Archive for the ‘Food & Drink Humor’ Category
Thursday, July 11th, 2013
Half-Baked Plan (Multi-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A baker would frequently groan
About needing a sizable loan
To build up a co
That would make her some dough,
In a quite disagreeable tone.
Her fam’ly kept warning her: “Groans
Simply aren’t conducive to loans.
You must demonstrate spine
And you never should whine.
Why not bribe all the lenders with scones?”
She brought some fresh scones to the bank.
They were primo — she had them to thank
For an influx of cash.
So she threw a big bash
And got baked — ended up in the tank.
Hung over, she signed a bad lease;
Her new landlord sure knew how to fleece.
And business was dicey,
The scones way too pricey–
Her sale price was ten bucks a piece.
So her scone bus’ness quickly went under,
Her finances torn quite asunder.
“My expenses have grown,”
She’d moan on the phone
To her funder, who groaned, “What a blunder!”
Tags: Bakery, Baking Humor, Baking Limerick, Bank Humor, Banking Humor, Behavior Humor, Business Loan Humor, Business Poem, Business Verse, Cash Flow Humor, Debt Humor, Finance Humor, Food Verse, Loans & Borrowing, Personality Verse, Scone Humor
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Business Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor | 18 Comments »
Thursday, July 4th, 2013
I’ve decided to post an extra challenge this week, just in case my Limerick-Offs aren’t keeping you busy enough. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write an ACROSTIC poem that has something to do with FOOD, in any form you choose, be it limerick, haiku, quatrain, tanka, etc.
What’s an acrostic poem?
In an acrostic poem, the first letter of each line should, taken together, spell out the topic of your poem. Please note that it’s NOT enough to spell out a word; Your limerick or other poem must describe or otherwise directly relate to that word.
I’ll illustrate with an acrostic limerick, bolding the first letter of each line, for emphasis:
Acrostic Spice (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Sometimes people like food that is bland.
Perhaps some enjoy cooking that’s canned.
I, in case I can’t savor
Cuisine that lacks flavor,
Embellish the dishes, by hand.
UPDATE: June 10th is National Herbs And Spices Day and August 19 is Hot And Spicy Food Day.
Tags: Acrostic Limerick, Acrostic Poems, Acrostic Poetry Challenge, Food Limerick, Hot And Spicy Food Day, June Holidays, National Herbs And Spices Day, Odd Holidays, Poetry Forms, Spices Humor, Spicy Food
Posted in Acrostic Limericks, Acrostic Madness, Acrostic Poetry Prompts, Food & Drink Humor, Limericks, Odd Holidays, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Forms, Poetry Rules, Writing & Publishing Humor | 16 Comments »
Tuesday, June 4th, 2013
Happy National Cheese Day! (June 4th)
Cheesy Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man with a weakness for cheese
Ate some brie and then started to wheeze.
He refused to admit
‘Twas an allergy fit.
His autopsy-doc disagrees.
Note: There’s also a National Cheese Lover’s Day, which is celebrated on January 20th.
Tags: Allergy Humor, Autopsy Humor, Brie, Cheese Humor, Cheese Limerick, Death Limerick, Food Humor, Food Verse, Health Limericks, January Holidays, June Holidays, National Cheese Day, National Cheese Lover's Day, Odd Holidays
Posted in Food & Drink Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Limericks, Odd Holidays | 9 Comments »
Tuesday, May 28th, 2013
Do we really need this invention?
Coffee lovers may be able to get a shot of caffeine right from the toothbrush, if a patent from Colgate-Palmolive goes through.
No need for the double latte down the street: That caffeine could be administered through a patch while you’re polishing those pearlies.
According to the patent application, “The present invention pertains to an oral care implement generally, and more particularly to a toothbrush that releases a chemical into the mouth during use.”
An Invention With Bite (2-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Can’t wait for your morning caffeine?
Need a fix before brewing that bean?
Too rushed for that rush?
Well a fancy new brush
Could replace that caffeine-filled canteen.
I refer to a new application
For a patent. If granted, your ration
Of morning caffeine
Could arrive as you clean
All your teeth with your toothbrush. Ovation!
Tags: Beverages, Caffeine Humor, Coffee Beans, Coffee Drinks Humor, Coffee Verse, Colgate-Palmolive, Odd Inventions, Patent Humor, Teeth, Tooth Humor, Toothbrush Limerick
Posted in Food & Drink Humor, Inventions Humor, Limericks | 12 Comments »
Thursday, May 23rd, 2013
People aren’t the only ones in Seattle enjoying weed; BB Ranch butcher William von Schneidau’s “pot pigs” are partaking in cannabis too. According to von Schneidau, adding “weed to the feed,” makes the pig meat more savory.
Pigging Out On Weed (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Feeding weed to your pigs, you’ll agree
Seems a little bit odd, but you see
There’s a butcher who’ll swear
It makes tastier fare.
This doesn’t sound kosher to me.
Tags: Animal Verse, BB Ranch, Butcher Humor, Diet Humor, Drug Laws, Food Humor, Food Verse, Grass, Keeping Kosher, Marijuana, Pigs Humor, Religion Humor, Seattle Washington, Weed Humor, William von Schneidau
Posted in Food & Drink Humor, Limericks, Religion Verse | 4 Comments »
Sunday, May 5th, 2013
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And since Mother’s Day is approaching, I’m offering you an alternative: In addition to your regular challenge, you may write a limerick related to Mother’s Day, using any first line. Next week I’ll present an extra award — one for the best Mother’s Day limerick.
And now, getting back to your regular Limerick-Off challenge: I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow who took many trips…*
or
A fellow who frequently trips…*
or
A gal who enjoys taking trips…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Trips
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow who took pricey trips
Was exceedingly chintzy with tips.
Just deserts fin’ly came
When he crossed the wrong dame,
Who laced his dessert and his dips.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Food & Drink Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest, Travel Humor | 59 Comments »
Saturday, April 27th, 2013
No Accounting For Taste (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The prison was chock full of crooks,
Like the chef — in for cooking the books.
He’d been caught by the owner,
Who shouted this groaner:
“Fishy numbers! These aren’t chinooks!”
Note from Mad Kane: I learned two things today:
1: Chinook salmon, a.k.a. king salmon, are the “most highly prized salmon in the culinary world.”
2: A “salmon day” is slang for “spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed somehow in the end.”
Tags: Accounting Humor, Bookkeeping Humor, Chef Humor, Chinooks, Cooking Humor, Crime & Punishment Humor, Criminal Poetry, Culinary Humor, Fish Humor, Law Humor, Salmon Day, Salmon Limerick
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Crime & Punishment Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor | 8 Comments »
Sunday, April 21st, 2013
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman who often made scenes…*
or
A fellow who often made scenes…*
or
An artist was working on scenes…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Scenes
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman who often made scenes
Liked to gripe about “man and machines.”
She thought gadgets depraved,
And yet bitterly raved:
“My espresso grind isn’t worth beans!”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bad Behavior, Caffeine Humor, Coffee Beans, Coffee Drinks Humor, Competition Limerick, Espresso Maker, Espresso Verse, Gadget Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Machines Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Food & Drink Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 90 Comments »
Sunday, April 14th, 2013
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow who frequently stews…*
or
A woman who frequently stews…*
or
A fellow who likes to eat stews…*
or
A woman who likes to eat stews…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Stews
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A bootmaker grouses and stews
And grumbles while guzzling his booze.
He’ll beef day and night:
Seems his wife loves to fight,
And her meat dishes taste just like shoes.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Argumentative Verse, Booze Humor, Competition Limerick, Food Verse, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Marriage Humor, Meat Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Relationships Poetry, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Food & Drink Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest, Relationship Humor | 100 Comments »
Wednesday, March 27th, 2013
Happy anniversary to the corkscrew! On March 27, 1860, New Yorker M.L. Byrn patented a corkscrew design. “It was T-shaped, based on gadgets that had long been used to extract bullets stuck in the muzzles of guns. Corkscrews had been around before Byrn’s invention, but his design became the standard in America for decades.”
Limerick Ode To The Corkscrew
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Make a toast to a corking invention–
An aid in removing our tension.
Does your life feel screwed up?
Need some sips with your sup?
Then give praise for the corkscrew’s ascension.
Tags: Alcoholic Poems, Drinking Limerick, Inventions Poem, M. L. Byrn, March Holidays, New York, Odd Holidays, Patent Humor, Stress Humor, Tension Humor, Wine Humor
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Food & Drink Humor, Inventions Humor, Limericks, Odd Holidays | 19 Comments »
Tuesday, March 19th, 2013
Happy National Chocolate Week (celebrated yearly during the third week of March.) Not that anyone ever needs an excuse to eat chocolate.
I’m celebrating in a rather unexpected way: In the course of St. Patrick’s Day bar-hopping in my hometown Bayside, Queens, I met a fellow associated with Chocolate Alley Chocolatieres. And the next thing I knew, I was named CAC’s Limerick Laureate. So go check out my Q & A and chocolate limericks at this fun chocolate magazine and chocolate shop.
Tags: Bar-Hopping, Bayside, Chocolate, Chocolate Alley Chocolatieres, Chocolate Poem, Dessert Humor, Drinking Limerick, Food Humor, March Holidays, National Chocolate Week, Odd Holidays, Queens, St. Patrick's Day
Posted in Food & Drink Humor, Interviews, Limericks, Odd Holidays, Personal | Comments Off on Happy National Chocolate Week!
Thursday, March 7th, 2013
Happy National Cereal Day! (March 7th)
Limerick Ode To National Cereal Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Breakfast foods sit atop of the list
Of things that we need to subsist.
So toast “Cereal Day.”
“Not bowled over,” you say?
I milk nonsense. That’s how I exist.
Tags: Breakfast Humor, Cereal Limerick, Food Poem, Food Verse, March Holidays, National Cereal Day, Odd Holidays
Posted in Food & Drink Humor, Limericks, Odd Holidays, Writing & Publishing Humor | 4 Comments »
Sunday, March 3rd, 2013
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was planning his flight…*
or
A woman was planning her flight…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Flight
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was sipping a flight
Of tequilas one wintery night.
He was trying to choose
The right kind of booze
To escape from his terror of height.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Booze Humor, Competition Limerick, Drink Verse, Fear Humor, Fear Of Heights, Flight Humor, Flying Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Liquor Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Tequila, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Food & Drink Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 113 Comments »
Tuesday, February 12th, 2013
Bad news for bourbon fans, like my husband Mark:
Maker’s Mark bourbon will lower the alcohol content in its bourbon from 45 percent to 42 percent.
Chief operating officer Rob Samuels said the reduction is the only way to meet higher demand…
The Proof Is In The Drinking (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Maker’s Mark has announced that it’s curbin’
The alcohol content of bourbon.
Now this isn’t a spoof–
I could give you the proof.
I’m just glad they’re not cognac disturbin’.
UPDATE: Maker’s Mark has wisely decided to reverse its decision. It won’t be watering down its bourbon, after all.
Tags: Alcohol Content Humor, Alcohol Proof, Beverages, Bourbon Humor, Cognac Humor, Cognac Limerick, Drink Verse, Drinking Limerick, Kentucky Humor, Maker's Mark, Rob Samuels
Posted in Food & Drink Humor, Limericks | 13 Comments »
Thursday, February 7th, 2013
Is everybody ready for National Bagel Day? What about National Bagels & Lox Day? Whatever you want to call it, it’s celebrated on February 9th.
Limerick Ode To National Bagel Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Is “Bagel Day” fun, or just folly?
I suppose it makes bagel fans jolly,
Served with lox and cream cheese,
Maybe onion, but jeez,
I would rather just have a bialy.
Tags: Bagel Humor, Bialy Humor, February Holidays, Food Humor, Food Verse, National Bagel Day, National Bagels & Lox Day, Odd Holidays
Posted in Food & Drink Humor, Limericks, Odd Holidays | 4 Comments »
Thursday, February 7th, 2013
Does Consumer Reports really need to rate beef jerky and meat sticks?
Jerky Review (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Consumer Reports, what a waste:
Judging jerky and meat sticks for taste.
They’re all loaded with salt
And deserve a “Gevalt!”
Will you next rate the flavor of paste?
UPDATE: June 12 is National Jerky Day.
Tags: Beef Jerky, Consumer Ratings, Consumer Reports, Cured Meat, Food Humor, Food Verse, Health Limerick, June Holidays, Meat Sticks, Media Humor, National Jerky Day, Odd Holidays, Salt
Posted in Food & Drink Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Limericks, Media Humor, Odd Holidays, Shopping Humor | 2 Comments »
Wednesday, February 6th, 2013
Yesterday, when I posted this anecdote about my mother-in-law on Facebook, several friends urged me to turn it into a limerick. And so, I’ve done just that. (My limerick is right below the anecdote.)
True story: Sunday night, Mark kept anxiously re-dialing his elderly mother. When she finally answered, her voice sounded very upset as she said, “A terrible thing happened.” Then she paused, as Mark’s heart skipped several beats.
His mother’s next words were: “They stopped making my salmon.”
(She was referring to her favorite canned salmon, which actually is still available, but was out of stock in the two stores she’d been to.)
And now, the limerick:
A Fishy Tale (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Something awful has happened,” she cried,
And then paused. We thought someone had died.
That’s Mark’s mom at her best:
Her horror expressed
About salmon no longer supplied.
Tags: Behavior Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, Family Verse, Fish Humor, Food Verse, Mother-in-Law Humor, Mothers & Fathers Humor, Mothers & Sons Humor, Parental Humor, Phone Humor, Relationship Humor, Salmon, Shirley Kane, Shopping Humor, Telephone Humor
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Family & Relatives Humor, Family Verse, Food & Drink Humor, Limericks, Mothers & Fathers Humor, Relationship Humor, Shopping Humor | 9 Comments »
Sunday, February 3rd, 2013
The Perils Of Super Bowl Fare (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My blood nearly came to a boil,
As our microwave flamed. Was it oil?
We stopped it in time,
And Mark’s wings were sublime.
Lesson learned: They come wrapped up in foil.
(While engrossed in the game, hubby Mark absent-mindedly put his box of Pizza Hut chicken wings in the microwave. Bad idea!)
Tags: Absent-minded Husbands, Aluminum Foil, Appliances Limerick, Chicken Wings, Fire, Food Humor, Food Verse, Football Humor, Kitchen, Kitchen Limerick, Microwave Humor, NFL, Sports Humor, Super Bowl Sunday
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Food & Drink Humor, House & Home Humor, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Relationship Humor, Sports Humor | 8 Comments »
Monday, January 28th, 2013
I enjoy unearthing oddball news items and celebrating their weirdness in verse. For instance, energy bars made from crickets. But a restaurant whose recipe ingredient-list touts dirt? That’s a bit too much to digest.
So, I won’t be going to Tokyo’s French restaurant Ne Quittez Pas any time soon, even if their dirt is “special black soil from Kanuma, Tochigi Prefecture.”
Dishing Dirt (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear restaurant, please don’t feel hurt
If I spurn you, including dessert.
I have very good grounds:
Word is making the rounds
That your food features soil — that’s the dirt.
Tags: Black Soil, Food Humor, Food Verse, French Cuisine, Japan, Kanuma, Ne Quittez Pas, Odd Ingredients, Oddball News, Restaurant Humor, Strange Fads, Tochigi Prefecture, Tokyo
Posted in Food & Drink Humor, Limericks, Odd Trends, Restaurant Reviews & Humor | 6 Comments »
Wednesday, January 23rd, 2013
Warning: If you’re into energy bars, be sure to read the label before ingesting:
The latest energy bar on the market uses crickets as its protein source.
Living Earth natural food store in Worcester started selling Feed The Revolution bars around Christmas.
The crickets are raised in Utah and ground into a fine powder said to be high in protein…
Are Cricket Bars Cricket? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A bathroom-bound man felt sub-par
After eating an energy bar.
He exclaimed, “Sticky wicket!
I’ve just eaten cricket!
Insect protein is going too far!”
Tags: Bathroom Humor, Crickets, Energy Bars, Feed The Revolution, Food Humor, Food Limerick, Health Limericks, Insect and Bug Humor, Living Earth, Protein Sources, Utah
Posted in Food & Drink Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Insect Humor, Limericks | 21 Comments »
