Archive for the ‘Physical Appearance’ Category

Finessing Popularity

Thursday, January 27th, 2011

Finesse is the word of the day over at Writers Block Daily. It prompted me to write a limerick and haiku:

Finessing Popularity
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A man with no hint of finesse
Was quite popular. Why? Can you guess?
Neither handsome, nor funny,
The guy sure had money
To spare and was known for largesse.

Finance and finesse
Both begin with the root fin.
End of resemblance?

Gargantuan (Limerick)

Tuesday, January 11th, 2011

This week’s poetry prompt from Big Tent Poetry involves alliteration. Here’s the limerick I wrote using that prompt:

Gargantuan
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A gargantuan guy guzzling beer
Was grinning from ear to huge ear.
When asked why the smile,
He said, “Won me a pile,
So you’ll soon see the last of my rear.”

Naked Pleasures

Wednesday, December 15th, 2010

If you’re reading this, you probably enjoy limerick challenges. So I wanted to make sure you knew about Patrick McGuire’s weekly Unfinished Limerick Contests.

Essentially, Patrick provides part of a limerick — anywhere from two to four lines — and asks you to finish it. And he even declares an actual winner.

They’re lots of fun, and I’m pleased to report that I just won his 24th contest. In that poetry challenge, Patrick provided the first two lines and I added the last three. Here’s the resulting limerick:

I am not really much of a prude
And on other folks’ joys don’t intrude.
No, I’d never play god,
But this one thing seems odd:
Why do folks with bad bods sunbathe nude?

UPDATE: I’m guessing these people have an extra good time on National Nude Day, celebrated each year on July 14th.

Hairy Limerick

Wednesday, November 17th, 2010

Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A gal who was youngish, yet gray…

Here’s mine. (It’s a two-verse limerick, but a standard one-verse limerick is fine, of course.)

Hairy Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A gal who was youngish, yet gray,
Considered a dye job one day,
But was coloring wary.
(It struck her as hairy.)
She refused, to her mother’s dismay.

Her mom said, “It’s time for some dye,
Else you’ll look even older than I.
And I can not afford
An old daughter — good lord —
If I want to attract a new guy.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, right above my photo. Thanks!

Limerick Ode To Long Gray Hair

Saturday, October 23rd, 2010

Dominique Browning poses an excellent question in her New York Times essay Why Can’t Middle-Aged Women Have Long Hair? Well, I believe they can and should, if they’re so inclined:

Limerick Ode To Long Gray Hair
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m writing in praise of long hair.
If you think I’m too old, I don’t care.
And if short is the “norm”
At my age, won’t conform
To such ageist opinions. So there!

UPDATE: Happy Hairstyle Appreciation Day! (April 30th)

Infamous Limerick

Monday, September 27th, 2010

Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman who yearned for great fame…

Here’s mine. (It’s a two-verse limerick, but a standard one-verse limerick is fine, of course.)

Infamous Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman who yearned for great fame
Had no talent that people could name.
But reality’s odd:
Her voluptuous bod
Led to stints on American Dame.

The series showed gals well endowed,
As scantily clad as allowed.
Then losers were kicked,
As front-runners were picked.
You don’t like that idea? Join the crowd.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, right above my photo. Thanks!

Decomposed Limerick

Wednesday, September 22nd, 2010

This isn’t a formal Limerick-Off. But feel free to “borrow” my first line, if you’re so inclined.

Decomposed Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A gal who was putting on airs
Kept attracting a great many stares.
It seems that her dress
Under strain and duress
Had split on her way down the stairs.

While her garb suffered decomposition,
She appeared not to know her condition.
She assumed that those glances
Were ill-bred advances —
Not gapes at her clothing’s attrition.

Suitable Verse

Monday, September 20th, 2010

Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A man who owned only one suit…

Here’s mine. (It’s a six-verse limerick, but a standard one-verse limerick is fine, of course.)

Suitable Verse
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A man who owned only one suit
Could afford many more with his loot.
But he hated to wear’em
And just could not bear’em,
Which led to a workplace dispute.

The co that he worked for was sold.
“The new owner likes suits,” he was told.
“That’s too bad,” he replied.
“I just can not abide
Dressing up and I won’t be controlled.”

“Read my memo — now suits are a must,”
He was warned. “You must look upper crust.”
He replied, “Won’t comply!”
“Then I bid you goodbye,”
Said the buyer, with scorn and disgust.

“But wait, there’s a suit that I like,”
He responded. “I won’t take a hike.
It’s a suit of this sort:
I shall take you to court.
Watch your legal bills mount up and spike.”

The new owner refused to back down.
He assumed that the guy was a clown
Who never would sue.
That assumption, he’d rue.
He soon learned that this “clown” owned the town.

Yes, he worked just for fun — that’s the hitch.
He missed working — it gave him an itch.
So he did file that suit
And won even more loot.
Then he bought out the co. Ain’t that rich?

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

And if you’d like to receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting Limerick-Off first line alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, right above my photo. Thanks!

Hot Crossed Limerick (Updated)

Monday, August 30th, 2010

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A man who was known for his buns…

Here’s mine:

Hot Crossed Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A man who was known for his buns
Attracted most gals — even nuns.
How those dames would delight
In his ass oh so tight,
Ignoring his poor half-baked puns.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.

Update — Note: I will soon start announcing these Limerick-Offs via private email instead of FB messaging, because FB group messaging anti-spam policies are making it very difficult for me to send legitimate messages out to groups of twenty. (My Facebook Straits recounts just some of my difficulties with FB’s anti-spam controls.)

So if you’d like to receive private email notices letting you know I’ve posted a new Limerick-Off first line, please send me a private email to MadKane@MadKane.com with the subject line “Limerick-Off Announcement Request.” Thanks very much!

Keeping Abreast of Breast Gazing

Sunday, August 8th, 2010

One of my Facebook pals recently linked a Med-Guru article touting a breast-gazing study. Its conclusion? Staring at breasts is good for your health and increases your life expectancy. Just one problem — the study’s apparently a hoax or urban myth.

Of course, men can still try to use the “study” when caught ogling. My limerick should help:

Keeping Abreast of Breast Gazing
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There’s a study that strongly suggests
You’ll live longer from staring at breasts.
So guys, if your gal
Sees you leer that locale,
Just explain it’s your life span’s behest.

Dotty Men

Wednesday, July 28th, 2010

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A guy in a polka dot tie…

Here’s mine. (It’s a three-verse limerick, but a standard one-verse limerick is fine, of course.):

Dotty Men
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A guy in a polka dot tie
Felt stylish, though heaven knows why.
His jacket was garish.
His pants were nightmarish.
And non-matching sneakers — oh my!

Yet he sat around mocking the gals
With some equally odd-looking pals.
“She’s too thin. She’s too fat.”
“She’s an ugly old bat.”
Can’t imagine their warped rationales.

Why do fellows behave in that way —
Scorning gals who look cuter than they?
Do they all need a shrink?
I sure hope they don’t think
It will lead to a roll in the hay.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.

Unassailable Logic

Wednesday, July 7th, 2010

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A gal who looked young for her years…

Here’s mine:

Unassailable Logic
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A gal who looked young for her years
Was often assaulted by leers.
“That is rude,” pals opined,
But she said, “I don’t mind.
Soon enough they’ll replace them with jeers.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.

Lush Limerick

Friday, June 25th, 2010

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow who drank to excess…

Here’s mine:

Lush Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow who drank to excess
Got to work in a state of undress:
Wore no shirt and no shoes,
Had a briefcase of booze
And, quite tipsy, said “Dress to impress.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.

Not-So-Colorful Limerick (Poetry Prompt)

Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman whose hair was quite gray…

Here’s mine:

Not-So-Colorful Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman whose hair was quite gray
Was told she should dye it — said “Nay!”
She opined that most tresses
When colored were messes,
And cautioned that “Dye does not pay.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.

A Miss-Misunderstanding

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this as a first line:

There once was a woman named Ann…

Here’s mine:

A Miss-Misunderstanding
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There once was a woman named Ann,
Who people assumed was a man.
When she walked in the ladies,
They yelled out, “No matees!”
And that’s when the shit hit the fan.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.

Shoo, Heels!

Wednesday, January 6th, 2010

I’m short. Five-foot-zero, to be specific. But I never wear heels. Okay, I do have one pair of special-occasion shoes with a one-inch heel. Does that even count?

I forswore high heels way back in my early twenties. Why? Isn’t it obvious? Because they hurt! Besides, even if I braved three-inch heels, I’d still be really short. Plus I’ve never thought teetering was all that sexy.

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Shoo, Heels!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m short, but wear flats — never heels.
Cuz they hurt. Gals, you know how it feels.
So my word to height seekers:
Just give me some sneakers,
Or flip flops, or better yet — wheels.

Strategic Verse

Wednesday, July 1st, 2009

Agency Ode
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There once was an agent, quite tough,
Who cut all his deals in the buff.
When his clients asked why,
He would give this reply:
“When I’m nude, no one dares give me guff.”

Feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, please join my friends in that same activity in my limerick-offs.

Harried Spouse

Monday, June 15th, 2009

Harried Spouse (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There once was a guy with no hair.
He’d shaved it all off on a dare.
His wife threw a fit
And she said,”This is it!
Grow it back, or I’ll have an affair!”

Feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, please join my friends in that same activity in my limerick-offs.

A Fountain Of Face-Yoga Youth?

Tuesday, February 24th, 2009

My niece, who holds yoga classes in Crown Heights, Brooklyn, New York, recently launched a yoga blog. And in her latest post she includes a video that demonstrates face-yoga.

So what the heck is face-yoga? According to the instructor featured on the video, certain face poses (including something called “the lion face”) can tone your face and reduce facial lines and wrinkles.

Hey … at least you don’t have to move your whole body.

I thought I’d celebrate with a limerick:

A Fountain Of Face-Yoga Youth?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Can yoga de-wrinkle your face?
Your forehead and frown lines erase?
With its face-moves like “lion” —
Not certain I’m buyin’.
But maybe I should … just in case.

Not-So-Stylish Limerick

Monday, October 20th, 2008

Not-So-Stylish Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’ll admit that I’m not into clothes.
And I don’t follow style, heaven knows.
My apparel’s so old
It’s back “in”— so I’m told.
I’m half-tempted to strike up a pose.

You can find more style verse here.