“You are so out of touch,” said the teen
To his mother, “and also you’re mean!”
“I do not like your tone,”
She said, seizing his phone.
“And now YOU’RE out of touch. No more screen!”
Archive for the ‘Holiday Humor’ Category
Just In Time For Mother’s Day (Limerick)
Sunday, May 12th, 2024What Heel Invented Stilettos? (Limerick)
Sunday, September 3rd, 2023When I’m asked, “What’s your least fav invention?”
I waver: “Too many to mention!”
But when pressed, I select
The stiletto; feet wrecked
By the score just for leggy extension!
(National High Heels Day is celebrated on May 20.)
Limerick Ode To DST
Saturday, March 11th, 2023If you live in a part of our nation
That creates DST irritation
Via forward or back
Clock adjustments, alack!
Spring ahead for some sleep deprivation!
This and That
Tuesday, December 20th, 2022As I’m walking to the library on a (usually) quiet street, I notice 2 trucks up ahead, one blocking the other. So naturally, the one being blocked, honks.
Hmmm, a FedEx driver honking at an Amazon driver.
Where’s Alanis Morissette when you need her?
*****
I just heard that today is “World Day of Skepticism.”
But I don’t believe it.
*****
Loathing Latkes (Limerick)
Monday, May 2nd, 2022Someone dared me to write a latke limerick. (No need to check your calendars. Hanukkah’s still in December.)
A latke debate has emerged:
“Eat latkes with sugar,” Mark urged.
“Using sugar sounds weird,”
Sev’ral said. Others cheered.
As for me, latkes ought to be purged.
Exit Interruptus
Wednesday, December 15th, 2021We were packed and all ready to jet
To a beachfront resort, when “Not yet,”
Said my wife. “I must go
Get my hair curled by Flo.”
Hours later: “Let’s leave. I’m all set.”
(For the record, I don’t have a wife. But I do have a procrastinating husband with no concept of time.)
Happy National Punctuation Day — September 24 (Haiku)
Friday, September 24th, 2021Punctuation Day
questionable holiday
arrives without bang
Happy National Punctuation Day!
(I decided to provide that bang, after all.)
Dueling Calendars (Limerick)
Monday, September 6th, 2021Rosh Hashanah is early this year.
The calendar (Jewish) does veer
Just enough to confuse me,
Confound and bemuse me.
I must labor to get back in gear.
The Perils Of Thinking (Limerick)
Friday, March 19th, 2021While thinking’s a fine thing to do,
Lately thoughts have been turning me blue.
They kick up a stink,
So I can’t sleep a wink.
(What a shame that there’s no one to sue.)
Happy “World Sleep Day!” (3rd Friday of March)
Limerick Ode To 2021
Wednesday, December 30th, 2020Here’s hoping your new year is great!
(2020 sure sucked — no debate.)
If the new vaccines work,
And Mitch ISN’T a jerk,
We just might have a year we don’t hate.
2020, Buh-Bye! (Limerick)
Wednesday, December 23rd, 2020I’m grateful the year’s end is nigh.
Good riddance — no need to say why.
Though the reasons are endless,
A whiner is friendless;
I’ll just bid it an effing goodbye!
New Year’s Eve Limerick Trio
Monday, December 31st, 2018
New Year’s Toast:
The new year is coming up fast,
As I think of the world’s recent past.
It feels like the brink,
So to hope I shall drink:
Next year’s GOT to be better than last.
*****
Resolution Disclaimer:
Resolutions ain’t sticky, I fear,
Be it sugar, tobacco or beer.
If you’ve broken that pledge,
Please don’t be on edge.
No worries! There’s always NEXT year.
*****
Drunken Limerick:
Can I write silly verse after drinking?
Let’s see. Wait a second — I’m thinking.
Can’t come up with a verse
Or a rhyme. Even worse,
I suspect that this limerick’s stinking.
MY Kind Of St. Patrick’s Day Celebration (Limerick)
Saturday, March 17th, 2018We’re off to a nice Bayside pub,
Where Mark will eat Irish-type grub.
I’ll eschew all the food,
But will alter my mood
Through libations — a spiritous sub.
Resolution Suggestion (Limerick)
Sunday, January 1st, 2017If your past resolutions seem old
And you’d like one that’s novel and bold,
You could vow to spend time
With more wordplay and rhyme…
And to enter the contests I hold.
My Limerick-Off challenges are always the top post on this page.
World Snake Day Limerick (July 16)
Saturday, July 16th, 2016Happy World Snake Day! (July 16)
A man was beginning to grasp
The danger of bites from an asp.
A thought bubble snaked
Through his brainwaves half-baked:
“Pet asp? I’m an ass!” — his last gasp!
Limerick Ode To Canada Day
Friday, July 1st, 2016It’s Canada Day, so congrats.
You Canucks surely think that we’re bats.
And I have to concede
That you’re right. If I need
To flee Trump, do you have any flats?
Yet Another St. Patrick’s Day Limerick
Thursday, March 17th, 2016On St. Patrick’s Day food I’m not keen.
Its corned beef and cabbage cuisine
Makes my stomach feel queer,
And the same goes for beer.
Partake… and I’ll surely turn green.
Limerick Ode To Leap Day
Monday, February 29th, 2016It’s “Leap Day,” a day that is rare,
Which strikes me as rather unfair;
Leap Days fall just in years
Deemed “bissextile.” No leers
Please at “sex” in that term. Don’t you dare!
About Those Resolutions (Limerick)
Friday, January 1st, 2016At the start of each year, it’s tradition
To draw up a vow-list, the mission
Being clean up one’s act
In some way. But in fact,
Our lapses soon lead to contrition.
Not So Glittery Party (Limerick)
Thursday, December 31st, 2015For her party, she planned lots of glitter,
But forgot; she’s a bit of a flitter.
So nothing was clinquant.
That gal was delinquent…
Also smart; this cut down on the litter.
