Archive for the ‘Limerick Of The Week’ Category
Sunday, October 6th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Tim James, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A drive-in’s a marvelous place:
Lots of privacy, plenty of space.
Just forget what’s on-screen
And create your own scene.
If you’re lucky, you’ll touch every base.
Congratulations to Colleen Murphy and Steve Whitred, who are tied in winning this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award:
Colleen Murphy:
I finished in third to last place
In a fifteen kilometer race.
Of the two folks I beat
There was one with club feet
And the other, his leg in a brace.
Steve Whitred:
They think home is the “weaker sex” place,
And they won’t address issues of race.
If there’s one thing they dread,
It’s two men in a bed.
Say “hello” to the GOP base.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Craig Dykstra, Fred Bortz, and Jane Shelton Hoffman. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Craig Dykstra:
The young private at “Mae’s Happy Place”
Saw the pitying look on her face.
“Well it’s clear,” said the whore,
“You’ve not done this before,
Because soldier, you’re way, way off base.”
Fred Bortz:
Mr. Speaker, it’s time to replace
Your obstructionist stance with some grace.
Obamacare’s law.
Your bill sticks in my craw,
And it’s time now to cut to the chase.
A blackmail approach has no place
And your Tea Party wing’s a disgrace.
Fund the government’s work,
Pay our bills — we can’t shirk
Or our country will lose more than face.
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A woman had just lost her place
In line to a big girl named Grace.
Grace elbowed her side
“Move over!” she cried.
“Or else I’ll have to pee in a vase!”
Craig Dykstra:
From the bar, we went back to my place
Where a secretive look crossed her face.
Well it turned out that “she”
Was more well hung than me.
That’s an image I’d like to erase.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, Fred Bortz, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Steve Whitred, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Sunday, September 29th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Jamie Hutchinson, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
As she gathered the sheets in a wrap,
A lover spoke true to her chap:
“Your performance? — no cause
For thund’rous applause.
But it’s likely I gave you the clap.”
Congratulations to Steve Whitred, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A Sapphic was trying to wrap
A toy to be worn with a strap.
Then she wrote on the label:
“My dear darling Mabel,
D’ya wanna pretend you’re a chap?”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Craig Dykstra, Diane Groothuis, Colleen Murphy, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Patrice Stewart a/k/a Patrice Jenine a/k/a Patrice of the ManyCats, and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Craig Dykstra:
The thief saw her fine ermine wrap
And her neckline that plunged to her lap.
Twixt her breasts was some bling,
But the thing was a sting;
He got caught in the ol’ booby-trap.
Diane Groothuis:
When the goy in the shul wore a wrap
And a blue and white yarmulke (cap),
Rabbi said in surprise,
“That is just a disguise.
Your book’s upside down my dear chap.”
Colleen Murphy:
Before you try learning to rap,
You should test out your skills with the snap.
If you can’t hold a beat
With your fingers or feet,
Then it’s likely the same with your yap.
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A gal in an elegant wrap
Woke up from a 20-year nap.
She turned on the news
And shouted out: “Who’s
This White House mahogany chap?”
Patrice of the ManyCats:
She lunged for his knuckles: rap, rap!
“You know I won’t take any crap
When I’m your mean teacher!
You wanna play preacher?”
They grinned, then she sat on his lap.
Diane Groothuis:
Miss Muffett was eating a wrap
While sitting on Jack Horner’s lap.
She had finished two thirds
And gave some to the birds,
But to Jack said “No whey you poor sap.”
Tim James:
A guy used aluminum wrap
Tightly set on his head as a cap.
And just why’s that the case?
It blocks mind beams from space.
(His campaign to be Prez is on tap.)
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, David Lefkovits, Diane Groothuis, Jamie Hutchinson, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Patrice Stewart, Steve Whitred, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest | 4 Comments »
Sunday, September 22nd, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Chris Doyle, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Mick Jagger’s indeed in a fix
When St. Peter looks up and says “Nix!”
And the next thing Mick knows
He’s in Hell, where he rows
For eternity playing the Styx.
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
My cat often gets in a fix;
He got crushed by a pile of bricks,
He got burned in a fire,
And squished by a tire –
I think his nine lives are at six.
Congratulations to Will T. Laughlin, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a very clever multi-verse limerick.
THE THREE LITTLE PIGS
Pig One’s in a terrible fix:
Lost his home (made of hay-and-straw mix)
When a Wolf wandered by
With a gleam in his eye,
And blew the house down just for kicks.
Pig Two had no time to affix
The mezuzah to *his* house (of sticks)
When the Wolf came to town
And he blew the house down…
(He was up to his usual tricks).
Said the Third Pig, “This problem I’ll fix
By building my house out of bricks.”
But the Wolf (Bad and Big)
Just foreclosed on the pig
And moved on to Pigs Four, Five and Six.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Johanna Richmond, Craig Dykstra, Jamie Hutchinson, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Will T. Laughlin, Colleen Murphy, and Hogarth Hippolyte. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Johanna Richmond:
A man who demands a quick fix
(We’re talking down south in the sticks)
May ask for a “Hoover” —
A tricky maneuver —
Sounds cleaner than what it depicts.
Craig Dykstra:
A daredevil got in a fix
Because breakfast and highways don’t mix.
Now the poor guy is dead
And his epitaph read:
“Got his Kix® out on Route 66.”
Jamie Hutchinson:
A matchmaker needed a fix
When the matches she made didn’t mix.
So she set up online
And now business is fine:
Every match is a couple that clicks.
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
Bernanke is trying to fix
The economy, which he predicts
Will keep going sideways
Unless they provide ways
To goose it with stimulus tricks.
Will T. Laughlin:
Roger Ailes cried, “Please somebody, fix
This FAX machine. Something there sticks.”
You can fix the Fox FAX,
But a much better tack’s
To fix the faux facts that Fox picks.
Colleen Murphy:
A fellow got into a fix;
He was due home for dinner at six,
But he got home at eight,
Says his work made him late.
Then his wife saw the Instagram pics.
Hogarth Hippolyte:
A woman who needed a fix
Decided to fund it with tricks.
She went on the street
Hoping Johns she would meet,
But scored with a couple of Knicks.
Will T. Laughlin:
Cried the madam, “Well, we’re in a fix:
Of eight clients, you’ve scared away six.
You pull a live bunny
Right out of your… Honey,
You’re turning the wrong kind of tricks!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Chris Doyle, Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, David Lefkovits, Hogarth Hippolyte, Jamie Hutchinson, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 7 Comments »
Sunday, September 15th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Will T. Laughlin, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Dear Boss: as your ears and your eyes,
I’m one of the best of your spies.
Still… unless ficus trees
Are expected to sneeze,
They may have seen through my disguise.
Congratulations to Chris Doyle, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
Manhattan has opened my eyes
To a deli where bread is the prize.
It’s chewy, nutritious,
And truly delicious!
Try Katz’s — the site for sour ryes.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Craig Dykstra, Ira Bloom, Gary Hallock, Sue Dulley, Chris Doyle, Kevin Ahern, and Bill Klein. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Craig Dykstra:
A nympho with beautiful eyes
Treated men to a flash of her thighs.
With a wink and a leer
She’d say “What I’ve got here
Is a thing you should try on for sighs.”
Ira Bloom:
A woman with stars in her eyes,
Said “My art I will not compromise.
I can sing, dance and act,
A young Garbo, in fact.
By the way, would you like that with fries?”
Gary Hallock:
The vote from young men is all “ayes”
When a pole dancer gyrates her thighs.
I also should mention
They’ll stand at attention
Although, from their seats, they don’t rise.
Sue Dulley:
A woman with near-perfect eyes
On contacts and glasses relies,
The former for schmoozing,
The latter for boozing,
And specs when she wants to look wise.
Chris Doyle:
She was not, by the look in her eyes,
All that pleased by my biceps and thighs.
I got very low scores
Till she checked in my drawers
And said, “Whoa, that’s economy-size!”
Kevin Ahern:
To parents all rolling their eyes
At the questions their children devise,
Please, do not get weary;
For every query
“Because” is a word to the whys.
Bill Klein:
A woman with nearsighted eyes
Felt the moisture that dampened her thighs.
Her man, with alarm,
Said “You’re sucking my arm,”
Which cut her mood back down to size.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bill Klein, Chris Doyle, Craig Dykstra, Gary Hallock, Ira Bloom, Kevin Ahern, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Sue Dulley, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 4 Comments »
Sunday, September 8th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
The young actress was pretty indeed.
(And the men she seduced all agreed.)
Though she read from the heart,
She did not get the part.
But she did, I am told, get the lead.
Congratulations to Colleen Murphy, Konrad Schwoerke, and Mark Kane who are in a three-way tie for this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award:
Colleen Murphy:
The bloke did a dastardly deed
When he laced Henry’s cupcakes with weed.
“I wanted the fellow
To feel a bit mellow.
Be grateful it wasn’t with speed!”
Konrad Schwoerke:
The daft Duke did a dangerous deed.
’Twas ungraciously gauche most agreed,
An unthinkable thing
In the court of a king.
Not the place I’d’ve picked to have peed!
Mark Kane:
A baker had done a good deed.
Turned a young man away from his greed:
“Sure you’re chasing the bread,
But don’t be mislead,
You just might find you’ll get what you knead.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Johanna Richmond, Scott Crowder, Patrice Stewart a/k/a Patrice Jenine, a/k/a Patrice of the ManyCats, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, and Cyn. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Johanna Richmond:
“Which one of you dogs did this deed?”
Bess barks out in a well-rehearsed screed.
But she sits when ears wilt
In confederate guilt—
Bassets know how to make your heart bleed.
Scott Crowder:
I was late to the party indeed,
Yet decided to join the stampede.
So I watched Breaking Bad,
Found it dreadful and sad—
I’ve never been quite up to Speed.
Patrice of the ManyCats:
Oh yes, he had just done the deed;
He heeded “the call” and he peed.
“Another disaster!
Bud, can’t you learn faster?”
Remember, your puppy can’t read.
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
“Damascus is guilty indeed,”
Says Kerry to those who would heed,
While Obama, in Sweden,
Is beggin’ and pleadin’
For those who would follow his lead.
Cyn:
A teen told her father, “Indeed,
You texted me. That I’ll concede.
But I’ve not the skill
Of texting while still—
I have to be driving to read.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, Cyn, David Lefkovits, Johanna Richmond, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Mark Kane, Patrice Stewart, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest | 4 Comments »
Sunday, September 1st, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Kirk Miller, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
After punning, I’m left all alone
‘Cause I make people grimace and moan.
If you think they’re bad now,
Then imagine just how
Bad they’ll be when my puns are full groan.
Congratulations to Kevin Ahern, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
Geology students alone
At exams will collectively groan:
The grading is picky
And questions are tricky
Cuz answers are written in stone.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Cyn, Craig Dykstra, Tim James, Fred Bortz, Tom Hale, Bob Dvorak, and Will T. Laughlin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Cyn:
I tend to think better alone
And prefer to solve things on my own.
Even so, one can dream
Of how easy it’d seem,
If I were as smart as my phone.
Craig Dykstra:
“So when can I get you alone?”
Said her butcher, who called on the phone.
Seems he misunderstood
When she asked if he could,
With her meat order, give her a bone.
Tim James:
A guy should have taken a loan
Ere he took out a girl on his own.
His full bill for their date
Was a buck ninety-eight.
But he *did* let her choose cup or cone.
Fred Bortz:
The bagpiper marches alone.
What he wears neath his kilt is unknown.
But it kinnae be borin’:
When watchin’ his sporran,
It rises and falls with his drone.
Tom Hale:
The Queen bellowed, “Leave me alone!
First, bring me my pipe of homegrown!”
The Page said, “I can’t,
Your Highness, I shan’t
Condone a stoned crone on a throne!”
Bob Dvorak:
A woman who needed a loan
Asked a banker to throw her a bone.
“My cred’s in the tank,
But there’s cash in your bank.
In exchange, I can foment a moan.”
Will T. Laughlin:
To a brothel he goes, all alone,
In the city’s most dangerous zone;
He’s disguised as a john
For a story he’s on,
But he’s hoping his cover gets blown.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bob Dvorak, Craig Dykstra, Cyn, Fred Bortz, Kevin Ahern, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Tim James, Tom Hale, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 4 Comments »
Sunday, August 25th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Scott Crowder, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
The pressure was taking its toll.
I had neither a bong, nor a bowl,
And was sick to my heart
When my joint fell apart.
Regrettably, that’s how I roll.
Congratulations to Jamie Hutchinson, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
The golf course had taken its toll
On a fellow whose lover was droll:
“You missed every green
And got drunk on nineteen.
Now you’ve bogeyed the twentieth hole.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Steve Whitred, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Tim James, and Colleen Murphy. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Steve Whitred:
Swimming circles was taking its toll,
Round and round in the same silly bowl.
She had only one wish:
To escape from her dish.
What she had was a clear bold fish goal.
David Lefkovits:
The Koreans may put in a toll
On the highway from Pyongyang to Seoul.
If the south side you’re on,
You could pay it in won;
In the north you can barter with coal.
Tim James:
There are some things I just have to thole:
When Mad’s rhyme words imbue me with dole.
(To decode: I must bear
Awful grief and despair.
Pompous speech here’s my primary goal.)
Colleen Murphy:
Too much smoking and sun take a toll.
Ask my girlfriend from Queens, bless her soul.
She was born a real cutie,
Turned into a beauty,
And now she resembles a troll.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Colleen Murphy, David Lefkovits, Jamie Hutchinson, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Steve Whitred, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Sunday, August 18th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
When asked why he dated a pair,
The bowler said “Don’t be a square:
My sex drive’s too much
For one girl so, as such,
I will frequently pick up a spare.”
Congratulations to Jamie Hutchinson, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
When my eagle-eyed kid spied a pair
Of “bunny” ears high in the air,
I commended her keenness
But doubted the genus:
“It’s Chicago —- that must be a hare.”
Congratulations to Mark Kane, Sue Dulley, and Steve Whitred, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:
Mark Kane:
A Bartlett and Bosc, what a pair
Of pears for your pie, if you dare?
Or instead, bake a tart.
Enter both if you’re smart,
As your fare for this year’s country fair.
Sue Dulley:
If you’re baking a pie using pear
To compete in your county Fall Fair,
Bake another to eat
Just to check that it’s sweet,
And a third one – you may wish to share.
Steve Whitred:
To be fair to Mark, pies made with pear
Are a waste if they’re just made to share:
Mad’s averse to pies based
On their texture and taste,
As she’ll swear to all yet unaware.
Sue Dulley:
If our Mark baked a spare filled with pear
Or apple or peach, just to share,
And Mad wouldn’t bite,
It might still be all right—
Friends would flock to their flat for such fare.
Mark Kane:
Did they come for the laughs or the pear?
As they eat, it is clear what we share.
When I run out of pie,
And they leave, I’ll know why:
It’s not me but the fare. That’s not fair!
But one stays, and look at her pair!
I’m grinning, but try not to stare.
She puts down her plate,
And she soon seals my fate,
By getting us both very bare.
(Note from Mad Kane: For anyone suspecting marital bias in Mark’s getting this award, I gave him one, not because we’re married, but in spite of it.)
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sue Dulley, Cyn, Kevin Ahern, Ira Bloom, Kirk Miller, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Steve Whitred, and David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Sue Dulley:
A woman was trying to pare
Her collection of dresses to wear,
For since she’s retired
They won’t be required
(Unless she begins an affair.)
Cyn:
A fellow who tried to repair
A couch that had seen too much wear
Got the job done so wrong
That he claimed, “All along
I was planning to make it a chair.”
Kevin Ahern:
On my trip to Helsinki — despair!
This story I’ve told everywhere:
Our luggage was lost
At a terrible cost.
It vanished right into Finn Air.
Ira Bloom:
A fellow who needed a pair,
(His had shrunk, in his wife’s angry glare!)
Was resolved to save face,
And put her in her place,
In his mind. But out loud? Au contraire.
Kirk Miller:
“The national budget I’ll pare,”
Said Dubya, who used lots of flair.
“It makes lots of sense
To cut our defense.
Change the Pentagon into a square!”
Jane Shelton Hoffmann:
A fellow had ordered a pair
Of women to come to his lair:
One blonde, one brunette,
But he seemed to forget
‘Twas a weekend his kids would be there.
Steve Whitred:
Forlornly she fondled his pair.
Then she said with her eyes all a-glare,
“In light of the linkage
Of old age to shrinkage,
I’ll bet that you color your hair.”
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A fastidious English au pair
With a family who lived in Bel Air
Told the handyman, Paul,
That his tool was too small:
“In love,” she said, “awl is not fair.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Craig Dykstra, Cyn, David Lefkovits, Ira Bloom, Jamie Hutchinson, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Kevin Ahern, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Mark Kane, Steve Whitred, Sue Dulley, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 4 Comments »
Sunday, August 11th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Jim Delaney, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A fellow would often opine:
“You should say what you think; show some spine,
But I’ve frequently found
An opinion’s unsound
If it glaringly differs from mine.”
Congratulations to Fred Bortz, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
The physicist liked to opine
That Schroedinger’s cat was just fine.
Then he opened the box
And alas, shock of shocks,
He discovered a half-dead feline.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jane Shelton Hoffman, Brendan Beary, Colleen Murphy, Mary Blackley, and Fred Bortz. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A boy fish was starting to pine
For his missing girl fish, oh so fine.
So where did she go?
Well, all that we know
Is that she’d reached the end of the line.
Brendan Beary:
A fellow would often opine
On the evils of whiskey and wine,
So we townsfolk were tickled
On finding him pickled
As though he’d been soaking in brine.
Colleen Murphy:
The playwright, when panned, would opine
After drinking some glasses of wine,
“May those critics be throttled,
Their attitudes bottled,
And put where the sun doesn’t shine!”
Mary Blackley:
In a barrel handcrafted from pine
A corned beef was basting in brine,
Rye bread and some carrots,
And sixteen large parrots.
Oh, won’t you come over to dine?
Colleen Murphy:
My sister would frequently pine
Over ev’ry last boyfriend of mine.
So I found me another
Whose twin was a brother.
Now the four of us get along fine!
Fred Bortz:
On a lower bunk fashioned of pine,
The trysting pair went to entwine.
They squealed and they wriggled
At least ’til I giggled.
Then they blushed, for the upper was mine.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brendan Beary, Colleen Murphy, Fred Bortz, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Jim Delaney, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Mary Blackley, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Sunday, August 4th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Neal Pattison, who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
A heel and a ho tried to hie,
But fell in a hole by and by.
The heel dug with a hoe.
The ho climbed heel-and-toe,
And soon they were both high and dry.
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes:”
The first time I ever got high
My limerick skills went awry.
My opening rhyme
Seemed OK at the time
But then, like, dude … I was all … whoa …
Congratulations to Fred Bortz and Will T. Laughlin, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:
Fred Bortz:
The goy in the shul would say “Hi,”
No matter how hard he would try.
He struggled no doubt,
But no “ch” would come out.
For “L’chaim” his throat was too dry.
Will T. Laughlin:
Unless he’s a Scot, I defy ‘im
To manage the ח in: לְחַיִים –
Plus, I’m willing to bet
That the goy’s name is “Chet”
Which explains why the lesson goes by ‘im.
On the other hand (that is, right-to-left)…
hgih si noisufnoc ,miyog su roF
…yrt a werbeH evig ot og ew nehW
,*eh* decnuonorp s’”ehs” roF
,*em* si “ohw” ,*ohw* si “eH”
!*ianoda* decnuonorp s’HVHY dnA
Congratulations to Steve Whitred, who wins a special Limerick Puzzle Award, occasionally given to a very clever puzzle in limerick form:
If you hike on a hill and aren’t high
You might give my new puzzle a try,
And for those who don’t walk
Well, you still needn’t balk
On your lateral skills you’ll rely.
From the base of the hill ‘till you’re high
It’s a day trip. I mean to imply
If you start off at 8
You can vary your gait
And reach summit as ev’ning is nigh.
From the camp that you make, up on high
You’ll return the next day, (don’t ask why)
Down the same path you used
So you shan’t be confused
Leave at 8, don’t be late, do or die.
Back at base, the sun’s no longer high.
Now, for bluster and bragging rights vie.
Take a pencil or pen
All you women and men.
Here’s the question I want you to try:
Is the likelihood mid, low, or high
On your trips up and down, bye and bye
You were at the same place
Though you varied your pace
At the same time, on climb and reply.
Since the difficult rating is high
And to show I don’t mean to be sly
“Is it likely or not
You stood on the same spot
On both day’s at Time X and Place Y?”
And congratulations to the two people who managed to solve Steve’s puzzle. Craig Dykstra solved it first, soon followed by Sue Dulley. Here’s Craig’s solution:
To Steve Whitred, I wave and say “Hi.”
And applaud this most challenging guy.
But the answer is clear
And I’ll spell it out here
In the hopes you will understand why.
Steve asked if it’s low, mid or high.
How likely it was that this guy
Would pass the same rock
The same time on the clock
As the previous day he walked by.
The answer is “pretty damn high.”
It’s 100%, and here’s why:
Instead of one man
Let’s use two, Dan and Stan
To identical rules they comply.
At eight, Dan starts low, Stan starts high.
To the other end both guys will fly.
At exactly one place
They must meet face to face
Unless they can logic defy.
So unless you’re exceedingly high,
You can see that both hikes by ONE guy
Must cross the same way
But just off by one day –
Now my work here is done, so good bye.
And here’s Sue’s solution:
The day I hike down from up high
My twin who’s as sluggish as I
Will, at the same time,
Duplicate my ‘up’ climb –
We’ll meet somewhere, at some time, oh my.
The one place, not terribly high
Where we meet on the trail, on the fly,
Determines in space
The one “same-time-same-place”
That Steve’s asking about – would I lie?
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Colleen Murphy, Sue Dulley, Kevin Ahern, Jane Shelton Hoffman, and Steve Whitred. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Colleen Murphy:
My five-year old tried to say hi
To a man in a suit and a tie.
When the stuck-up man shunned him
He Taser gun stunned him.
He’s grounded, but what a good-bye!
Sue Dulley:
I knew it was priced way too high,
This silk that I just had to buy.
Cloth collecting’s my sin,
I know I can’t win,
Just hope it ends up in a tie.
Kevin Ahern:
A frog looking up at things high
Thinks the time for philosophy nigh.
His attitude smug,
He’d just caught a bug
And says, “Times fun when you’re having fly.”
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A prostitute always said, “Hi!”
When trying to pick up a guy.
They thought her so nice,
But SHE meant her price,
So most of the men said, Bye, bye.”
Steve Whitred:
The pirates were all pretty high
When the one with the patch went awry.
He had heard the command
To “deliver and stand”
But acknowledged with only one “aye.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, Fred Bortz, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Kevin Ahern, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Neal Pattison, Steve Whitred, Sue Dulley, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 7 Comments »
Sunday, July 28th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Bill Klein, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A fellow would frequently play
The field, to his girlfriend’s dismay.
So she got him a date
With a transvestite mate,
And thus made him a queen, for a day.
Congratulations to Fred Bortz, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
To do the Lord’s work while they play,
The ministers gardened all day.
It was hard to decide
On the right pesticide,
‘Til they found the one called Lettuce Spray.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jane Shelton Hoffman, Kevin Ahern, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Craig Dykstra, Alan Hochbaum, and Will T. Laughlin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A bay horse suspected foul play
When someone kept eating his hay.
It could be the bull,
Who always looked full,
Cause when asked, other horses said, “Neigh!”
Kevin Ahern:
Some people at golf when they play
Think cheating on scores is OK.
These devious folks,
Reducing their strokes,
See NO need to play the fairway.
David Lefkovits:
A fellow who wanted to play
With a woman who lived down the way
Was wasting his time,
For she said to him: “I’m
An actual Gay Divorcée.”
Craig Dykstra:
Janet Jackson got hired to play.
Justin Timberlake joined her that day.
But then with a rip
Came the slip of a nip –
Now the Super Bowl’s shown on delay.
Alan Hochbaum:
A woman suspected foul play
In the death of her donkey Don K.
At the funeral service
Her pastor, most nervous
Said “Everyone bow heads and bray.”
Will T. Laughlin:
Some farmers are charged with fowl play:
They strangled their hens, so they say.
And why in the dickens
Would men choke their chickens?
They just couldn’t get a good lay.
David Lefkovits:
An athlete who wanted to play
Met a girl who would lead him astray.
Said he to the ho:
“Yes I’d like to go pro,
But I really just meant NBA.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Alan Hochbaum, Bill Klein, Craig Dykstra, David Lefkovits, Fred Bortz, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Kevin Ahern, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 1 Comment »
Sunday, July 21st, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
She gave the poor doctor a kick
That laid him out flat as a brick.
She completely forgot
He was giving a shot
When he said, “You may feel a small prick.”
Congratulations to COLLEEN MURPHY, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
There’s nothing like feeling her kick
Or hearing her little heart tick.
I am glowing with pride
As she’s growing inside
And I think of the name I will pick.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Chris Doyle, Ailsa McKillop, Don Wilkie, Raphael Harris, Fred Bortz, Colleen Murphy, and Craig Dykstra.
Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Chris Doyle:
We college boys all get a kick
Out of Penthouse’s sexy and slick
Pix of women undressed.
The centerfold’s best–
She’s the chick on the pages that stick.
Ailsa McKillop:
A woman was battling to kick
Her craving for cheeseburgers (thick)
With fries on the side.
Too great the divide
Between that, and a celery stick.
Don Wilkie:
The Jabberwock hunter’s new kick
Is a diet: “Lose twenty pounds quick!”
He gave up all his snacks;
Now when Jabby attacks,
His vorpal blade only goes “snick.”
Raphael Harris:
There once was a fellow named Kick,
Who had an extremely small dick.
The girls called him ‘Mrs.’,
But after some kisses,
It grew to the size of a tick.
Fred Bortz:
I have gone on a limerick kick
Since encount’ring Mad Kane and her clique.
My humor, once gaudy,
Ascended to bawdy,
And will soon reach the summit of schtick.
Colleen Murphy:
The habit I swear I will kick
Is the one where I’m turning a trick,
Cause at aged ninety-one
It’s just not any fun.
No more Thomas or Harry or Dick.
Craig Dykstra:
Miss Lewinsky’s career was a kick,
‘Til the tryst with an Arkansas hick.
It then ended quite soon–
Like a children’s balloon,
It was done in by one little prick.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Ailsa McKillop, Chris Doyle, Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, Don Wilkie, Fred Bortz, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Raphael Harris, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Sunday, July 14th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to CRAIG DYKSTRA, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
“I am telling you, Brother Jabbar,
As a terrorist you will go far.
Simply put on this vest,
We’ll take care of the rest.”
They found bits of Jabbar in Qatar.
Congratulations to both IRA BLOOM and EDMUND CONTI, who in a tie, each win a Facebook Friends’ Choice Award, given to limericks receiving the most Facebook “likes.”
Ira Bloom:
A pirate walked into a bar,
After pillaging towns near and far.
“Are you here for a raid?”
Asked a buxom barmaid.
“Nay, me wench,” he said, “just arrr and arrr.”
Edmund Conti:
A rabbi walks into a bar
With a priest and an old commissar,
A Hindu, of course,
Plus a man on a horse–
Damn! There goes my whole repertoire.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Scott Crowder, Jim Delaney, Colleen Murphy, Jon Gearhart, and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Scott Crowder:
A fellow who works at a bar
Has proved himself quite under par.
He doesn’t know Jack,
His White Russians are black,
And he thinks Cabernet is a car.
Jim Delaney:
This young fellow, though called to the bar,
As an advocate isn’t a star.
In the courtroom he stands
In his wig and his bands,
While his clients wear feathers and tar.
Colleen Murphy:
A man bellied up to the bar,
But could push in his stool just so far.
From a lifetime of beers,
The man’s belly appears
Like the roof of a Volkswagen car.
Jon Gearhart:
A dancer who stretched at the barre,
Once stretched just a little too far.
You can tell cause he walks
With a limp, and he talks
Twice higher than Pat Benatar.
Tim James:
A waitress who worked in a bar
With drunken old letches would spar.
She said, “This is so not
What I planned when I got
My art hist’ry degree from Bryn Mawr.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, Edmund Conti, Ira Bloom, Jim Delaney, Jon Gearhart, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 9 Comments »
Sunday, July 7th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Jamie Hutchinson, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
You could plead, if you sat on the board
Of GM or Chrysler or Ford,
That they set as their bar
A dependable car,
But you never would reach an Accord.
Congratulations to Steve Whitred, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
As a bride, Mrs Milton was bored.
To her dear husband John she implored:
“You wrote Paradise Lost.”
Then her legs she uncrossed.
“Now find paradise yet unexplored.”
Congratulations to Will T. Laughlin, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, sometimes given to a clever multi-verse limerick.
One day, when King Alfred was bored,
He put down his scepter and sword.
Forthwith the King called
To Bard Bertram the Bald:
“Soothe my soul with a comforting chord!”
The Bard began singing his song,
And the comforted King hummed along…
‘Til a jealous vizier
Whispered into his ear,
“Oh, Your Majesty! Something is wrong!”
“A rumor I’ve heard — a humdinger –
Says that Bertram is really a ringer!”
He continued, “I’ve heard
In his beard is a bird,
And the bird (not the Bard) is the singer!”
Cried King Alfred, “How thoroughly weird…
A Bard with a bird in his beard!”
So he gave a command
To the men close at hand
That the Bard should be taken and sheared.
Poor Bertram. It soon came to pass
That they shaved his face smoother than glass.
But the story absurd
Of the bearded Bard’s bird
Was just so much chin-music, alas.
Once Bertram was shaven, the King
Knew he’d done a regrettable thing.
The King had been careless,
And Bertram (the Hairless)
Was never again heard to sing.
So here is the moral, milord:
It’s a lesson that can’t be ignored.
If your Bard has a bird
In his beard, mum’s the word…
Or you’ll end up eternally bored.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Craig Dykstra, Fred Bortz, Will T. Laughlin, Colleen Murphy, Ailsa McKillop, Sue Dulley, and Madeleine Sara Maddocks. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Craig Dykstra:
The newlyweds never got bored.
The bride often found herself floored.
And sofa’d, and bedded,
And dining room setted,
And once got mahogany doored.
Fred Bortz:
He insists, “No, my dear, I’m not bored.
In fact, I would say that I scored.”
She replies, “I’ve concluded
You must be deluded.
In less than a minute, you snored.”
Will T. Laughlin:
One day, when Jehovah was bored,
Deep shit on his servant he poured.
Cried Job, in his pain,
“I don’t mean to complain,
But you need a new hobby, O Lord!”
Colleen Murphy:
The newlywed said he was bored.
His statement could not be ignored.
The fellow, in truth,
Had wed Dr. Ruth.
She preached what she could not accord.
Ailsa McKillop:
Oh, I was so heartily bored!
As each actor received their award,
Such thespian gush
Heard in reverent hush—
Take me now, if it pleases you, Lord!
Sue Dulley:
In England, “I’m bawd” means they’re bored,
And when the tea’s “pawed” it’s been poured.
They only say R’s
That aren’t there (Mar and Pa’s).
If you told them that’s flawed, they’d be floored.
Madeleine Maddocks:
A woman felt terribly bored
By each conquest she entered and scored.
On a scale one to ten,
She would judge all her men
With a zero for any who snored!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Ailsa McKillop, Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, Fred Bortz, Jamie Hutchinson, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Madeleine Sara Maddocks, Steve Whitred, Sue Dulley, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 9 Comments »
Saturday, June 29th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Jamie Hutchinson, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A peeping Venetian was fined,
So he hired a lawyer who whined:
“Your honor, that maid
Had adjusted her shade–
In effect, the Venetian was blind!”
Congratulations to Scott Crowder, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A fellow was trying to find
Why bigots can be so unkind.
It doesn’t take glasses
To see those big asses
Are more than a little behind.
Congratulations to Will T. Laughlin, who wins a Limerick Saga Award:
Mr. Rencible came home to find
His wife and his best friend entwined–
Man’s Best Friend, I should say,
An enormous Shar-Pei–
And the sight of it troubled his mind.
“Please stop it,” cried poor Mr. Rencible;
“Bestiality’s quite indefensible.
Oh, why go to hell
For a sin you can’t spell?
My darling, it just isn’t sensible!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, Ailsa McKillop, Steve Whitred,
Tim James, and Danielle Nowlin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Colleen Murphy:
I frequently wish I could find
The thoughts I have stored in my mind,
But when I hit play
Each thought’s gone away.
What I need is a stop and rewind.
Craig Dykstra:
“You got banned from the dance club and fined?
For tardiness? Why would they mind?”
“No, you misunderstand me–
I said that they banned me
For feeling a little behind.”
Ailsa McKillop:
A woman was thrilled with her find–
A skirt of pure silk, fully lined!
In the thrift shop—dirt cheap!
But oh, she could weep–
‘Twas unflatt’ring, when viewed from behind.
Steve Whitred:
Quite often her fingers would find
There’s a spot where the sun rarely shined,
And she might have got blisters
If not that the sisters
Had warned her, “It makes you go blind.”
Tim James:
A woman was angered to find
When driving, and hit from behind,
That the shock of the bump
Made her breast implants jump.
So now her front end’s misaligned.
Danielle Nowlin:
A girl on an airplane did find
She was feeling quite tightly confined.
She asked, “Sir, could you sit
With your seat up a bit?”
Said he rudely, “I’m not too inclined.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Ailsa McKillop, Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, Danielle Nowlin, Jamie Hutchinson, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Steve Whitred, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 8 Comments »
Sunday, June 23rd, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Kathy El-Assal, who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
In £ondon, a bill is a pound,
While in France, it’s the €uro that’s found.
Here in U. S. of A,
The dollar holds $way.
Whirled trade makes the money-go-round.
Congratulations to J Cosmo Newbery, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A professor would often expound
A theory, long proven unsound.
He thought a man oughta
Swim well underwater.
But sadly, in trying, he drowned.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Colleen Murphy, Jeff Shirley, Bruce Niedt, Steve Whitred, Fred Bortz, Danielle Nowlin, and David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Colleen Murphy:
With fists on the table I’ll pound.
I’ll stomp both my feet on the ground.
If you’re feeling the blues
From my terrible twos,
Just wait til my threes come around!
Jeff Shirley:
A woman who spent her last pound
Bought a plaything to tickle her mound.
When the batteries failed
“La Dee Da,” she exhaled.
“For the milkman will soon be around.”
Bruce Niedt:
A woman who lost just a pound
Looked down at her scale and then frowned.
So she quit diet planning,
Instead took up tanning–
She’s still fat, but she’s evenly browned.
Steve Whitred:
They gave the poor headboard a pound,
And the mattress collapsed to the ground.
Though they practiced safe sex
On the porch and the decks,
In the bathtub they both nearly drowned.
Fred Bortz:
If baloney is sold by the pound,
Then the costliest radio sound
Is political patter
Where facts never matter
And untruths and falsehoods abound.
Danielle Nowlin:
My professor would often expound
On deep thoughts as he roamed far around.
He declaimed as he moved,
But digressed and he proved
You can get a prof lost who’s profound.
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
The penis is barely a pound,
And typic’ly just hangs around,
But with help from tumescence
It gives of one’s essence,
A process for which it’s renowned.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bruce Niedt, Colleen Murphy, Danielle Nowlin, David Lefkovits, Fred Bortz, J Cosmo Newbery, Jeff Shirley, Kathy El-Assal, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Steve Whitred, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 6 Comments »
Sunday, June 16th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Tim James, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A woman quite often arose
In wrath at her sisters and bros.
They arranged her blind dates
With prospective soul mates.
So her life was all butt-ins and beaux.
Congratulations to Fred Bortz, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
From “The Vacuum,” The Cosmos arose,
As every good physicist knows.
I’d explain in this verse,
But the form is too terse.
The Big Bang requires Big Prose.
Congratulations to Johanna Richmond, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a clever multi-verse limerick.
Magnificently, he arose,
He’s a Greek god right down to his toes…
His serpent allures;
To say he endures
Is to liken the phoenix to crows.
I look up — in his teeth there’s a rose;
What he holds in his hand damn near glows;
Let me die by this stake…
Crap, that’s Ralph: “You awake?
I don’t know where this old flashlight goes.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sue Dulley, Jane Shelton Hoffman, J Cosmo Newbery, Steve Whitred, Scott Crowder, and Will T. Laughlin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Sue Dulley:
With fabric, a pale shade of rose,
She made up some curtains and throws.
They didn’t look smart
So she took them apart–
It’s sad when she rips what she sews.
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A fellow who frequently rows
Never tells his wife just where he goes.
And her brother’s wife, Sue,
Often disappears too.
A family affair we suppose.
J Cosmo Newbery:
A woman was holding a rose
And the prize that it won in the shows.
And no-one suspected
Her win was connected
With the spot where she buried her beaux.
Steve Whitred:
His first tattoo says “I Love Rose.”
But another says “Bros before Hoes.”
So, his new girl, Inez
Wears a T-shirt that says,
“I’m with stupid”, wherever she goes.
Scott Crowder:
A woman was poked by a rose
And sent into orgasmic throes.
If one little prick,
Can do such a trick,
There’s hope for me too, I suppose.
Will T. Laughlin:
Rose planted her roses in rows,
Her garden to fully enclose.
Rose’s rosy rows rose,
And now nobody knows
When she goes through the rows with her beaux.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Fred Bortz, J Cosmo Newbery, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Steve Whitred, Sue Dulley, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 6 Comments »
Sunday, June 9th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Robert Schechter, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
In Montana, a man with a suit
Is laughed at. They think he’s a hoot!
And they holler with glee
If by chance they should see
That he’s wearing a necktie to Butte.
Congratulations to Colleen Murphy, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
My neighbor was filing a suit,
Claimed I’d sealed up the holes in his flute.
So I entered a plea,
“With the charge I agree,
But it sounds so much better on mute.”
Congratulations to Steve Whitred, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a very clever multi-verse limerick. (Here’s some info about the case Steve’s describing in his limerick.)
My fav’rite Nebraskan filed suit
Against God, with intent to impute
That he caused to transpire
Floods, earthquakes and fire.
For his part, the Yahweh was mute.
The judge promptly threw out the suit,
Saying God had no street or rur’l route,
And the bench then observed
Though the lord must be served,
“We’ve no viable means of pursuit.”
So the plaintiff’s appealing the suit,
Says “The grounds for dismissal are moot.
We’re subpoena foregoing.
Jehovah’s all knowing.
We shouldn’t his presence dispute.”
Then the high court vacated his suit,
Though the brief they reviewed was astute.
Now he’s known as the hater
Who sued the Creator
From Oshkosh to Lincoln to Butte.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Scott Crowder, Colleen Murphy, Johanna Richmond, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Sue Dulley, Robert Schechter, and Will T. Laughlin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Scott Crowder:
If you see me dressed up in a suit
And looking refined and astute,
With pants neatly creased,
I must be deceased,
In which case I won’t give a hoot.
Colleen Murphy:
A tomato was filing a suit,
Claimed the farmer had called him a “Fruit.”
The judge said, “True ref’rence,
Though not as to pref’rence.
The point of the matter is moot.”
Johanna Richmond:
No matter the price of the suit;
When that back-talking Maximus (Glute)
Throws his cares to the wind,
Rich and poor are chagrined.
Mighty mouth of the south, I salute.
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A Senator wearing a suit
Was a right wing, religious old coot.
He’d profess, “Guns don’t kill!
But if you’ve got some skill,
When a thug comes around, you should shoot!”
Sue Dulley:
A man all dressed up in a suit
Caught the train for his morning commute.
His outfit, so formal,
Was looked on as normal
By others who took the same route.
Robert Schechter:
Said a man who was hit by a suit:
“I suppose I was far from astute.
I taunted, ‘So sue me!’
He did. Now I’m gloomy.
It’s wiser, at times, to stand mute.”
Will T. Laughlin:
Our limerick rhyme-word is “suit”:
Here’s the worst one — and that’s absolute.
It’s intended in fun,
So I beg: when I’m done,
Would you kindly not hurl rotten fruit?
I’m told that some Hollywood suit
Pitched a biopic: “Hawley and Smoot”.
Smoot never would bend
To the Hollywood trend,
But Hawley would. Ain’t THAT a beaut?
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Colleen Murphy, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Robert Schechter, Scott Crowder, Steve Whitred, Sue Dulley, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Sunday, June 2nd, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Kirk Miller, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
As you age you may feel rather ill,
But your life needn’t lack for a thrill.
Here’s a message that’s true:
Just remember that you
Pick up speed when you’re going down hill.
Congratulations to Ailsa McKillop, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
Ailsa McKillop:
A gal who was feeling quite ill
Said bravely, “I just have a chill.”
But the cause of malaise
Was one Nature obeys
When a woman forgets just one Pill.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly, Sue Dulley, Scott Crowder, Fred Bortz, John Peter Larkin, Colleen Murphy, and David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Phyllis Sterling Smith:
A man who was frequently ill
Was told to eat plenty of krill
Which his doctor, a shark,
Had prescribed as a lark,
Then sent him a whale of a bill.
Byron Miller:
Tis a good wind which blows one no ill
That will swirl ‘neath girls’ dresses and thrill
Passing gents with a peek
At the regions they seek,
Lifting hopes which they long to fulfill.
Sue Dulley:
North Koreans once had Kim Jong-il
Rule their land with his powerful will.
Now it falls to his son,
Who is named Kim Jong-un,
His father’s large flip-flops to fill.
Scott Crowder:
A woman was feeling quite ill
At the thought of that five dollar bill
In the crack of her butt;
She becomes such a slut
When Tequila determines her will.
Fred Bortz:
The mallard was feeling quite ill
So the duck doctor gave him a pill.
But the bird blew his stack,
‘Cause the doc was a quack
And charged him a wing and a bill.
John Peter Larkin:
A gal was convinced she was ill
After eating an off-tasting dill.
She asked her poor spouse
Why he’s still in the house
And not fetching a curative pill.
Colleen Murphy:
A drunkard was feeling quite ill
After reading his credit card bill.
“On the first of September
The flight I remember,
But not where I spent half a mil!”
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A woman was suddenly ill
When she glanced at the theater’s playbill,
And found it quite odd;
She’d reserved Sweeney Todd,
But the Barber was now in Seville.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Ailsa McKillop, Byron Miller, Colleen Murphy, David Lefkovits, Fred Bortz, John Peter Larkin, Kirk Miller, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Scott Crowder, Sue Dulley, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest Filed under Contests
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 9 Comments »
Sunday, May 26th, 2013
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to ANN MARTIN, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A philosopher covered in ink
Claimed “I know I exist ’cause I think,”
But René was so grubby
His wife told her hubby,
“I know you exist, ’cause you stink.”
Ann Martin’s philosophy limerick is also in a tie with this funny limerick by SUE DULLEY to jointly win the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award:
My fountain pen’s run out of ink,
My VCR’s gone on the blink.
I think one fine day
I’ll just sail away
And pray that my raft doesn’t sink.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Colleen Murphy, Will T. Laughlin, Fred Bortz, Johanna Richmond, Jane Shelton Hoffman, and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Colleen Murphy:
We’re anxiously watching the ink
In hopes it confirms what we think.
We erupt into cheers
When the plus sign appears.
Now’s the question of blue or of pink.
Will T. Laughlin:
I’m changing my name to “Will, Inc.”
As a corporate person, I think
I can do as I please:
Pay no taxes or fees,
And take dumps in the water you drink.
Fred Bortz:
A limerick written in ink
Requires the writer to think.
If instead, he just scribbles
There’s bound to be quibbles:
Both meter and rhyming will stink.
Johanna Richmond:
I devoted today’s bit of ink
To that well-endowed, trash-tweeting fink
Who, OK, likes to sext,
But maintains he’s the next
Mayor Koch (squeeze an “r” in, wink, wink).
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A woman was trying to ink
A diet to make people shrink.
But this was a dream
For her love of ice cream
Meant without it she just could not think!
Tim James:
The GOP gets lots of ink
As they try with great effort to link
The prez to a scandal
(A job they can’t handle).
Who’s running this crew? Colonel Klink?
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Ann Martin, Colleen Murphy, Fred Bortz, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Sue Dulley, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 7 Comments »
