Happy “Stupid Toy Day,” which is celebrated on December 16.
This short verse might sound sexist to some,
So I risk being told I am dumb:
I think men (“grown-up” boys)
Are more prone to like toys
That are daft. (Oy, I should have kept mum.)
Archive for the ‘Limericks’ Category
It’s “Stupid Toy Day” Oh Boy! (Limerick)
Monday, December 16th, 2024Happy Birthday, Beethoven! (Limerick and Haiku)
Monday, December 16th, 2024It’s December 16, the birthday of one of my favorite composers, Ludwig van Beethoven. And to celebrate, I’ve written both a limerick and a haiku:
Since it’s Beethoven’s birthday, please laud
All his great compositions. Applaud!
And don’t ask me to choose
Which is best. I’d need booze!
And there’s no room for boos when I’m awed.
*****
Cacophonic sounds
often spewed by symphonies–
Bring back Beethoven!
Don’t Tease Me With Tea! (Limerick)
Sunday, December 15th, 2024Today (December 15) is International Tea Day. (It’s also celebrated on May 21.)
Cappuccino’s my drink. Please, no tea!
Don’t bring green, black, or white. Leave me be!
No, I DON’T long for oolong.
I KNOW not to brew long.
Happy “Tea Day” to all, except ME!
Celebrating “Screwdriver Day” (Limerick)
Saturday, December 14th, 2024Today (December 14) is “National Screwdriver Day.”
It is “Screwdriver Day” — not the tool,
But the cocktail. So go ahead — drool.
Never tried one? You should!
It’s surprisingly good.
Just ignore those who claim it ain’t cool.
Computer Insecurity (Limerick)
Saturday, November 30th, 2024Happy Computer Security Day!
It’s Computer Security Day.
Do you feel like you’re safe? I’ll bet NAY!
Thieves with bots? There are many
Who’re after each penny.
You don’t use your antennae? Oy Vey!
Thanksgiving Reflections (Limerick)
Thursday, November 28th, 2024’24 has been tough! That’s no jive.
(Trump’s election sure gets no high-five!)
On a personal note,
Hubby Mark gets my vote…
And I’m thankful we’re both still alive.
Spurning Sardines (Limerick)
Sunday, November 24th, 2024After learning that today is National Sardines Day, I felt compelled to pen this limerick:
How I loathe the vile smell of sardines.
It’s far worse than the farts caused by beans.
When my spouse grabs a can
Of those critters… oh, man,
I must flee, lest I sully my jeans.
Tunnel Vision (Limerick)
Sunday, May 19th, 2024“I’m afraid of long tunnels! Can’t do it,”
Said a claustrophobe. “Stop, or you’ll rue it!”
“Close your eyes and don’t whine,”
Said his wife. “You’ll be fine!
You can open them now. You got through it!”
The Fray (Limerick)
Saturday, May 18th, 2024Said the coach to the batter, “The fray
That you started ain’t going away:
Remember the gurneys?
Those ‘fans’ got attorneys
Who’ve sued us for batt’ry today.”
The Shrieker (Limerick)
Friday, May 17th, 2024A young woman who talks a blue streak,
Has a voice that’s a maddening shriek.
But although she is yappy,
Her hubby seems happy.
(It must help that the man’s an antique.)
Undone By Punning? (Limerick)
Wednesday, May 15th, 2024“Stop the punning! I’m begging you, hon.
It’s not normal to constantly pun.
You’re driving me nuts!
No ifs, ands, or buts!”
The rejoinder: “Butt out, or we’re done!”
Just In Time For Mother’s Day (Limerick)
Sunday, May 12th, 2024“You are so out of touch,” said the teen
To his mother, “and also you’re mean!”
“I do not like your tone,”
She said, seizing his phone.
“And now YOU’RE out of touch. No more screen!”
My Losing Battle With Spam (Limerick)
Saturday, May 11th, 2024My damn email spam’s out of control!
My attempts at a fix? A black hole!
Unsubscribing with zeal
Simply proves that I’m REAL,
A great target — a gullible soul.
My Skewed Views (Limerick)
Friday, May 10th, 2024When instructed to “Look over there”
At an elephant, artwork, or chair,
I will look the wrong way,
At some other display.
Will I see what I’m meant to see? Ne’er!
I don’t mean to look elsewhere, I swear.
Yet perversely, I can’t help but stare
To the left, when the right’s
Where I might see the sights
That my hubby’s attempting to share.
Footloose Limerick
Thursday, May 9th, 2024The next time you hear about or (even worse) run across a disembodied foot that’s washed ashore, there’s a solid scientific explanation: “Feet easily disarticulate and when they are attached to a flotation device such as a running shoe, they are easily washed ashore…”
This calls for a limerick, don’t you think?
You wear running shoes? Try not to drown!
If you do while they’re on, you’ll stay down,
Except for your feet,
Which will fall off — not neat —
Float to shore and draw many a frown.
Seasonal Gripes (Limerick)
Thursday, May 9th, 2024Though the calendar tells me it’s spring,
It’s belied by each temp’rature swing.
We used heat just last week.
Now AC we must tweak.
I guess winter is due for a fling.
Hyper Pete (Limerick)
Wednesday, May 8th, 2024“I’m exhausted,” said Pete. “Must unwind
And relax, to escape from the grind.
I’ve been moving non-stop.
On a couch I should plop,
But I can’t: That’s not how I’m inclined!”
*****UPDATE: CURRENT LIMERICK-OFF DEADLINE EXTENDED INDEFINITELY***** (See Details Below in my May 29th Comment.) Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SLIP or SLIPPED at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: New Date TBA)
Saturday, May 4th, 2024It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SLIP or SLIPPED at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to DECEIT, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best DECEIT-related limerick.
And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.
Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:
BOTTLE, DARK, GUITAR, RELEASE, SCOLD.
(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa, and use any other variant of the random words. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on June 2, 2024, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 1, 2024 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my SLIP or SLIPPED-Rhyme Limerick:
The young oboist tried not to slip
While adjusting her reed; a small snip
Was essential — that’s all!
The reed cracked! Did she bawl?
No, she still kept a stiff upper lip.
And here’s my DECEIT-Themed Limerick:
You have taken advantage of me,
Yet again, said a gal to “pal” Leigh.
I’m feeling abused,
Betrayed and misused,
And I’m betting a court will agree.
You’ve frequently borrowed my spouse
To repair things that break in your house.
It appears that “repair”
Is code for “affair.”
How dare you have sex with that louse!
And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:
Do not bottle up feelings, we’re told,
But that sort of advice leaves me cold.
Were my feelings released
I’d turn into a beast;
An express-it-all, ornery scold.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
