Archive for the ‘Humor Columns & Humorous Essays’ Category
Thursday, January 17th, 2008
Years ago I wrote a humorous joint travel contract for the Philadelphia Inquirer. I’ve been meaning to post it on this blog, but I keep forgetting. And Sunday Scribblings’ post about fellow travelers has prompted me to finally do it:
Revel With A Clause
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Your closest friends keep badgering you to join them on a trip. You’re running out of excuses and may be forced to go along. Can friendship survive seven days of constant contact? Will you loathe each other by the time you return?
Joint vacations can be a challenge to any relationship. But with patience, a sense of humor and the help of this agreement, you can take that trip and keep your friendship intact.
AGREEMENT entered into this __________, 20__ by two close couples who would like to remain friends.
WHEREAS, Couples A and B are about to embark on a shared vacation;
WHEREAS, Couple B would rather stay home, but has agreed to give this trip a try;
WHEREAS, Couples want to work out ground rules so their friendship won’t self-destruct.
NOW, THEREFORE, Couples agree to the following vacation terms:
1. The trip shall commence on a date determined after consulting Couples’ children, employers, and baby-sitters. It shall not involve backpacks or a tent.
2. Once a date has been chosen, Couples shall enter into vacation spot negotiations. The following factors shall be duly considered in the course of site selection:
(a.) Wife A burns if she glances out a window.
(b.) Wife B loves to sprawl out on the beach.
(c.) Husband A considers himself an art aficionado.
(d.) Husband B admires prints of large-eyed tots. … (Revel With A Clause is continued here.)
Tags: Friendship Humor Column, Humorous Traveling Contract, Travel Humor, Vacation Humor
Posted in Friendship Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Satirical Contracts, Travel Humor, Vacation Humor | 10 Comments »
Wednesday, December 5th, 2007
Ms. Legal Person returns by popular demand with advice for the holiday season. “Your free help was worth every penny,” wrote one satisfied reader. “Do you have malpractice insurance?” wrote … oops, wrong letter.
Okay, enough with the accolades and on with your questions:
Q: They hung mistletoe in my office, and I’m highly offended.
A: Why?
Q: It’s sexual harassment.
A: I see. Has anyone ever kissed you while you were standing under the mistletoe?
Q: No.
A: What about when you weren’t standing under the mistletoe.
Q. Certainly not.
A: That’s what I thought.
*****
Q: My birthday falls right before Christmas and I always get short-changed. Do I have any legal recourse?
A: You suffer from Badly Timed Birthday Syndrome. Fortunately, last year’s Anti-Discrimination and Mental Health Care Reform Bill included the Birthday Rehabilitation Act. It allows you to petition any federal judge to modify your birthday by no more than 30 days.
Q: That’s great news!
A: You need only prove that your birthday coincides with a key holiday, causing pain and suffering and depriving you of your fair share of attention and gifts.
Q: Wow! Can I also modify my birth year?
A: How old are you?
Q: 37.
A: I’m afraid not. But you’re free to lie like everyone else.
*****
Ms. Legal Person answers more of your holiday questions here.
(You can find more holiday humor here.)
Tags: Christmas Humor, December Holidays, Holiday Fun, Law Humor
Posted in Holiday Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Seasons Humor | 1 Comment »
Tuesday, June 5th, 2007
My husband Mark and I were never meant to own a motor boat. Why not? Any couple who can’t figure out how to open their car hood, should probably stick to something propelled by oars. And we surely would have done just that, had the prior owner of our weekend home not made it a package deal. If we wanted his irresistible house, we’d have to spring for his 120 horse power boat — perfect for anyone whose idea of relaxation is charging across a rocky three mile lake at the speed of screams.
OUR FIRST TIME OUT: My husband — a man who can build a wood stove fire in a flash, who whips up gourmet feasts in fifteen languages — couldn’t figure out how to unhook the boat’s cover. Refusing my help, he struggled for an hour. Victorious at last he hurled the cover off, in the process spilling gallons of water all over the boat.
By then I was ready to bail out. But Mark handed me a pail, and we spent the next 45 minutes heaving water overboard. Once all the water was safely under the boat, it was time to begin boating. I optimistically climbed onto our 16 footer, while my husband worked the knots from ashore. A former boy scout, he did this rather well. So well, that the boat (free at last) started to drift without him. …. (Motor Boating Just Isn’t Our Speed continues here.)
Tags: Boating Humor, Husband Wife Humor, Motor Boating, Outdoor Activity Humor, Outdoor Fun, Outdoor Sports, Water Activities
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Family & Relatives Humor, Hobbies Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Leisure Time Humor, Marriage Humor, Outdoors Humor, Recreation & Fun Humor, Sports Humor | 5 Comments »
Friday, March 16th, 2007
Taxing Times
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My husband Mark and I usually prepare our joint tax returns jointly. Being good citizens, we begin early in February with tax planning discussions like this:
Mark: We really should start doing our taxes next Saturday.
Me: You’re absolutely right. I’ll pick up Quicksand’s ShirkoTax this week.
By late March we’ve made impressive progress:
Mark: We really should start doing our taxes next Saturday.
Me: You’re absolutely right. I’ll pick up Quicksand’s ShirkoTax this week.
Our tax planning culminates promptly on April 14 when Mark boots up the computer, loads ShirkoTax, and does whatever it is one does with tax software. … (Taxing Times is continued here.)
Tags: Husband Wife Humor, Income Tax Humor, March Holidays, Money Satire, Tax Humor
Posted in Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Marriage Humor, Money & Finance Humor, Tax & IRS Satire | 4 Comments »
Tuesday, February 13th, 2007
Surmounting Marriage
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Before agreeing to marry my husband Mark, I asked him the usual questions:
- Do you know what a hamper is and have you ever actually used one?
- Do you spend weekends sprawled in front of a sports-spewing screen, devouring couch potato chips?
- Are your parents likely to drive me to drink?
Mark told the appropriate fibs, I pretended to believe him, and several months later we wed. But soon after the wedding, I realized I’d forgotten to ask the most important question of all: When you see a mountain, do you get an irresistible urge to do something stupid? (Surmounting Marriage is continued here.)
Tags: Husband Wife Relationship Humor, Marriage Satire, Mountain Climbing, Outdoor Humor
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Fashion Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Leisure Time Humor, Marriage Humor, Outdoors Humor, Recreation & Fun Humor, Relationship Humor, Sports Humor, Travel Humor, Vacation Humor | 11 Comments »
Monday, February 5th, 2007
A Valiant Guy’s Guide To Valentine’s Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Attention guys — it’s time to get ready for Valentine’s Day. After all, you don’t want a repeat of last year, do you? I didn’t think so.
For most men, the very mention of Valentine’s Day conjures up memories of a last minute, fruitless shopping expedition followed by a quarrel with their girlfriend or wife. Women, on the other hand, tend to think romantic thoughts: champagne, dining by candlelight, strolling violinists, and an after-dinner brandy in front of a roaring fireplace. This scenario exists only in their fantasies, mind you. After all, they are dating or married to you. … (A Valiant Guy’s Guide To Valentine’s Day is continued here.)
Tags: Battle of the Sexes, February Holidays, Gift Humor, Holiday Fun, Men and Women, Relationship Satire, Romance Humor, Valentine Day's Humor
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Holiday Humor, How-To Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Relationship Humor, Self-Help Humor, Shopping Humor, Social Satire | 4 Comments »
Tuesday, December 26th, 2006
What is it about December 31st that spurs fantasies of self-reform? Is it too much food and drink? Seasonal exuberance? Lunacy induced by crowds?
Every December, otherwise rational people make resolutions meant to transform them into organized, addiction-free souls with clean houses, healthy bodies, wholesome relationships, perfect children, and career paths soaring to the top — the same vows they made last year and the year before that.
Can our resolutions endure past January 1st? Can we make it to year’s end without ripping up our lists? … (It Is Hereby Resolved is continued here.)
Tags: December Holidays, Funny Contracts, Holiday Fun, Holiday Gifts, Husband Wife Humor, New Year's Humor, New Year's Resolutions Humor
Posted in Addiction Humor, Battle of the Sexes, Health & Medical Humor, Holiday Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Marriage Humor, Satirical Contracts, Social Satire | 5 Comments »
Tuesday, December 19th, 2006
Is It Safe To Go Shopping With Your Mate? (Humorous Quiz)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
One sure way to test a relationship is to shop with your mate. Not only is joint shopping stressful, but it amplifies differences in temperament and taste. It can even lead to bickering, brawls, and mayhem. So take this compatibility quiz now. Or risk being ousted from your favorite boutique.
1. When you arrive at the mall he:
a. Says “Let’s shop together. It’ll be fun.”
b. Says “Meet me in hardware.”
c. Vanishes.
2. In men’s clothing he:
a. Asks your opinion and compliments your taste.
b. Buys a tie he already owns.
c. Bemoans the demise of the leisure suit.
3. In lingerie he:
a. Says you look sexy in an oversized robe.
b. Asks you to model see-through garments too small to identify.
c. Hands you a Wonderbra. … (“Is It Safe To Go Shopping With Your Mate?” is continued here.)
(You can visit my marriage humor collection here.)
Tags: Gender Differences Humor, Husband Humor, Shopping Humor
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Behavior & Personality, Family & Relatives Humor, Feminist Satire, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Marriage Humor, Money & Finance Humor, Relationship Humor, Shopping Humor | 9 Comments »
Tuesday, December 5th, 2006
Exchanging gifts, while fun in theory, offers endless potential for aggravation: Thronging crowds, ransacked stores, confusion, indecision, cash depletion and, finally, the belated knowledge that you bought the wrong thing.
And even worse, perhaps, is receiving a spousal gift that you wouldn’t buy for your worst enemy. Well, maybe for your worst enemy, but only if it’s on sale.
But there is a cure for the holiday gift blues. Just substitute this agreement for those subtle hints — the ones that are always either missed or misconstrued. Then kiss that Returns Counter good-bye. This year’s gifts are for keeps.
AGREEMENT entered into this ___________ (Date) by Husband and Wife, hereafter called “Couple.”
WHEREAS, Couple often argues over ill-chosen gifts; and
WHEREAS, a gift giving agreement may save Couple’s marriage and/or reduce return trips to the mall.
NOW, THEREFORE, Couple hereby agrees to these provisions:
GIFTS FOR WIFE:
1. Self-serving gifts shall be avoided. For example, Husband shall not buy Wife the following:
a. Chocolate when Wife is on a diet.
b. Tight clothing meant to encourage Wife to diet.
c. Anything transparent.
2. Husband shall not give Wife practical gifts such as an iron, a dish washer, or a vacuum cleaner… unless husband plans to use them. … (My Mad Gift Giving Guide is continued here.)
Tags: Christmas Gift Humor, December Holidays, Funny Contracts, Gift Giving, Holiday Fun, Holiday Gifts, Husband Wife Humor
Posted in Family & Relatives Humor, Gift Giving Humor, Holiday Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Marriage Humor, Relationship Humor, Satirical Contracts, Shopping Humor | 8 Comments »
Monday, November 13th, 2006
Becoming an insomniac isn’t as easy as it might appear. But with the help of these guidelines, dark circles and a cranky disposition will soon be yours.
1. Be born into a family of worriers. (Certain ethnic groups have the advantage here, but won’t be identified for obvious reasons.)
2. During your infancy, become accustomed to dozing in serene silence, a state you will never encounter as an adult.
3. Have parents so desperate for peace and quiet, that they routinely send you to bed hours before you feel even a hint of fatigue. This will allow you to develop helpful habits like gazing at the ceiling, counting sheep, and plotting revenge.
4. Cultivate your neuroses. A dedicated would-be insomniac will work on this throughout the day. But if time is limited, performing any of these activities right before bedtime should do the trick: … (How To Become An Insomniac is continued here.)
Tags: Funny Self-Help, Health Satire, Humorous How-To, Insomnia Humor
Posted in Health & Medical Humor, How-To Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Mental Health Humor, Self-Help Humor, Sleep & Insomnia Humor | 10 Comments »
Monday, November 6th, 2006
There are few “fun” activities quite so vexing as the Office Christmas Party; that obligatory gathering of bosses and subordinates, cronies and rivals, back-stabbers and back-stabbees. Plus a horde of husbands and wives who spend the entire night planning their escape.
Every year you fantasize about sending an RSVP marked “Thanks, but no thanks.” Then you return to reality and break the news to your spouse. “It’ll be different this time,” you lie. “It’ll be fun.”
“I’ll go to yours, if you’ll go to mine,” your mate responds. “And you have to promise to behave.”
This brings us to the art of gaffe avoidance. After all, who isn’t but one faux pas from the unemployment line? Dodging the pitfalls of office party protocol can be a daunting challenge. But with the help of this agreement, you’ll survive yet another function with your job intact.
AGREEMENT entered into on ____________, by Husband and Wife (collectively referred to as “Couple”).
WHEREAS, Couple’s employers suffer from the delusion that Office Christmas Parties are good for morale;
WHEREAS, Couple, being sane individuals, would prefer to stay home; and
WHEREAS, although Couple can’t prove a connection, everyone who skipped last year’s bash is now unemployed; … ” (Office Party Follies is continued here.)
Tags: Christmas Party Humor, Funny Contracts, Holiday Fun, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Husband Wife Humor, Office Holiday Parties
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Business Humor, Holiday Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Marriage Humor, Relationship Humor, Satirical Contracts, Social Satire, Workplace & Career Humor | 12 Comments »
Monday, October 30th, 2006
Unless you live on another planet, there are never enough hours in the day. But if you use these efficiency techniques, you can win that battle with time:
1. Always do at least two things at once. While showering, write a screenplay. While sorting laundry, invent a handy appliance for the home. While chatting on the phone with a dull acquaintance, take a nap.
2. Consolidate self-improvement routines. Exercise to learn-a-language tapes while watching watercolor videos. Not only will you save time, but you’ll have thin thighs for that trip to Le Musée du Louvre.
3. Buy a speaker-phone for your kitchen. You’ll be able to cook, vacuum, and knit dog-hair booties while you talk on the phone.
4. When you’re in the kitchen, post reminder notes on the fridge. (“It’s the laundry, stupid.”)
5. Group chores alphabetically. If you have to go to the pharmacy, combine your trip with errands beginning with the letter ‘P.’ …” (Contending With Time is continued here.)
Tags: Efficiency Humor, Household Chores, Multitasking, Self-Help Satire, Self-Improvement, Time Humor, Time Management, Time Pressure
Posted in Family & Relatives Humor, Health & Medical Humor, How-To Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Mental Health Humor, Multitasking Humor, Self-Help Humor, Social Satire, Time Humor | 7 Comments »
Thursday, October 26th, 2006
Being a feminist, even a moderate feminist like me, can make it tough to dodge duties unsuited to the squeamish. In my case, squirrel removal.
Like most people, I prefer my squirrels outdoors. So I wasn’t exactly pleased when a squirrel decided to invade my turf. One morning last winter, when I was barely awake and shuffling down our basement stairs, something with a bushy tail flashed past me, mere inches from my toes. So I ask you, what’s a feminist to do? Yell hysterically? Scream for help? Well, … yes. I also scrambled up the steps, slammed the door, and told myself the squirrel would find its own way out.
For the next few hours I wondered what my squirrel was up to. I even tried to talk myself into marching downstairs and facing him down. Or creeping downstairs and checking things out. Or opening the cellar door just a crack, peering down the steps, and shutting the door fast before the squirrel became suspicious.
What kind of feminist was I, I asked myself, as I paced a floor above the intruder. Surely Gloria Steinem would stand her ground against a tiny rodent. Thank goodness I wasn’t famous enough to be a Rush Limbaugh target. “Femi-Nazi hypocritical wimp Madeleine Begun Kane is ascared of a wee little squirrel,” he’d surely say if he knew I existed. … (A Squirrely Lesson is continued here.)
UPDATE: Happy Squirrel Appreciation Day, January 21st!
Tags: Basement, Cellar, Exterminators, Femi-Nazi Humor, Feminism Humor, Home Ownership, Husband Wife Humor, January Holidays, Odd Holidays, Rush Limbaugh, Squirrel Appreciation Day, Squirrel Humor, Trapping Animals
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Battle of the Sexes, Family & Relatives Humor, Feminist Satire, House & Home Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Marriage Humor, Odd Holidays, Relationship Humor | 15 Comments »
Tuesday, October 17th, 2006
“I’m not going in there. No way. Forget it.”
My seventy-something mother’s stance was as rigid as her words; arms folded across her chest, unyielding legs pointed away from the shop I’d just suggested.
She and I had spent the entire afternoon combing through three department stores for the definitive pair of panties. Or at least my mom’s idea of same. This illusive undergarment had to be loose, comfortable, 100% cotton, and totally devoid of lace. And that was just for starters. It also had to completely cover my mother’s hips and come in a large size, the exact number of which she resolutely refused to disclose. … (Secret Shopper is continued here.)
Tags: Clothes Shopping, Clothing Humor, Comfortable Clothing, Department Stores, Mother Humor, Parental Humor, Style Humor, Underwear Humor, Victoria's Secret
Posted in Family & Relatives Humor, Fashion Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Mothers & Fathers Humor, Relationship Humor, Shopping Humor | 10 Comments »
Wednesday, October 4th, 2006
My husband Mark and I have a weekend hideaway, a respite from the pace of New York City life. Our country haven is smaller than most; it was once optimistically measured at 400 square feet. In fact, it’s so petite that the very act of staying there more than a day without a single quarrel is persuasive proof of a sound relationship.
On a recent weekend there we were happily hiding out, luxuriating in nature, listening to the birds, and breathing in the fragrant non-New York City air. Suddenly, we were assaulted by a distinctly unpacific sound. No, not sundry talking heads screaming about Iraq. It was even worse than that. … (False Alarm is continued here.)
Tags: Automobile Humor, Car Alarms, Country Living, Husband Humor, Modern Life, Technology Humor, Vacation House, Weekend Home
Posted in Car & Driving Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Marriage Humor, Relationship Humor, Social Satire, Technology Humor, Vacation Humor | Comments Off on False Alarm
Monday, September 25th, 2006
“Stop The Chaos!” screeches the magazine cover. “Take Control Of Your Cluttered Life!” Periodicals are packed with chaos-avoidance techniques. But do they work? Let’s see.
1. Awaken early, inspired by self-help articles to finally organize your life. Grab paper scrap and jot down all urgent chores. Admire list, savor it, enhance it with scribbled notes. Spill coffee, rendering list illegible. Then, lest you be tempted to do something that might garner a check mark, file list under “T” for “To Do.”
2. Forget where you left list. Start new one, grow bored, take shower instead. Dash through house naked and wet in search of clean towel. Try to start a wash. Realize you left detergent off list.
3. Check if you’re low on other cleaning supplies. Notice several empty containers squandering space under sink. Yank everything out of storage and strew on floor. Resolve to rearrange cabinets once you’ve looked at mail.
4. Retrieve bills, ads, alarming bank statement from mail box. Hunt for check register and fail to find it. You never find it … which is why you haven’t made an entry since the Eighties.
5. Decide bank info must be buried in your bag or briefcase. Dump contents of both onto table and chase renegade coins. Smooth every particle of crumpled paper. Use magnifying glass to decipher contents. Take your time; any fragment could be a clue to your deficit balance.
6. Find nothing that sheds light on finances. Decide bank’s probably right. Stuff papers back into bags … just in case.
7. Forage through remaining mountain of debris. Find 97 pennies and count them twice. Hunt for coin wrappers. Start third list.
8. Spill pennies into already stuffed drawer. Resume foraging. Find stale stick of gum, half eaten candy bar, rusty key, crud-encrusted tissues, and several items you’ve never seen before. Attempt to throw out. Add garbage bags to list… (How To Disorganize Your Life is continued here.)
Tags: Finances, Health Satire, Humorous How-To, Magazines, Media, Self-Help
Posted in Health & Medical Humor, How-To Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Media Humor, Mental Health Humor, Money & Finance Humor, Self-Help Humor, Social Satire | 1 Comment »
Monday, September 18th, 2006
One afternoon your ten-year old daughter comes home from school, enthused about learning to play an instrument. Your eyeballs start to throb. Your head begins to pulsate. You ask yourself whether tin ears are passed down from parents to their children. How do you resolve this dissonant dilemma?
AGREEMENT entered into on ___________, 20__ , by noise-averse Parents and instrument wielding Child.
WHEREAS, Child has expressed an interest in studying the sax;
WHEREAS, Parents hate the sax and don’t even consider it a real instrument; … (Musical Accord is continued here.)
Tags: Children Humor, Clarinet Humor, Education & School Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, Funny Contracts, Music Humor & Verse, Music Lessons, Musical Instruments Humor, Parenting Humor
Posted in Children Humor, Education & School Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Mothers & Fathers Humor, Music Humor & Verse, Satirical Contracts | 11 Comments »
Thursday, September 14th, 2006
A weekend trip is a splendid way to replenish your energy and deplete your bank account. In theory, such journeys should be preceded by thorough research, careful planning, and intense negotiations with your mate. Sounds a lot like work, right? Which is why so many vacations go something like this:
(1). Become increasingly exhausted and overwrought. Bicker with spouse over nonsense. Make up, bicker some more, and decide you both need a vacation. Agree to plan a trip for just the two of you real soon. Fall asleep fantasizing about a work/child/pressure-free orgy of self-indulgence.
(2). Repeat Step (1) many times during the next few months. Repeat it several times more … leaving out the sleep part. (How To Plan A Trip is continued here.)
Tags: Battle of Sexes, Holiday Humor, Hotel Humor, Humorous How-To, Husband Wife Humor, Marriage Humor, Travel Humor, Vacation Humor
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Family & Relatives Humor, Holiday Humor, How-To Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Leisure Time Humor, Marriage Humor, Relationship Humor, Travel Humor, Vacation Humor | 9 Comments »
Tuesday, September 5th, 2006
Planning a vacation can often be a daunting challenge. Especially when one spouse likes to rough it and the other prefers luxuries like toilets, showers, and cable TV. So what’s a couple to do? Well, they can take separate trips. Or they can negotiate and sign on the dotted line.
AGREEMENT, entered into this _________, 20__ by Husband and Wife.
WHEREAS, Husband’s ideal vacation requires hiking boots, compasses, sleeping bags, and knapsacks and doesn’t cost a dime;
WHEREAS, Wife’s ideal vacation requires a five star resort;
WHEREAS, Husband is a spontaneous kind of guy who likes to pick his trips by throwing a coin onto a trail map; … (Taking A Vacation On The Contract Plan is continued here.)
Tags: Husband Wife Humor, Hotel Humor, Marriage Humor, Travel Humor, Vacation Humor
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Leisure Time Humor, Marriage Humor, Outdoors Humor, Recreation & Fun Humor, Relationship Humor, Travel Humor, Vacation Humor | 7 Comments »
Saturday, September 2nd, 2006
THOUGHTFUL INTERVIEW
For a job applicant, an interview is to be sought, then dreaded, then endured. And managers rarely relish interviews any more than the trembling supplicant on the other side of their desk. So it’s probably just as well that people can’t read minds. If they could, most interviews would be aborted within 45 seconds:
INTERVIEWER: Good morning Mr. Jones. I’m so pleased that we’ve finally had a chance to meet. (This loser’s been clogging my voicemail and email with desperate messages.)
APPLICANT: It’s a pleasure to speak with you. (She’s been dodging my messages for weeks. I’ll never get this job.)
INTERVIEWER: George Smith recommended you highly. So naturally I reviewed your resume and gave you a call. (George is an idiot. Why is he wasting my time with this jerk?)
APPLICANT: I’ve known George for years, and he’s very familiar with my work. (George is an idiot — a well-connected idiot. And if he weren’t my wife’s brother, he wouldn’t give me the time of day.)
INTERVIEWER: So tell me something about yourself. (He must be a relative. God I hate this job.)
APPLICANT: Well, —- I have a highly diversified background — everything from computer programming, to teaching, to sales. (One of these days I’ll find something I’m good at.)
INTERVIEWER: Which of those fields best reflects your skills? (Just what we need around here — another jack-of-all-trades.) … (My Thoughtful Interview is continued here.)
Tags: Business, Career Humor, Employment, Finance, Interviews, Labor Day Humor, Money, Office, Unemployment Humor, Work, Workplace
Posted in Business Humor, Holiday Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Money & Finance Humor, Social Satire, Workplace & Career Humor | 3 Comments »
