Archive for the ‘Marriage Humor’ Category
Friday, December 21st, 2007
Today’s limerick and haiku theme is love at first sight or, if you prefer, simply love. Here’s my love at first sight limerick:
Amoré Ode
By Madeleine Begun Kane
‘Twas amoré (yes, love) at first sight
When I met my dear husband that night.
We’ve been wed thirty years—
So much laughter, some tears.
Mark, my husband, remains Mr. Right.
And here’s my haiku on the same theme:
I laughed at the thought
Of love at first sight, but our
Love had the last laugh.
Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about love at first sight or some other love-related topic. When you’ve posted your poem, please return here and add a direct link to your love verse.
(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)
Tags: Amoré, Marriage Verse, Romance Limerick, Limerick and Haiku Prompts, Love At First Sight, Love Poetry, Poetry & Prompts, Romance Poem
Posted in Haiku & Senryu, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Relationship Humor | 8 Comments »
Thursday, December 6th, 2007
Eyeing a road sign
That says, “Turn Right,” he turns left.
It turns out, he’s right.
AUTHOR’S NOTE: The “he” in this haiku is my husband, Mark. He’ll freely admit to being a bit perverse. He’ll also (legitimately) brag about his great sense of direction.
I eyed this prompt and used this road sign to write this haiku.
Tags: Directions Humor, Driving Haiku, Haiku & Senryu, Men and Directions
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Car & Driving Humor, Haiku & Senryu, Marriage Humor | 12 Comments »
Sunday, October 7th, 2007
Chick Flick Flack
By Madeleine Begun Kane
When a film’s called a chick flick, it’s meant
To appeal to most women. How bent!
I’m a gal through and through,
But those flicks make me boo,
While my husband applauds. What a gent!
(You can find more of my marriage humor here and my feminist humor here.)
Tags: Chick Flicks, Feminism Humor, Films, Husband Wife Humor, Movies
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Entertainment Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, Feminist Satire, Leisure Time Humor, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Movie & Play Humor, Recreation & Fun Humor | 4 Comments »
Tuesday, September 18th, 2007
Taking Our Marriage’s Temperature
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My husband and I can agree
On most everything—“a” straight through “z”.
But as husband and wife
We suffer much strife
Over temp settings—heat and AC.
(We argue over our TV’s remote control too, but it refuses to rhyme.)
Update: Air Conditioning Appreciation days run from July 3 to August 15.
Tags: A.C. Humor, A/C, Air Conditioning Humor, Compatibility, Heat Humor, Husbands, Husbands and Wives, HVAC Humor, July Holidays, Marriage Limerick, Odd Holidays, Seasonal Verse, Spousal Humor, Summer Gripes, Technology Limerick, Temperature Humor, TV Remote Control, Weather Humor, Wife Humor
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Family & Relatives Humor, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Odd Holidays, Relationship Humor, Television (TV) Humor, Weather Humor | 4 Comments »
Wednesday, August 1st, 2007
I guess I must have led a very sheltered existence. Why do I say that? Because I’d never heard the phrase “five-second rule” until my husband Mark used it as an excuse to eat some treat he’d just dropped on the floor. (And yes, we’re still married.)
I naively assumed that Mark was the only person crazy enough to think germs politely wait five seconds before they attach themselves to goodies. But apparently lots of people (mostly men, I’m assuming) believe that if you drop food on the floor and pick it up really, really fast, it’s safe to eat.
In fact, the belief’s so widespread that some scientists (who apparently didn’t have anything better to do with their time) actually studied the issue. And yes, they concluded that the rule isn’t valid. (Did you really need me — or the scientists — to tell you that?)
This leads to my latest limerick, in which I use the word date instead of husband to protect the guilty … and because husband has too many damned syllables:
The Five-Second What???
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My date dropped dessert on the dirt.
“Please don’t eat it,” I managed to blurt,
As he started to chew
On his now blackened goo,
Saying “5-second rule — it won’t hurt.”
=========
(You can find more of my marriage humor here and more of my food humor here.)
Tags: Dating, Five-Second Rule, Food rules, Germs, Husbands, Marital Relationships, Science Humor, Scientific Studies, Scientists
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Dating Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Polls, Relationship Humor, Science Humor, Social Satire, Time Humor | 1 Comment »
Sunday, July 15th, 2007
May I Please Have Your Paw In Marriage? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Is your schnauzer in love with your collie?
Jolly England can help you, by golly:
Canine weddings—dog marriage
I’d never disparage.
But prenups? Now that would be folly.
Fine Feathers, a farm in the Staffordshire Moorlands, is offering pet “weddings” for people who want their dog, cat, or farm animal to marry its mate. I found this gem of an oddball story in the weird news feeds, which are regularly updated on my offbeat news page.
(You can find more of my dog and animal related poems and humor here and my marriage humour here.)
NOTE ABOUT THE UPDATE: I decided I didn’t like the last line of my limerick and have replaced it with a new one. (The old one was “But please don’t let ferns marry holly.”)
Tags: Animal Verse, Animal Weddings, Canine Poems, Collie, Dog Humor, Jolly England, Pet Limericks, Pet Marriage, Schnauzer
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Social Satire | 7 Comments »
Saturday, June 16th, 2007
Married To Money
By Madeleine Begun Kane
He’s a cheapskate, so stingy with cash,
That he threw an embarrassing bash:
When his daughter was wed
He paid eight bucks a head,
So no band, booze, or blooms — only hash.
I have lots more money humor here. And don’t forget to enter my money-themed limerick contest with money prizes. Okay, not a lot of money, but still…
Tags: Cheapskate Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, Marriage Limerick, Parenting, Stinginess, Wedding Limerick
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Celebrations Poetry, Children Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Money & Finance Humor, Mothers & Fathers Humor, Relationship Humor | 3 Comments »
Tuesday, June 5th, 2007
My husband Mark and I were never meant to own a motor boat. Why not? Any couple who can’t figure out how to open their car hood, should probably stick to something propelled by oars. And we surely would have done just that, had the prior owner of our weekend home not made it a package deal. If we wanted his irresistible house, we’d have to spring for his 120 horse power boat — perfect for anyone whose idea of relaxation is charging across a rocky three mile lake at the speed of screams.
OUR FIRST TIME OUT: My husband — a man who can build a wood stove fire in a flash, who whips up gourmet feasts in fifteen languages — couldn’t figure out how to unhook the boat’s cover. Refusing my help, he struggled for an hour. Victorious at last he hurled the cover off, in the process spilling gallons of water all over the boat.
By then I was ready to bail out. But Mark handed me a pail, and we spent the next 45 minutes heaving water overboard. Once all the water was safely under the boat, it was time to begin boating. I optimistically climbed onto our 16 footer, while my husband worked the knots from ashore. A former boy scout, he did this rather well. So well, that the boat (free at last) started to drift without him. …. (Motor Boating Just Isn’t Our Speed continues here.)
Tags: Boating Humor, Husband Wife Humor, Motor Boating, Outdoor Activity Humor, Outdoor Fun, Outdoor Sports, Water Activities
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Family & Relatives Humor, Hobbies Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Leisure Time Humor, Marriage Humor, Outdoors Humor, Recreation & Fun Humor, Sports Humor | 5 Comments »
Monday, June 4th, 2007
My wonderful husband Mark and I are celebrating our 29th wedding anniversary today. Happy anniversary Mark! This limerick is my gift to you. (How’s that for getting off cheap?)
Chance Meeting (Wedding Anniversary Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Our encounter took place on a train—
A chance meeting, though far from mundane:
A lucky converging,
With love soon emerging—
Once strangers, now wedded-bliss twain.
Tags: Chance Meeting, Husband Wife Limerick, LIRR, Long Island Rail Road, Love Limerick, Marriage Limerick, Train, Wedded Bliss, Wedding Anniversary Limerick
Posted in Celebrations Poetry, Commuting Verse, Family & Relatives Humor, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Personal | 34 Comments »
Thursday, May 31st, 2007
Bugged By Mosquitoes (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Mosquitoes are driving me mad.
Seems a zillion are biting me—bad!
Sprays and lotions don’t work;
They keep chomping and lurk,
While ignoring my husband—the cad!
Update: August 20 is World Mosquito Day.
Tags: August Holidays, Bugs, Husband and Wife Humor, Insect and Bug Humor, Insect Bites, Mosquitoes, Odd Holidays, Outdoors, Summer Gripes, Summer Humor, World Mosquito Day
Posted in Family & Relatives Humor, Insect Humor, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Odd Holidays, Outdoors Humor, Relationship Humor, Seasons Humor, Weather Humor | 4 Comments »
Monday, May 21st, 2007
No Sweat Divorce (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“My husband and I are estranged,”
Said the wife, “’cause he acts so deranged.
His behavior’s aberrant
And vexingly errant.
I wish he could just be exchanged.”
(Can you imagine if divorce were as easy as shopping? And no, this isn’t autobiographical … although I do enjoying poking fun at my wonderful husband from time to time.)
Tags: Divorce Humor, Husband and Wife Humor Shopping Humor, Marriage Satire
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Behavior & Personality, Family & Relatives Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Marriage Humor, Relationship Humor | 6 Comments »
Friday, April 20th, 2007
Early in our marriage, my husband Mark worked as a computer programmer and was on over-night call:
Sleepless In Geekdom
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My husband’s a super-smart geek
Who’s on overnight call once a week.
And those questions they pose
After wrecking our doze
Sound, to me, much like Latin or Greek.
UPDATE: Happy International Programmers’ Day, January 7th!
And happy Geek Pride Day, May 25th!
Tags: Computer Satire, Geek Humor, Geek Pride Day, Husband Wife Humor, Insomnia Humor, International Programmers' Day, January Holidays, Marriage Satire, May Holidays, On Call, Sleeplessness, Technology Satire
Posted in Computer Humor, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Odd Holidays, Sleep & Insomnia Humor, Technology Humor, Workplace & Career Humor | 4 Comments »
Tuesday, April 3rd, 2007
Ode to Unselfishness
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My husband is great—good as gold.
And there’s no one more giving, all told.
He’s benevolent, caring,
Unselfish, and sharing.
Don’t believe me? He gave me this cold.
Tags: Benevolence, Generosity Humor, Health Satire, Love Humor, Marriage, Romance Humor, Sharing, Unselfishness
Posted in Family & Relatives Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Social Satire | 9 Comments »
Monday, March 19th, 2007
A Rueful Rhyme
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Your inventions are brilliant, it’s true.
Yes, you’re smart; it’s your rudeness I rue.
I regret that I met you,
My failure to vet you,
And, mostly, my saying, “I do.”
Tags: Husband Wife Humor, Marriage Satire, Relationship Fun, Vetting Humor, Working Humor
Posted in Business Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Relationship Humor, Workplace & Career Humor | 9 Comments »
Friday, March 16th, 2007
Taxing Times
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My husband Mark and I usually prepare our joint tax returns jointly. Being good citizens, we begin early in February with tax planning discussions like this:
Mark: We really should start doing our taxes next Saturday.
Me: You’re absolutely right. I’ll pick up Quicksand’s ShirkoTax this week.
By late March we’ve made impressive progress:
Mark: We really should start doing our taxes next Saturday.
Me: You’re absolutely right. I’ll pick up Quicksand’s ShirkoTax this week.
Our tax planning culminates promptly on April 14 when Mark boots up the computer, loads ShirkoTax, and does whatever it is one does with tax software. … (Taxing Times is continued here.)
Tags: Husband Wife Humor, Income Tax Humor, March Holidays, Money Satire, Tax Humor
Posted in Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Marriage Humor, Money & Finance Humor, Tax & IRS Satire | 4 Comments »
Friday, March 2nd, 2007
Is It Spring Yet?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
We are having a foul-weather bout—
Lots of snow, sleet, and hail—not a drought.
Cabin fever has struck,
And my husband feels stuck,
Trapped indoors, starved for sun—must go out.
Tags: Cabin Fever, Hail, Husband Humor, Indoors, March Holidays, Marriage, Outdoors, Sleet, Snow Poetry, Sun, Weather Humor
Posted in Family & Relatives Humor, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Mental Health Humor, Outdoors Humor, Seasons Humor, Weather Humor | 6 Comments »
Friday, February 16th, 2007
Here’s another limerick about our recent New York snow and ice storm:
The Up Side Of Winter
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Outside our abode, it ain’t nice;
There’s snow on the ground and there’s ice.
But I’m snug in my house—
Just me and my spouse
And our mouse. Leave this haven? No dice!
Tags: Home, House, Ice, Marriage, Seasons, Snow, Snow Poetry, Storm, Weather Humor, Winter
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Computer Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, House & Home Humor, Marriage Humor, Outdoors Humor, Seasons Humor, Weather Humor | Comments Off on The Up Side Of Winter
Tuesday, February 13th, 2007
Surmounting Marriage
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Before agreeing to marry my husband Mark, I asked him the usual questions:
- Do you know what a hamper is and have you ever actually used one?
- Do you spend weekends sprawled in front of a sports-spewing screen, devouring couch potato chips?
- Are your parents likely to drive me to drink?
Mark told the appropriate fibs, I pretended to believe him, and several months later we wed. But soon after the wedding, I realized I’d forgotten to ask the most important question of all: When you see a mountain, do you get an irresistible urge to do something stupid? (Surmounting Marriage is continued here.)
Tags: Husband Wife Relationship Humor, Marriage Satire, Mountain Climbing, Outdoor Humor
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Fashion Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Leisure Time Humor, Marriage Humor, Outdoors Humor, Recreation & Fun Humor, Relationship Humor, Sports Humor, Travel Humor, Vacation Humor | 11 Comments »
Monday, February 12th, 2007
Litigation Ode
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“You don’t care about others. You’re callous,”
Said the plaintiff, with undisguised malice.
“Well, you haven’t been sweet,”
He replied in a beat,
“Since the night that we wed, my dear Alice.”
Tags: Defendant, Divorce Humor, Litigation Humor, Plaintiff, Wedded Bliss
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Behavior & Personality, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Marriage Humor | 5 Comments »
Monday, January 22nd, 2007
A Take-Charge Marriage
By Madeleine Begun Kane
We’re both bossy, my husband and I.
Domineering, some say with a sigh.
But though some might disparage
A two-bosses marriage,
Each day is the Fourth of July.
(My marriage humor is collected here.)
Tags: Battle of the Sexes, Compatibility Humor, Husband Wife Limerick, Marriage Humor
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Behavior & Personality, Family & Relatives Humor, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Relationship Humor | 5 Comments »
