Limerick Ode To Bastille Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s Bastille Day, Quatorze Juillet,
A time of panache and cachet.
Un jour férié—
La raison: Liberté.
Mon Français clearly sucks. Bonne journée.
(Dverse Poets Pub prompts us to write about Bastille Day.)
Tomorrow, June 19, is National Martini Day. I figured it was best to celebrate with a limerick … before starting on that martini:
Limerick Ode To National Martini Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The martini’s a drink for the tough,
Cuz that cocktail is strong, sometimes rough.
Most favor it gin-filled,
Which leaves me chagrin-filled.
Use tequila instead? Won’t rebuff!
The Astute Dad (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A dad who was very astute
Always yearned for good Father’s Day loot,
But for decades got ties
That were hard on the eyes.
He exchanged forty ties for a suit.
(Linked at Poetry Jam, which asks us to celebrate.)
Brace yourself! I Love My Dentist Day is coming on June 2nd:
Limerick Ode to “I Love My Dentist Day”
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It seems “I Love My Dentist Day’s” here
On June 2, but I simply can’t cheer.
Toothless days like that bite!
I can take no delight
In a guy who spurs fear with his gear.
(You might also enjoy my Dental Deal and my Biting Limerick.)
UPDATE: Happy National Toothache Day! (celebrated yearly on February 9th) And happy Dentists Day! (celebrated yearly on March 6th)
Are you all ready to celebrate National Wine Day?
Limerick Ode To National Wine Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s Wine Day on May twenty-five.
Don’t go guzzling your beer in some dive.
Sip a rich cabernet,
Pinot, aligoté,
But mull this: when you drink, do not drive.
(You can find more of my wine and food humor here.)
Passover practice:
Cut leavening from your bread.
Add it to your life.
April’s a big month for poets — National Poetry Month. This means that instead of simply enjoying spring, poets drive themselves extra crazy by vowing to write a poem a day.
My first April effort was this week’s Limerick-Off challenge. Only 29 poems to go.
Here’s a limerick for Day 2:
Happy National Poetry Month! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
April’s Poetry Month. Say “Hurray,”
As we vow to write verse ev’ry day.
But that promise is hard,
For this limerick-bard.
Cuz, alas, I have nothing to say.
Today (World Poetry Day) a discussion broke out on Facebook about the unreasonable rules poetry magazines often have regarding prior publication. So I couldn’t resist writing this limerick about these virgin-poem policies:
Limerick Ode To Obnoxious Poetry Submission Guidelines
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If you hope for the honor and thrill,
To be published by us in our swill,
The work that you write
Must have never seen light.
And remember, don’t send us a bill.
Happy World Poetry Day!
As I mentioned yesterday, the Girl Scouts are celebrating their centennial birthday this week. But that’s just one of many significant occasions this month.
We commemorated International Women’s Day last week. And math fans will be celebrating Pi Day on March 14th. And, of course, just about everyone will be enjoying St. Patrick’s Day on March 17th.
But St. Patrick’s Day has to share its day with a lesser known celebration: On March 17, 1845, Stephen Perry patented the rubber band in England:
Limerick Ode To The Rubber Band
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s no stretch to contend this invention
Prevents loss using rubbery tension.
Those elasticized bands–
Loopy tools in our hands!
This retention aid merits ascension.
It’s hard to believe that the Girl Scouts is one century old. Happy centennial anniversary to the Girl Scouts!
Happy 100th Birthday To The Girl Scouts (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I hated the Brownies and Scouting.
They weren’t my thing — there’s no doubting.
But this verse is no jest:
My centennial best
To the Girl Scouts. Today is worth touting.
February 22, 2012 is National Margarita Day! (Perversely enough, it’s also World Thinking Day.)
But I’d rather write a limerick about margaritas:
Limerick Ode To National Margarita Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Margarita Day’s here, so Olé!
Send agave tequila my way.
Don’t need worms or a mix
For a spirited fix.
Add some juice, triple sec. Make my day!
Yet Another Valentine’s Day Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
St. Valentine’s Day can be risky
Cuz the men folk do tend to get frisky.
And watch out for the pious:
They sure like to try us
Before and yes after their whiskey.
*****
St. Valentine’s Day
may be over in theory–
never in spirit.
Happy National Inventors’ Day! Why is National Inventors’ Day celebrated on February 11th? Back in 1983, President Ronald Reagan proclaimed February 11th National Inventors’ Day to honor the anniversary of inventor Thomas Alva Edison’s birth.
Here’s a silly invention-related limerick that has absolutely to do with Edison:
Inventive Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A device that was meant to clean crud
Made a mess and was rather a dud.
But in spite of this glitch,
The inventor got rich,
Which explains why his name became mud.
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too. The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
As the new year approaches, men swear…*
or
As the new year approaches, gals swear…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick For The New Year
By Madeleine Begun Kane
As the new year approaches, men swear
That they’ll finally end their affair.
They’ll diet, work out,
Learn to ski, buy some grout.
What’s their chance of success? Not a pray’r!
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Foretell the future?
Easy! Just predict that you’ll
break resolutions.
*****
Why bother making
fresh New Year’s resolutions?
Re-attempt last year’s.
*****
The first haiku was prompted by Theme Thursday’s future prompt.
Dear Merchants (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s Black Friday — you want us to shop,
To spend all of our money, non-stop.
But I won’t spend a dime
Cuz I’d rather spend time
Writing rhymes I could trade. Care to swap?
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man was attempting to eat…
or
A gal was attempting to eat…
Here’s mine, which I hope doesn’t describe your Thanksgiving dinner:
Edible Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man was attempting to eat
When he spotted a mouse near his seat.
So he smashed down his foot,
And the mouse went kaput,
As his kid cried, “You killed little Pete!”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
October’s a big month for holidays. No, I’m not talking about Halloween. I’m referring to National Nut Day And National Bologna Day, October 22 and October 24, respectively. (And no, National Nut Day doesn’t celebrate politicians, although it should.)
National Nut Day — No Baloney! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There’s a day for ‘most any old food—
Launched by salesmen, I’m forced to conclude.
October touts nuts
And bologna. Cold Cuts
Day is March, though. I plan to get stewed.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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