Archive for the ‘Legal & Lawyer Humor’ Category
Tuesday, December 26th, 2006
What is it about December 31st that spurs fantasies of self-reform? Is it too much food and drink? Seasonal exuberance? Lunacy induced by crowds?
Every December, otherwise rational people make resolutions meant to transform them into organized, addiction-free souls with clean houses, healthy bodies, wholesome relationships, perfect children, and career paths soaring to the top — the same vows they made last year and the year before that.
Can our resolutions endure past January 1st? Can we make it to year’s end without ripping up our lists? … (It Is Hereby Resolved is continued here.)
Tags: December Holidays, Funny Contracts, Holiday Fun, Holiday Gifts, Husband Wife Humor, New Year's Humor, New Year's Resolutions Humor
Posted in Addiction Humor, Battle of the Sexes, Health & Medical Humor, Holiday Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Marriage Humor, Satirical Contracts, Social Satire | 5 Comments »
Monday, December 11th, 2006
What A Card!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I haven’t been carded in years,
But the last time it brought me to tears.
I was laughing, I mean:
To be seen as a teen
By a fellow whose folks were my peers.
Tags: Age Requirement, Aging Humor & Verse, Aging Limerick, Appearance Humor, Bars, Carding, Drinking Limerick, Law Humor, Liquor Humor
Posted in Aging Humor & Verse, Food & Drink Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Leisure Time Humor, Limericks, Physical Appearance, Seniors Poetry | 6 Comments »
Tuesday, December 5th, 2006
Where’s The Beef?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A butcher once had quite a beef.
His grievance? A meat-stealing thief,
A man who, when caught,
Claimed the beef had been bought.
‘Twas a story that beggared belief.
Tags: Beef, Butcher, Criminals, Food Verse, Law Humor, Meat, Theft
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Business Humor, Crime & Punishment Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor | 1 Comment »
Monday, November 6th, 2006
There are few “fun” activities quite so vexing as the Office Christmas Party; that obligatory gathering of bosses and subordinates, cronies and rivals, back-stabbers and back-stabbees. Plus a horde of husbands and wives who spend the entire night planning their escape.
Every year you fantasize about sending an RSVP marked “Thanks, but no thanks.” Then you return to reality and break the news to your spouse. “It’ll be different this time,” you lie. “It’ll be fun.”
“I’ll go to yours, if you’ll go to mine,” your mate responds. “And you have to promise to behave.”
This brings us to the art of gaffe avoidance. After all, who isn’t but one faux pas from the unemployment line? Dodging the pitfalls of office party protocol can be a daunting challenge. But with the help of this agreement, you’ll survive yet another function with your job intact.
AGREEMENT entered into on ____________, by Husband and Wife (collectively referred to as “Couple”).
WHEREAS, Couple’s employers suffer from the delusion that Office Christmas Parties are good for morale;
WHEREAS, Couple, being sane individuals, would prefer to stay home; and
WHEREAS, although Couple can’t prove a connection, everyone who skipped last year’s bash is now unemployed; … ” (Office Party Follies is continued here.)
Tags: Christmas Party Humor, Funny Contracts, Holiday Fun, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Husband Wife Humor, Office Holiday Parties
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Business Humor, Holiday Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Marriage Humor, Relationship Humor, Satirical Contracts, Social Satire, Workplace & Career Humor | 12 Comments »
Monday, September 18th, 2006
One afternoon your ten-year old daughter comes home from school, enthused about learning to play an instrument. Your eyeballs start to throb. Your head begins to pulsate. You ask yourself whether tin ears are passed down from parents to their children. How do you resolve this dissonant dilemma?
AGREEMENT entered into on ___________, 20__ , by noise-averse Parents and instrument wielding Child.
WHEREAS, Child has expressed an interest in studying the sax;
WHEREAS, Parents hate the sax and don’t even consider it a real instrument; … (Musical Accord is continued here.)
Tags: Children Humor, Clarinet Humor, Education & School Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, Funny Contracts, Music Humor & Verse, Music Lessons, Musical Instruments Humor, Parenting Humor
Posted in Children Humor, Education & School Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Mothers & Fathers Humor, Music Humor & Verse, Satirical Contracts | 11 Comments »
Friday, September 15th, 2006
How’s this for a corporate nightmare? Every Segway Personal Transporter ever manufactured has been recalled due to a “software glitch in the scooters that can make riders fall.”
This recall calls out for a limerick, don’t you think? So here’s my Ode To The Segway Scooter:
The maker of scooters called Segway
Has recalled them from road, walk, and hedgeway.
Their software’s quite galling.
It’s prone to cause falling.
Now lawyers have fresh “we allege” prey.
Tags: Business Limerick, Computer Humor, Lawsuit Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Litigation Humor, Money Limerick, Personal Injury, Personal Transporters, Product Liability Humor, Product Recalls, Riding Scooters, Scooter Defects, Segway scooters, Software Bugs, Technology Humor
Posted in Business Humor, Computer Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Leisure Time Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Recreation & Fun Humor, Sports Humor, Technology Humor | 3 Comments »
Tuesday, September 5th, 2006
Planning a vacation can often be a daunting challenge. Especially when one spouse likes to rough it and the other prefers luxuries like toilets, showers, and cable TV. So what’s a couple to do? Well, they can take separate trips. Or they can negotiate and sign on the dotted line.
AGREEMENT, entered into this _________, 20__ by Husband and Wife.
WHEREAS, Husband’s ideal vacation requires hiking boots, compasses, sleeping bags, and knapsacks and doesn’t cost a dime;
WHEREAS, Wife’s ideal vacation requires a five star resort;
WHEREAS, Husband is a spontaneous kind of guy who likes to pick his trips by throwing a coin onto a trail map; … (Taking A Vacation On The Contract Plan is continued here.)
Tags: Husband Wife Humor, Hotel Humor, Marriage Humor, Travel Humor, Vacation Humor
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Leisure Time Humor, Marriage Humor, Outdoors Humor, Recreation & Fun Humor, Relationship Humor, Travel Humor, Vacation Humor | 7 Comments »
Friday, August 25th, 2006
Do you and your spouse argue about how to spend your spare time? Togetherness can be tough to achieve when a couple’s interests just don’t jibe. But this contract may be just the cure for your spare time blues.
AGREEMENT entered into on _____, 20__ between opera-buff Wife and sports-fan Husband.
WHEREAS, Husband has been badgering Wife to attend a ball game for as long as they’ve been married, and he has never managed to reach first base;
WHEREAS, Wife has been pressuring Husband to go to the opera for years, and Husband is running out of excuses; and
WHEREAS, Husband and Wife know that if they don’t resolve this soon, each will be attending all functions solo.
NOW, THEREFORE, the parties hereby agree to the following spare time terms:
1. Wife will attend one ball-type game, the selection of which shall be in Husband’s sole discretion, and Husband will attend one opera performance, the selection of which shall be in Wife’s sole discretion. In exercising such discretion, both spouses will keep in mind that divorce lawyers are really expensive … (Sparring Over Spare Time is continued here.)
Tags: Ball Games, Funny Contracts, Husband Humor, Law Humor, Leisure Time Humor, Opera Humor, Spare Time, Wife Humor
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Family & Relatives Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Leisure Time Humor, Marriage Humor, Music Humor & Verse, Recreation & Fun Humor, Relationship Humor, Satirical Contracts, Sports Humor, Time Humor | Comments Off on Sparring Over Spare Time
Wednesday, August 9th, 2006
You have to dot those i’s.
You’ve got to cross those t’s.
You have to seem so wise.
You must justify those fees.
And if you’re smart and lucky
You will turn your case around.
That’s what the law’s about.
You have to file those claims.
You’ve got to sue those stiffs.
You have to shift the blame,
With no ands or buts or ifs. …
(That’s What The Law’s About is continued here.)
Tags: Attorney Humor, Litigation Humor, Law Humor, Law Office Humor, Lawyer Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Litigation Humor, Song Parodies
Posted in Business Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Money & Finance Humor, Music Humor & Verse, Social Satire, Spoof Lyrics | Comments Off on That’s What The Law’s About (Sing to the Hokey Pokey)
