Hubby Mark and I watched 30 Rock Live tonight, and I sure hope the West Coast version was better than the East Coast version. What a train wreck! And I say this as a huge fan of Alec Baldwin (who, like me, hails from the Massapequas) and of Tina Fey.
30 Rock Live — Limerick Review
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Disappointed in 30 Rock Live.
I kept waiting for jokes to arrive.
The cast looked uptight.
(And I’m being polite.)
If the critics applaud it’s just jive.
Tasty Books (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Please don’t tell me you’re “moved” by a book,
Cuz I surely won’t give it a look.
I love thrillers and wit,
But abstain from chick lit
And spurn texts that explain how to cook.
****
September 6 is “National Read A Book Day.”
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A diva was slammed in the news…
Here’s mine:
Bad News Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A diva was slammed in the news.
The column was chock full of boos.
It lambasted her voice
And her musical choice.
Now that woman is singing the blues.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
Another American Idol season has come to a close and, once again, the wrong contestant won. Yes, the nervous guy, Lee DeWyze is the new American Idol, besting beating out the far superior singer, Crystal Bowersox. I’m disappointed, but not surprised. Why am I not surprised? I explain in my latest two-verse limerick:
American Idol’s Problem … Crystallized
By Madeleine Begun Kane
American Idol is done,
And sadly, the weaker guy won.
The Bowersox voice
Was a far better choice.
Crystal’s vocals sure hit a home run.
And here’s what has made me quite vexed:
It’s the power of youngsters who text.
They have time on their hands
To be diligent fans
And decide who will win the crown next.
Limerick Ode To Betty White
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The comedy legend named White
Hosted SNL Saturday night.
She managed to sell
Ev’ry line oh so well,
Even those that lacked humor and bite.
Betty’s sassy and charming — a pro.
How she does what she does, I don’t know.
Her timing is great.
She’s a young eighty-eight,
Who’d enhance any movie or show.
From time to time, I review a television show, movie, or play via limerick. I wrote this verse after renting True Blood’s first season via Blockbuster and learning that we have to wait a couple of months before the second one becomes available.
Not only do I love this HBO show, I even adore its theme song: Bad Things, by Jace Everett.
Hooked On True Blood (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My latest addiction’s True Blood.
Not the drink, but the cable show, bud.
I watched the first season
And well beyond reason
Need more. Not released yet? Oh, crud!
Dear Press: Clean Up Your Own Damn Mess! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
We get headlines each March from the press:
“It’s Spring — Time To Clean Up Your Mess.”
Seems they’re too dumb to know
That we’re still getting snow.
Dear journos, stop giving me stress!
Related Post: Guilt Springs Eternal
I’m on Team CoCo, as you can tell from my Conan-Leno talk show wars limerick.
But unlike many Team CoCo members, I put most of the blame on NBC … and not on Jay Leno. NBC, after all, has been treating both O’Brien and Leno like two very pricey pawns. And doing it incompetently, to boot.
Jay’s been taking quite the beating in the press. So I watched Jay’s Monday night attempt to repair his image and set the record straight with interest. Unfortunately, I found his humble, nice guy shtick overdone and just a wee bit nauseating. Methinks Leno has gotten some really bad public relations advice.
And speaking of advice, here’s some advice for Jay Leno in limerick form:
Dear Jay
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Jay, you sure poured it on thick.
You’re a poor, lowly country-boy hick?
You just do what your told?
Merely one of the fold?
Give your PR adviser a kick.
A limerick in honor of Conan O’Brien’s Solomon-like decision about the Tonight Show — not to “seriously damage what [he considers] to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting,” (I wrote it both as a fan and as a recovering lawyer.)
Go, Conan!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Conan, I’m glad you refused.
By your Network, you’ve sure been abused.
You’re right to be teed.
You’re a class act, indeed.
NBC’s breach can not be excused.
Update: I haven’t seen Conan’s contract. But here’s NBC’s argument, as I understand it: NBC can legally air The Tonight Show with Conan at 12:05 a.m. after a new half-hour Leno show, because O’Brien’s contract doesn’t specify a time. I don’t buy it.
Following NBC’s argument to its logical conclusion, NBC could air The Tonight Show at 4:00 a.m., or even at noon. In fact, by NBC’s reasoning, Conan could have stayed at his old 12:35 a.m. slot and Jay could have kept his original 11:35 p.m. Tonight Show slot. All NBC would have had to do would be to change the names of the shows: Conan’s to the Tonight Show, and Jay’s to the Jay Leno Show. Sorry, NBC, this doesn’t pass the straight-faced test.
One more point: Rumor has it that Jay’s contract specifies a 10 p.m. time, and that (the argument goes) this weakens Conan’s position. I disagree. Conan O’Brien was being promoted to a show that already existed in a specific time slot, whereas Jay’s show was being created from scratch. So they are not analogous situations.
Update 2: Is this a slam dunk for Conan? No. But as a “recovering lawyer” who litigated my share of contract disputes, I’d rather take Conan’s case to a jury.
I’ve written a limerick about the Balloon Boy saga here on my other blog.
It sounds like something out of George Orwell: E-book editions of 1984 and Animal Farm have been vanishing from people’s personal Kindles. I might add that these e-books have been purchased and fully paid for.
Amazon, at the request of an Orwellian publisher, has been repossessing these e-books without permission and refunding the purchase price. (More commentary here, plus my three verse limerick about this outrageous invasion of privacy, plus an update about Amazon’s welcome Kindle policy change.)
Update: If you would like to read this general humor blog on your Kindle reader you can subscribe right here.
If you would like to read my other political satire blog on your Kindle device, you can subscribe right here.
Guilt Springs Eternal
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Spring has arrived. Do you feel guilty yet? If not, you apparently don’t read women’s magazines. Every March and April they’re packed with “clean up and organize your life” articles. Stories with catchy titles like Spring Into Action — Tidy Up Your House. Or Wash Away Winter Blues. Or Banish Clutter Now; Otherwise We’ll Keep Torturing You With Articles Meant to Make you Feel Like A Slothful Bum. Personally, I’d rather read Why Clean? It Will Only Get Dirty Again Tomorrow.
Why do magazines publish these pieces? Because every spring millions of women have the same Pavlovian response: Guilt. Guilt quickly followed by a spending spree on periodicals and cleaning supplies. They grab every magazine in sight and, in a fit of post-New Year’s resolution fervor, vow to Martha Stewartize their homes.
Do these articles help? Do they unlock the sacred secret of “eat off your basement floor” womanhood? Hahahahahahaha. Pardon me — I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were serious. (Guilt Springs Eternal continues here.)
Rising-star raves,
Hype, sticks and stones, has-been whispers:
Celebrity press.
(This haiku was prompted by sticks and stones and rising. And speaking of prompts, I just posted a new limerick and haiku prompt. Its theme is age and/or life stages.)
Do you want to lose weight? Then I recommend that you watch Gordon Ramsay’s new Fox show Kitchen Nightmares during dinner. As the good Gordon might (and often does) say, “Oh my God!”
Now my husband Mark and I are fans of Ramsay’s other show Hell’s Kitchen. But other than the presence of Ramsay himself, everything that makes Hell’s Kitchen so much fun — the competition among chefs whom you get to know and root for throughout the season — is missing from Kitchen Nightmares. What’s left (at least in episode 1) is numerous nausea-inducing scenes featuring rancid food and roughly gazillion roaches and flies.
Of course, by the end of the show Ramsay and his team of miracle workers turn the dive-of-the-week into a restaurant you wouldn’t be afraid to dine in.
What I can’t figure out is what the Manhattan restaurant featured in week 1 (Indian restaurant Dillons, reborn as Purnima) was doing in business before the makeover. Doesn’t New York City have restaurant inspectors? I sure hope so, because that’s where I live.
And now it’s time for a limerick:
Restaurant Nightmare
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I must flee this buffet. Please, let’s go.
A mouse just ran by and … oh no!
I spotted a roach
As it tried to encroach
On my sole. What’s that thing on your toe?
(You can find more of my food humor here and more of my media humor here.)
Reviewing The Reviewers
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I just saw a play I abhorred
That reviewers quite simply adored.
‘Twas pretentious, third-rate,
But the dailies raved, “Great!”
Could it be that they like being bored?
Fantasy “Dear Editor” Letter (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My writing is great, you should know,
Yet you turn it all down. What a blow!
Your taste is awry,
Else you surely would buy
My submissions. I’m through. Keep your dough!
(I wonder how many magazine and book editors have gotten letters like this.)
As just about everyone knows, 24 is a popular, award-winning Fox television series about a federal counter-terrorism unit (CTU) in Los Angeles. It stars Kiefer Sutherland as Jack Bauer, on whom everyone perpetually counts.
I was surprised to read that the “devotees of 24 [are] struggling to keep the faith” because hubby Mark and I are big fans:
More 24, Please (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’m hooked on the show 24.
Those CTU plots I adore.
And I’m counting on Jack
To defuse each attack
And survive at least one season more.
Have you heard about the Rosie O’Donnell vs. Donald Trump feud? Yeah … like you could possibly avoid it. Those publicity-mongers deserve a limerick, don’t you think?
Rosie O’Donnell vs. The Donald
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Whenever publicity’s needed,
O’Donnell and Trump seem to feed it
By starting a feud
With each other. How rude!
To both I can only say, “Beat it!”
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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