Archive for the ‘Limerick Of The Week’ Category
Sunday, March 25th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A woman who tended her brood,
Followed hens who had eggs to extrude.
When a randy old rooster
Ran up and then goosed her,
She cried, “What a foul interlude!”
Congratulations to Jane Shelton Hoffman who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A woman who tended to brood
Decided to have her hair blued
When she heard someone say,
“She ought to stay gray
Because that color matches her mood.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Robert Schechter, Jim Delaney, Patience and the Prodigal, and RJ Clarken. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A fellow who tended to brood
On the right to be seen in the nude
Appealed to the court
With no briefs in support,
So they didn’t know what to conclude.
Robert Schechter:
A fellow who tended to brood
When a lion considered him food,
Declared, “I’m so sorry
To leave your safari,
But lions are best when eschewed.”
Jim Delaney:
A fellow who tended to brood
Had the notion to start up a feud.
Soon his lust for vendetta
Outclassed operetta
For plots that were petty, but skewed.
Patience and the Prodigal:
A fellow who tended to brood
Checked the price of a barrel of crude:
“To the devil and hell
With Exxon and Shell.”
For the rest of his life he canoed!
RJ Clarken:
A fella who tended to brood
On affairs of the heart, did conclude
That perhaps if he tried
A somnambulant bride
She would not run away when pursued.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Byron Miller, David Lefkovits, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Jim Delaney, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Patience and the Prodigal, RJ Clarken, Robert Schechter, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 13 Comments »
Sunday, March 18th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Robert Schechter who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Young Jack, who was terribly shrill,
Said, “Give me another chance, Jill!”
But her dad said, “My daughter
Don’t need your damn water,
You klutz! Stay away from that hill!”
Congratulations to Jason Talbott who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook likes:
A man who was terribly shrill
Tried to sing with vibrato and trill.
The glassware all shattered
As bar patrons scattered
And they’ve banned karaoke there still.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Madeleine Sara Maddocks, Craig Dykstra, Neal Pattison, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Ira Bloom, and John Reeves a/k/a Doggerelo. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Madeleine Maddocks:
A gal who was terribly shrill
On account of her helium thrill
Sold balloons at the fair
’Til she took to the air
And was seen floating over a hill.
Craig Dykstra:
So this gal with a voice that was shrill,
Said of birthdays, ”I’ve quite had my fill!”
Then she grabbed up a knife
And soon ended her life.
Now she’s under, not over, the hill.
Neal Pattison:
A jerk who was terribly shrill
Had a label for those on the pill:
No ifs, ands or buts,
He called them all sluts.
Now the pig finds his fat on the grill.
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A gal who was terribly shrill
Was known for her horror film skill.
She could shriek loud and clear
And show real intense fear.
She was often the one they would kill.
Ira Bloom:
A guy who was terribly shrill
Told a woman who’d eaten her fill:
“Have you stepped on a scale?
You’re as big as a whale!
I suggest you cut back on the krill!”
John Reeves a/k/a Doggerelo
A gal who was terribly shrill
Broke glass with her voice for a thrill.
She hit the wrong note
In a glass-bottomed boat.
They’re dragging the lake for her still.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Craig Dykstra, Ira Bloom, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Jason Talbott, John Reeves, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Madeleine Sara Maddocks, Neal Pattison, Robert Schechter, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 9 Comments »
Sunday, March 11th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Scott Crowder who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A man who was partial to gin,
Was on the beach, looking at skin,
When he heard from his wife,
“If you value your life,
You’ll keep that damned tongue of yours in!”
Congratulations to Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A gal who was partial to gin
Eschewed food and soon grew very thin.
Her early demise
Was not a surprise.
She sipped from a straw and fell in.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Mark Megson, Kathy El-Assal, Robert Schechter, Craig Dykstra, Jane Shelton Hoffman, and Nan Reiner a/k/a Kitty Ditty. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Mark Megson:
A gal who was partial to gin
Drank dry every bar she was in.
She’d drink without tonic
At speeds supersonic,
And boy did the bartenders grin.
Kathy El-Assal:
A woman was partial to gin,
Bridge, canasta: her drive was to win.
A game of strip poker–
Now that nearly broke her–
Reduced her to panties and skin.
Robert Schechter:
A man who was partial to gin
Said, “The thing is that when I begin
I find I can’t stop
Till the world is a top
And I’m dizzily watching it spin.”
Craig Dykstra:
A gal who was partial to gin,
‘Cause it gave her a license to sin,
Finally gave up on men,
And swore “Never again!”
Since the last one turned out to be kin.
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A gal who was partial to gin
Played often, but she couldn’t win.
So her boyfriend, a joker,
Suggested strip poker.
With just a few hands he was in.
Nan Reiner a/k/a Kitty Ditty:
A man who was partial to gin
Performed a contortionist spin.
When asked how he stuck it,
Said “I’m from Nantucket,”
And flashed a lascivious grin.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Craig Dykstra, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Kathy El-Assal, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Mark Megson, Nan Reiner, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Robert Schechter, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 9 Comments »
Sunday, March 4th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Nan Reiner a/k/a Kitty Ditty who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A fellow who looked like a hick
Was a-ponderin’ Newt, Mitt, and Rick:
“Which-a these millionaires
Can pretend that he cares
About me? That’s the slicker I’ll pick.”
Today I’m introducing a new and experimental award category: Congratulations to Mark Kane who wins the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A fellow who looked like a hick,
Was making his play with some chick.
He said “Babe don’t be nervous,
I’m here for your service,
And I promise I’ll never be quick.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Neal Pattison, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Linda Evans Hofke, Ira Bloom, and Johanna Richmond. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Neal Pattison:
A fellow who looked like a hick
Built a privy of mortar and brick.
When he bragged to his kin,
6 or 7 moved in.
Now they do 1 and 2 in the crick.
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A fellow who looked like a hick
Was adept with the carrot and stick;
“On the hill in DC
Was the college,” said he,
“Where I learned this political trick.”
Linda Evans Hofke:
A fellow who looked like a hick
Met up with a rich city chick.
He thought “No Chance In Hell”
With this mademoiselle,
But it turned out that opposites click.
Ira Bloom:
A fellow who looked like a hick,
Was defamed in an internet trick,
With no shred of decorum.
(Just google “santorum,”
To see what they said about Rick!)
Johanna Richmond:
Santorum says (aping a hick):
Education is merely a trick
To indoctrinate all;
What he means is “The gall
Of you joining our one percent clique!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter.
Thanks!
Tags: David Lefkovits, Ira Bloom, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Linda Evans Hofke, Mark Kane, Nan Reiner, Neal Pattison, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest | 4 Comments »
Sunday, February 26th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to ROBERT SCHECHTER who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A woman who earned a degree
In English said, “Oh lucky me!
The honor! The glamour!
The job-offer clamor!
What’s that? No, the pickles are free.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Madeleine Sara Maddocks, Robert Basler, Kathy El-Assal, and Steve Bumgarner. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Madeleine Sara Maddocks:
A fellow who had a degree
Could get you one too, for a fee.
“With a Bachelor of Art
You could make out you’re smart
But it’s more for the full MSc.”
Robert Basler:
A fellow who had a degree
Failed at playing his new DVD.
He said, “What a fool!
“All that time spent at school,
“And I cannot turn on my TV?”
Kathy El-Assal:
A woman who had a degree
En français, took a trip to Paris.
She was very polite
So she took great delight
In saying “je t’aime” and “merci.”
Steve Bumgarner:
A fellow who had a degree,
Took the lowly job sweeping debris.
No stress, but a hitch:
Minimum wage is a bitch.
At this rate he’d not make bourgeoisie.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Kathy El-Assal, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Madeleine Sara Maddocks, Robert Basler, Robert Schechter, Steve Bumgarner, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 3 Comments »
Sunday, February 19th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to DAVID MCCORMICK a/k/a AdamantYves who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A fellow who ran a campaign
Called, “MAKE ENGLISH SPELLING MORE SAIGN”
Had been told by his betters
“Avoid silent letters!”;
Good advice – alas, given in vaign.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Robert Schechter, Colleen Murphy, Johanna Richmond, and RJ Clarken. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Robert Schechter:
A fellow who ran a campaign
Could scarcely conceal his disdain
For folks unlike him
Whose prospects were dim
Since he’d downsized their asses at Bain.
Colleen Murphy:
A woman who ran a campaign
Got stuck in a downpour of rain.
Her speech it was flawless
Except she was braless.
Her attempts to retract were in vain.
Johanna Richmond:
G-O-P-ers who’ve waged a campaign
Against women: You’d better abstain
From believing your dicks
Make us powerless chicks
Or bleed votes from the jugular vein.
Rj Clarken:
A fellow who ran a campaign
On a platform of eminent domain
Was surprised when his lands
Went for government plans.
“I didn’t mean me,” he’d complain.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Colleen Murphy, David McCormick, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, RJ Clarken, Robert Schechter, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 7 Comments »
Sunday, February 12th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to SCOTT CROWDER who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A fellow was way off his game,
When the ‘Notice of Child Support’ came.
They had fun there’s no doubt,
On that couch that pulled out.
He wishes that he’d done the same.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Colleen Murphy, and Jane Shelton Hoffman. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
A fellow was way off his game
Of finding wild beasts he could tame,
But gained recognition
(Though NOT by volition)
When eaten by lions. That’s fame!
Colleen Murphy:
A fellow was way off his game,
Speed eating his once-claim-to-fame.
While wolfing down pie
Some seagulls flew by;
What they dropped and his bite were the same.
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A woman was way off her game.
Her sex life was getting too tame.
She perfumed certain parts
And tattooed on some hearts,
But still with all this, no one came!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Colleen Murphy, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest | 12 Comments »
Sunday, February 5th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to JIM DELANEY who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
The chairman was trying to lead
An attack upon corporate greed,
But his own compensation
Would fund a small nation —
Not quite the credentials you need.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Neal Pattison, Bruce Niedt, Edmund Conti, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, and Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Neal Pattison:
A fellow was trying to lead
A life filled with daring and deed.
To his friends, who all hooted,
He said, “I’m well suited,”
As he buttoned his Seville Row tweed.
Bruce Niedt:
A salesman was trying to lead
His date to a sexual deed.
But when he unzipped
She took one look and quipped,
“Satisfaction is NOT guaranteed!”
Edmund Conti:
A fellow was trying to lead
His wife to the mens’ room (Great need!)
Said his wife, “Not a chance!
We’re going to dance.”
So they danced on and on while he peed.
David Lefkovits:
A fellow who wanted to lead
The nation in turning from greed,
Found most in agreement,
When thinking that he meant
The other guy’s greedy misdeed.
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
A fellow was trying to lead
His small pup (newly bought, pedigreed).
The son of a bitch
Would rather just ITCH
Than be led to the vet and deFLEAed.
Phyllis adds this Limerick Note:
In my rhyming I have this strange vanity
That my jokes not depend on profanity.
That small dog with the itch
Was the offspring of bitch.
To rely on swear-words is insanity!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bruce Niedt, David Lefkovits, Edmund Conti, Jim Delaney, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Neal Pattison, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 9 Comments »
Sunday, January 29th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to JANE SHELTON HOFFMAN who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A man with a very full plate
Ordinarily had to work late,
But his young, lovely wife
Had her own secret life.
Let’s just say her masseur was quite straight.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Colleen Murphy, J Cosmo Newbery, Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly, Versebender, and Johanna Richmond. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Colleen Murphy:
A gal with a very full plate
Went out on her very first date,
But with ten minutes gone
It was time to move on,
So she jilted her dumbfounded mate.
J Cosmo Newbery:
A man with a very full plate
Ignored the allure of his date.
“The main course is divine,
Then there’s cake, cheese and wine;
The entree will just have to wait.”
Bryon Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly:
A nymphet with a personal plate
Would slow down and cause traffic to wait.
As men drove up behind her
They read this reminder:
IALWZGVHEDWNID8
Versebender:
A man with a very full plate
Had no time to look for a mate.
So he ordered online
A companion divine
That all he need do is inflate.
Johanna Richmond:
Bachman’s man has a very full plate,
What with legions of gays to set straight.
But his “pray away” swagger,
Suggests the old wagger
May have tried out the rear pearly gate.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Byron Miller, Colleen Murphy, J Cosmo Newbery, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, VerseBender, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest | 2 Comments »
Sunday, January 22nd, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to JOHANNA RICHMOND who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever two-verse limerick:
A fellow was trying to hide
His nature (mean, callous and snide),
But it’s hard to shrug off
With a wink and a scoff
What he did to his number two bride.
So the newt did what Newt does so well:
Told his critics to all go to hell.
With a blood-thirsty base,
Best grow fangs to save face.
Can you hear Willard Romney’s death knell?
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jason Talbott, Gordon Richmond, Scott Crowder, Brenda Bryant a/k/a Rinkly Rimes, and Elaine Spall. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jason Talbott:
A fellow was trying to hide
Some cash that he earned on the side
As a writer of fiction.
His craft caused conviction–
When he filled out his taxes, he lied.
Gordon Richmond:
A fellow was trying to hide
His “size” from the young, pretty bride,
But soon she’d discover,
Once under the cover,
She’s in for a very short ride.
Scott Crowder:
A woman was trying to hide
The fact that her hair had been dyed.
But the truth would come out
And leave not a doubt
When the gal wore a swim thong poolside.
Brenda Bryant a/k/a Rinkly Rimes:
A fellow was trying to hide
From his overly amorous bride.
He said “Wait a bit!
It’s time to admit
I got sea-sick the last time I tried!”
Elaine Spall:
A fellow was trying to hide
From six women, each claimed was his bride
When his half dozen wives
Set upon him with knives.
“Rest In Pieces” was scribed when he died.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Brenda Bryant, Elaine Spall, Gordon Richmond, Jason Talbott, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 8 Comments »
Sunday, January 15th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to JIM DELANEY who wins Limerick of the Week for this very clever verse:
A gal was upset by a bill
For an item she’d sent to Goodwill:
“For resale, we’ve got
To remove every spot,
And your coat had a lot, Ms. de Vil.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Colleen Murphy, Robert Basler, and Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Colleen Murphy:
A gal was upset by a bill
She received from her ex-husband Will
For services rendered
Which he never tendered
With any compensable skill.
Robert Basler:
A man was upset by a bill
When he sought a professional kill.
He said, “Holy s**t!”
“You charge WHAT for a hit?”
So a pundit is punditing still.
Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly:
A man quite upset with a Bill,
Said the plays Bill had written were swill!
Whence there came no denial
From the bard, just a smile
And a poke in the eye from his quill.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Byron Miller, Colleen Murphy, Jim Delaney, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Robert Basler, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 7 Comments »
Sunday, January 8th, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to GORDON RICHMOND who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
As the new year approaches, men swear
They will aim for the toilet with care,
But the subject in hand
May ignore the command
And reroute its direction mid-air.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Robert Basler, Brenda Bryant a/k/a Rinkly Rimes, Robert Schechter, Madeleine Sara Maddocks, Johanna Richmond, and Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Robert Basler:
As the new year approaches, men swear
They will read all the works of Flaubert.
But soon, it’s “Hey, Mabel!
“This channel on cable
“Shows reruns of ‘Sonny and Cher!’”
Brenda Bryant a/k/a Rinkly Rimes:
As the New Year approaches men swear
That they’ll have a real hot love-affair.
But the girls that they meet
In the bar, on the street,
Say “We’re sorry! Your cupboard is bare!”
Robert Schechter:
As the new year approaches, men swear
To rise from their sofa or chair
And move their fat asses.
The impulse soon passes,
Replaced by a staunch laissez faire.
Madeleine Sara Maddocks:
As the new year approaches, men swear
To dispose of their old underwear,
As their grubby old briefs
Rouse disparaging shrieks
From the gals they invite to their lair.
Johanna Richmond:
As the new year approaches, men swear:
No more meat or at least none cooked rare;
Why have twelve beers when six
Is an adequate fix?
As for porn, only followed by prayer!
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
As the New Year approaches, gals swear
That they MUST buy some NEW clothes to wear.
But each husband still clings
To his old worn-out things:
“You can NOT throw them out. Don’t you dare!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Brenda Bryant, Gordon Richmond, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Madeleine Sara Maddocks, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Robert Basler, Robert Schechter, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 6 Comments »
Sunday, January 1st, 2012
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to BYRON MILLER a/k/a ERROL NIMBLY who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A husband who’d stepped on some toes,
Always staying out late with some hos,
Woke to breakfast in bed
And a short note, which read:
Here’s your sausage, I hope it regrows.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Matty, RJ Clarken, Gordon Richmond, and Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A fellow who’d stepped on some toes
When competing with ballroom dance pros
Displayed in his jive,
While broadcasting live,
What a slip of the zip might expose.
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A fellow who’d stepped on some toes
Had created a large group of foes.
So in spite of his drive
His career took a dive
And he ended up stocking at Lowes.
Matty:
A fellow who’d stepped on some toes
Had an ego as big as his nose,
Until one day his bride
Shot a hole in his pride
And told him the sex really blows.
RJ Clarken:
A fellow who stepped on some toes
And garnered political woes
Told more lies and then cheered
When opponents got smeared
While the public got led by the nose.
Gordon Richmond:
A woman who’d stepped on some toes
By writing her triple X prose
Was sent off to jail
And denied any bail;
Now she lives with the rest of the hos.
Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly:
Said a sultan who’d stepped on some toes,
“In a harem, that’s just how it goes:
With my wives all entangled
A few may get mangled —
It’s best to arrange them in rows.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Byron Miller, David Lefkovits, Gordon Richmond, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Matty, RJ Clarken, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 3 Comments »
Sunday, December 25th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. But first…
Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
Not a creature was stirring
Except for my mouse.
The Lim’rick-Off judging
Cried out to be done
Cuz participants longed
To find out just who won.
I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A young fellow was planning to back
Well away from the cougar’s attack,
But she managed a pin
With a bottle of gin
And the weight of her double G rack.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Robert Schechter, Stephen Earp, Johanna Richmond, and Konrad Schwoerke. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Robert Schechter:
A fellow was planning to back
The bail-out of failed Fannie Mac.
But then he said, “Why
Should those assholes, not I,
Be the ones who end up in the black?”
Stephen Earp:
A fellow was planning to back
His hole cards of seven and jack.
But flop, turn and river
All failed to deliver
And cost him the rest of his stack.
Johanna Richmond:
A woman was planning to back
An employee she knew she should sack;
His immense asset package
Prevented his sackage —
You might say he slipped through the crack.
Konrad Schwoerke:
A fellow was planning to back
An irrational war in Iraq,
But his partner requested:
“Rethink this when rested,
And further — quit smoking that crack!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Byron Miller, Johanna Richmond, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Robert Schechter, Stephen Earp, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »
Sunday, December 18th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to KATHY EL-ASSAL who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
A guy who was terribly high
From putting his thumb in a pie
Had pulled out a plum
Soaked in 50 proof rum
And said, “How besotted am I?”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Robert Schechter, Konrad Schwoerke, Ira Bloom, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Johanna Richmond and Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Robert Schechter:
A man who was terribly high
Attempted to tie his own tie.
The thing got so tangled
The poor man was strangled.
The moral: Wear clip-ons, or die.
Konrad Schwoerke:
A man who was terribly high
Felt a penis while stroking her thigh.
“Even fried as a fritter,
I’m not a switch-hitter!
I think I’ll keep passing on bi.”
Ira Bloom:
A man who was terribly high
On the food chain, at last had to die.
He was known, in his day,
To be quite the gourmet,
But the worms found him tasteless and dry.
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
A gal who was terribly high
On a swing-set let out a loud cry:
“Chicken Little was right!
It’s a real scary sight —
First the rise then the fall of the sky!”
Johanna Richmond:
A gal who is terribly high
Knows her face looks suspiciously sly;
Though she tries to sound grave,
More like straight folks behave,
She’s betrayed by the wink in her eye.
Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly:
A man who was terribly high
Had been living with pigs in a sty.
When I asked if he knew
That he smelled like a zoo,
He addressed me, “oink-oink” in reply.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Byron Miller, Ira Bloom, Johanna Richmond, Kathy El-Assal, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Robert Schechter, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 6 Comments »
Sunday, December 11th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to ROBERT SCHECHTER who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A man who was frequently prone
To sitting all day on the throne,
Said, “It’s great to be king,
But there’s only one thing:
It’s a toilet, and I’m in Bayonne.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Johanna Richmond, Kathy El-Assal, Edmund Conti, Elaine Spall,
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Drew Nicholson, and John Peter Larkin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Johanna Richmond:
A gal who was frequently prone
To engaging in sex on the phone
Found repeat business hard
Since her number was barred
By the women whose husbands she’d blown.
Kathryn El-Assal:
A gal who was frequently prone
To a French existentialist tone
Hung out with Camus
And Jean-Paul Sartre, too.
To her friends, she was known as Simone.
Edmund Conti:
A guy who was frequently prone
To lying face down when alone
Said, “It may not show class
When exposing my ass,
But it beats out what else could be shown.”
Elaine Spall:
A fellow was frequently prone
To be licking and chewing a bone.
When he started to nibble
Some leftover kibble
The doghouse was where he was thrown.
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A gal who was frequently prone
From indulging in much Côtes du Rhône
Raised a glass (in a dream)
At a bistro in Nîmes,
While asleep on the floor in Bayonne.
Drew Nicholson:
A guy who was frequently prone
To refusing to spend time alone
Said “My name’s Herman Cain.
I suspend my campaign,
But I’ll take VP offers by phone.”
John Peter Larkin:
A guy who was frequently prone
Was happy his seed had been sown.
His girl had said no
But she gave him the go
When he found her erogenous zone.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: David Lefkovits, Drew Nicholson, Edmund Conti, Elaine Spall, Johanna Richmond, John Peter Larkin, Kathryn El-Assal, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Robert Schechter, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest | 5 Comments »
Sunday, December 4th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to IRA BLOOM who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
A fellow whose last dime was spent
On toner, proceeded to vent:
“That HP ink-jet
We were eager to get
Now’s the printer of our discontent.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Edmund Conti, Robert Schechter, Veralynne Bosko Pepper, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Jane Shelton Hoffman, and Arthur Goikhman a/k/a SurrealGames. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Edmund Conti:
A fellow whose last dime was spent
Decided to sell his one stent.
His search was in vain.
Do I need to explain
That pun which you’ll come to resent?
Robert Schechter:
A woman whose last dime was spent
Entertaining an indigent gent,
Said, “I’m such a dumb bunny.
I thought he had money!
But that’s not what ‘indigent’ meant.”
Veralynne Bosko Pepper:
A woman whose last dime was spent
Found the key to her lock box was bent.
Oh, what could she do?
Solicit a screw?
In a blur, to the bar off she went.
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
A fellow whose last dime was spent,
Not despairing, went on to invent
A money machine
Like none before seen.
Can you guess to which prison he went?
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A fellow whose last dime was spent
Had no money for food or for rent.
He committed a crime
So he could do time
And live on the taxpayers’ cent.
Arthur Goikhman a/k/a SurrealGames:
A fellow whose last dime was spent
On proving he had no intent
Was guilty as sin
But savored his win,
Since no one dug up the cement.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Edmund Conti, Ira Bloom, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Robert Schechter, SurrealGames, Veralynne Bosko Pepper, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week | 5 Comments »
Sunday, November 27th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to ROBERT SCHECHTER who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
A man was attempting to eat
A taco he bought on the street.
He’s someone I follow
On Twitter. Each swallow
Was widely proclaimed in a tweet.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order): David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Johanna Richmond, David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves, and Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A man was attempting to eat
At Le Restaurant Jean B. Lafitte,
But his face became pallid
When part of the salad
Got up and walked off on six feet.
Johanna Richmond:
A man was attempting to eat
When his wife hollered out, “Trick or treat!”
It was then he took note
She held open her tote,
So he thoughtfully offered his meat.
David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves:
A gal was attempting to eat
A length of spaghetti – six feet;
She forgot that to coil it
She’d first have to boil it,
Now she’s had to move up from petite.
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
A fellow was trying to eat
Things acquired from a bet. He’d been beat!
They divided a cow.
The lost bet explains how
She got steaks, he got teats and de feet.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: David Lefkovits, David McCormick, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Robert Schechter, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest | 6 Comments »
Sunday, November 20th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
A woman who went through a phase
Was weary of men and their ways.
“I’m sick of the brawling
And please! No more mauling.
I’m done shopping sales with these gays.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Karin Gustafson a/k/a Manicddaily, Brenda Bryant a/k/a Rinkly Rimes, Johanna Richmond, Pari Cooper, Kathy El-Assal, and Matt Monitto. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Karin Gustafson a/k/a Manicddaily
A woman who went through a phase
Took all her old light bulbs to graze.
She was terribly keen
To make them “go green,”
But had a dim grasp of the phrase.
Brenda Bryant a/k/a Rinkly Rimes :
A woman who went through a phase
Of enjoying the masculine gaze,
Decided to tease,
Threw off her chemise,
And walked through the town in her stays!
Johanna Richmond:
A fellow who went through a phase
Of responding as if in a daze
Said, “There’s lots up there twirling
With notes I’ve been squirr’ling.
I suffer from catch-phrase malaise!”
Pari Cooper:
A woman was deep in a phase,
Of lim’ricking all through her days
Ev’ry night and each morn,
(if she didn’t view porn)
She was posting a new MadKane phrase.
Kathy El-Assal:
A woman who went through a phase
Of hogging the spotlight and praise
Took a walk down the aisle
Dressed in haute couture style
For a marriage that lasted mere days.
Matt Monitto:
A woman who went through a phase
Would go hunting for sales. ‘Twas a craze:
There was fire in her eyes
When the prices would rise,
And she’d occupy Macy’s for days.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Brenda Bryant, Johanna Richmond, Karin Gustafson a/k/a Manicddaily, Kathy El-Assal, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Of The Week, Matt Monitto, Pari Cooper, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 7 Comments »
Monday, November 14th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to BRUCE NIEDT who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A fellow was famous worldwide
For solving the odd homicide.
When his friend asked, “What schools
gave you such helpful tools?”
“Element’ry, dear Watson!” he cried.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Ira Bloom, Madeleine Sara Maddocks, Johanna Richmond, Robert Basler, and Daisy Mae Simon. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Ira Bloom:
A woman was famous worldwide,
But for what, it is hard to decide.
Having sex on the web?
As a partying deb?
I don’t know, but she’s fun to deride.
Madeleine Sara Maddocks:
A fellow was famous worldwide
For being incredibly wide.
When his doctor said “No!
All this blubber must go,”
He considered his options were fried.
Johanna Richmond:
A fellow was famous worldwide
Because often he publicly cried.
But astute folks took note:
His emotional bloat
Expressed only his oversized pride.
Robert Basler:
A fellow was famous worldwide
For marketing fruit that was dried.
Folks loved that his prunes
Didn’t need any spoons
Yet they still did the same thing inside.
Daisy Mae Simon:
A woman once famous worldwide.
Welcomed all to New York’s harbor side:
“…Your tired, your poor…”
Now meet a closed door.
Corporate greed and corruption preside.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Bruce Niedt, Daisy Mae Simon, Ira Bloom, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Of The Week, Madeleine Sara Maddocks, Robert Basler, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 5 Comments »
