St. Valentine’s Day,
Okay for loving couples.
Much sweeter for stores.
(My Valentine’s Day limerick and another haiku are here. And here’s my Valiant Guys Guide To Valentines Day humor column.)
Archive for the ‘Holiday Humor’ Category
St. Valentine’s Day Haiku
Tuesday, February 8th, 2011Drunken New Year’s Limerick
Saturday, January 1st, 2011I wrote this limerick right after Mark and I finished celebrating the new year with lots of champagne. Nice to know that I can write a limerick (more or less) while under the influence:
Drunken Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Can I write silly verse after drinking?
Let’s see. Wait a second — I’m thinking.
Can’t come up with a verse
Or a rhyme. Even worse,
I suspect that this limerick’s stinking.
And speaking of “under the influence,” never forget this important adage: Let he who is without gin blast the first groan.
New Year’s Eve Limerick
Friday, December 31st, 2010New Year’s Eve Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
New Year’s Eve is upon us. Hooray!
Wish you all lots of joy night and day!
And to each of my friends
As the current year ends,
I promise more limerick play.
Limerick Ode To Greed
Monday, December 27th, 2010As I’ve mentioned previously, my pal Patrick McGuire runs a weekly Unfinished Limerick Contest. The latest finished oddly, as explained in this … uh … press release. And I’m proud to say I garnered an Honorable Mention, despite having broken just about all of the contest’s rules. How did I pull off this feat? You’ll just have to read Patrick’s blog.
Here’s my entry:
Limerick Ode To Greed
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Tis the season to make lots of cash
For business, for God. Got a stash?
Yes, ain’t it ironic
That greed is so chronic?
We worship the gods of mall trash.
What Do Jews Do On Christmas? A Limerick Explanation
Saturday, December 25th, 2010A reader asks, “What do Jews do on Christmas?” So as a public service, I offer a limerick explanation:
What Do Jews Do On Christmas? A Limerick Explanation
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Here’s a query that’s answered with ease:
“What do Jews do on Christmas Day, please?”
We watch movies and read.
Surf the Net. (Dull indeed!)
But mostly we munch on Chinese.
(I’ve dedicated that limerick to Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan. (This post explains why.) And here’s a fun article about Jews and Chinese Food.
While I’m posting holiday humor, I might as well post the rest of the holiday verse I dashed off this week.
I hope you’ll think that these haiku
Ain’t all that bad for this old Jew.
HOLIDAY HAIKU Quartet
Best safety advice
For the holiday season:
Hide under your bed.
Since it’s Christmas Eve
Your shopping better be done,
Or you’ve been naughty.
A generous gift
From our fav gov agency:
Revised 1040.
No gifts for Kwanzaa
Or Christmas or Chanukah.
Husband’s gift enough.
We Jews Need A Christmas Limerick, STAT!
Saturday, December 25th, 2010When I was growing up, my mother used to joke that “Christmas isn’t such Jewish holiday.”
We Jews do tend to feel left out of things this time of year. After all, Chanukah may be really, really long, but it just doesn’t have that Christmas panache. Ask Jon Stewart, if you don’t believe me.
So I think we Jews need a Christmas limerick, and I’ve written one in my late mom’s honor:
A Jewish Christmas Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
You’re Jewish and feeling left out?
We have holy days too we can tout.
So enjoy and feel chipper.
We’ve still got Yom Kippur.
On second thought, go ahead — pout.
Update: For those who pronounce Yom Kippur the other way, I’ve written an alternative B-rhyme for the 3rd and 4th lines. Here’s the alternate version:
A Jewish Christmas Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
You’re Jewish and feeling left out?
We have holy days too we can tout.
Ain’t you thrilled to your core
By the great Yom Kippur?
On second thought, go ahead — pout.
No Hallelujahs Here For Handel’s Messiah
Thursday, December 23rd, 2010I don’t want to sound negative (I try to save the negativity for my political blog) but I hate Handel’s Messiah.
It’s not that I have anything against Handel. His Water Music and his Royal Fireworks Music are very enjoyable. And he wrote some lovely oboe sonatas.
But the Messiah? Hearing just a measure or two is enough to drive me nuts. And not just because of its really boring Hallelujah Chorus. Or the fact that you can’t get through the Christmas holidays without roughly a gazillion choral societies singing the damn thing.
Handel’s Messiah is dull enough to turn almost anyone into an atheist. And that’s why I wrote this haiku and limerick:
Haiku:
Sacrilege, I know.
But to Handel’s Messiah
I say, “Bach! Humbug!”
Limerick:
I sigh when I hear the Messiah.
It’s a work that just doesn’t inspiah.
Give me Bach any day.
Rather see the ballet!
So enough Hallelujahs! Oh, myah!
Update: My pal Bill Nothstine points me to this Flash Mob performance of the Messiah’s Hallelujah Chorus. And I have to agree with him — if you’re going to see any of the Messiah, this is the way to do it.
Holiday Office Party Haiku
Saturday, December 18th, 2010Last week I wrote a series of holiday office party haiku before and after my husband’s office Christmas party. Having survived the festivities, I figured I’d post what’s turned into a trilogy here. (Note: I added one in 2014, turning it into a quartet.)
Holiday party
At husband’s office tonight.
Note to self: Behave.
Trying not to smile–
must conserve facial muscles
for office party.
Friendly note from pals:
“Enjoy the office party.”
Never a good plan.
Ev’ryone behaved
At the office Christmas bash.
Now safe to have fun.
(You can find more of my office party humor here.)
Just In Time For Chanukah 
Wednesday, December 1st, 2010
Just in time for Chanukah, I’ve given Winter Wonderland a new first verse. Feel free to add your own verses, if you’re so inclined. As for me, I’m on the hunt for some chocolate Chanukah gelt. But first I must sing my Chanukah song verse:
Candles lit. Are you looking?
Dreidels spin. Latkas cooking.
Menorahs aglow.
(A mitzvah, you know.)
Chanukah is here. Strike up the band.
Limerick Ode To Thanksgiving
Wednesday, November 24th, 2010I can’t let Thanksgiving go by without writing a limerick. Or maybe I can. On the other hand, I’m pretty sure it’s my duty as an American citizen to post this while there’s still time to save yourselves:
Limerick Ode To Thanksgiving
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Whatever you’re planning to eat
This Thanksgiving, I hope it’s a treat.
Whether stuffing and turkey
Or something more quirky,
Here’s hoping it doesn’t repeat.
National Boss Day — Who Needs It?
Wednesday, October 13th, 2010One of my most important duties is to keep you abreast of important holidays like National Vodka Day, National Punctuation Day, International Limerick Day, National Grammar Day, and the subject of today’s limerick: National Boss Day.
That’s right — our poor beleaguered bosses get their own holiday on October 16th:
National Boss Day — Who Needs It? (Limerick)
For a reason I don’t comprehend
Bosses get their own day — what a trend.
A national day
When our bosses hold sway?
How silly! Such nonsense must end.
(You can find more of my employment humor here.)
Happy National Vodka Day — October 4th!
Monday, October 4th, 2010Wow! It’s almost midnight on October 4th. And that means I almost missed National Vodka Day. Must celebrate with a limerick:
Happy Vodka Day!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Which liquor’s remembered today?
Not tequila or rum or Lillet.
I’m afraid you don’t win
If you guess that it’s gin,
Cuz it’s vodka. Start pouring, okay?
Happy National Punctuation Day — Two Days Late
Sunday, September 26th, 2010Somehow I managed to miss National Punctuation Day on Sept 24th. “Shame on me!”
Oh my — I just used an exclamation point! And I did it again!
As you can tell from my limerick, I’m not a big fan of the exclamation point, a/k/a the bang.
STOP YELLING!!!!!!!!!!!! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Those points that are meant to exclaim
Often bug me. Yes, bangs seem quite lame.
I abuse them, at times,
When excited by rhymes!!!!
But usage that’s spare is my aim.
By the way, it isn’t too late to celebrate National Punctuation Day: NationalPunctuationDay.com is doing it with a punctuation-related haiku contest. (The deadline is September 30th.)
And speaking of contests, the Washington Post is hosting another limerick competition. (As I mentioned previously, I got an honorable mention in their last one.)
Anyway, the Washington Post’s latest limerick contest sounds like a lot of fun. Much like my Limerick-Offs, WP provides limerick lines. However, the WP contest is definitely harder than mine: I provide A-rhyme first lines, while the WP contest offers us B-rhyme lines.
The Washington Post contest deadline is October 4th. Good luck!
Limerick Of Manners
Tuesday, April 13th, 2010My humorist pal Felice Prager had a birthday recently and, thanks to Facebook reminders, was receiving an extra large slew of birthday greetings. When she responded to mine, she joked about writing a limerick starting with the line: “The girl who said thank you a lot …” So of course, I did:
Limerick Of Manners
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The girl who said thank you a lot
Sure wanted to stop, but could not,
Cuz she knew it ain’t right
To stop acting polite.
So she purchased a thanks-giving bot.
Save Me From Daylight Savings Time
Sunday, March 14th, 2010Are you as sick as I am of our twice-yearly clock-adjustment ritual? Do you think, as I do, that we have more than enough daylight and that there’s no need to save any?
I’m sorry, but my internal clock is sufficiently confused and doesn’t need Daylight Savings Time to make my chronic insomnia even worse. And I’m inclined to clock the next person who reminds me to change my damn clocks.
Save Me From Daylight Savings Time (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My natural clock is a mess.
Just thinking of sleep gives me stress.
Spring forward—fall back
Makes me more out of whack.
So I don’t change my clocks — I just guess.
(More DST humor here.)
Yet Another National Grammar Day Limerick
Friday, March 5th, 2010Yesterday I celebrated National Grammar Day by writing this limerick. Well, on the theory that syntax mockery ain’t a sin, I’ve written another:
Yet Another Limerick Ode To National Grammar Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Sometimes grammar rules feel like a yoke,
Like a jailer you’re dying to poke.
Though they live for a reason,
To break them ain’t treason.
Cuz guidelines are meant to be broke.
Related Post: Stop Yelling!!!!!!!!!!
Limerick Ode To National Grammar Day
Thursday, March 4th, 2010I just found out that today, March 4th, is National Grammar Day. So I decided to celebrate with a limerick:
Limerick Ode To National Grammar Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s National Grammar Day. Wow!
Is syntax important? And how!
Though the rules may confuse,
You should never abuse
Our great language. So rules them learn now!!!
Related Posts: Stop Yelling!!!!!!!!!! and Yet Another National Grammar Day Limerick.
