Forlorn Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman was feeling forlorn
About having her curly locks shorn,
But was warned if her goal
Was a porno film role,
Her pubes must be fully forsworn.
Archive for the ‘Physical Appearance’ Category
Forlorn Limerick
Thursday, July 11th, 2013This Trend Sounds Fishy (Limerick)
Tuesday, June 11th, 2013Yikes! Scrotum Rejuvenation??? Yes, this Hollywood male grooming trend sounds fictitious, but apparently isn’t.
This Trend Sounds Fishy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A new wrinkle in grooming appalls,
And it’s pricey — not offered in malls.
It stems out of a joke
From that George Clooney bloke:
“Tackle-tightening” — ironing your balls.
Note to Judd Apatow: I’d better not see any Tackle-Tightening in the 50 Year Old Virgin.
Note to George Clooney: Tell the truth: Were you REALLY just joking, when you said you got your balls “unwrinkled”?
This Trend Stinks (Limerick)
Thursday, June 6th, 2013I’m both steamed and in a lather over this stinky new “cleansing reduction” trend. I don’t know about you, but in our house, daily showers are a fixture.
This Trend Stinks (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Here’s a trend that I’d sure like to quell:
Bidding show’ring each day a farewell.
Daily cleansing’s essential
And highly prudential:
If you don’t shower daily, you smell.
Vacuous Limerick
Wednesday, April 3rd, 2013Vacuous Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A vacuous gal who was vain
Had little upstairs, in the main.
But her body earned stares;
Men admired her wares,
Overlooking her thought-impaired brain.
(You can find more vain limericks here and body-related verse here.)
Fashion Success … or Washout? (Limerick)
Friday, January 18th, 2013Have I got an invention for you: Moisturizing jeans!
Yes, according to at least one jeans manufacturer, denim dries out your skin. Unless, of course, you wear THEIR product: Wrangler’s “Denim Spa” jeans.
I swear that I’m not pulling your leg.
Fashion Success … or Washout? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dreadful news for the dungaree-set,
Of a threat that may just make you sweat:
Denim dries out your skin!
That’s where “Spa” jeans fit in:
Rehydration’s their claim — sounds all wet!
Yet Another Invention For Boobs (Limerick)
Friday, January 11th, 2013Every time CES rolls around, we’re bombarded with another slew of silly inventions. And CES 2013 is no exception.
I’ve already versified about the Smarter Socks app for hard-to-sort socks. But today I found an even more ridiculous invention: The WineRack Bra:
Turn an A cup in to double Ds AND sport your favorite beverage for yourself and your friends!
Better than a Boob Job and Cheaper Too! Not to mention the savings on over priced drinks.
We developed The Winerack to “Fill Out” our product line if you will. The picture shown here is of our good friend Drea, who is NOT, no offense Drea, Well Endowed. Sporting the Winerack and Voila’ Drea’s giving Pamela Anderson a run for the money.
Take a bottle of wine, a mixed drink or even a fifth of your favorite hard stuff to the movies, concerts, ball games, even PTA meetings. Sporting a rack that will turn heads and serving a beverage that will have guys standing in line for a sip of your secret stash!
With simple blow into the tube it’s easy to keep that full look even as you drink from your secret stash.
This cries out for a limerick, don’t you think?
Yet Another Invention For Boobs (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Here’s another demented invention:
A bra to enhance each dimension
Of your breasts using wine.
Sip your bra while you dine?
Both sexy and oh so thirst quenchin’.
(In case you missed it many years ago, here are my Wonderbra Song Parody lyrics, which you could sing to “Miracle of Miracles” from “Fiddler on the Roof”.)
Nobby Limerick
Thursday, December 6th, 2012I learned a new word today: Nobby, which means elegant and stylish. Please don’t dress me down for using it in a limerick:
Nobby Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A chic woman arrived in the lobby
Of a shop that was known to be snobby.
But its nobby couture
Held for her no allure:
Sky-high hems don’t suit knees that are knobby.
UPDATE: October 22 is National Knee Day.
Limerick Explanation (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, August 12th, 2012It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman was asked to explain…*
or
A fellow was asked to explain…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Explanation
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman was asked to explain
Why she liked taking walks in the rain.
“I’ve been told I look better
As I became wetter.”
‘Twas a snow job — she soaked up in vain.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Nude Yoga? Yikes! (Limerick)
Thursday, March 29th, 2012Yoga’s been in the news quite a bit lately. Is it good for you? Is it bad for you? Should you purchase some fancy yoga garb and skip the actual yoga?
But the oddest story so far is this one about naked yoga classes in South Park Slope, Brooklyn, New York.
Nude Yoga? Yikes!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Take a yoga class naked? How scary!
I confess that the thought makes me wary.
Yes I’ll gladly condone
Nude yoga alone.
But in public? I’m sorry. Too hairy.
(If you’re in Brooklyn and want to study yoga in a more modest fashion, check out my niece’s Crown Heights Fitness.)
Related Posts: A Fountain Of Face-Yoga Youth? and Yoga For What?
Slippery Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, October 30th, 2011It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow who just let it slip…
or
A woman who just let it slip…
Here’s mine:
Slippery Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow who just let it slip
That his wife got a tuck and a nip
Threw their marriage off course
And was sued for divorce.
Maybe next time he’ll zip up his lip.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Trendy Men, Heal Thyselves! (Limerick)
Tuesday, October 18th, 2011For those of you who visit this blog to keep up with trends, here’s the latest: High heels for men.
Trendy Men, Heal Thyselves! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
High heels worn by men on the rise?
I’m warning you guys, that ain’t wise.
It’s painful, unhealthy—
Makes foot doctors wealthy.
Spike this trend ere it reaches new highs.
Limerick Ode To The Derrière
Thursday, October 13th, 2011Limerick Ode To The Derrière
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Whatever you call a behind,
Be it fanny or tush, I don’t mind.
Ass will do just as well.
Rump and buttocks are swell,
Just so long as they work as designed.
Face Time (Haiku)
Thursday, April 7th, 2011Flutist misses cue.
Conductor settles the score.
Time to face music.
*****
Botoxified face,
once intelligent with age,
now frozen wasteland.
*****
(Face prompt from Theme Thursday)
Limerick Ode To a Vigorous Old Lady
Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011Limerick Ode To A Vigorous Old Lady
By Madeleine Begun Kane
An old grandma with spring in her walk
Moved so quickly that people would gawk.
When asked if a gym
Was the source of her vim
She said, “No — Jim, Kim, Henry and Hawk.”
(Posted at this spring prompt and at Poetic Asides’ spring prompt.)
UPDATE: July 23 is Gorgeous Grandma Day.
Stylish Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, March 6th, 2011Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
So I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal who took pride in her style…
or
A man who took pride in his style…
Here’s mine:
Stylish Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal who took pride in her style
Had a temper quite terribly vile.
When asked if her dress
Came from Buy It For Less,
Her screams could be heard for a mile.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Fighting Mad
Saturday, February 26th, 2011Since I already wrote a limerick review of the Fighter, I wasn’t planning to post on that topic again. Even Melissa Leo’s “Consider” her for an Oscar photo campaign wasn’t enough to get me writing. Though for the record, I think she looks great in those pics and I’m rooting for her.
Actually, now that I’m on the subject, here’s a message to Leo critics who fault her for showing herself in a more physically attractive light: You’re being sexist. Freedom of choice is a feminist ideal. So if Melissa Leo chooses to look glamorous and sexy for a change, that’s just fine with me. More power to her!
But back to what prompted this post. Carry On Tuesday’s saved by the bell prompt got me thinking about boxers, which reminded me of the Fighter and inspired this limerick:
Saved By The Bell
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The boxer was saved by the bell
After being in boxing match hell.
He needed a break.
That’s all it would take:
That sound ere he once again fell.
(Also for I Saw Sunday.)
UPDATE: Congratulations Melissa Leo on your Oscar! I knew you could f…ing do it.
Vain Limerick
Sunday, January 30th, 2011Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
So I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man who was terribly vain…
Here’s mine:
Vain Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man who was terribly vain
Was obsessed with his looks on the wane.
He considered a nip
And a tuck, but did zip.
Said “I haven’t got time for the pain.”
(My apologies to Carly Simon.)
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
