Few inventions inspire my awe,
But I’m rather impressed with the straw.
Sucking liquid through tubes
Is suggestive of lubes…
Although straw men still stick in my craw.
(National Drinking Straw Day is celebrated on January 3, in honor of Marvin Stone’s January 3, 1888 patent.)
I’m not writing a climate-change screed,
But I’d wager most folks would concede
This is crazy as heck:
Icy drinks on our deck,
Late December, New York. Coat? No need!
Guys who despise ties (and who doesn’t?) will love New York City’s new gender discrimination rule banning restaurants from requiring ties for male diners only.
A male-only necktie demand
In Big Apple rest’rants is banned.
This new rule now protects
Our poor fellows’ sore necks.
How grand that such sexism’s panned!
When I was a child (way, way, way before computers) I was fascinated by the Dewey Decimal System. How I loved perusing the sliding drawers of those beautiful wooden library cases! They were packed with tiny cards, key to my quest for the number that would lead me to a book’s aisle and shelf location.
So I feel compelled to celebrate Dewey Decimal Day with a limerick. (It’s observed each year on December 10th, in honor of the birthday of Melvil Dewey, inventor of the Dewey Decimal System.)
The U.S. librarian Dewey
Found our library book placement screwy.
“Shelve this system,” he said.
“Number topics instead!”
(So chop suey is near ratatouille.)
Note: Under this topical/numeric system, food books would generally fall into the 641 classification. Cooking and recipes would be 641.5, whereas “cooking specific kinds of composite dishes” would be 641.8.
A pastry chef promised to can
All her plans to procure a nice tan,
Cuz fresh wrinkles appeared
Ev’ry day, which she feared
Came from baking like cake in a pan.
Happy National Pastry Day. (December 9)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using FLAKE at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner December 13th, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, December 12, at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A gal who was rather a flake
Always screwed up whatever she’d bake,
And whenever she’d try
To feed someone her pie,
Their response would be, “This takes the cake.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Halloween week I sampled some candy,
But stuff that I used to find dandy
Made me cringe with distaste.
Has aging laid waste
To my taste buds? I’d rather drink brandy.
Have the folks who make chocolate treats
Altered recipes, cheapened these sweets
Till they taste like debris?
Is it them? Is it me?
Either way, here come healthier eats.
Halloween, when the teens come around,
They will surely be sugar-high bound.
Will they scarf up their treats
While they’re combing the streets?
Yes they’ll feast as the pavement they pound.
Happy National Potato Day! (October 27)
A woman with terrible taste
Cooked potatoes that tasted like paste.
“I just can’t choke them down,”
Growled her spouse with a frown.
“Now I know where the Elmer’s misplaced.”
Headline of the Day: “Heavily armed drug cops raid retiree’s garden, seize okra plants.”
If you’re targeting reefer in mass,
Keep in mind: It’s best NOT to harass
Those with innocent crops.
So be well-informed cops.
Learn the dif between okra and grass.
Are bugs more nutritious than meat?
In a study on what we should eat,
The answer was “yes.”
I am bugged and confess
That I’d sooner eat peat or concrete.
Happy World Egg Day! (October 9)
On “World Egg Day” a Facebooker begs:
“Kindly stop cracking wise about eggs.”
I’ll concede we’ve been laying
Some eggs, but quit braying;
We aren’t yet down to the dregs.
Brace yourself! Tomorrow, August 31, is Eat Outside Day.
Although eating outside can be fun,
My enjoyment is quickly undone
By insects that join
To dine on one’s loin.
Just one bite, and I’ll bug out and run.
It’s National Banana Lovers Day, so here’s my requisite limerick:
The smell of bananas is vile.
Just one hit of them raises my bile.
They taste awful when green
And when ripened, obscene.
In essence, they stink up the aisle.
Happy National Knife Day. (August 24)
It’s “Knife Day,” so celebrate knives.
Give that weapon/utensil high fives.
But don’t wave it aroun’.
Kindly put that knife down
To ensure that each rev’ler survives.
It’s Champagne Day — not that I need an excuse to drink champagne … or write silly limericks:
A flutist who’s fond of champagne
Trills “Vintage!” — a chilling refrain.
Dating rich, shady guys
For their bank account size,
She loves swilling their ill-gotten gain.
Limerick Ode To National Scotch Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I hate to complain or to carp.
About liquor it’s rare that I harp.
But I’d scotch any notion
Of drinking a potion
Whose wet-carpet smell is so sharp.
Yesterday, July 20, was National Lollipop Day. So here’s my belated limerick:
Lollipop Ode (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’m not a big lollipop fan;
They suck, much like sugary bran,
Though a Tootsie Roll Pop
Can be tempting to swap
For veggies or glop from a can.
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using “JERK” at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A chef who had many a quirk
Would pretend to be simple, then smirk.
He’d rant and he’d rave.
He’d act chicken, then brave–
Seems the fellow was simply a jerk.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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