May your seder be lovely,
A holiday treat.
May it not be too late
Till you finally eat.
Happy Passover to all who celebrate it!
Archive for the ‘Food & Drink Humor’ Category
Passover Verse
Monday, April 14th, 2014Strained Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
Saturday, April 12th, 2014NOTE: THIS IS A TWO-WEEK LIMERICK-OFF. LIMERICK SUBMISSION DEADLINE IS SATURDAY, APRIL 26, 2014
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
Please note that due to the holidays, this Limerick-Off will run for two weeks, instead of one. So I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner two weeks from today, on April 27, 2014, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full two weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 26, 2014 at 11 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
And since you’ll have two weeks, I’m offering you a topical alternative: In addition to your regular challenge, you may write a limerick related to any April holiday, using any first line. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best holiday-related limerick.
And now, getting back to your regular Limerick-Off challenge, I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman whose budget was strained…*
or
A singer whose voice sounded strained…*
or
A fellow had struggled and strained…*
or
A woman whose mood was restrained…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Strained Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A chef who had struggled and strained
To serve noteworthy food appeared drained:
“I’m losing my shirt,”
He said, scarfing dessert.
Seems his rep (and his shirt) had been stained.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
UPDATE: July 25th is National Culinarians’ Day.
Just Deserts (Limerick)
Wednesday, March 26th, 2014Just Deserts (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“It’s home-made” is just one of those lines
Often used after everyone dines,
And they’re serving dessert.
That’s when guests ought not blurt:
“Tell the truth; it’s a mix — ‘Duncan Hines.'”
Happy birthday to Duncan Hines — author, food critic, and founder of the company that bears his name. (March 26, 1880 – March 15, 1959)
(You might think that I use mixes; I couldn’t possibly comment.)
Limerick Ode To Poultry Day (March 19)
Wednesday, March 19th, 2014Happy Poultry Day!
Limerick Ode To Poultry Day (March 19)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The chickens and turkeys squawk, “Beat it!”
But they’re looking a wee bit defeated.
Though it’s Poultry Day, true,
It’s a day those birds rue,
Cuz the way we rejoice … is to eat it.
Fried Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, January 19th, 2014It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man who liked food that was fried…*
or
A woman shunned food that was fried…*
or
A fellow appeared to be fried…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Fried Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A young foodie shunned meals that were fried
And would constantly mock and deride
People fond of cuisine
Neither wholesome nor lean,
Right up to the moment she died.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Hot & Spicy Couple
Thursday, January 16th, 2014This limerick seems appropriate for International Hot & Spicy Food Day. (January 16)
Hot & Spicy Couple (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Whenever we’re ordering food,
We’re likely to be in the mood
For dishes quite spicy.
We hate to hear, “Dicey!
Our chef is a trifle unglued.”
Note: Mark and I love hot and spicy food. And most chefs will accommodate us, once we convince them that we don’t mean merely “American spicy.” But sometimes we’re warned that the chef is a prima donna who takes “extra spicy” requests as a personal affront.
And while this is most likely to happen when the chef’s French, I still vividly recall this Manhattan Mexican restaurant incident: The waitress said, “Don’t ask for ‘extra spicy,’ or the chef will punish you.”
We ignored her and, alas, she was right.
UPDATE: June 10th is National Herbs And Spices Day.
Something Wry For National Hot Pastrami Sandwich Day (January 14)
Tuesday, January 14th, 2014Thanks to my friend Fred Bortz, who bugged inspired me to write a limerick celebrating National Hot Pastrami Sandwich Day:
Something Wry For Pastrami Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s Pastrami Day, so I’ve been told.
Hot on rye, spread with mustard it’s sold.
Though it’s seasoned and smoked,
I simply ain’t toked
By its flavor. It just leaves me cold.
Cold and Bothered (Quatrain)
Tuesday, January 7th, 2014Cold and Bothered (Quatrain)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I live in a town where it’s pleasant to stroll.
We do most of our errands on foot.
But it’s frightfully cold. “Let’s stay home,” I cajole.
Forget milk! Let’s be smart and stay put.
(January 11 is National Milk Day.)
Crabby Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, December 1st, 2013It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal who was rather a crab…*
or
A woman enjoying some crab…*
or
A fellow who’d frequently crab…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Crabby Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A crabby young man eating crab
Claimed “This tastes like it came from a lab.
It’s fishy indeed
That you’d try to mislead
With faux food, so I’m chucking this tab.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick Ham (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, October 20th, 2013It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman was roasting a ham…*
or
A man was a terrible ham…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Ham
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A chef who is rather a ham
Got a band to allow him to jam.
The guy is all thumbs
When he beats on his drums,
But their regular man’s on the lam.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
I’m Not Swallowing This App (Limerick)
Saturday, October 5th, 2013Do we really need a beer-brewing robot that lets you make beer with your iPhone?
I’m Not Swallowing This App (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Innovations can certainly rock,
But at times they compel me to mock;
I’m feeling a jeer brewing:
IPhones and beer brewing?
How ’bout using an iPhone to talk?
Limerick Ode To The Blobfish
Saturday, September 14th, 2013I wrote this limerick in sympathy for the poor blobfish, recently declared to be the “world’s ugliest animal” and named the mascot for the Ugly Animal Preservation Society:
Limerick Ode To The Blobfish
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“I am NOT that bad looking a fish,”
Said the blobfish, a fish that ain’t swish.
“And it hurts when you smugly
Keep calling me ‘ugly,’
Though it beats being somebody’s dish.”
Limerick Ode To National Beer Lover’s Day
Saturday, September 7th, 2013Happy National Beer Lover’s Day! (September 7th)
Limerick Ode To National Beer Lover’s Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Beer Lover’s Day” is today.
Do I plan to imbibe some? No way.
Its bouquet makes me ail
And turn pale, and I fail
To favor its flavor. So nay!
Another “Food” I Won’t Be Trying (Limerick)
Tuesday, September 3rd, 2013Two back-to-back Italy-inspired limericks! What the heck’s going on with that country?
Another “Food” I Won’t Be Trying (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Here’s something that sounds quite incredible:
A beer you can eat cuz it’s spreadable.
Since I don’t even think
That beer’s tasty to drink,
Beer on ice cream or toast sounds inedible.
(Here’s yesterday’s limerick about those poor Italian husbands who can no longer afford an apartment for their mistresses. And here’s the news story about Italy’s latest culinary concoction: spreadable beer.)
Happy National Rum Day (Limerick)
Friday, August 16th, 2013Happy National Rum Day! (August 16)
Happy National Rum Day (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man was balled out out by his mum,
Who told him to stop making rum.
“That’s my bus’ness,” he said.
“It’s my butter and bread.”
But he chewed on it. Now he makes gum.
At The Risk Of Dating Myself, This Doesn’t Pass The Smell Test (Limerick)
Thursday, August 15th, 2013I wish I were making this London singles event up, but apparently not:
You like pub crawls? Then here’s some great news
For singles who care about loos
And do not mind their scent:
There’s a singles event—
Toilet dates. I’d prefer just the booze.
Those Smashing French Language Police (Limerick)
Tuesday, August 6th, 2013Those Smashing French Language Police (2-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Le Binge Drinking’s” been outlawed in France.
They’re maintaining a very strict stance–
Not against all that drinking.
No! What were you thinking?
It’s their “dump English verbiage” dance.
A new phrase that has Frenchified grace
Must henceforth be used to replace
Such Anglicized words,
Discarded like turds:
“Beuverie express” — drink at fast pace.
