Mark (unlike me) follows the Passover dietary rules. And now that the end’s in sight, he’s practically panting in anticipation of pizza and pasta.
Pasta Dreams (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My husband’s excitement is rising.
His mood’s leavened, which isn’t surprising.
Cuz Passover week
Is soon ending its streak;
Bread and pasta-decriminalizing.
Passing Over Some Rules (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Though I’m Jewish, I’m still eating bread
And refuse to munch matzo instead.
I spurn rules all the time,
Except canons of rhyme
And of meter … so don’t be misled.
May your seder be lovely,
A holiday treat.
May it not be too late
Till you finally eat.
Happy Passover to all who celebrate it!
A Fool’s Errand? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s alarmingly easy to lose
One’s sense of what’s true, so peruse
With great caution tales spun–
And not JUST April One.
There’s disinfo galore in the news.
Presidents Day Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s Presidents Day. Zut alors!
Does anyone know what it’s for?
I’m not sure, but I’d guess
It’s meant to address
The need for more sales at each store.
Note from Mad Kane: I blame the champagne.
Post-Valentine’s Day Ode
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Shoveling snow–
Not my favorite chore.
Mark did it for me.
That’s what marriage is for.
Resolution Disclaimer (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Resolutions ain’t sticky, I fear,
Be it sugar, tobacco or beer.
If you’ve broken that pledge,
Please don’t be on edge.
No worries! There’s always NEXT year.
Limerick Ode To Labor Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I task myself: “Don’t be a jerk.
Pen a holiday piece. Do not shirk!
It’s your job to write rhyme.”
But my oeuvre’s a crime,
And my Labor Day lim’ricks don’t work.
I sure hope your Memorial Day weekend weather’s better than ours, here in New York.
Beached Plans (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Though Memorial Day is upon us,
Winter clothing continues to don us.
So I plead and beseech:
Kindly stop talking “beach.”
New York media’s trying to con us.
Motherly Angst (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A mom at the end of her rope
Said “It’s hopeless! I simply can’t cope.
Both the food and the band
Appear to be canned.
The rest of my kids must elope!”
Happy Mother’s Day!
Karaoke isn’t my thing because my singing voice is lousy. (Alas, there’s no connection between being able to play the oboe and having a dulcet singing voice.)
But since it’s National Karaoke Week (celebrated each year during the 4th week of April) I couldn’t resist posting this silly limerick:
Limerick Ode To Karaoke
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There are people whose singing is croaky.
Some are pitchy — too high or too low-key.
But no matter your voice,
Almost all can rejoice
In this musical fun: Karaoke.
I’ll bet you didn’t know that April 18th is Idiom Idiocy Day. How do you celebrate it? By using idioms amusingly in verse, jokes, or short prose.
Limerick Ode To Idiom Idiocy Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was biding his time
And refusing to get off the dime.
He was dragging his feet
And could not take the heat.
His idiom use? It’s a crime!
Author’s Note: Idiom Idiocy Day is a brand new annual holiday established by none other than MOI. Why? Because it doesn’t exist, and it NEEDS to.
Crawling With Gift Ideas (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s too late for a Valentine’s broach?
Need a holiday gift plan to poach?
Well, here’s something new
From the helpful Bronx Zoo:
Give your sweetie her name on a roach.
From the Bronx Zoo, a strange and limited Valentine’s Day Offer:
Can’t decide on what to get that special someone for Valentine’s Day? Sometimes the answer is all around us, and right where it’s been for millions of years—like cockroaches!
Naming a Madagascar hissing roach in honor of someone near and dear to your heart shows that you’ve noticed how resilient, resourceful, and loyal that person is. You’re not afraid to say, “Baby, you’re a roach!”
WCS’s Bronx Zoo has 58,000 of these brown, iridescent beauties, and most go humbly by “whatchamacallit.” With a $10 donation, you can name one for your sweetie, and send a truly unique certificate of honor.
Limerick Ode To Groundhog Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There’s an animal hogging the news
And casting a shadow on views.
It’s the groundhog, of course:
Our annual source
Of featherbrained seasonal clues.
Happy Groundhog Day! (February 2nd.) And for more groundhog poetry, visit DVerse Poets.
Here’s a 2-verse limerick to celebrate National Regifting Day (3rd Thursday of December.)
Regifting Gone Wrong
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman was trying to sift
Through items to maybe regift.
But alas, she confused
The stuff she perused.
I suspect that some folks will be miffed.
A fruitcake went back to the sender,
And the same thing occurred with a blender.
Then a gift from her brother
Got sent to her mother.
Her relationships now need a mender.
You know it’s the Christmas season, when you read about a Black Friday brawl breaking out over panties at Victoria’s Secret. This mall melee at the Roseville Galleria Mall in California was all captured on video.
Lingerie Lust (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
In their lust for a haul at the mall,
Pantie shoppers broke into a brawl.
To put it quite briefly
The reasons are chiefly
Their vainness and greed — a clothes call.
While we’re on the subject of undie shopping at Victoria’s Secret, Secret Shopper is an old humor column about shopping for panties with my late mother. (It was her favorite column featuring her antics.)
Though schools remain closed,
trick-or-treat stash is untouched:
Halloween Sandy.
*****
Hurricane Sandy
sure outpaces Halloween
in sheer spookiness.
A big holiday’s coming up tomorrow, August 18th: Bad Poetry Day.
Limerick Ode To Bad Poetry Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Bad Poetry Day is tomorrow.
I shall greet it with fear and some sorrow.
Will my e-box be strewn
With verse that’s rough-hewn?
Do you have a good rhyme I can borrow?
Happy National Junk Food Day — July 21st!
Today’s Junk Food Day.
One day? Chips on the table—
Way too limiting.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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