“It’s easy to hoodwink that stinker,”
Said a man of his wife, a big drinker.
“When coition’s my mission,
She thinks I’m out fishin’…
And falls for it hook, line, and sinker.”
Archive for the ‘Family & Relatives Humor’ Category
Fishing For An Alibi (Limerick)
Saturday, September 25th, 2021Happy Genealogy Day! (Limerick)
Saturday, March 10th, 2018It’s National Genealogy Day. (2nd Saturday of March)
A woman whose quest for her roots
Revealed relatives deep in cahoots
With a killer and bandit,
Has finally canned it
And buried her fam’ly tree fruits.
Name-Blame (Limerick)
Sunday, March 4th, 2018It’s risky when parents show flair
In naming their child, so beware!
If you pick a bad name,
You may shoulder the blame
And the cost of a therapist’s stare.
Happy Celebrate Your Name Week (1st full week of March.)
Pat Parental Retorts (Limerick)
Saturday, August 27th, 2016Parents dish out some phrases with glee:
“Just because!” “Cuz I said so!” “We’ll see!”
“Till you pay your own way,
You must do what I say!”
“Do you think money grows on a tree?”
Happy “Just Because Day!” (Aug. 27)
Happy Brothers Day! (Limerick)
Tuesday, May 24th, 2016Oh brother! It’s Brothers Day. Wow!
I’ve got me a good one. And how!
With a heart off the chart
Arthur (now known as Art)
Is unrivaled. Please Art, take a bow.
Brothers Day (May 24) is actually meant to celebrate the bond between brothers. But since I missed Brother And Sister Day on March 26, and Siblings Day on April 10, this will have to do.
Limerick Ode To Greedy Stores
Tuesday, November 25th, 2014Limerick Ode To Greedy Stores
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Don’t reward greedy, cynical stores
For behaving like gluttonous whores:
If they’re open on days
Like Thanksgiving, it pays
To shop elsewhere. Don’t walk through their doors!
******
A Companion Haiku:
Stores, be on notice:
Open doors on Thanksgiving?
Brace for a boycott.
******
Limerick For National Rum Day
Saturday, August 16th, 2014Happy National Rum Day! (August 16)
Limerick For National Rum Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal called her husband a lout
And threatened to highball it out
If he kept drinking rum.
He at first was struck dumb,
Then obligingly switched up to stout.
Happy “Bike To Work Day”
Thursday, May 15th, 2014May 16th is National Bike to Work Day. Of course, some rides work out better than others:
A Spousal Ride (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Spousal nagging pushed hubby to strike
Some balance by riding a bike.
But when ego and ass
Took a beating, alas,
He told biking and wife, “Take a hike!”
Astrology Duet ( 2-Verse Limerick)
Wednesday, April 9th, 2014Astrology Duet (2-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The sign Virgo is mine through and through,
And there’s nothing at all you can do
To convince me it’s crap
And frivolous pap.
I’ll critique you precisely on cue.
Now my spouse is a “home and hearth” guy.
When asked why, he’ll respond with a sigh:
“It’s a Cancer-type trait.
“Love my mate plus a plate
“Of home-cooking — stuff money can’t buy.”
Update: International Astrology Day is celebrated yearly on the first full day of Aries (on the Vernal Equinox.)
Those Poor Italian Husbands (Limerick)
Monday, September 2nd, 2013Those Poor Italian Husbands (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
In Italy, men are bereft:
The economy’s lost all its heft.
They no longer can rent
Second places — they’re spent!
So most have no mistresses left.
My limerick was inspired by this Daily Beast article: The Economic Crisis Makes Infidelity Too Expensive, which quotes an Italian husband, who complained: “It really messed up my romantic life.” (The pitiful fellow had been forced to rent out his bachelor pad in Rome.)
Limerick Rant
Wednesday, August 28th, 2013Limerick Rant
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A botanist, rather a ranter,
Looked down upon lighthearted banter.
Though he constantly “shared”
His views, which he blared,
When his wife tried to talk, he’d supplant ‘er.
I Wrote This Limerick “Just Because”
Tuesday, August 27th, 2013When I was a child, I hated the words “just because,” a favorite parental “explanation.” And yet there’s a “Just Because Day,” celebrated on August 27th by people who look at those words rather differently.
I Wrote This Limerick “Just Because”
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The parental retort,”Just because,”
Is a stale and inadequate clause.
Moms might just as well say
“It’s the law, so obey!”
Or, hemmed in, just try hemming and haws.
Happy National Rum Day (Limerick)
Friday, August 16th, 2013Happy National Rum Day! (August 16)
Happy National Rum Day (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man was balled out out by his mum,
Who told him to stop making rum.
“That’s my bus’ness,” he said.
“It’s my butter and bread.”
But he chewed on it. Now he makes gum.
Motherly Angst (Limerick)
Wednesday, May 8th, 2013Motherly Angst (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A mom at the end of her rope
Said “It’s hopeless! I simply can’t cope.
Both the food and the band
Appear to be canned.
The rest of my kids must elope!”
Happy Mother’s Day!
Freelance Mothering
Tuesday, May 7th, 2013This feels vaguely appropriate for Mother’s Day:
Freelance Mothering (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Be it newspapers, Web, magazines,
Mistakes are in print and on screens:
Though I’ve NO kids to nag,
I once learned in a mag:
I’m the very proud mother of teens.
True story: Many years ago I wrote several freelance humor columns for Family Circle Magazine, one of which was a “humorous contract” between parents and their teen about learning to drive.
I’ll never forget standing on a long line at the supermarket and spotting the issue I was scheduled to appear in, near the cash register. I grabbed the magazine, turned to the back page and excitedly started to read.
Everything look great … until I got to the bio note, which should have read: “Madeleine Begun Kane is a New York-based freelance humor columnist and lawyer.”
Instead, it read, “Madeleine Begun Kane is the mother of teens.”
And no, I do NOT have any children … unless, of course, you count my hubby Mark.
Happy “Worship Of Tools Day” (Limerick)
Monday, March 11th, 2013I’m celebrating National Worship Of Tools Day (March 11th) with this limerick:
Happy Worship Of Tools Day (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“If only I had the right tool!”
That’s my husband’s pet phrase, as a rule,
Fueled by trying a fix
With his personal mix
Of chewing gum, tape, and some drool.
A Fishy Tale (Limerick)
Wednesday, February 6th, 2013Yesterday, when I posted this anecdote about my mother-in-law on Facebook, several friends urged me to turn it into a limerick. And so, I’ve done just that. (My limerick is right below the anecdote.)
True story: Sunday night, Mark kept anxiously re-dialing his elderly mother. When she finally answered, her voice sounded very upset as she said, “A terrible thing happened.” Then she paused, as Mark’s heart skipped several beats.
His mother’s next words were: “They stopped making my salmon.”
(She was referring to her favorite canned salmon, which actually is still available, but was out of stock in the two stores she’d been to.)
And now, the limerick:
A Fishy Tale (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Something awful has happened,” she cried,
And then paused. We thought someone had died.
That’s Mark’s mom at her best:
Her horror expressed
About salmon no longer supplied.
Regifting Gone Wrong (Limerick)
Wednesday, December 19th, 2012Here’s a 2-verse limerick to celebrate National Regifting Day (3rd Thursday of December.)
Regifting Gone Wrong
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman was trying to sift
Through items to maybe regift.
But alas, she confused
The stuff she perused.
I suspect that some folks will be miffed.
A fruitcake went back to the sender,
And the same thing occurred with a blender.
Then a gift from her brother
Got sent to her mother.
Her relationships now need a mender.
