Archive for the ‘Legal & Lawyer Humor’ Category
Wednesday, July 16th, 2008
I’ve written a couple of posts & poems on my political humor blog that readers of this blog might find interesting.
The first is about New Yorker Magazine’s Barack Obama cover controversy. My poem about the challenges of creating satire begins:
A Humorist’s Lament
Madeleine Begun Kane
A humorist like me sure knows
How tough it is to write, compose,
And sketch satiric toons and prose
And poems. It’s not without its woes.
For instance, Barry Blitt’s lampoon,
New Yorker’s well-intentioned toon, …
The other is about a federal judge who lambasted plaintiff’s lawyer via judicial limerick.
Tags: Barack Obama, Barry Blitt, Judicial Limerick, New Yorker, Writing Satire
Posted in General, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Social Satire, Writing & Publishing Humor | Comments Off on Versifying About Satire & Law On My Other Blog
Friday, May 16th, 2008
Today’s limerick and haiku theme is warnings and/or caution. First, my limerick:
Please be careful when closing that door.
If it hits you, you’re bound to be sore.
My hand is still numb
From its catching my thumb,
And I’m thinking of suing this store.
And now my warning-related haiku:
Storm clouds fill the sky
as walkers heed their warning
while birds cheer them on.
Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about warnings and/or caution. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. There’s no rush, by the way, because you have a whole week to post it.
(Note: My limerick was inspired in part by Sunday Scribblings’ “sore” prompt and Inspire Me Thursday’s “door” prompt.)
Limerick and Haiku Prompts Participants
UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your warnings and/or caution verse in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here.
Tags: Cautionary Verse, Health Poetry, Injury Poem, Legal Limerick, Litigation Poem, Nature Haiku, Shopping Accident, Warning Humor, Writing Prompts
Posted in Advice Humor & Poems, Haiku & Senryu, Health & Medical Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limericks, Shopping Humor | 15 Comments »
Monday, May 5th, 2008
Cautionary Verse
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Identity theft is quite scary,
Causing problems horrific. Be wary!
Your rep can be doomed,
And your assets consumed
By any old Tom, Dick, or Harry.
(Note: This was inspired by Writers Island’s “identity” prompt and Totally Optional Prompts’ “transformation” prompt. And speaking of prompts, there’s still plenty of time to participate in my “dog-related verse” prompt.
Tags: Assets Loss, Credit Humor, Identity Theft, Legal Limerick, Money Verse, Reputation Humor, Writing Prompts
Posted in Advice Humor & Poems, Crime & Punishment Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor | 7 Comments »
Saturday, April 26th, 2008
Ode To A Grudge-Holding Judge
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There once was a federal judge
Who was famous for holding a grudge.
But his clerk found a way
To get him to say,
“I forgive you.” She bribed him with fudge.
UPDATE: I just found out that June 16th is National Fudge Day. Enjoy!
Tags: Bribe, Forgiveness, Judge Humor, Judiciary, June Holidays, Legal Limerick, National Fudge Day, Odd Holidays, Writing Prompts
Posted in Apology Humor, Behavior & Personality, Food & Drink Humor, Holiday Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Odd Holidays, Poetry & Prompts | 3 Comments »
Friday, April 25th, 2008
Today’s limerick and haiku theme is temper. First, my limerick:
Ode to An Ill-Tempered Felon
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A felonious fellow named Mort
Went to jail cuz his temper was short.
He assaulted a mime,
Committing his crime
(And his tort) with a bottle of Port.
And now my temper haiku:
Losing his temper,
He screamed, cursed, and hurled books.
I guess he found it.
Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about temper. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. There’s no rush, by the way, because you have a whole week to post it.
(Note: You may have noticed that my limerick contains some legal jargon. For more on poems containing specialized jargon, check out Read Write Poem.)
Limerick and Haiku Prompts Participants
UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your temper-themed verse in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here.
Tags: Assault Poetry, Felon, Legal Jargon, Temper Humor, Tort Verse, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Food & Drink Humor, Haiku & Senryu, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts | 5 Comments »
Wednesday, March 5th, 2008
I worked as a lawyer for over a dozen years, but I’ve never been a judge. And that’s probably just as well. Because my rulings might sound something like this:
If I Were A Judge…
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Your argument doesn’t make sense.
It’s absurd and illogical. Hence,
I must find for the plaintiff.
You’ve lost this insane tiff.
You simply don’t have a defense.
Both Totally Optional Prompts and Miss Rumphius prompt poets to write as somebody else this week. So I’ve posted as an ornery judge … instead of my usual ornery self.
And speaking of prompts, there’s still time to participate in my walking-related prompt.
Tags: Judge Humor, Judicial Poetry, Law Verse, Legal Arguments Humor
Posted in Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts | 13 Comments »
Thursday, January 17th, 2008
Years ago I wrote a humorous joint travel contract for the Philadelphia Inquirer. I’ve been meaning to post it on this blog, but I keep forgetting. And Sunday Scribblings’ post about fellow travelers has prompted me to finally do it:
Revel With A Clause
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Your closest friends keep badgering you to join them on a trip. You’re running out of excuses and may be forced to go along. Can friendship survive seven days of constant contact? Will you loathe each other by the time you return?
Joint vacations can be a challenge to any relationship. But with patience, a sense of humor and the help of this agreement, you can take that trip and keep your friendship intact.
AGREEMENT entered into this __________, 20__ by two close couples who would like to remain friends.
WHEREAS, Couples A and B are about to embark on a shared vacation;
WHEREAS, Couple B would rather stay home, but has agreed to give this trip a try;
WHEREAS, Couples want to work out ground rules so their friendship won’t self-destruct.
NOW, THEREFORE, Couples agree to the following vacation terms:
1. The trip shall commence on a date determined after consulting Couples’ children, employers, and baby-sitters. It shall not involve backpacks or a tent.
2. Once a date has been chosen, Couples shall enter into vacation spot negotiations. The following factors shall be duly considered in the course of site selection:
(a.) Wife A burns if she glances out a window.
(b.) Wife B loves to sprawl out on the beach.
(c.) Husband A considers himself an art aficionado.
(d.) Husband B admires prints of large-eyed tots. … (Revel With A Clause is continued here.)
Tags: Friendship Humor Column, Humorous Traveling Contract, Travel Humor, Vacation Humor
Posted in Friendship Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Satirical Contracts, Travel Humor, Vacation Humor | 10 Comments »
Wednesday, December 5th, 2007
Ms. Legal Person returns by popular demand with advice for the holiday season. “Your free help was worth every penny,” wrote one satisfied reader. “Do you have malpractice insurance?” wrote … oops, wrong letter.
Okay, enough with the accolades and on with your questions:
Q: They hung mistletoe in my office, and I’m highly offended.
A: Why?
Q: It’s sexual harassment.
A: I see. Has anyone ever kissed you while you were standing under the mistletoe?
Q: No.
A: What about when you weren’t standing under the mistletoe.
Q. Certainly not.
A: That’s what I thought.
*****
Q: My birthday falls right before Christmas and I always get short-changed. Do I have any legal recourse?
A: You suffer from Badly Timed Birthday Syndrome. Fortunately, last year’s Anti-Discrimination and Mental Health Care Reform Bill included the Birthday Rehabilitation Act. It allows you to petition any federal judge to modify your birthday by no more than 30 days.
Q: That’s great news!
A: You need only prove that your birthday coincides with a key holiday, causing pain and suffering and depriving you of your fair share of attention and gifts.
Q: Wow! Can I also modify my birth year?
A: How old are you?
Q: 37.
A: I’m afraid not. But you’re free to lie like everyone else.
*****
Ms. Legal Person answers more of your holiday questions here.
(You can find more holiday humor here.)
Tags: Christmas Humor, December Holidays, Holiday Fun, Law Humor
Posted in Holiday Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Seasons Humor | 1 Comment »
Saturday, September 1st, 2007
As a result of a neighbor’s lawsuit, a Swedish woman can no longer smoke in most of her garden. (And you thought the United States was a litigious country.)
Stockholm – A Swedish woman has been banned by court order from smoking in large parts of her own garden following a complaint from a neighbour…
… The neighbour, a lawyer, filed the complaint with the court in Vaxjo, in southern Sweden, saying he was obliged to wear a mask in his garden when the neighbour lit up.
Weeding Out Crazy Lawsuits (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A cig-hating fellow from Sweden
Sued a gal cause she smoked during weedin’.
Now smoking’s been banned
On much of her land.
What’s next? Litigation o’er readin’?
Tags: Cigarettes, Law Humor, Lawsuit Humor, Lawyers, Litigation Humor, Litigious Society, Neighborly Humor, Neighbors Humor, Smoke-free Satire, Smoking Bans, Smoking Humor, Sweden, Swedish
Posted in Gardens / Plant Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Neighbors Humor, Outdoors Humor, Smell Humor, Smoking Humor, Social Satire | Comments Off on Weeding Out Crazy Lawsuits (Outdoor Smoking Ban Limerick)
Thursday, July 12th, 2007
Pity The Poor Lawyer
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Your billable hours are low,”
Said the partner. “They simply must grow.
It behooves you to hike them
Or better, please spike them.
To lunch breaks and sleep, just say no!”
(This is but one of many reasons why I’m a “recovering lawyer.” You can find more of my law humor here.)
Tags: Billable Hours, Law Partner, Lawyer Limerick, Lunch Breaks, Work Satire, Workplace Limerick
Posted in Anxiety & Stress, Business Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Workplace & Career Humor | 4 Comments »
Tuesday, June 19th, 2007
An Arresting Affair (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal in New York was arrested
For strolling outdoors while bare-breasted.
But courts say, “No fair!
You can not make gals wear
Shirts and blouses, cause men go bare-chested.”
Yesterday, CNN reported that Jill Coccaro has received a $29,000 settlement of her civil rights lawsuit against New York City. She’d been arrested for topless strolling and was detained for twelve hours, despite a 1992 New York State appeals court ruling that women have the same right as men to remove their shirts.
(You can find more of my legal verse and humor here, my feminist humor here, and my New York humor and limericks here.)
UPDATE: August 26th is Go Topless Day, sponsored by GoTopless.org.
Tags: August Holidays, Bare Breasts, Bare Chests, Equal Treatment, Feminism, Go Topless Day, Lawsuit Limerick, New York Law, Police Overzealousness, Topless Humor, Topless Strolling, Women's Rights, Wrongful Arrest
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Crime & Punishment Humor, Feminist Satire, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, New York Limericks & Haiku, Odd Holidays, Social Satire, Weird News Snark | 5 Comments »
Monday, May 21st, 2007
No Sweat Divorce (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“My husband and I are estranged,”
Said the wife, “’cause he acts so deranged.
His behavior’s aberrant
And vexingly errant.
I wish he could just be exchanged.”
(Can you imagine if divorce were as easy as shopping? And no, this isn’t autobiographical … although I do enjoying poking fun at my wonderful husband from time to time.)
Tags: Divorce Humor, Husband and Wife Humor Shopping Humor, Marriage Satire
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Behavior & Personality, Family & Relatives Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Marriage Humor, Relationship Humor | 6 Comments »
Monday, April 30th, 2007
Bill Collection Time (A Legal Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The judge viewed your case with derision,
So he rendered an adverse decision.
But when paying my bill,
Do not bear me ill will,
‘Cause I saved you from going to prison.
UPDATE: Don’t forget to enter my Mother’s Day limerick writing contest. The deadline is May 12, 2007 and there are money prizes for the best two limericks.
Tags: Accounts Payable Humor, Bills, Courthouse Humor, Criminals, Judge Humor, Law Humor, Legal Satire, Money & Finance Humor, Prison Humor
Posted in Crime & Punishment Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor | 4 Comments »
Friday, March 23rd, 2007
Boot-Licked
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My new laptop refuses to boot,
So I’m thinking of filing a suit.
Plug and play this sure ain’t.
If it started, I’d faint.
Lots of loot for this trash don’t compute.
Tags: Boot Failure, Computer Satire, Laptop Humor, Law Humor, Money Limerick, Plug And Play, Technology Satire
Posted in Computer Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Technology Humor | 5 Comments »
Sunday, February 18th, 2007
Deal? Or No Deal!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
You lied in your last deposition,
Further weak’ning your flimsy position.
I’ve been fleeced, I can see—
It’s apparent to me.
So an out-of-court deal ain’t my mission.
Tags: Court Humor, Depositions, Law Satire, Lawyer Humor, Legal Satire, Lies, Litigation Humor, Out-Of-Court Settlements
Posted in Crime & Punishment Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Monday, February 12th, 2007
Litigation Ode
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“You don’t care about others. You’re callous,”
Said the plaintiff, with undisguised malice.
“Well, you haven’t been sweet,”
He replied in a beat,
“Since the night that we wed, my dear Alice.”
Tags: Defendant, Divorce Humor, Litigation Humor, Plaintiff, Wedded Bliss
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Behavior & Personality, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Marriage Humor | 5 Comments »
Monday, February 5th, 2007
Edu-Gaffe
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Being accurate’s highly essential.
This is math, not some course existential.”
We enjoyed a brief laugh
At the lecturer’s gaffe,
For our subject was jurisprudential.
Tags: Education Satire, Existential, Gaffe, Jurisprudence Humor, Law Humor, Lecturers, Math Humor, Philosophy Humor
Posted in Education & School Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks | 1 Comment »
Saturday, February 3rd, 2007
Deep Pockets/Pricey Dockets
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If you’re broke, it ain’t smart to defame
An affluent fellow’s good name.
With his pockets so deep,
Your defense won’t be cheap.
No, the law ain’t a poor person’s game.
(My legal humor is collected here.)
Tags: Attorney Humor, Defamation Humor, Law Humor, Lawyer Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Libel Humor, Litigation Humor, Money & Finance Humor, Slander Humor
Posted in Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor | Comments Off on Deep Pockets/Pricey Dockets
Thursday, January 25th, 2007
Ode To The Bar Exam
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“I’m worried I won’t pass the bar,”
Cried the would-be attorney (no star).
His career he regretted.
Strung out, how he fretted:
He shouldn’t have quit the guitar.
(My legal humor is collected here.)
Tags: Attorney Humor, Bar Exam Humor, Career Humor, Guitar, Lawyer Humor, Music Humor & Verse, Musician Humor
Posted in Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Music Humor & Verse, Workplace & Career Humor | 1 Comment »
Monday, January 8th, 2007
Those Appealing Lawyers
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A litigant’s lawyer needs zeal
When he argues a client’s appeal.
Court reversals are healing
For parties appealing,
But cause their opponents to reel.
(My law related humor is collected here.)
Tags: Appeals, Attorneys Limerick, Courts, Judge Humor, Law Limerick, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Legal Limerick, Litigation Poem
Posted in Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks | 1 Comment »
