Today’s “Hug A Friend Day.” I WON’T be celebrating.
Dear friends, kindly keep off my face.
Do not kiss me and please don’t embrace.
I’m bugged by your hugs.
Pushy kissers are thugs.
So unless you’re my spouse, you’re off base.
Archive for the ‘Odd Holidays’ Category
How About A Hug-Free Zone? (Limerick)
Tuesday, April 26th, 2016Open Limerick To Plumbers Everywhere
Monday, April 25th, 2016Dear plumber, your ass crack ain’t pretty.
To be honest, it’s looking quite gritty.
So we’re begging you: “Please,
“If you’re feeling a breeze,
“Pull your pants up.” — The Owners’ Committee.
April 25 is Hug A Plumber Day.
Limerick Ode For “Hug A Newsperson Day”
Monday, April 4th, 2016We should all give a virtual hug
To newspersons. Kindly don’t shrug;
Though they sure could do better,
We need them to fetter
Vile pols, oh so thuggish and smug.
Happy Hug A Newsperson Day! (April 4)
Is This Holiday An Achievement? (Limerick)
Thursday, March 24th, 2016March 24 is International Day For Achievers.
To the “Day for Achievers,” say “Nay!”
It’s superfluous! Nix the hurray!
Why let praise-swelled heads spread?
My proposal, instead:
Let’s give UNDERachievers their day.
An Essential Holiday (Limerick)
Monday, March 21st, 2016It’s essential to celebrate smells–
Just the good ones, of course; Nothing quells
A good mood like a stink,
Which might possibly shrink
The terrain where your fella’s brain dwells.
Happy National Fragrance Day! (March 21)
Remembering Memory Day
Monday, March 21st, 2016While in law school I’d frequently curse
My poor mem’ry, which now’s become worse.
And this ain’t just a riff;
I’ll be jubilant if
I remember to finish this verse.
Happy Memory Day! (March 21)
Get Over It? No Way! (Limerick)
Wednesday, March 9th, 2016Sorry, but I refuse to celebrate “Get Over It” Day. (March 9)
Dear pest, if you’re looking to irk,
Unsolicited counsel will work;
The “get over it” phrase
Is likely to raise
My hackles and drive me berserk.
Limerick Ode To National Proofreading Day (March 8)
Tuesday, March 8th, 2016Today we should celebrate proofreading.
While not fool-proof, it helps avert goof reading.
And, like many, I’m vexed
By typo-strewn text
Found in poetry, fiction, and spoof reading.
Happy National Proofreading Day!
“Be Heard Day” (Limerick)
Monday, March 7th, 2016Please don’t be deterred: It’s “Be Heard Day.”
(Some call it a “dumb and absurd day.”)
Being heard’s a great goal.
Staying mum takes its toll.
Don’t convert it to “message deferred” day.
Limerick Ode To Leap Day
Monday, February 29th, 2016It’s “Leap Day,” a day that is rare,
Which strikes me as rather unfair;
Leap Days fall just in years
Deemed “bissextile.” No leers
Please at “sex” in that term. Don’t you dare!
Limerick Ode To Bowling
Thursday, February 25th, 2016A woman who never had bowled
Married into that sport-loving fold.
Forced to play — what a pickle!
But luck is so fickle;
Once beleaguered, she’s relishing gold.
(February 25 is Go Bowling Day, and the second Saturday in August is National Bowling Day.)
QUIET!!! (Limerick)
Thursday, February 25th, 2016It’s “Quiet Day.” Kindly don’t yell.
Noise is stressful. It’s time that we quell
All the racket and clamor.
Stop pounding that hammer.
Don’t expound with ALL CAPS WHEN YOU SPELL!
Today, February 25, is Quiet Day.
Brushing Up On Your Holidays
Wednesday, February 24th, 2016This holiday surely has bite.
People honor it night after night
And each morning, I hope;
At least those who use soap
Should adore “Nylon Toothbrush Day,” right?
Nylon Toothbrush Day is celebrated on February 24th because on February 24, 1938, the first nylon bristle toothbrush, manufactured by DuPont under the name “Dr. West’s Miracle Toothbrush,” went on sale.
Mark, To The Rescue (Limerick)
Tuesday, February 23rd, 2016While many admire the spider,
To be candid, I can not abide ’er.
When I spied ’er last night,
I eyed ’er with fright
And begged hubby to please outside guide ’er.
(March 14th is National Save A Spider Day.)
Happy Innovation Day (Limerick)
Tuesday, February 16th, 2016Innovation does rate an ovation,
But from change I request a vacation.
So much newness unending
Is stressful, mind-bending.
For salvation I crave a cessation.
Happy National Innovation Day. (February 16).
A Not-So-Romantic Limerick For “Propose Day”
Monday, February 8th, 2016A fellow named Bill lost his will
To propose to a gal who was shrill;
While down on his knees
He’d started to sneeze,
And she said, “You are making me ill!”
Happy Propose Day! (February 8)
Dear Would-Be Ballerina (Limerick)
Sunday, February 7th, 2016Just in time for Ballet Day (Feb. 7):
Please forget the ballet! There’s no place
On the stage for a gal lacking grace.
All your leaps and pliés
Are debasing displays.
So shoo! You’re a huge waste of space!
Limerick Ode To Chopsticks
Saturday, February 6th, 2016Happy National Chopsticks Day! (February 6)
Eating East Asian food drives me nuts.
The reason? Alas, I’m a klutz
And am dreadful with chopsticks;
I frequently drop sticks…
So must stick to a fork like a putz.
Happy “Take A Cruise Day!” (Limerick)
Wednesday, February 3rd, 2016For some inexplicable reason, today’s “Take A Cruise Day,” which is my excuse for this limerick:
While a fellow was off on a cruise,
He smoked grass and kept knocking back booze.
“When I’m seasick,” he said,
“Weed and hootch soothe my head.
And I’d rather be woozy from wooze*.”
* “Wooze” is slang for the combination of weed and booze.
Happy Scotch Tape Day (January 31)
Sunday, January 31st, 2016Though my mem’ry’s, alas, on the wane,
Here’s a day that should stick to my brain:
It’s for Richard G. Drew.
He did NOT invent glue,
But our bond with his Scotch Tape shall reign.
Happy Scotch Tape Day!
