Archive for the ‘Legal & Lawyer Humor’ Category
Thursday, November 21st, 2013
I found the Washington Post Style Invitational Contest’s request for humorous fake safety regs especially challenging. (You’d think that being a recovering attorney would have helped my case, but no.)
Needless to say, I didn’t win. Here’s where to find the winners list.
And here are some non-inking entries from me:
Lawyers’ Offices: All parties who sign any contract are required to sign a second contract attesting to the fact that they read the first one.
Orthodox Jewish weddings & Bar Mitzvahs: Male dancers must be certified “capable of dancing without killing anyone” by an Orthodox rabbi, who himself has received such certification.
Figure skating jumps at the Olympics and other competitive events shall be limited to two rotations per jump.
Dining: Patrons may not sit near me at a restaurant without first signing a “spillage damage liability waiver.”
Elevators: No entry without breath mints.
Tags: Legal & Lawyer Humor, Regulations Humor, Safety Humor, Silly Rules, Washington Post Style Invitational
Posted in Contests, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks | 1 Comment »
Wednesday, September 18th, 2013
This three-verse limerick is based on a real Texas criminal case: “Lawyer admits napping at trial, but rates his performance an 8 or a 9.”
A Criminal Defense? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man got a sentence immense,
Then complained of a sleepy defense:
“My defense lawyer slept
Which makes him inept,
So a do-over trial makes sense.”
His lawyer contested the claim:
“I am not for that sentence to blame.
I slept just a while
And I ran a good trial.
Even dozing, I’m right on my game.”
On this statement the lawyer won’t budge,
And he even is running for judge.
I suppose that he thinks
When he’s caught forty winks,
His court clerk will just give him a nudge.
Tags: Attorney Humor, Crime & Punishment Humor, Criminals, Daniel Textor Jr., Law Humor, Lawyers, Martin Zimmerman, Sleeping On The Job, Trial Humor
Posted in Crime & Punishment Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Sleep & Insomnia Humor | 12 Comments »
Tuesday, September 17th, 2013
My limerick was inspired by this news item:
Group of observant Brooklyn drug dealers told customers they were closed for Shabbat: The five men would text customers with warnings that they were about to stop dealing around sundown Friday, according to a criminal complaint…
“The men are accused of peddling heroin, oxycodone, cocaine and other drugs from their Bedford Ave. drug warehouse…”
Observant Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If you plan to sell drugs and break laws,
It seems God will forgive all your flaws,
And you won’t be a goner
So long as you honor
Shabbat with a crime-breaking pause.
Tags: Brooklyn, Crime & Punishment Humor, Drug Dealers, Illegal Drugs, Religion Humor, Religious Humor, Sabbath Humor, Shabbat Humor
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Crime & Punishment Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Religion Verse | Comments Off on Observant Limerick
Thursday, August 29th, 2013
Chutzpah Laid Bare (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal who had chutzpah to spare
Liked to circle her town wholly bare.
“It’s not me you should stop,”
She’d respond to a cop,
“But that pusher. Consider us square.”
Tags: Brazen Behavior, Chutzpah Humor, Cop Limerick, Law & Order, Naked Limerick, Nudity, Police Limerick
Posted in Bawdy Limericks, Behavior & Personality, Crime & Punishment Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks | Comments Off on Chutzpah Laid Bare (Limerick)
Wednesday, August 28th, 2013
Ruthless Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A dentist who’s lacking in ruth
Worships money, possessions, and youth.
In his quest for all three,
His crimes guarantee
He’ll be jailed until long in the tooth.
Tags: Bad Behavior, Crime & Punishment Humor, Dental Humor, Dentist Humor, Dentists, Ruthlessness Limerick
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Crime & Punishment Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor | 2 Comments »
Thursday, August 1st, 2013
As you can tell from this 3-verse limerick, my legal career had a rather inauspicious start:
A Lawyer’s Tale (3-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I once worked for a sleazy attorney.
(Let’s just call him “Unethical Earnie.”)
I rebuffed him when ordered
To do things that bordered
On iffy and worse. What a journey!
I quit just as soon as I could —
Found a new lawyer job — knock on wood.
He flipped out when I left
And he left me bereft,
Ripping off all my cash really good.
Decades later, I just got the news
That this fellow who’s garnered my boos
Lost his license: Disbarred!
No more lawyering card!
Schadenfreude — I virtually ooze.
Tags: Bosses, Career Humor, Employment Humor, Law Humor, Lawyers, Legal Limerick
Posted in Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Workplace & Career Humor | 16 Comments »
Sunday, June 23rd, 2013
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was trying to find…*
or
A woman was thrilled with her find…*
or
A man was irate — he’d been fined…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Finding Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman who found she’d been fined
Worked hard at escaping her bind.
She got tied up in knots
Cuz the court system rots:
It seems justice and law ain’t entwined.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Fines, Justice Humor, Law Humor, Legal System, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Contests, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Books | 98 Comments »
Sunday, June 2nd, 2013
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was hit by a suit…*
or
A woman was filing a suit…*
or
A fellow was wearing a suit…*
or
A gal rented space built to suit…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Suit
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was hit by a suit
From his neighbor, and this one’s a beaut.
The core of the case:
“His trees have no grace.”
So the suit failed to bear any fruit.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Law Humor, Lawyers, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Litigation Poem, Neighbors Humor, Outdoors Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Trees, Writing Prompts
Posted in Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Neighbors Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 87 Comments »
Saturday, April 27th, 2013
No Accounting For Taste (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The prison was chock full of crooks,
Like the chef — in for cooking the books.
He’d been caught by the owner,
Who shouted this groaner:
“Fishy numbers! These aren’t chinooks!”
Note from Mad Kane: I learned two things today:
1: Chinook salmon, a.k.a. king salmon, are the “most highly prized salmon in the culinary world.”
2: A “salmon day” is slang for “spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed somehow in the end.”
Tags: Accounting Humor, Bookkeeping Humor, Chef Humor, Chinooks, Cooking Humor, Crime & Punishment Humor, Criminal Poetry, Culinary Humor, Fish Humor, Law Humor, Salmon Day, Salmon Limerick
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Crime & Punishment Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor | 8 Comments »
Tuesday, March 19th, 2013
Okay, nobody’s going to boo hoo over unemployed lawyers. In fact, some may even secretly (or not so secretly) cheer for news that getting a legal job is harder than ever. (And it wasn’t exactly easy a zillion years ago when I went to law school.)
Though the Bureau of Labor Statistics expects 73,600 new lawyer jobs to be created in the U.S. in the current decade, American law schools graduate about 44,000 new JDs each year. So averaged over the decade, there are six new lawyers for each new job.
Limerick Ode To Unemployed Lawyers
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If you’re planning on law school, beware:
Those legal spots just aren’t there.
For each new lawyer job,
Six new lawyers named Rob
Or Roberta will vie for the chair.
Tags: Education & School Humor, Labor Statistics, Law School, Lawyer Jobs Limerick, Lawyers, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Unemployment Humor
Posted in Education & School Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Workplace & Career Humor | 7 Comments »
Wednesday, January 9th, 2013
The 9-1-1 emergency number has become so common, you’d think people would know when (and when not) to use it. But apparently not.
How NOT To Use 9-1-1 (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The 9-1-1 number is meant
For a notably urgent event.
Don’t call to report
A stale pizza or torte…
Or hamsters that breed sans consent.
(Using 911 to report a lion sighting in Virginia is probably okay … even if it turns out to be just a labradoodle groomed to look like a lion.)
Tags: 911 Calls, Animal & Pet Humor, Cops & Police, Crime & Punishment Humor, Emergency Calls, Emergency Line Limerick, Food Verse, Hamster Humor, Labradoodle Humor, Lion Humor, Pizza Humor, Policeman Verse, Telephone Humor
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Behavior & Personality, Crime & Punishment Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Telephone Humor | Comments Off on How NOT To Use 9-1-1 (Limerick)
Sunday, December 23rd, 2012
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was sipping some port…*
or
A woman was sipping some port…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Port
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A tall lawyer was sipping some port,
While doing some prep work for court.
He drank more than he should have.
Too bad, cuz he could have
Prevailed, but instead came up short.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Drinking Limerick, Law Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Legal Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Liquor Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Port, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Food & Drink Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 95 Comments »
Thursday, November 29th, 2012
Remorseful Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was feeling remorse
About taking an ill-advised course:
He’d married a gal
Who was also his pal,
Before he’d secured a divorce.
Tags: Divorce Humor, Divorce Limerick, Husband Wife Limerick, Marriage Humor, Marriage Limerick, Relationships Poetry, Remorse Humor, Spousal Humor
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Family Verse, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Marriage Humor, Relationship Humor | Comments Off on Remorseful Limerick
Saturday, October 6th, 2012
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man was involved in a feud…*
or
A gal was involved in a feud…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Feud
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A shrink was involved in a feud
With his neighbors, and ended up sued.
On his problem he dwelled,
As lawyers withheld
Any aid, saying “Not in the mood!”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Feud, Lawsuit Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick Contest, Litigation Poem, Mood Humor, Neighbors Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Psychiatry Humor, Psychology Humor, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Neighbors Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 59 Comments »
Sunday, July 22nd, 2012
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman who fell on her face…*
or
A fellow who fell on his face…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
The Face Of Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman who fell on her face
When she tripped on her wedding gown lace,
Brought a lawsuit immense.
Here’s the gown shop’s defense:
“A trip down the aisle ain’t a race.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Fashion Verse, Injury Verse. Accident Poem, Lawsuit Limerick, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick Contest, Marriage Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Wedding Gowns, Wedding Humor, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Fashion Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 83 Comments »
Tuesday, July 10th, 2012
Taking your baby son with you when visiting a hooker is probably unwise:
A man in Tuscaloosa may be charged with child endangerment after taking along his nine month old son during a meeting with a prostitute.
Once inside the motel room, another man entered and a fight broke out. Shots were fired while the baby was in the room, and a bullet grazed the father’s head.
Gunning For Father Of The Year?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear dads, if your kid’s under one,
And you’re looking for prostitute fun,
A sitter’s a must;
Else forget about lust,
Or be labeled a son of a gun.
Tags: Babies Humor, Bawdy Humor, Children Limerick, Crime, Dads Limerick, Family & Relatives Humor, Law Humor, Mothers & Fathers Humor, Parenting Humor, Prostitutes Humor, Sex Humor
Posted in Advice Humor & Poems, Bawdy Limericks, Behavior & Personality, Crime & Punishment Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, Family Verse, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Mothers & Fathers Humor, Relationship Humor, Social Satire | 3 Comments »
Sunday, July 8th, 2012
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was proud of his skill…*
or
A woman was proud of her skill…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Skill
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was proud of his skill
In drafting the hand-crafted will:
“I’ve perfected this science,”
He’d brag, but his clients
Took ill at the sight of his bill.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bills Humor, Law Humor, Lawyer Limerick, Legal Limerick, Limerick Contest, Money Verse, Poetry & Prompts, Skill Humor, Talent Humor, Wills, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 100 Comments »
Sunday, February 19th, 2012
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow who had a degree…*
or
A woman who had a degree…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Degree
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow who had a degree
In law, yes, the dreaded JD,
Found the market dried up,
So he sang for his sup
On a ship after going to sea.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Education & School Humor, JD Humor, Job Market Humor, Lawyer Limerick, Limerick Contest, Music Limerick, Poetry & Prompts, Sea Limerick, Ships, Singing Humor, Travel Humor, Unemployment Humor, Writing Prompts
Posted in Contests, Education & School Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Music Humor & Verse, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest, Travel Humor | 68 Comments »
Thursday, January 5th, 2012
This woman is clearly a creative criminal:
DENVER — A 36-year-old woman was charged Wednesday after punching, scratching and sliding her buttocks against a painting worth more than $30 million, authorities in Colorado said.
Carmen Tisch is accused of pulling her pants down to rub up against the work, an oil-on-canvas called “1957-J no.2”, by the late abstract expressionist artist Clyfford Still.
The Critical Ass
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Some critics can be rather tough
On art they don’t like, even rough.
But to rub your nude ass
On it seems rather crass.
Her defense? She was trying to buff.
Tags: Abstract Art Satire, Art Limerick, Carmen Tisch, Clyfford Still, Colorado, Crime, Critics Humor, Law Humor, Vandals
Posted in Art Humor / Verse, Bawdy Limericks, Behavior & Personality, Crime & Punishment Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks | 1 Comment »
