
Is notorious still
As the goriest thrill
In one famous Museum of Whacks.
Rudy Landesman:
The op’ra’s been under attacks
In Rome, by vociferous claques.
They shout and they boo,
Throw tomatoes — that too.
What’s become of that old Roman Pax?
Tim James:
A collection of ignorant hacks
Runs around spewing stuff anti-vax.
Although prospects are dim,
We could pay for the stim
If we passed a stupidity tax.
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
When I have my “insolvent attacks”
I use a great trick to relax.
I breathe into a bag,
Till I feel I will gag.
Then skedaddle right over to Saks.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (SHEEP LIMERICK DIVISION)
Tony Holmes:
Sid and Elsie a-shivering stood,
Sporting crew-cuts from old farmer Good.
Elsie said, “You look blue.”
Sid replied, “So will you.
I’m no longer a ram who packs wood.”
Mark Totterdell:
A cultured and civilized leopard
Ate a whole flock of sheep and their shepherd.
It did not eat them raw,
But pot-roasted, with slaw
And some garlic potatoes, well-peppered.
David Friedman:
There once was a fellow named Rand,
The horniest guy in the land;
He wore out six brides,
Twelve hookers besides,
Nine sheep, and the lines on his hand.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
Take sheep dip with sugar — one lump.
Or inject it right into your rump.
It works against Covid,
Just ask any bovid.
I read this in “Cure-alls” by Trump.
Jean McEwen:
It seems I’ve been fleeced by Lee Lamb
And her parents (Ma Ewe and Dad Ram.)
’Cause their pledge of fine wool,
It turns out, was pure bull–
And I gullibly fell for their scam.
Terry Marter:
Couldn’t sleep so I picked up my pen,
But decided to practice my Zen.
Then I wondered if sheep,
(When they can’t get to sleep)
Prefer to count women or men.
Rudy Landesman:
A lamb chop, as cute as a button,
Was eaten by one greedy glutton.
Its mommy, the sheep,
No longer could sleep;
Her baby would never be mutton.
Tim James:
“On the lam from some mobsters is he,”
Said the girl, “So he can’t marry me.”
Said her dad, “Those are lies;
Pull the wool from your eyes!”
And she sheepishly had to agree.
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
My young son wants to nourish his brain;
Asks me questions, and some I explain.
“Is the moon made of cheese?”
And “Who built the trees?”
And “Why don’t sheep shrink in the rain?”
Kirk Miller:
The shepherd said sheepishly, “Damn!
I find that I’m in a big jam.”
And an ewe knew he’d cry
When he said with a sigh,
“The young sheep have all gone on the lam.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Dave Johnson, David Friedman, Doug Harris, Jean McEwen, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Mark Totterdell, Rudy Landesman, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Sondra Landin, Sue Dulley, Terry Marter, Tim James, Tony Holmes, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | Comments Off on Limerick-Off Award (467)
Saturday, March 27th, 2021
UPDATE: Unfortunately, my site is still undergoing repairs, due to encoding errors caused by my site host’s server upgrade. Consequently, I’m forced to extend this Limerick-Off by one week. Your new submission deadline is Saturday April 17 at 4 p.m. Eastern.
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using TAX or TACKS or ATTACKS at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SHEEP, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best SHEEP-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on April 18, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you three full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 17, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my TAX or TACKS or ATTACKS-rhyme limerick:
Enough with your nasty attacks
About taxes and vaxes! The cracks
In your reasoning, shallow,
Are proof you’re a callow
Young fellow, who’s lax to the max.
And here’s my SHEEP-themed limerick:
A gal who was caught counting sheep
At her desk by her company’s veep,
Saw no reason to fret,
Cuz her job’s a safe bet:
The firm’s hers! So she went back to sleep.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Business Humor, Business Limerick, Competition Limerick, Counting Sheep, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Sheep, Sleep & Insomnia Humor, Sleep Limerick, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Business Humor, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest, Sleep & Insomnia Humor | 345 Comments »
Saturday, March 27th, 2021
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
Population stats brought up to date,
Were one misanthrope’s happiest state.
His old heart filled with joy,
And he hollered, “Oh boy!
Nearly eight billion people to hate!”
Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Special Co-Worker-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
Dave Johnson:
Those folks on the 21st floor
Decided to even the score.
Their break room was bare;
Chairs and tables not there.
Now our bathroom stalls – nary a door.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Dave Johnson, Terry Marter, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Tony Holmes, Bob Turvey, Tim James, Sharon Neeman, Ken Gosse, David Friedman, Gail White, Rudy Landesman, and Mark Totterdell. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “STATE/ESTATE” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO CO-WORKER LIMERICKS)
Dave Johnson:
Our office assistant was great;
She came from a northeastern state.
She’d talk about “caahs,”
Her favorite “baahs,”
And that baseball team Yankee fans hate.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“STATE or ESTATE” RHYME DIVISION)
Terry Marter:
The Covid’s been spreading by stealth
And severely affecting our health.
We all can relate
That the health of our state
Is affecting the state of our wealth.
Lisi Nortman Ardissone, who notes that pursuant to a 1949 New Jersey statute, it’s illegal to pump your own gas:
I’m a lady from Jersey with class.
I drink wine from a Waterford glass.
I own an estate,
Which of course is first-rate,
And I don’t have to pump my own gas.
Tony Holmes:
“Fare thee well, cruel world. Life’s too tough.
I am beaten. Enough is enough.
I bequeath my estate
To my dog. Let my fate
Be a warning – No! Wait! It’s a bluff!”
Bob Turvey:
Let’s consider the blood-sucking tick.
When gorged it is half an inch thick.
If squeezed in this state
By yourself, or a mate,
It explodes. It’s a great party trick.
Tim James:
“Legal reefer? The prospects aren’t great,”
Said my neighbor, who just couldn’t wait.
Wanting things to improve,
He decided to move.
Now he lives in a mellower state.
Terry Marter:
My beautiful country estate
I bequeath to my very best mate,
Plus some CCTV,
So at times he can see
All my relatives camped by the gate.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (CO-WORKER LIMERICK DIVISION)
Sharon Neeman:
My assistant is clumsy and fat.
Today on my laptop he sat,
Knocked over my cup
And would not wipe it up…
It’s lucky for him he’s a cat.
Ken Gosse:
Deep silence fell over the crowd
When the boss started thinking aloud.
Phones came to a stop—
You could hear a pin drop—
For his mind was as blank as a shroud.
Lisi Nortman offers “Advice For The New Co-Worker:”
“I’d like you to be my good friend,
So there’s something you must comprehend:
To do well at this place,
Pose that “hard-working” face
And remember the key word “PRETEND.”
David Friedman:
In these days of Covidian doom
There’s a silver edge lining the gloom:
The folks we’re employing
Are far less annoying
When miles away on a Zoom.
Tim James:
Our salesmen are miserable guys.
All their revenue numbers are lies.
They imbibe to excess.
And promiscuous? Yes.
But there’s worse: they steal office supplies.
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
Oh, please get me out of this room.
My co-worker’s fully in bloom.
I cough and I sneeze
And I’m never at ease.
So I call her “Miss Too Much Perfume.”
Gail White:
Whenever my office-mates gather
At break-time for coffee and blather,
I add my two cents
Which are brief but intense,
And do I get bored with it? Rather!
Rudy Landesman, who calls it “The Mikado Redux.”
We’re three little maidens, are we.
Three street workers, out for a fee.
Without long delays
Sir Sullivan pays,
But Gilbert, he gets it for free.
Mark Totterdell:
There was a young chemist called Bess
Who, to her co-workers’ distress,
Farted CO2, N,
CH4, H, and then
Finished off with some pure H2S.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bob Turvey, Dave Johnson, David Friedman, Gail White, Ken Gosse, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Mark Totterdell, Rudy Landesman, Sharon Neeman, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Terry Marter, Tim James, Tony Holmes, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | Comments Off on Limerick-Off Award (466)
Saturday, March 13th, 2021
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using STATE or ESTATE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to CO-WORKERS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best CO-WORKERS-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on March 28, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, March 27, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my State/Estate-rhyme limerick:
My neighbor was fined and then jailed.
“I will NOT wear a mask he had wailed!”
“It’s not up for debate,”
Said the judge. “In this state,
We follow the rules, and you’re nailed.”
And here’s my Co-Workers-themed limerick:
My cubicle-mate just resigned.
I’m relieved; he’s a boor unrefined,
Who chomps coffee beans — gross!
Glad to say “Adios!”
(Enough bitching! It’s back to the grind.)
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Co-Workers Limerick, Competition Limerick, Courthouse Humor, Cubicle Humor, Employment Humor, Job Humor, Judge Humor, Law And Order, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Masks Humor, Neighbors Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Neighbors Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest, Relationship Humor, Workplace & Career Humor | 215 Comments »
Saturday, March 13th, 2021
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to MARK TOTTERDELL, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this clever limerick:
Dodos died, so it’s tragic but true
That there’s nobody left now who knew
Of the shape or the length
Or olfactory strength
Of the doo-doos a dodo would do.
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Special BUGS-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
Brian Allgar:
I’d begun to have sex in the grass
With the prettiest girl in my class,
When “Oh God!” cried the chick,
“What a terrible prick!”
… She’d been bitten by ants in the ass.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners, in random order. (There are more than usual because it was a very strong week for entries, both in terms of quantity and quality.) Sharon Neeman, Thomas Vincent, Tim James, Terry Marter, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Sondra Landin, Tony Holmes, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Sue Dulley, Dave Johnson, David Friedman, Gail White, and Brian Allgar. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “DO or DUE or DEW or ADO” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO BUGS-Themed LIMERICKS)
Sharon Neeman:
Now that COVID is practically through
And we’ve all had a jab — maybe two —
Can we take our guitars
And sit under the stars
As we sing (and pass round) Mountain Dew?
This old folkie’s not put off by bugs
Or by (mild) recreational drugs,
But I surely do long
To exchange — not just song,
But a thing that’s far better — real hugs!
Thomas Vincent:
Each time that I feel down and blue,
I munch on an insect or two.
Though humans like hugs,
I’ll just stick to bugs.
What else is a shrew s’pposed to do?
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“DO or DUE or DEW or ADO” RHYME DIVISION)
Tim James:
When Satan came sauntering through
The salon door, the hairdresser knew
She could NOT blow him off.
So she fashioned his coif,
Thereby giving the devil his ’do.
Terry Marter:
I woke you (at quarter-to-two)
To show you I’ve written “I Do,”
And be sure you can see
That line four rhymes with three.
You can go back to sleep now – I’m through.
Lisi Nortman Ardissone
A baby’s a dream that comes true.
Can’t believe my sweet girl’s almost two.
But her dad’s of no use;
He’ll use any excuse
Not to change her when she makes a doo.
Sondra Landin:
We’ve had a long friendship, we two.
In good and bad years we pulled through.
But times are a-changing;
Our needs now far-ranging.
Let’s say our adieus sans ado.
Thomas Vincent:
If you want to use something that’s new,
Try our super thick, quick-drying glue.
But take care and beware;
If applied to your hair,
You surely will rue your new do.
Tony Holmes:
How you’re greeted will give you the clue.
You’re in Britain: It’s “How do you do?”
Down in Oz, it’s “Goo’ day!”
And in Paree so gay,
It’s “Bonjour” and then “Merci beaucoup.”
In some states they say “Howdy!” (It’s true.)
In some others, “Hey ya’ll” or “Hey you.”
“How’s it hangin’?” is hip,
Though “Whassup?” has more zip,
And for Cajuns, “Bonjour” and “Adieu.”
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
Noah boarded the beasts two-by-two —
’Twas a task the Big Boss bade him do.
He faced it, unblinking,
But couldn’t help thinking,
“The world is becoming a zoo.”
Sue Dulley:
I’m Sue. This is long overdue –
I never was born, I just grew.
So how can this be?
It was quite clear to me;
My parents were too shy to screw.
Dave Johnson:
While looking for something to do,
He dialed up a lady he knew,
Saying “Hey, I’m so bored.”
She said “Here’s your reward
For calling – now come bore me too.”
David Friedman:
There’s a raunchy giraffe at the zoo
Who shouts (as giraffes seldom do):
“If you think my neck’s long
Just look at my schlong!”
Then pisses to show that it’s true.
Gail White:
I’m claiming, without more ado,
That my Biblical visions are true,
While your foolish reliance
On reason and science
Reflects very poorly on you.
Terry Marter:
The clairvoyants’ convention was due.
They had asked us along. (We all flew.)
At Departure that night,
They all cancelled their flight,
So we cancelled ours too – wouldn’t you?!
Dave Johnson:
It came while in bed from her side;
A quiver she couldn’t quite hide.
Although they were through,
He asked “What did you do?”
“Just gave you a hand,” she replied.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (BUGS-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
A diner, so bugged by the guy
Who waited his table, yelled “Fie!
You have managed to pour
On my lap soup du jour,
And now there’s a soup in my fly!”
Brian Allgar:
Damned mosquitoes! It isn’t the pain
That is driving me slowly insane,
But that nerve-racking whine
As they zoom in to dine
Once again, and again, and again!
Dave Johnson:
I’m puzzled what everyone sees
In purchasing items like these.
They’re blankets and such
Which I’d rather not touch
That come from a market of fleas.
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
“Hey, mosquito, let’s have a nice chat.
Don’t be shy, cuz I know where you’re at.
You’ve sucked up my blood,
But I’ll be your best “bud”
If you guzzle up some of my fat.
Terry Marter:
Some beetles are bullies and thugs
That treat the less wary as mugs.
But some, bright and gay,
Go out of their way
To stop and give lady bugs hugs!
Dave Johnson:
“I’ll tell you who bugs me the most,”
She said to the afternoon host.
“It’s people you ask
About wearing a mask
Who claim that their ‘freedom’ is toast.”
“But now that the vaccines are here,
Their purpose in life becomes clear.
They scheme and design
To be there first in line;
I hope they get shot in the rear.”
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
A pillbug, aggrieved, won’t reveal it;
When insulted, he tries not to feel it.
Called a “sow” or a “louse,”
He’ll be tempted to grouse,
But rolls up in a ball to conceal it.
Tony Holmes:
When disporting alfresco, beware!
Gnats and midges may nest in your hair.
This, in turn, makes you itch –
And that itch is a bitch.
It’s a high price to pay for fresh air.
Tim James:
Insurrectionist Klein loudly cursed:
“Damn these roaches! They’re simply the worst!
Move me out of here! Ick!”
But the roaches were quick:
They petitioned to move him out first.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Dave Johnson, David Friedman, Gail White, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Mark Totterdell, Sharon Neeman, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Sondra Landin, Sue Dulley, Terry Marter, Thomas Vincent, Tim James, Tony Holmes, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | Comments Off on Limerick-Off Award (465)
Saturday, February 27th, 2021
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using DO or DUE or DEW or ADO at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to BUGS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best BUGS-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on March 14, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, March 13, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my DO or DUE or DEW or ADO-rhyme limerick:
On the verge of proclaiming, “I do,”
The bride nearly fell off her shoe.
“It’s a message from God.
Don’t marry this clod!”
Yelled her mom. “God likes Stu better too!”
And here’s my BUGS-themed limerick:
“This software is buggy as hell.
How dare you maintain it works well!
I’m bugged, so don’t shrug;
I’m pulling the plug
In a week, if the code doesn’t jell.”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 242 Comments »
Saturday, February 27th, 2021
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to TERRY MARTER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
The stuff we call Time can’t be seen;
One instant it’s here, – then it’s been.
When you kiss on a hill,
It sublimely stands still,
But in Greenwich, U.K. it’s just mean.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special Weed(s)-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
Tim James:
How’s a gardener battling weeds
Like a john craving sexual deeds?
Answer: Each has a goal
At the end of a pole.
A ho(e) will serve both of their needs.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Rudy Landesman, John Edwards, Sondra Landin, Kirk Miller, Thomas Vincent, Tim James, David Friedman, Dave Johnson, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Suzanne Heymann, Jean McEwen, Bob Turvey, and Tony Holmes. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “MEAN or MIEN or DEMEAN” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO “WEEDs” LIMERICKS)
Brian Allgar:
At last, it’s stopped freezing and snowing;
It’s Spring, and my garden is growing …
Bloody hell! I’ve just seen
Mother Nature’s been mean –
It’s only the weeds that are showing!
Rudy Landesman:
My last lim’rick, I now must concede
Did not mention a single wild weed.
And I’m sure you have seen
My misplacement of “mean,”
Two egregious transgressions, indeed.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“MEAN or MIEN or DEMEAN” RHYME DIVISION)
John Edwards:
There once was a weedy old dean
Who made up a lewd mondegreen.
His crude oronym,
He penned on a whim.
But what, you might ask, did demean?
Sondra Landin:
My dishwasher’s gone on the blink,
Dirty dishes piled high in the sink.
And I find it so mean:
There’re no guests to be seen;
They fled fast after food and last drink!
Kirk Miller:
There once was a woman named Jean
Who had the most dignified mien.
“I’m addicted to soap,”
She admitted. “I hope
That with treatment, I’ll soon become clean.”
Thomas Vincent:
Ophelia’s a regular teen
Whose grades always fall in between;
Not high and not low,
Just average, although
To note it still seems pretty mean.
Tim James:
A woman whose skin is bright green
Is the nastiest witch ever seen.
She will terrorize you
(And your little dog, too).
Her behavior in toto is mean.
David Friedman:
The wife of poor Jeremy Green
Is the nastiest bitch ever seen;
To hell she’d subject him,
Then offer her rectum,
The end justifying the mean.
Dave Johnson:
The former guy’s angry and mean;
Still constantly venting his spleen.
But lately the spew
Is no longer in view;
His Twitter bird flew from the scene.
Tim James:
Right-wing hacks used to hurry to score
Angry points in their “cultural war” —
To be first on the scene
With their rage, loud and mean.
But today? There’s no Rush anymore.
Dave Johnson:
He shows a cantankerous mien;
Intent on provoking a scene.
He’s letting us know
Just who’s running the show:
Our cat, when his box isn’t clean.
Sjaan vandenBroeder:
My retriever is halfway between
Pale yellow and orange in sheen.
If you think he’s a cur,
Take a look at his fur —
He’s authentic. A real Golden Mean.
Bob Turvey:
Six women, all young, fit and keen
Wanted ACTION (you know what I mean) –
Now they all loved one guy,
And he said he would try –
The funeral’s next week in Racine.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (WEED(s) LIMERICK DIVISION)
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
I admit that I lose all control
When I’m dancing to rock or to soul.
Then I get me some weed.
(Satisfaction indeed!)
It’s so cool when I rock and then roll.
Suzanne Heymann:
If you give groups of boys each a gun,
Pretty soon they will shoot ev’ryone.
But put weed in their hand
And they soon form a band
And spread peace in the land, having fun.
Jean McEwen:
The brownies I bake? Guaranteed
To please the whole crowd. I’ll concede:
They can taste a bit grassy,
But folks find them classy.
My secret? I spike them with weed!
Bob Turvey:
Said a nudist, “I love stinging nettles –
I sting both their leaves and their petals
With a weedkiller spray
Which just burns them away
And I relish those old scores it settles!
Sjaan vandenBroeder:
The weeds in my yard make me leery;
Tall creatures that stalk me — it’s eerie.
They hide pistils that shoot
Through my foil hazmat suit.
(It’s true. Not conspiracy theory.)
Tony Holmes:
Lawn perfectionist, Emerson Flaunts,
Would wake screaming. “The image! It haunts!
Grinning up from the sward,
Like a Mardi Gras horde,
Dandelions and daisies hurl taunts.”
David Friedman:
The drug couns’lor asked, “Who would need
This bud or this leaf or this seed?
And who’d waste an hour
Just smoking this flower?”
We speedily answered him: “We’d!”
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
What with weeds, germs, and virus galore,
I was sure we had ev’ry known spore.
But it seems we are short
The microbial sort,
So we’ve flown off to Mars to get more.
Dave Johnson:
When deer are out doing their deeds,
This guideline each one of them heeds:
“We’re claiming these flowers
And yard plants as ours;
Those humans can have all the weeds.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bob Turvey, Brian Allgar, Dave Johnson, David Friedman, Jean McEwen, John Edwards, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Rudy Landesman, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Sondra Landin, Suzanne Heymann, Terry Marter, Thomas Vincent, Tim James, Tony Holmes, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 2 Comments »
