Dear Merchants (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s Black Friday — you want us to shop,
To spend all of our money, non-stop.
But I won’t spend a dime
Cuz I’d rather spend time
Writing rhymes I could trade. Care to swap?
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man was attempting to eat…
or
A gal was attempting to eat…
Here’s mine, which I hope doesn’t describe your Thanksgiving dinner:
Edible Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man was attempting to eat
When he spotted a mouse near his seat.
So he smashed down his foot,
And the mouse went kaput,
As his kid cried, “You killed little Pete!”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
October’s a big month for holidays. No, I’m not talking about Halloween. I’m referring to National Nut Day And National Bologna Day, October 22 and October 24, respectively. (And no, National Nut Day doesn’t celebrate politicians, although it should.)
National Nut Day — No Baloney! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There’s a day for ‘most any old food—
Launched by salesmen, I’m forced to conclude.
October touts nuts
And bologna. Cold Cuts
Day is March, though. I plan to get stewed.
Labor Day’s coming —
the jobless labor to find
cause to celebrate.
Sorry about the downer haiku. To compensate, here are two old humor columns of mine: Just In Time For Labor Day, Some Job Interview Humor and Working Stiffed.
When I went to school a zillion years ago, using Pi was a given in math class. So I was astonished to learn that some mathematicians favor using Tau instead. What’s the difference? While Pi’s value is 3.14 plus an endless bunch of post-decimal digits, Tau’s value is double Pi at 6.28 (plus its own post-decimal digits*.) And while Pi is celebrated on March 14th, math fans commemorate Tau on June 28th.
I figured that since I’ve already written Pi a limerick ode in its honor, Tau deserves the same treatment:
Mathematical Cat Fight (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It seems Pi has a challenger — Wow!
The name of its rival is Tau!
Its value is twice
That of Pi — oh how nice!
“2 Pi R” becomes “Tau R.” Meow!
Happy Tau Day!
* Edited for clarity.
Father’s Day Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Do not argue with me,” said the dad
To his son, who was making him mad.
“You are too disputatious,
Your point is fallacious,
And…” “Huh?” said the four-year-old lad.
Tomorrow, June 4th, is our 33rd wedding anniversary. So here’s an anniversary limerick for my wonderful husband, Mark Kane:
Wedding Anniversary Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s the fabulous 4th, so let’s cheer
Cuz the day we got married is here.
And to add to our mirth,
It’s the date of the birth
Of Aesop … though not the same year.
Limerick Ode To Memorial Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Memorial Day falls on Monday—
It’s a time to recall lives undone day.
Sadly, some folks ignore
What this holiday’s for
And behave like it’s just a good fun day.
(You can find my holiday humor here.)
I just found out that this week (May 1 through May 7) is National Pet Week. So I thought I’d celebrate with a canine limerick:
A Limerick About Nothing
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow who owned a pet dog
Took him out for a walk in the fog.
Soon the man and his hound
Were back home safe and sound,
Where he wrote up their walk on his blog.
UPDATE: Happy “Walking The Dog Day.” (February 22)
First off, this limerick (despite its name) has nothing to do with macaroni. I’m not suffering from Passover pasta-withdrawal. Nor do my dreams (or nightmares) ever feature anything of a noodle nature.
So why the title? I just learned, from the delightfully informative Miss Rumphius, about the rare and usually comic form called macaronic verse. What the heck is macaronic verse? We’re told that it’s a usually absurd and nonsensical “poem in a mixture of two languages, one of them preferably Latin,” and that “the poet usually subjects one language to the grammatical laws of another to make people laugh.”
So naturally I had to try it, mixing legal terms (mostly Latin) in with standard limerick English:
Macaronic Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The corpus is AWOL. Oh my!
I attest that I left it hereby.
What a bona fide mess.
My mentis has stress.
It’s de facto I mortemed that fly.
(Linked at We Write Poems pairings prompt.)
Limerick Lament
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There are times that I feel like a tool,
Complying with each lim’rick rule.
So starting today
I refuse to obey.
Don’t believe me? You’re right. April Fool!
(My 2nd National Poetry Month poem, and it’s still April 1st. Yippee!)
National Poetry Month begins today, April 1st. And so…
Ready, Set, Versify!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I hope to write a poem a day
this month from April 1 till May.
They won’t be long — they rarely are.
Four lines or five, then au revoir.
No need to worry what’s in store:
My ADD cuts in before
I’ve time to wax verbose, prolix —
I used those last two words for kicks.
(I have lots of information here about National Poetry Month.)
April 1st is coming. Are you excited yet? No, I’m not talking about April Fool’s Day, although that’s pretty cool too. But April 1st is also the start of a month-long celebration of poetry in the U.S.A. — National Poetry Month (not to be confused with World Poetry Day.) Many online poets celebrate by writing a poem each day, and they announce their poetic participation over at NaPoWriMo.
So will I be writing a limerick a day in April? Damn right … with the occasional haiku, tanka, quatrain, or butterfly cinquain thrown in to spice things up. And of course I’ll be posting my weekly Limerick-Offs and Limerick of the Week contests every Sunday or Monday.
Here’s my Limerick Ode To National Poetry Month:
Limerick Ode To National Poetry Month (April 2011)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear poets, it’s time to prepare
For our April-long poetry fair.
We’ll write verse ev’ry day.
Not on Tax Day? Okay.
Just be sure that you read, write, and share.
Here are some good poetry sites that plan to celebrate National Poetry Month in a big way with daily prompts: Big Tent Poetry and Poetic Asides. Additionally, Writers Island will be providing a daily spot to post your April poems. And if that’s not enough, some sites offer daily prompts all year long, such as The Teachers Corner and Dodge Writes.
Moreover, New York City is holding two poetry contests in honor of National Poetry Month: NYC’s second annual Twitter poetry “Poetweet” contest and its “Poem In Your Pocket Day NYC” Facebook page “Envelope Project.”
If you know of any other National Poetry Day events, contests, and/or prompts, feel free to post them here in the comments section. Thanks!
Did you know that today, March 25th, is International Waffle Day? Me neither. And if you feel compelled to celebrate waffles twice each year, National Waffle Day and the waffle iron patent are celebrated on August 24th.
So why am I telling you this? Because I’m obediently rising to the challenge of writing a poem about breakfast. And I stumbled upon all this waffle nonsense while doing some poetic procrastination.
*****
Ode to Breakfast
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Oatmeal breaks my fast
when I arise,
though it tastes like paste
in breakfast guise.
Why not something else
I don’t despise?
Cuz I hate each choice
those chefs devise.
Waffles, eggs, French toast
grits — some may prize.
But hot oatmeal’s quick.
So enough with the “whys.”
*****
While I’m at it, here’s a haiku about my favorite morning (and afternoon and pretty much all day) beverage:
Coffee never tempts,
but denied cappuccino
then call me verklempt.
*****
UPDATE: October 29 is National Oatmeal Day.
So far, March has been a big month for celebratory limericks. I’ve already limericked about International Women’s Day, Daylight Savings Time, Pi Day, and St. Patrick’s Day. And now it’s time for a two-verse limerick celebrating World Poetry Day, which falls on March 21st:
Limerick Ode To World Poetry Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
On World Poetry Day write some verse,
Or in poetry reading immerse.
Try a lim’rick, haiku,
Sonnet, ode, clerihew —
Something witty, or languid, or terse.
On World Poetry Day have some fun:
Compose quatrains, blank verse, or haibun.
Double dactyl, sestina —
The poet’s arena
Will even permit you to pun.
UPDATE: I discovered and corrected some serious errors on Wikipedia’s World Poetry Day page (Google’s top entry for the World Poetry Day topic.) The most glaring error was made more than a month ago, on February 15th, by someone who apparently was manipulating Wikipedia on behalf of a UK-based “global grocery and general merchandising retailer” named Tesco. All references to UNESCO, which had declared March 21st to be World Poetry Day, had been changed to TESCO.
I was stunned that nobody was monitoring Wikipedia well enough to catch and correct this error, and that it took me, an infrequent Wikipedia user, to fix it.
So let that be a lesson to people who rely on Wikipedia. While it’s often useful, it’s far from the gospel. And if you find errors there, be a good Internet citizen and fix them.
One more thing — I urge all poets and writers who are at all publicity-minded, to create their own Wikipedia page. Here’s mine.
UPDATE 2: Commenter Tilly Bud inspired me to combine my two limericks, turning them into a two-verse limerick. Thanks, Tilly!
Limerick Ode To St. Patrick’s Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
On St. Patrick’s Day join in the fun.
We’re all Irish that day — yes, each one.
So wear green, find a pub,
Eat some cabbagy grub,
And until you’ve drunk beer, you ain’t done.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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