MAD KANE'S HUMOR BLOG

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to DAVID FRIEDMAN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

There once was a stressed sieve named Shane
Who cried, “People drive me insane!
They’ll scream and they’ll shout
If some food should drip out,
And I just cannot handle the strain!”

Congratulations to MARK TOTTERDELL, who wins the Special LINES-Themed Limerick Award for his funny “Romeo and Juliet” limerick:

Each thought that the other was hot,
Shared a love which their kinsfolk did not,
So got secretly wed,
Then got laid and got dead,
And right there, in five lines, is the plot.

Congratulations to PAUL HAEBIG and SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:

Paul Haebig:

There once was a lim’rick unfinished.
Its impact was greatly diminished.
It made people whine:
“There’s no closing line!”

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

No way does your wordplay diminish
My int’rest for lack of a finish.
Your plot lines commence
To build up suspense
(Though your Fifth Act’s a little bit thinnish.)

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Linda Fuller, Dane Paulsen, Terry Marter, Rudy Landesman, Jean McEwen, Paul Haebig, Doug Harris, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Sharon Neeman, Tim James, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Dave Johnson, Brian Allgar, and David Friedman. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “STRAIN” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO LINE-THEMED LIMERICKS)

Linda Fuller:

An actress who dressed to the nines,
Was obsessed with her facial age signs:
“Though an awful brain drain
And a terrible strain,
I ALWAYS remember my lines.”

Dane Paulsen:

My golf swing’s a thing to behold.
I follow the line, like I’m told.
But here is my bane;
Each swing is a strain.
They explain that I’m just getting old.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“STRAIN”-Rhyme DIVISION)

Rudy Landesman:

Hey Gene, please don’t mind me for asking,
As in posthumous fame you’re now basking.
So, was dancing a strain
When you sang in the rain,
Or, simply, routine multitasking?

Jean McEwen:

He fooled everyone, taking the prize
For glibness – maintaining the guise.
But he died from the strain
Of legerdemain–
Keeping track of those countless white lies.

Terry Marter:

She runs nude on the beach – such eye-candy;
Just the sight of her makes me feel randy.
I’m face-down but it’s plain
That I’m feeling the strain;
Getting sore, raw and painfully sandy.

Paul Haebig:

I’m really not one to complain
But lately I’m under such strain,
That for better or worse
To fashion a verse
Is too much for my poor, tired brain.

Doug Harris:

There once was a fellow named Wayne,
Whose guts often used to complain,
Till he found that hydration
Reduced constipation;
Now ablutions are less of a strain!

Lisi Nortman:

I wake up, 1,2,3, in a snap.
I’m an active and sprightly ol’ chap.
But I don’t want to strain
My tireless brain.
After rousing, I take a nice nap.

Sharon Neeman:

Half the morning I sweat and I strain
Making borscht in support of Ukraine;
Then my cat (who’s no fool),
Just as soon as it’s cool,
Eats it out of the pot. What a pain!

Tim James:

Ev’ry week, as I struggle and strain
To write lim’ricks for Madeleine Kane,
My subconscious says, “Son,
This takes wit and you’ve none.
Write Hallmark verse. Stay in your lane.”

Rudy Landesman:

Mrs. Robinson’s daughter Elaine
Was subjected to unheard of strain,
When her mother, one day,
Had her lecherous way
With Elaine’s very innocent swain.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (LINES-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

Civic Theater auditions went fine;
I was told that the lead would be mine.
But on opening night —
With my fame at its height —
The one word I could utter was “Line!”

Terry Marter:

While sailing and writing some prose,
He fell overboard – head over toes.
He yelled “I’ll be fine.
Someone throw me a line.”
All he got was “My dog has no nose…”

Jean McEwen:

At the TSA screening, the queue
Snakes for miles, so to quickly pass through,
Say you’ve broken a leg.
Without having to beg,
You’ll get quickly rolled through by the crew!

David Friedman:

There once was a fellow named Rand,
The horniest guy in the land;
He wore out six brides,
Twelve hookers besides,
Nine sheep, and the lines on his hand.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

My old Osteopath, Dr. Spec,
Ought to keep his opinions in check.
When on visits I whine
That my spine’s out of line,
In my file he writes, “Pain in the neck.”

Lisi Nortman:

The Parallels feel incomplete.
He is low, and she’s high on the sheet.
They long to be “one,”
But they’re not havin’ fun.
It’s a shame that they never will meet.

Sharon Neeman:

I’ve struggled two years to displace
50 pounds — and I’ve done it with grace!
I’m three sizes down —
But I still have to frown
When I see the new lines in my face.

Dave Johnson:

They met while in line at the store
And reflexively opted for more.
An evening spent;
Here’s a clue how it went:
Alexa was starting to snore.

Brian Allgar:

Their teacher said “One hundred lines
For making impertinent signs!”
“But Sir,” they complain,
“That’s a lot of cocaine,
And our dealers are all greedy swines.”

David Friedman:

There once was a lady named Mad
Who received many limericks bad —
With terrible rhymes
And then there were times
Where you just couldn’t believe how many extra syllables some of the final lines had!

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!