Archive for the ‘Mental Health Humor’ Category
Monday, September 24th, 2007
I dedicate this to everyone’s who’s ever been driven mad by a website or blog outage:
Web Withdrawal Woes (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
This outage has led me to think
I’ve gone bonkers, berserk—need a shrink.
I keep checking the site.
It’s still down—what a plight!
Web withdrawal may drive me to drink.
Tags: Addiction Humor, Computers, Internet Limerick, Net Addict, Net Humor, Psychology Humor, Site Outage Poem, Techie Humor, Technology Verse, Web Addict, Web Humor, Web Withdrawal
Posted in Addiction Humor, Anxiety & Stress, Computer Humor, Internet Humor, Limericks, Mental Health Humor, Technology Humor | 2 Comments »
Saturday, June 9th, 2007
I’ve been out of school for far longer than I care to admit. But I still have nightmares that go something like this:
School Daze (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I crammed for the test—studied madly.
But, alas, I’m afraid I did badly
Cause I choke under stress.
I go blank. I’m a mess!
Take a do-over test? Yes, please. Gladly!
Tags: Anxiety Humor, Blank Memory, Education & School Humor, Examinations, Exams, Mind Freeze, School Humor, Stress Humor, Tests
Posted in Anxiety & Stress, Behavior & Personality, Education & School Humor, Limericks, Mental Health Humor | 2 Comments »
Monday, May 14th, 2007
Do you work with anybody like this? I sure hope not!
Bandwidth Blues
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“I’ve no bandwidth for that,” some folks say.
It’s their style of responding, “No way!
I’ve no time. I am beat.
I have deadlines to meet.
I’m maxed out. I can’t help you. Okay?”
Tags: Anxiety Humor, Bandwidth, Deadlines, Maxed Out, Pressure, Stress Humor, Time Pressure, Workplace Tension
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Business Humor, Communication Humor, Limericks, Mental Health Humor, Social Satire, Time Humor, Workplace & Career Humor | 2 Comments »
Sunday, April 15th, 2007
For some reason, I almost forgot to post this:
ADD Ode
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Hey, doc, have I got ADD?
My attention span’s short as can be.”
“Take this test, and we’ll know
If you have it, although…”
“If I’ve what?” “ADD, sir.” “You see?”
“National Attention Deficit Disorder Awareness Day” is “celebrated” on the third Wednesday of September.
Tags: ADD Humor, Attention Deficit Disorder Awareness Day, Attention Deficit Humor, Attention Span Humor, Doctors Humor, Health Satire, Medical Humor, Mental Health Satire, Odd Holidays, September Holidays
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Health & Medical Humor, Limericks, Mental Health Humor, Odd Holidays, Social Satire | 5 Comments »
Friday, March 2nd, 2007
Is It Spring Yet?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
We are having a foul-weather bout—
Lots of snow, sleet, and hail—not a drought.
Cabin fever has struck,
And my husband feels stuck,
Trapped indoors, starved for sun—must go out.
Tags: Cabin Fever, Hail, Husband Humor, Indoors, March Holidays, Marriage, Outdoors, Sleet, Snow Poetry, Sun, Weather Humor
Posted in Family & Relatives Humor, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Mental Health Humor, Outdoors Humor, Seasons Humor, Weather Humor | 6 Comments »
Monday, December 18th, 2006
Is Mental Health Overrated?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There once was a drunken, loud fellow
Who ordered his drinks with a bellow.
Then they put him on meds.
Now he’s placid, instead,
And quite boring, since turning so mellow.
Tags: Medication Humor, Mental Health Humor, Personality, Personality Humor
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Health & Medical Humor, Limericks, Mental Health Humor | 1 Comment »
Monday, November 13th, 2006
Becoming an insomniac isn’t as easy as it might appear. But with the help of these guidelines, dark circles and a cranky disposition will soon be yours.
1. Be born into a family of worriers. (Certain ethnic groups have the advantage here, but won’t be identified for obvious reasons.)
2. During your infancy, become accustomed to dozing in serene silence, a state you will never encounter as an adult.
3. Have parents so desperate for peace and quiet, that they routinely send you to bed hours before you feel even a hint of fatigue. This will allow you to develop helpful habits like gazing at the ceiling, counting sheep, and plotting revenge.
4. Cultivate your neuroses. A dedicated would-be insomniac will work on this throughout the day. But if time is limited, performing any of these activities right before bedtime should do the trick: … (How To Become An Insomniac is continued here.)
Tags: Funny Self-Help, Health Satire, Humorous How-To, Insomnia Humor
Posted in Health & Medical Humor, How-To Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Mental Health Humor, Self-Help Humor, Sleep & Insomnia Humor | 10 Comments »
Monday, October 30th, 2006
Unless you live on another planet, there are never enough hours in the day. But if you use these efficiency techniques, you can win that battle with time:
1. Always do at least two things at once. While showering, write a screenplay. While sorting laundry, invent a handy appliance for the home. While chatting on the phone with a dull acquaintance, take a nap.
2. Consolidate self-improvement routines. Exercise to learn-a-language tapes while watching watercolor videos. Not only will you save time, but you’ll have thin thighs for that trip to Le Musée du Louvre.
3. Buy a speaker-phone for your kitchen. You’ll be able to cook, vacuum, and knit dog-hair booties while you talk on the phone.
4. When you’re in the kitchen, post reminder notes on the fridge. (“It’s the laundry, stupid.”)
5. Group chores alphabetically. If you have to go to the pharmacy, combine your trip with errands beginning with the letter ‘P.’ …” (Contending With Time is continued here.)
Tags: Efficiency Humor, Household Chores, Multitasking, Self-Help Satire, Self-Improvement, Time Humor, Time Management, Time Pressure
Posted in Family & Relatives Humor, Health & Medical Humor, How-To Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Mental Health Humor, Multitasking Humor, Self-Help Humor, Social Satire, Time Humor | 7 Comments »
Monday, September 25th, 2006
“Stop The Chaos!” screeches the magazine cover. “Take Control Of Your Cluttered Life!” Periodicals are packed with chaos-avoidance techniques. But do they work? Let’s see.
1. Awaken early, inspired by self-help articles to finally organize your life. Grab paper scrap and jot down all urgent chores. Admire list, savor it, enhance it with scribbled notes. Spill coffee, rendering list illegible. Then, lest you be tempted to do something that might garner a check mark, file list under “T” for “To Do.”
2. Forget where you left list. Start new one, grow bored, take shower instead. Dash through house naked and wet in search of clean towel. Try to start a wash. Realize you left detergent off list.
3. Check if you’re low on other cleaning supplies. Notice several empty containers squandering space under sink. Yank everything out of storage and strew on floor. Resolve to rearrange cabinets once you’ve looked at mail.
4. Retrieve bills, ads, alarming bank statement from mail box. Hunt for check register and fail to find it. You never find it … which is why you haven’t made an entry since the Eighties.
5. Decide bank info must be buried in your bag or briefcase. Dump contents of both onto table and chase renegade coins. Smooth every particle of crumpled paper. Use magnifying glass to decipher contents. Take your time; any fragment could be a clue to your deficit balance.
6. Find nothing that sheds light on finances. Decide bank’s probably right. Stuff papers back into bags … just in case.
7. Forage through remaining mountain of debris. Find 97 pennies and count them twice. Hunt for coin wrappers. Start third list.
8. Spill pennies into already stuffed drawer. Resume foraging. Find stale stick of gum, half eaten candy bar, rusty key, crud-encrusted tissues, and several items you’ve never seen before. Attempt to throw out. Add garbage bags to list… (How To Disorganize Your Life is continued here.)
Tags: Finances, Health Satire, Humorous How-To, Magazines, Media, Self-Help
Posted in Health & Medical Humor, How-To Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Media Humor, Mental Health Humor, Money & Finance Humor, Self-Help Humor, Social Satire | 1 Comment »
Tuesday, August 22nd, 2006
Are you stressed out? A quivering blob of nerves? Are your muscles lodged in a permanent clench? Here’s what not to do:
1. Lie down on the floor with your knees bent and pointed upward. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and exhale slowly. Take another deep breath. Wonder if that smell is gas.
2. Concentrate on your breathing, on releasing that stale, toxic, virulent energy trapped inside you. Feel your body begin to relax. Sense the tension seeping out of your shoulders and toes, your life force beginning to renew. Jump up to check the stove.
3. Resume the position. Resume breathing. Become obsessed by cobwebs on the ceiling.
4. Decide to play a relaxation CD. Your choices are “healing harps,” ocean waves, and whales. Wonder which best suits your persona. Whales remind you of sharks. Decide to go with the harps.
5. Lie down a third time, notice ceiling, slam eyelids shut. Breathe deeply, welcoming the return of your vital juices. I.n.h.a.l.e…t.w.o…t.h.r.e.e…f.o.u.r…E.x.h.a.l.e…t.w.o…t.h.r.e.e…f.o.u.r. Savor the rise and fall of your abdomen. Focus on the harps which remind you of angels which remind you of heaven which reminds you of hell which reminds you that maybe you should listen to something else. … De-Stress Or Distress is continued here.)
UPDATE: August 15th is National Relaxation Day.
Tags: Aromatherapy Humor, August Holidays, Health & Medical Humor, Holistic Humor, How-To Humor, Meditation Humor, Mental Health, National Relaxation Day, New Age, New Age Humor, Relaxation Humor, Self-Help Humor, Stress Humor, Tension Humor
Posted in Health & Medical Humor, How-To Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Mental Health Humor, New Age Humor, Self-Help Humor, Social Satire | 1 Comment »
