“Save The Eagles Day” — that’s today’s brand.
It’s a national day in our land.
Lest there be some confusion
Or even delusion,
I don’t mean the team or the band.
(“Save The Eagles Day” is celebrated each year on January 10.)
Archive for the ‘Limericks’ Category
Limerick Ode To The Eagles
Monday, January 10th, 2022Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BOLD or BOWLED at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: January 22, 2022 )
Saturday, January 8th, 2022It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using BOLD or BOWLED at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to INJURIES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best INJURY-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on January 23, 2022, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, January 22, 2022 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my BOLD or BOWLED-rhyme limerick:
“You are scantily clad, which is bold,
Cuz I’ve just been outside, and it’s cold.
Your dress seems designed
To freeze your behind,
So you’d best put that ‘hot’ garb on hold.”
And here’s my INJURY-themed limerick:
A young man hurled a tool and yelled, “Catch it.”
And his friend somehow managed to snatch it,
But he’s terribly mad;
He was injured. It’s bad!
No surprise, he won’t bury the hatchet.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick-Off Award (486)
Saturday, January 8th, 2022It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
Said Stravinsky, “My schedule is tight;
My publishers called me last night
To commission a song
About righting a wrong,
But I’m too busy writing a Rite.”
Congratulations to MARK TOTTERDELL, who wins the Special SHOTS-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
Novak Djokovic, agile and tall,
Plays great shots with a racket and ball,
But there’s one kind of shot
That he still hasn’t got,
Because Novak’s had no vax at all.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sjaan VandenBroeder, Tony Holmes, Bob Turvey, Brian Allgar, Jean McEwen, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Terry Marter, Dave Johnson, Tim James, Roger Haugen, Kirk Miller, Steve Benko, Fred Bortz, Sharon Neeman, David Hodges, and Sue Dulley. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “RIGHT or WRITE or RITE” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO SHOTS-THEMED LIMERICKS)
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
Elmer Fudd sang in Shanghai one night —
Karaoked (his last civil right.)
Took one shot at a song
With “If wuvving you’s wong,
Then (it’s twue) I don’t want to be wight.”
Sue Dulley:
We’ve had our three shots; it’s all right
To meet now and then for a bite.
And if anyone asks,
Say we all wore our masks
While devouring our dinner tonight.
Tony Holmes:
If you’ve might on your side, you are right,
And you can, with impunity, smite.
You are calling the shots.
You can crush the have-nots,
But you dare not sleep tight every night
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“RIGHT or WRITE or RITE”-Rhyme DIVISION)
Bob Turvey:
If you suffer from cramps in the night
A banana will soon put you right.
“I’ve tried it,” said Jane,
Many times – but in vain.”
Said her friend, “If you eat it, it might.”
Jean McEwen:
It had seemed to be love at first sight;
I had finally found Mr. Right!!
Then those fresh bloody stains
And those human remains
In his trunk gave me pause; I took flight.
Lisi Nortman:
My foot fell asleep on the flight,
Yet the rest of my body felt right.
Then at the hotel,
I slept very well,
But my foot stayed awake through the night.
Terry Marter:
Half asleep; half awake, half the night:
Half a Lim’rick that STILL don’t look right.
Time to rise for a brew, –
Slice of toast, perhaps two.
Add a bowl of “Just Right?” I just might!
Dave Johnson:
Jen’s husband was trying to write
A poem he hoped would ignite
Her passionate side.
But as hard as he tried,
His assonance failed to excite.
Tim James:
A randy young gal named Costello
Hooked up with a like-minded fellow.
He lied that he’d write
When he left her that night.
When it comes to commitment, he’s yellow.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
An obstructionist ended the night,
When he got the last word in a fight.
“I’m agreeing,” said he,
To say we disagree.
But that won’t make me any less right.”
Roger Haugen:
A new era was born at the site
Of mankind’s first motorized flight;
Ahead of all others,
These two small-town brothers
Showed the world what it meant to be (W)right.
Kirk Miller:
At the funeral, minister Dwight
Was real nervous and feeling uptight.
’Twas the first one where he
Had to speak, so you see
He worked hard so he’d write the right rite.
Steve Benko:
When on pot, you’re as high as a kite;
It isn’t the best time to write.
You think you’re inspired,
But Mad says, “You’re fired!
Your work on my page is a blight!”
HONORABLE MENTIONS (SHOTS-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)
Tim James:
After pounding nine shots of sloe gin
I took note of her come-hither grin.
So we went to her place.
But oh God, the disgrace!
I was wholly unable to sin.
Brian Allgar:
The photographer’s English was lean;
The police soon arrived on the scene.
His mistake was to state
To the guard on the gate
“I have come to take shots at your Queen.”
Fred Bortz:
It’s too bad that the guy had to die
From drinking too much of that rye.
Alas, what a shame,
But the rules of the game
Were a shot for each Trumpian lie.
Sharon Neeman:
There’s a faction that’s riddled with twits
Who have far more polemic than wits:
“Don’t get jabbed!” they all cry
As folks sicken and die —
So they’re both anti-shots and pro shits.
David Hodges:
In German, “mein Schatz” means “my treasure” –
A sweetheart beyond any measure.
An American miss
May take umbrage at this;
Being called “Shots” will bring her no pleasure!
Lisi Nortman:
The last time I went to my shrink,
He said, “Gertrude, you need to rethink!
“You MUST get that shot!”
But then I did not,
When I found out it wasn’t a drink.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Aggrieved Roommate (Limericks)
Wednesday, January 5th, 2022“I’m sick of your cockatiel’s turds!
Plus it bit me again!” — angry words
From a roommate, unmuffled,
Whose feathers were ruffled.
“I’m moving. Your pet’s for the birds!”
*****
There are several bird-related holidays:
National Bird Day (January 5)
Northern Parrots National Cockatiel Day (May 20)
World Parrot Day (May 31)
Trivial Limerick
Tuesday, January 4th, 2022Here’s some info that’s useless, but true.
It is “Trivia Day.” (“Braille Day” too.)
My attempts to retain
Random facts are in vain.
So what day is today? I’ve no clue!
(Both Trivia Day and Braille Day are celebrated each year on January 4.)
My Slant On “Slant Rhyme” (Limerick)
Saturday, January 1st, 2022From time to time, people who enter my limerick contests (and others), ask me my opinion of “slant rhyme” a/k/a “near rhyme.” I have very strong feelings on the subject, as you can see from this limerick:
That thing that some limmers call “slant rhyme,”
Doesn’t sing; it just means that you can’t rhyme.
My slant on the matter?
Avoid “slant rhyme” clatter.
And THAT is the end of my rant rhyme.
Engaged By The Cello (Limerick)
Wednesday, December 29th, 2021My beau plays the cello. His bow
Makes the loveliest music I know.
I love him, I think,
But my mother, a shrink,
Says I won’t, once I’ve heard Lorne Munroe.
Happy “International Cello Day!” (December 29)
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: RIGHT or WRITE or RITE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: January 8, 2022)
Saturday, December 25th, 2021It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using RIGHT or WRITE or RITE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SHOTS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best SHOTS-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on January 9, 2022, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, January 8, 2022 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my RIGHT or WRITE or RITE-rhyme limerick:
I do NOT do a lot of conversing;
Too much small talk will likely spur cursing.
Why prattle, or fight?
I would much rather write
And indulge in some rhyme-world immersing.
And here’s my SHOTS-themed limerick:
“My boss enjoys calling the shots.
And he likes to tie staff up in knots.
He’s a dim bulb and dolt,
Who once caused a revolt.
Seems at birth he was shorted some watts.”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick-Off Award (485)
Saturday, December 25th, 2021It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
I have frown lines too old to erase
From that place where they’re taking up space.
If I cut down on strife,
And say “no” to the knife,
I’ll save money. (Too late to save face).
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special FISH-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
A tuna whose name was Raúl
Wouldn’t run with a crowd, as a rule.
Off alone on a lark,
He fell prey to a shark.
Here’s the lesson: don’t drop out of school.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Terry Marter, Sharon Neeman, Mark Totterdell, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, James Mac Hale, Dave Johnson, Tim James, Steve Benko, Tony Holmes, Fred Bortz, Lorraine Padden, Rudy Landesman, David Friedman, Roger Haugen, and Gennadiy Gurariy. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “SPACE” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO FISH-THEMED LIMERICKS)
Terry Marter:
The fresh Plaice, placed on ice in a crate
Were still jumping and hard to placate.
I raced to that space,-
Grabbed a Plaice (and a Dace)
And an ace Hollandaise for my plate.
Sharon Neeman:
Said the boss to the fish-seller, “Todd,
Your damn cat just scarfed up all the cod,
Herring, whiting and plaice
That we had in this space!
Take her home or I’ll deck you, by God!”
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“SPACE”-Rhyme DIVISION)
Mark Totterdell:
Although there were those who would knock it,
And a few who would openly mock it,
Jeff was shot into space
With a smile on his face
In his massive great cock of a rocket.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
As a student, Josh seemed out of place.
You could tell by the look on his face.
But he’d read any comic
with themes astronomic.
He’s in college now, taking up space.
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
An MRI tube’s a cool place.
You can ask for some piano with bass.
But don’t start to groove
Cuz they won’t let you move,
And it clearly has limited space.
Terry Marter:
Drunk one night, he had found a warm space
For a nap (in a chook breeding place).
Then up came the sun
And in more ways than one
He’d awoken with egg on his face.
James Mac Hale:
Blitzen’s teaching the reindeer to brace
When they’re landing in limited space:
“To alight on the roof
You must dig in your hoof,
Or expect Rudolf’s butt in your face!”
Dave Johnson:
When zillionaires blast into space,
One question – so why the big chase?
Does leaving this earth
Help them showcase their worth
To hustle some alien race?
Terry Marter:
A Big Bang! A Black Hole, and much Hissing
(Understand it’s not Einstein I’m dissing),
But you cannot see space
(Though it’s right in your face),
So how can you tell if it’s missing?
James Mac Hale:
I’m named Mars, I’m soliciting Venus.
When gravity pulls on my penis
I say “Let us embrace
In our orbital space
And have asteroids flying between us.”
Tim James:
As we humans move out into space,
We may find it’s a wonderful place:
Ev’ry world full of life,
Free of hatred and strife.
(We’ll set phasers on kill, just in case.)
Steve Benko:
Once John Glenn went around us in space,
JFK said, “With Russia let’s race.
Is the moon made of cheese?
Let’s find out. And now please,
Miss Monroe, come and sit on my face.”
Tony Holmes:
Modern misses defending their space
Should give thanks to the makers of Mace.
Nothing says, “I said no
And I meant it. Please go!”
Like a pepper-spray jet in the face.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (FISH-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)
Fred Bortz:
Don’t you think it’s the slightest bit odd
That E-pisca-pals worship a god
That resembles some fish
And tastes so delish?
Yes it’s true. I am swearing to Cod!
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
“Our Special’s a wonderful dish.
It will answer your fine-dining wish.
The chef’s gone all out
To spruce up the trout,
So you won’t know you’re eating a fish.”
Lorraine Padden:
“A dogfish is really a shark,”
He tells me with no lack of snark.
“If you think it’ll fetch,
You’ll most likely kvetch
’Cuz its bite is much worse than its bark.”
Rudy Landesman:
You accuse me of being quite oafish,
Because I refuse to eat blowfish.
From all that I hear
Some are poisonous, dear.
For my dish, I would wish to have no fish.
David Friedman:
Remember the fish they called Wanda?
Starring Curtis and Kline (but not Fonda).
In the end, Kevin Kline
On Wanda would dine,
A truly unfortunate shanda.
Mark Totterdell:
When chilling with Steve, my pet stickleback,
I’d tickle his fins, he would tickle back,
Then he’d wiggle each spine,
Of which he had nine,
To the post-grungey music of Nickelback.
Roger Haugen:
It’s always my number-one wish
When fishing, to catch a big fish;
I’m hooked in the weeds,
While the osprey succeeds
In grabbing a fresh tasty dish.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
When my Rev gave me cod in a dish,
He said, “Eat it all now, if you wish.”
Then he showed me some gear —
Rods and reels (and a spear!)
And I prayed, “Please don’t teach me to fish!”
Tim James:
Two piranhas, named Kevin and Kate,
Made their way down a stream, where they ate.
Then they had a big row.
Kate said, “Don’t have a cow!”
Kevin grinned as he answered, “Too late!”
David Friedman:
There once was an old fish named Sid
Who loved the aquarium lid.
When he was asked why,
“I’ve just,” he would sigh
“Loved tank tops since I was a kid.”
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
Rod takes fish from my dish when we dine,
But he pays for both meals, so it’s fine.
I put up with this blunder,
But doesn’t he wonder
Why I never say, “Your plaice or mine?”
Gennadiy Gurariy:
There once was a cat with a wish-
To learn how to swim with the fish.
He fervidly swore
It was just to explore
While gently caressing his dish.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
A Short Limerick
Wednesday, December 22nd, 2021It’s a holiday season for ME.
No, not Christmas; I’m Jewish, you see.
If I must, I’ll embellish:
The day that I relish
Is “Short Person Day,” for I’m wee.
(Short Person Day falls on December 22.)
Out Of Sorts About “Jorts” (Limerick)
Friday, December 17th, 2021When I learn a new word like “jorts,” I feel compelled to use it in a limerick:
“Don’t you dare wear those frumpy old jorts,”
A gal to her husband exhorts.
“Making shorts out of jeans
Is a well-designed means
To induce me to take to the courts.”
Limerick Confusion
Wednesday, December 15th, 2021“Oh my goodness, my gosh, and my heavens,”
Said an addled young man known as Evans.
He repeated this twice,
As he juggled some dice,
Adding “Yikes! I’m at sixes and sevens.”
Exit Interruptus
Wednesday, December 15th, 2021We were packed and all ready to jet
To a beachfront resort, when “Not yet,”
Said my wife. “I must go
Get my hair curled by Flo.”
Hours later: “Let’s leave. I’m all set.”
(For the record, I don’t have a wife. But I do have a procrastinating husband with no concept of time.)
Another Bagel Tale (Limerick)
Monday, December 13th, 2021I wasn’t planning to write a second limerick about the cream cheese shortage, but here goes:
Buy a cream cheese-topped bagel? I’m able.
One is sitting right here on my table.
Yes, it took some inveigling
And lots of finagling…
This tale (I’ll confess) is a fable.
(Here’s my first cream cheese shortage limerick.)
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SPACE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: December 25, 2021)
Saturday, December 11th, 2021It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SPACE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to FISH, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best FISH-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on December 26, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, December 25, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my SPACE-rhyme limerick:
My best friends love a catering space,
And they book it whenever they face
An important affair.
But not me, cuz I swear
That it sucks. I’m fed up with the place.
And here’s my FISH-themed limerick:
Female twins host a podcast that’s odd:
Ev’ry week they talk “veggies and scrod.”
And each meal that they eat
Features fish. Never meat!
They are just like two peas in a pod.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick-Off Award (484)
Saturday, December 11th, 2021It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to TERRY MARTER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
A rude nude in a mood, lewd and crude,
Stalked a dude who she thought should be wooed.
But the dude, who’s a prude,
Did not want to be screwed,
Or (for that matter) stalked, so he sued.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special CRIME-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
“Though we’re poor, let’s get married,” said Nate.
“We’ll pinch pennies and save. Let’s not wait!”
Then he boosted her car,
Though he didn’t get far.
Now he’s doing a nickel upstate.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Mark Totterdell, Roger Haugen, Kirk Miller, Bob Turvey, Dave Johnson, Tim James, Terry Marter, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Michael Moulton, David Friedman, Rudy Landesman, and Jean McEwen. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“CRUDE or CREWED or ACCRUED”-Rhyme DIVISION)
Brian Allgar:
“Your advances, good Sir, are too crude.
Now, pray do not think me a prude,
But you’ll be out of luck
If you say “Babe, let’s fuck!” –
I prefer to be tastefully wooed.”
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
Once a turkey snood’s viewed, prob’ly you’d
Then allude to the fact it looks crude.
But the hot-to-trot hen
On the prowl for fowl men,
Would say, “Tom’s the right dude for my brood.”
Mark Totterdell:
I hope that, with skill and with luck,
This rhyme won’t descend into muck
With a word that is crude
And offensive and rude
At the end of the fifth line. Oh fuck!
Roger Haugen:
Said the hooker, “You think that it’s lewd,
To spend so much time getting screwed?
For me, to be chaste
Would be a big waste–
Just look at the cash I’ve accrued.”
Kirk Miller:
A biologist tried to feed streusel
To a panda; was met with refusal.
The bear spurned the food
’Cause the offer was crude.
He found pandas are hard to bamboozle.
Bob Turvey:
A hungry young child in a cot
Used to pick at its nose quite a lot.
Said its mother, “How crude.
D’you think that stuff’s food?”
“I know,” said the child, “That it’s not.”
Dave Johnson:
Her method’s unfailingly shrewd;
She will say something naughty and crude.
That’s how it begins,
As seductiveness wins.
When lewd sets the mood, then you’re screwed.
Tim James:
In the oil patch she’s done ev’ry dude,
And with many base traits she’s imbued.
Other gals there are kind,
Thoughtful, smart, and refined,
But not her. She’s called “West Texas Crude.”
Brian Allgar:
“That skylark is raucous and crude,”
Complained Shelley. “It’s ruined my mood,
So I’ll trap and de-plume it,
And then I’ll consume it –
But should it be roasted, or stewed?”
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
Over years, through my tears, I’ve accrued
Female vocals in great plenitude.
So at Christmas (it’s silly)
I always play Billie
To get into the Holiday mood.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (CRIME-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)
Terry Marter:
I said “Let’s rob a bank” to my gang.
They replied “Are you MAD!? We could hang.”
They were quite right of course,
All we had was a horse
And toy gun with a flag that said BANG!
Lisi Nortman:
The burglars barged in; they were tough.
Their voices were scary and gruff.
They used filthy expressions.
And stole my possessions…
Then replaced them with up-to-date stuff.
Dave Johnson:
A wrecking ball known as The Donald
Demolished the party of Ronald.
It happened each time
He committed a crime;
Then had his impeachment McConnelled.
Mike Moulton:
A kid with an AR-15
And a loaded hi-cap magazine,
Said, “Who doesn’t bring
A gun to a thing,
Where a protestor might well be mean?”
Lisi Nortman:
We drove through the border with speed.
Then the guard yelled, “You must not proceed!
“Any firearms, knives,
That could harm people’s lives?”
We answered, “How much do you need?”
David Friedman:
Venus could see the Feds nearing
The moment she dropped her damn earring.
In her racquet it nested,
So she was arrested;
The crime was, of course, racketeering.
Rudy Landesman:
When Paris abducted fair Helen,
The Greeks, to a man, all were yellin’:
“That’s a crime in our book!”
But they all failed to look;
’Twas love that those foolish kids fell in.
Mark Totterdell:
It’s no wonder I acted quite stroppily
When accused of a life led improperly.
Yes, there’s truth in the tale
That I spent time in jail,
But it was in a game of Monopoly.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
As a cop, my old man is no honey;
He’s so righteous, it’s not even funny.
I’ll throw pants in the wash
Without checking for dosh,
And he’ll bust me for laundering money.
Dave Johnson:
He wanted to set up a tryst
With one who had barely been kissed.
The meeting was set;
And that’s how he met
A vice cop he couldn’t resist.
Rudy Landesman:
It’s a mystery! Still makes me brood.
Tell me who murdered young Edwin Drood.
’Cause as the plot thickens,
The author, Charles Dickens,
Just went off and died. That was rude.
Jean McEwen:
When you purchase a gun for your son
And he then offs his schoolmates for fun,
Please do not act surprised
When you’re roundly despised
And find out you’ve got nowhere to run.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
At a Mystery Night meet-and-greet,
Where we “crime-solvers” eat and compete,
For being the winner,
I got a free dinner.
The real mystery, though, was the meat.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick Ode To Bad Hair
Wednesday, December 8th, 2021Oy! December 8 is “Bad Hair Day!”
“Bad Hair Day’s” today. It’s displeasin’
When your hair appears strangled by teasin’,
Or looks dry and yet oily;
Behaving disloyally!
I’m tempted to cite mine for treason.
Bagel Shop Woes (Limerick)
Saturday, December 4th, 2021Oy! Cream cheese is the latest NYC supply chain casualty! What’s a bagel shop to do?
A shortage of cream cheese? That’s bad!
Naked bagels are terribly sad!
You’ll use butter instead?
Are you nuts? Lost your head?
Cream cheese schmears are essential, you cad!
Ban This Holiday? (Limerick)
Saturday, December 4th, 2021Of the many odd hol’days I find,
There are some that I can’t get behind:
Today’s “Cheater Day!” Why
Salute such a guy?
Oh, it’s “Cheetah” Day? Oops! Never mind!
