Archive for the ‘Physical Appearance’ Category
Tuesday, June 11th, 2013
Yikes! Scrotum Rejuvenation??? Yes, this Hollywood male grooming trend sounds fictitious, but apparently isn’t.
This Trend Sounds Fishy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A new wrinkle in grooming appalls,
And it’s pricey — not offered in malls.
It stems out of a joke
From that George Clooney bloke:
“Tackle-tightening” — ironing your balls.
Note to Judd Apatow: I’d better not see any Tackle-Tightening in the 50 Year Old Virgin.
Note to George Clooney: Tell the truth: Were you REALLY just joking, when you said you got your balls “unwrinkled”?
Tags: Aging Limerick, Balls, Beauty Park Medical Spa, George Clooney, Grooming Humor, Male Anatomy Humor, Male Laser Lift, Men Vanity, Odd Trends, Physical Appearance, Scrotum Rejuvenation, Strange Fads, Vanity Humor
Posted in Aging Humor & Verse, Bawdy Limericks, Fashion Humor, Limericks, Odd Trends, Physical Appearance | 2 Comments »
Thursday, June 6th, 2013
I’m both steamed and in a lather over this stinky new “cleansing reduction” trend. I don’t know about you, but in our house, daily showers are a fixture.
This Trend Stinks (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Here’s a trend that I’d sure like to quell:
Bidding show’ring each day a farewell.
Daily cleansing’s essential
And highly prudential:
If you don’t shower daily, you smell.
Tags: Bathroom Humor, Body Odor, British Humor, Cleanliness Humor, Daily Cleansing, Odd Trends, Shower Humor, Shower Verse, Smell Limerick, Trends Humor, UK Humor
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Health & Medical Humor, Limericks, Odd Trends, Physical Appearance, Smell Humor | Comments Off on This Trend Stinks (Limerick)
Wednesday, April 3rd, 2013
Vacuous Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A vacuous gal who was vain
Had little upstairs, in the main.
But her body earned stares;
Men admired her wares,
Overlooking her thought-impaired brain.
(You can find more vain limericks here and body-related verse here.)
Tags: Battle of the Sexes, Brain Limerick, Intelligence Humor, IQ Humor, Lookism Humor, Lust Humor, Physical Appearance, Relationship Humor, Stupidity, Vanity Humor
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Physical Appearance, Relationship Humor, Stupidity Humor | 7 Comments »
Monday, February 25th, 2013
Many people were offended by Seth MacFarlane’s “Saw Your Boobs” at last night’s Oscars. But, at the risk of damaging my feminist cred, I’m not one of them.
Of course, I do understand the negative reaction. However, the song didn’t bother me because I viewed it as parody, rather than misogyny.
But what did bother me at the Oscars was everybody pretending that the Les Misérables cast can sing.
Limerick Ode To Miserable Singing
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There are folks who appear up in arms:
For the “boob song,” they sound the alarms.
But to me, here’s what riled:
Dreadful singing gone wild
In Les Miz — kindly call les gendarmes.
Tags: Award Shows, Bad Singing, Bare Breasts, Boobs, Breasts Humor, Cops & Police, Entertainment Limerick, Feminism, Film Limerick, Les Miserables, Movie & Play Humor, Oscars, Saw Your Boobs, Seth MacFarlane, Singing Humor, TV Humor
Posted in Actors & Actresses, Celebrity Humor, Entertainment Humor, Limericks, Media Humor, Movie & Play Humor, Music Humor & Verse, Music Reviews, Oscars Humor, Physical Appearance, Public Figures, Television (TV) Humor | 12 Comments »
Friday, January 18th, 2013
Have I got an invention for you: Moisturizing jeans!
Yes, according to at least one jeans manufacturer, denim dries out your skin. Unless, of course, you wear THEIR product: Wrangler’s “Denim Spa” jeans.
I swear that I’m not pulling your leg.
Fashion Success … or Washout? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dreadful news for the dungaree-set,
Of a threat that may just make you sweat:
Denim dries out your skin!
That’s where “Spa” jeans fit in:
Rehydration’s their claim — sounds all wet!
Tags: Clothing Humor, Denim Spa Jeans, Dry Skin Humor, Dungarees, Fashion Humor, Inventions Poem, Jeans Humor, Moisturizing Jeans, Odd Inventions, Wrangler
Posted in Fashion Humor, Limericks, Odd Trends, Physical Appearance | 12 Comments »
Friday, January 11th, 2013
Every time CES rolls around, we’re bombarded with another slew of silly inventions. And CES 2013 is no exception.
I’ve already versified about the Smarter Socks app for hard-to-sort socks. But today I found an even more ridiculous invention: The WineRack Bra:
Turn an A cup in to double Ds AND sport your favorite beverage for yourself and your friends!
Better than a Boob Job and Cheaper Too! Not to mention the savings on over priced drinks.
We developed The Winerack to “Fill Out” our product line if you will. The picture shown here is of our good friend Drea, who is NOT, no offense Drea, Well Endowed. Sporting the Winerack and Voila’ Drea’s giving Pamela Anderson a run for the money.
Take a bottle of wine, a mixed drink or even a fifth of your favorite hard stuff to the movies, concerts, ball games, even PTA meetings. Sporting a rack that will turn heads and serving a beverage that will have guys standing in line for a sip of your secret stash!
With simple blow into the tube it’s easy to keep that full look even as you drink from your secret stash.
This cries out for a limerick, don’t you think?
Yet Another Invention For Boobs (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Here’s another demented invention:
A bra to enhance each dimension
Of your breasts using wine.
Sip your bra while you dine?
Both sexy and oh so thirst quenchin’.
(In case you missed it many years ago, here are my Wonderbra Song Parody lyrics, which you could sing to “Miracle of Miracles” from “Fiddler on the Roof”.)
Tags: Boobs, Bra Humor, Brassieres, Breasts Humor, CES, Clothing Poem, Consumer Electronics Show, Fashion Verse, Food Humor, Food Verse, Inventions Poem, Odd Inventions, Physical Appearance, Underwear Humor, Wine Humor, Women's Fashion
Posted in Fashion Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Limericks, Odd Trends, Physical Appearance | 10 Comments »
Thursday, December 6th, 2012
I learned a new word today: Nobby, which means elegant and stylish. Please don’t dress me down for using it in a limerick:
Nobby Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A chic woman arrived in the lobby
Of a shop that was known to be snobby.
But its nobby couture
Held for her no allure:
Sky-high hems don’t suit knees that are knobby.
UPDATE: October 22 is National Knee Day.
Tags: Chic Limerick, Clothes Shopping, Clothing Humor, Couture Verse, Fashion Verse, Knees, National Knee Day, Nobby, October Holidays, Odd Holidays, Physical Appearance, Shopping Humor, Stores Limerick, Style Humor
Posted in Fashion Humor, Limericks, Odd Holidays, Physical Appearance, Shopping Humor | 16 Comments »
Wednesday, October 31st, 2012
Well-Endowed Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man got a look at the titty
Of the well-endowed, lovely Miss Kitty
And imagined his life
With that gal as his wife
In his harem at Casa de Mitty.
(With apologies to James Thurber)
Tags: Bawdy Humor, Breast Humor, Fantasy Limerick, Harem Limerick, Imagination Humor, James Thurber, Marriage Verse, Physical Appearance, Polygamy Humor, Walter Mitty
Posted in Authors & Playwrights, Bawdy Limericks, Behavior & Personality, Limericks, Literary Humor, Marriage Humor, Physical Appearance | 5 Comments »
Sunday, August 12th, 2012
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman was asked to explain…*
or
A fellow was asked to explain…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Explanation
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman was asked to explain
Why she liked taking walks in the rain.
“I’ve been told I look better
As I became wetter.”
‘Twas a snow job — she soaked up in vain.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Limerick Contest, Physical Appearance, Poetry & Prompts, Rain Limerick, Walking Humor, Weather Humor, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Physical Appearance, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest, Weather Humor | 80 Comments »
Thursday, March 29th, 2012
Yoga’s been in the news quite a bit lately. Is it good for you? Is it bad for you? Should you purchase some fancy yoga garb and skip the actual yoga?
But the oddest story so far is this one about naked yoga classes in South Park Slope, Brooklyn, New York.
Nude Yoga? Yikes!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Take a yoga class naked? How scary!
I confess that the thought makes me wary.
Yes I’ll gladly condone
Nude yoga alone.
But in public? I’m sorry. Too hairy.
(If you’re in Brooklyn and want to study yoga in a more modest fashion, check out my niece’s Crown Heights Fitness.)
Related Posts: A Fountain Of Face-Yoga Youth? and Yoga For What?
Tags: Attire Verse, Clothing Poem, Education Limerick, Exercise Humor, Health Limerick, Naked Limerick, New Age, Nudity, Yoga, Yoga Humor
Posted in Exercise Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Limericks, New Age Humor, Physical Appearance, Sports Humor | 3 Comments »
Sunday, October 30th, 2011
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow who just let it slip…
or
A woman who just let it slip…
Here’s mine:
Slippery Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow who just let it slip
That his wife got a tuck and a nip
Threw their marriage off course
And was sued for divorce.
Maybe next time he’ll zip up his lip.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Health & Medical Humor, Loose Tongue, Marital Relationships, Marriage Humor, Nip & Tuck, Physical Appearance, Plastic Surgery, Poetry & Prompts, Relationships Poetry, Talkative, Writing Prompts
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Contests, Family & Relatives Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Physical Appearance, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest, Relationship Humor | 54 Comments »
Tuesday, October 18th, 2011
For those of you who visit this blog to keep up with trends, here’s the latest: High heels for men.
Trendy Men, Heal Thyselves! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
High heels worn by men on the rise?
I’m warning you guys, that ain’t wise.
It’s painful, unhealthy—
Makes foot doctors wealthy.
Spike this trend ere it reaches new highs.
Tags: Comfort Humor, Fashion Verse, Feet Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Health Limericks, Height Poem, High Heels Humor, Men Vanity, Shoes Limerick, Trends Humor
Posted in Fashion Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Limericks, Odd Trends, Physical Appearance, Walking Humor | 9 Comments »
Thursday, October 13th, 2011
Limerick Ode To The Derrière
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Whatever you call a behind,
Be it fanny or tush, I don’t mind.
Ass will do just as well.
Rump and buttocks are swell,
Just so long as they work as designed.
Tags: Ass Humor, Bawdy Humor, Body Verse, Derriere, Naughty Limericks, Physical Appearance
Posted in Bawdy Limericks, Limericks, Physical Appearance | 6 Comments »
Thursday, July 21st, 2011
Limerick Poseur
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A guy who was quite over-sexed
Stood posing, his muscles all flexed.
With eyes that undressed him
She stared, then assessed him:
“You’ve got to be kidding! Who’s next?”
Tags: Bawdy Humor, Embarrassing Experiences, Naughty Limericks, Oversexed, Physical Appearance, Posing Nude
Posted in Bawdy Limericks, Light Verse, Limericks, Physical Appearance | 6 Comments »
Thursday, April 7th, 2011
Flutist misses cue.
Conductor settles the score.
Time to face music.
*****
Botoxified face,
once intelligent with age,
now frozen wasteland.
*****
(Face prompt from Theme Thursday)
Tags: Aging Humor & Verse, Botox, Conductors Humor, Flute Haiku, Haiku & Senryu, Music Haiku, Physical Appearance, Seniors Humor, Theme Thursday
Posted in Aging Humor & Verse, Haiku & Senryu, Music Humor & Verse, Physical Appearance | 17 Comments »
Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011
Limerick Ode To A Vigorous Old Lady
By Madeleine Begun Kane
An old grandma with spring in her walk
Moved so quickly that people would gawk.
When asked if a gym
Was the source of her vim
She said, “No — Jim, Kim, Henry and Hawk.”
(Posted at this spring prompt and at Poetic Asides’ spring prompt.)
UPDATE: July 23 is Gorgeous Grandma Day.
Tags: Aging Humor & Verse, Energy Verse, Exercise Humor, Gorgeous Grandma Day, Gym Membership, Health Poetry, July Holidays, Odd Holidays, Seniors Humor, Vim And Vigor, Walking, Wordplay Humor
Posted in Aging Humor & Verse, Battle of the Sexes, Behavior & Personality, Exercise Humor, Gym Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Light Verse, Limericks, Odd Holdays, Physical Appearance, Relationship Humor, Seniors Poetry, Walking Humor, Wordplay | 8 Comments »
Sunday, March 6th, 2011
Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
So I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal who took pride in her style…
or
A man who took pride in his style…
Here’s mine:
Stylish Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal who took pride in her style
Had a temper quite terribly vile.
When asked if her dress
Came from Buy It For Less,
Her screams could be heard for a mile.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Bad Behavior, Clothing Poem, Dress Verse, Fashion Verse, Money Poems, Poetry & Prompts, Style Humor, Temper Humor, Temperament Limerick, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Fashion Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Physical Appearance, Poetry & Prompts | 55 Comments »
Saturday, February 26th, 2011
Since I already wrote a limerick review of the Fighter, I wasn’t planning to post on that topic again. Even Melissa Leo’s “Consider” her for an Oscar photo campaign wasn’t enough to get me writing. Though for the record, I think she looks great in those pics and I’m rooting for her.
Actually, now that I’m on the subject, here’s a message to Leo critics who fault her for showing herself in a more physically attractive light: You’re being sexist. Freedom of choice is a feminist ideal. So if Melissa Leo chooses to look glamorous and sexy for a change, that’s just fine with me. More power to her!
But back to what prompted this post. Carry On Tuesday’s saved by the bell prompt got me thinking about boxers, which reminded me of the Fighter and inspired this limerick:
Saved By The Bell
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The boxer was saved by the bell
After being in boxing match hell.
He needed a break.
That’s all it would take:
That sound ere he once again fell.
(Also for I Saw Sunday.)
UPDATE: Congratulations Melissa Leo on your Oscar! I knew you could f…ing do it.
Tags: Boxers, Carry On Tuesday, Entertainment Limerick, Feminism, Films, Glamour Shots, Melissa Leo, Movie & Play Humor, Movie Reviews, Oscars, Sexism, The Fighter
Posted in Celebrity Humor, Contests, Entertainment Humor, Feminist Satire, Leisure Time Humor, Limericks, Movie & Play Humor, Oscars Humor, Physical Appearance, Public Figures, Sports Humor | 10 Comments »
Sunday, January 30th, 2011
Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
So I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man who was terribly vain…
Here’s mine:
Vain Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man who was terribly vain
Was obsessed with his looks on the wane.
He considered a nip
And a tuck, but did zip.
Said “I haven’t got time for the pain.”
(My apologies to Carly Simon.)
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Carly Simon, Obsession Verse, Pain Limerick, Physical Appearance, Plastic Surgery, Poetry & Prompts, Vanity Humor, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Obsessions Humor, Physical Appearance, Poetry & Prompts | 28 Comments »
Thursday, January 27th, 2011
Finesse is the word of the day over at Writers Block Daily. It prompted me to write a limerick and haiku:
Finessing Popularity
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man with no hint of finesse
Was quite popular. Why? Can you guess?
Neither handsome, nor funny,
The guy sure had money
To spare and was known for largesse.
Finance and finesse
Both begin with the root fin.
End of resemblance?
Tags: Finance Haiku, Generosity, Language Satire, Money Verse, Popularity Humor, Word Derivations
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Haiku & Senryu, Language Humor, Money & Finance Humor, Physical Appearance | 3 Comments »
