When their granddad discussed his affairs,
He declared they’d be heirs with large shares
Of investments extensive
And assets expensive.
It turns out he was putting on airs.
Archive for the ‘Idiom Humor’ Category
Heirs Apparent (Limerick)
Saturday, October 23rd, 2021Missing Musicians (Limerick)
Thursday, October 21st, 2021“We have lost sev’ral members, I hear,”
Said the maestro. “Some key ones, I fear.
It’s too late for auditions
To find new musicians.
I guess we must play it by ear.”
Messy Limerick
Wednesday, October 20th, 2021A gal, an industrious knitter,
Showed a huge heap of knits to her sitter:
“It’s a mess, I confess.
If you sort it, dear Tess,
I shall give you the pick of the litter.”
(Worldwide Knit In Public Day is the 2nd Saturday of June.)
Secret Affairs (Limerick)
Monday, October 18th, 2021Two women, good friends, worked backstage.
Each was “dating” a man half her age:
A man on the crew.
Which one? Neither knew.
It turns out, both were on the same Page.
Handy Limerick
Tuesday, October 12th, 2021At the piano the man’s an old hand;
He is one of the best in the land.
But he still has regrets
And never forgets:
Having more than one hand would be grand.
Aging Quatrain
Tuesday, October 12th, 2021There are days I feel old as the hills
And I long for those youth-making fountains.
But this contrary thought gives me thrills:
It’s better than old as the mountains.
Sketchy Artist (Limerick)
Wednesday, October 6th, 2021A sketch artist’s drawings were raw
And flawed, rarely gazed at with awe.
Yet he won an award
For his “Gourd With A Sword.”
Fellow artists swore: “Luck of the Draw!”
Nailed It (Limerick)
Tuesday, October 5th, 2021I called a new carpenter, Ned,
Cuz the first guy screwed up and then fled.
When I showed him the job
Ned said, “Fix it? No prob!”
Then he hit the nail right on the head.
Happy Golf Lovers Day! (October 4) (Limerick)
Monday, October 4th, 2021Though I’m no fan of golf, I couldn’t resist writing a Golf Lovers Day limerick:
As a golfer swigged beer in a pub,
He bitched and he gobbled his grub:
“I’ve been flubbing my putts.
Being drubbed drives me nuts!”
The response to that putz? “Join the club!”
Exceedingly Silly Limerick
Monday, September 27th, 2021A fellow I know can’t spell “sneeze;”
Also “breezes” and “freezes” and “cheese.”
Though he always tries hard,
His spelling is marred;
Triple “e’s” make the man ill at ease.
Fishing For An Alibi (Limerick)
Saturday, September 25th, 2021“It’s easy to hoodwink that stinker,”
Said a man of his wife, a big drinker.
“When coition’s my mission,
She thinks I’m out fishin’…
And falls for it hook, line, and sinker.”
Idiomatic Idiocy? (Limerick)
Thursday, September 23rd, 2021It’s not bad enough that I’m addicted to writing limericks. Now I’m also hooked on reading/playing with idiom lists:
“I suspect that our firm has a spy,
Cuz a journo just called to ask why
We give patients the squeeze
With our vision-wear fees.
Now our practice will get a black eye.”
Whimsical Limerick
Monday, September 20th, 2021A man in the mood for a swim,
Who would frequently act on a whim,
Dove into a pool
From a tree; hurt his tool…
Vowed to stop going out on a limb.
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: FLY at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: October 2, 2021)
Saturday, September 18th, 2021It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using FLY at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to BRAGGING, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best BRAGGING-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on October 3, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, October 2, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my FLY-rhyme limerick:
Please don’t claim something’s “easy as pie.”
That assertion is pie in the sky.
Baking pies makes me queasy;
It sure isn’t “easy.”
Your analogy simply won’t fly.
And here’s my BRAGGING-themed limerick:
“Do not think that because you’re first born
You can treat other players with scorn.
You’re a middling musician,
Despite your ambition.
And I hate when you blow your own horn.”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
A “Beaut” Of A Limerick
Thursday, September 16th, 2021As you can see, I’m continuing to have fun with idioms. Here’s my “Beaut” Of A Limerick:
Lovely Lil is a beautiful filly,
But the clothing she wears is too frilly!
And her makeup looks trashy;
It’s garish and flashy.
How I wish she’d stop gilding the Lily!
Party Snafu (Limerick)
Wednesday, September 15th, 2021We chipped in; threw a party for Jill.
Her friend Carl held our cash in a till.
Had to twist the man’s arms
And call the gendarmes
To get him to foot the damn bill.
Taking An Idiom Out For A Spin (Limerick)
Thursday, September 9th, 2021Though she’s working day in and day out
At dance, her success is in doubt.
Seems she’s not very bright;
Can’t tell “left” from her “right.”
And that’s what it all is about.
Know-It-All Limerick
Wednesday, September 8th, 2021“I’ve proven you’re wrong! Now eat crow,”
Said a know-it-all fellow, named Joe,
Who could not help but howl
At the answer re fowl:
“I’m allergic to poultry, so NO!”
A Meaty Limerick
Sunday, September 5th, 2021It appears that my project’s dead meat.
But no worries; it’s not a defeat.
I’ll continue to thrive
Because beef that’s alive
Is something that folks rarely eat.
