I went gray at a premature age,
But embraced it and hoped to look sage.
For a lawyer sans penis
Back then? Mars v. Venus!
Young, female, and short — NOT the rage!
Archive for the ‘Feminist Satire’ Category
A Hairy Tale (Limerick)
Friday, April 19th, 2024Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BITE or BYTE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: August 10, 2019)
Saturday, July 27th, 2019It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using BITE or BYTE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to THREATS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best THREAT-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on August 11, 2019 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, August 10, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my BITE/BYTE-rhyme limerick:
A fellow who’d spent his last dime
On a reference book about rhyme,
Wrote light verse day and night.
Some was trite. Some had bite.
But none sold, so he moved on to crime.
And here’s my THREAT-themed limerick:
“Kindly don’t call me ‘Ms.’ Call me ‘Miss,’
Said a gal with a rather loud hiss.
“All that feminist crap
Makes me sick,” went her rap.
“And I’ll sue you cuz ‘Ms.’ is a diss.”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Distaff Limerick
Sunday, March 29th, 2015Distaff Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If “distaff’s” a word you forget,
You needn’t search books or the net.
It’s a not-so-nice mention
Of gals. Comprehension
Is easy. Think “dissed half.” All set?
Getting A Leg Up On Marketing (Limerick)
Wednesday, July 24th, 2013Just when I thought nothing could surprise me, I learn that Japanese women are being paid to host advertisements on their thighs.
The girls can wear what they like, but WIT suggests that participants wear short skirts and high socks in order to draw attention to the ad. They can earn up to £65 per day.
Getting A Leg Up On Marketing (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Here’s a boon to some Japanese guys
Who relish a feast for their eyes:
To publicize brands
A company hands
Cash to gals who wear ads on their thighs.
Dearest Condescending Darling (Limerick)
Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011This limerick was inspired by some patronizing, condescending comments made on a Facebook Friend’s wall:
Dearest Condescending Darling
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear sweetheart, the “darling” address
Condescends and is irksome unless
It’s said by a spouse
Or a lover, dear louse.
For most others, it means to aggress.
(Posted at I Saw Sunday.)
Fighting Mad
Saturday, February 26th, 2011Since I already wrote a limerick review of the Fighter, I wasn’t planning to post on that topic again. Even Melissa Leo’s “Consider” her for an Oscar photo campaign wasn’t enough to get me writing. Though for the record, I think she looks great in those pics and I’m rooting for her.
Actually, now that I’m on the subject, here’s a message to Leo critics who fault her for showing herself in a more physically attractive light: You’re being sexist. Freedom of choice is a feminist ideal. So if Melissa Leo chooses to look glamorous and sexy for a change, that’s just fine with me. More power to her!
But back to what prompted this post. Carry On Tuesday’s saved by the bell prompt got me thinking about boxers, which reminded me of the Fighter and inspired this limerick:
Saved By The Bell
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The boxer was saved by the bell
After being in boxing match hell.
He needed a break.
That’s all it would take:
That sound ere he once again fell.
(Also for I Saw Sunday.)
UPDATE: Congratulations Melissa Leo on your Oscar! I knew you could f…ing do it.
Rehab For Serial Wife-Cheating? Bullox!
Friday, April 2nd, 2010I don’t know about you, but I’m not buying Jesse James’ (or Tiger Woods’) rehab ploy:
Rehab For Serial Wife-Cheating? Bullox! (Double Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A bike-loving fellow named James
Had affairs with some numerous dames.
Though wife Sandra’s a winner,
He’s trying to spin her:
Addiction’s the problem, he claims.
Now he’s paying a whole lot of loot
For therapy — Tiger Woods’ route.
But rehab won’t fix
Those wife-cheating pricks.
My advice — just give both guys the boot.
A Miss-Misunderstanding
Wednesday, February 24th, 2010I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this as a first line:
There once was a woman named Ann…
Here’s mine:
A Miss-Misunderstanding
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There once was a woman named Ann,
Who people assumed was a man.
When she walked in the ladies,
They yelled out, “No matees!”
And that’s when the shit hit the fan.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
Endearing Limerick (Poetry Prompt)
Wednesday, February 17th, 2010I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this as a first line:
“An elderly fellow named James…”
Here’s mine:
Endearing Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
An elderly fellow named James
Had trouble remembering names,
So he often used “dear,”
Which hurt his career.
His defense? “I just did it to dames.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
Does Your Guilt Spring Eternal?
Sunday, March 29th, 2009Guilt Springs Eternal
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Spring has arrived. Do you feel guilty yet? If not, you apparently don’t read women’s magazines. Every March and April they’re packed with “clean up and organize your life” articles. Stories with catchy titles like Spring Into Action — Tidy Up Your House. Or Wash Away Winter Blues. Or Banish Clutter Now; Otherwise We’ll Keep Torturing You With Articles Meant to Make you Feel Like A Slothful Bum. Personally, I’d rather read Why Clean? It Will Only Get Dirty Again Tomorrow.
Why do magazines publish these pieces? Because every spring millions of women have the same Pavlovian response: Guilt. Guilt quickly followed by a spending spree on periodicals and cleaning supplies. They grab every magazine in sight and, in a fit of post-New Year’s resolution fervor, vow to Martha Stewartize their homes.
Do these articles help? Do they unlock the sacred secret of “eat off your basement floor” womanhood? Hahahahahahaha. Pardon me — I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were serious. (Guilt Springs Eternal continues here.)
Vive La (Brain) Différence!
Saturday, November 10th, 2007I usually don’t use the New York Post as a source of scientific info. But this report on brain differences between men and women is very interesting. (Hat tip to Kalilily.net)
Here’s an excerpt:
In her book, the Columbia professor explores the chemistry of male and female brains – and, using up-to-the-minute medical research, reinforces some cherished “Men Are From Mars” stereotypes:
* Women remember better – even things that happened a really long time ago.
* Men are better at map-reading. They also get turned on a lot easier.
* Women thrive on talking and spending time in groups; men like to do things on their own.
But all this isn’t quite as simple as it sounds. For example: A woman’s brain is, in fact, about 10 percent smaller than a man’s, even when factoring in physical size difference – but it also has a lot more going on, neuron-connection-wise.
In other words, writes Legato, “women get more brain bang for the buck.”
Thanks to Stone Age wiring, women also have a far greater capacity for understanding speech and body language, and have “elephantine” memories, especially when it comes to negative experiences.
***
Men are better than women at focusing on one task and completing it. Women’s brains excel at multi-tasking, which like many of their traits has origins in childbearing: “You’re not just going to sit and stare at your baby. You have to process a demand from your child and move on to different tasks.” In the brain, this means more connections across the corpus callosum, which divides the brain into two halves.
As you can see from that New York Post article’s dateline, it only took me a year to celebrate our differences with a poem:
Vive La (Brain) Différence!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
We gals and guys are diff’rent—
You must know that old cliché.
Now some scientists have proven
That our wiring’s night and day.
The brains of men are larger,
Which shall surely make them proud.
Will it hurt gals in the workplace—
Only big-brained folks allowed?
But women’s brains have neurons
Whose connectors are first-rate.
We are multi-tasking mavens,
And our memory’s just great!
With diff’rences so striking
(Guys and gals, I mean to say)
Our commingling’s quite amazing.
I’m surprised we all ain’t gay.
(You can find my feminist humor here.)
=========
Chick Flick Flack
Sunday, October 7th, 2007Chick Flick Flack
By Madeleine Begun Kane
When a film’s called a chick flick, it’s meant
To appeal to most women. How bent!
I’m a gal through and through,
But those flicks make me boo,
While my husband applauds. What a gent!
(You can find more of my marriage humor here and my feminist humor here.)
