“It’s Bagel Day. Buy one! Don’t dally!”
That order did NOT cause my sally
To a favorite store;
Such commands I’ll ignore,
For I always prefer a bialy.
(“National Have A Bagel Day” is celebrated on December 11th, and National Bagel Day is celebrated on January 15th.)
What’s my excuse for posting this limerick? It’s November 15th, National Drumming Day.
A drummer had hoped to ensnare
An au pair in a sordid affair:
“Your breasts are so sweet.
May I fondle each teat?”
“You’ve some pair,” she said. “Beat it! No! Ne’er!”
Applaud or compose
Sesquipedalian prose?
Today is YOUR day.
Happy “Big Word Day!” (April 21)
Just in time for “National Drummer Day!” (November 15)
A kazoo’s used to alter your humming
With a dull, buzzy drone that’s mind-numbing.
So I’m NOT a big fan,
But won’t call for a ban,
Cuz at least it’s less irksome than drumming.
Thumbs are handy for women and men;
So convenient when we have a yen
To shake hands, hitch a ride,
Grab and lift, move that slide.
I just wish I had fewer than TEN.
Happy Thumb Appreciation Day. (February 18)
You can stop badgering me: I’ve written a National Badger Day limerick.
Though I don’t mean to badger or nag,
Your attention has started to lag
When it comes to my craze
For animal days.
My proof? Where’s your “Badger Day” flag?
With all the renewed attention on Pluto, I’m hoping it will be re-designated a planet instead of a measly “dwarf planet.”
I often like staring at stars
And at planets, like Venus and Mars.
How I pity poor Pluto–
’Twas given the boot — oh
To be “plutoed” must surely leave scars.
Pluto Day is February 18th, in honor of its discovery on that day in 1930 at Lowell Observatory in Flagstaff, Arizona, by astronomer Clyde W. Tombaugh.
Hug A Plumber Day? Why?!? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Whenever I deal with a plumber,
It’s rather a strain and a bummer.
As problems keep flowing,
My agita’s growing.
I’ve a leak that’s seen more than one summer.
April 25 is Hug A Plumber Day.
I’m sensing the usual stress–
Nothing more, but alas, nothing less.
“Stress Awareness Day’s” here–
Not a day that I’d cheer.
Screw “awareness!” I’d rather repress.
In honor of “Absurdity Day” and “Air Your Dirty Laundry Day,” here’s a pair of haiku:
“Absurdity Day”
How is this day different
from all other days?
*****
I don’t celebrate
“Air Your Dirty Laundry Day”
Because it’s a wash.
Limerick Ode To “International Skeptics Day”
By Madeleine Begun Kane
They say that it’s Skeptics Day. Why?
It’s a claim that I simply don’t buy.
Why THIS day, not THAT one?
I’ll gladly combat one
And prove that it’s pie in the sky.
*****
And a bonus haiku:
Can it really be
International Skeptics Day?
I’m skeptical.
Happy Tell An Old Joke Day!” (July 24)
Limerick Ode To “Tell An Old Joke Day”
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Some men seem compelled to keep telling
Ancient jokes. There is simply no quelling
Their need to assail us,
Assault and regale us
With stale, endless tales uncompelling.
Limerick Ode To A Vigorous Old Lady
By Madeleine Begun Kane
An old grandma with spring in her walk
Moved so quickly that people would gawk.
When asked if a gym
Was the source of her vim
She said, “No — Jim, Kim, Henry and Hawk.”
(Posted at this spring prompt and at Poetic Asides’ spring prompt.)
UPDATE: July 23 is Gorgeous Grandma Day.
Belated Apology
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Your apology’s rather belated,”
Said the gal to a fellow she hated.
“Your delay makes me fear
That it isn’t sincere—
You still had your hair when we dated!”
*****
UPDATE: October 14 is Be Bald And Free Day.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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